If you want them back.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Hello Heartbroken!

 

If you are reading this, I am assuming you have recently been dumped, broken up with, heart torn apart, feelings crushed, feeling like life isn’t worth living, feeling like you aren’t good enough or thinking why me? Chin up, you’re better than that. They are just emotions, a chemically influenced overload on your brain.

 

& Trust me friend, I’ve been there… you have no clue (well if you read either one of my saga of a thread “ 7 years relationship in limbo” or “I believe in second chances”, then you do have a clue or at least a good idea) and I’m going to try to save you a lot of future misery and do my best to guide you in the right direction and give you the best chance of either getting over your ex, or getting your ex back.. the right way.

 

Now listen closely here,

 

closer,

 

closer,

 

even closer.

 

YOUR ONE & ONLY OPTION HERE IS TO GO *NO CONTACT*.

 

No, you cant get them back by begging, pleading, crying.

 

No, you cant get them back by writing love poems, sending gifts, or declaring your love for them on facebook.

 

& You definitely can’t get them back by being “just friends”

(No, GOD NO.. seriously DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT)

 

Now since that’s out of the way, here’s how you get them back..

 

YOU MOVE ON!

 

Yes, I know, it sounds counterproductive, but anything and everything you do other than moving on with set you back or permanently kill your chances of ever getting your ex back, EVER!

 

Now, when I say Move On, I mean you stick to no contact through and through, you live your life, you do all the crying you have too, you do all the partying you want to, you simply DO YOU.

 

IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT IT APPEARS TO THEM, THAT THEY HAVE *LOST YOU*.

 

and despite whatever number of days someone tries to tell you, YOU DO NOT BUDGE until they contact you..

 

Because they will.

 

that is, if you have a chance.

 

To be quite honest, if they do not contact you within a few months, it doesn’t look good. You then stick to NO CONTACT , you remember who you were before the break-up, because that’s still who you are, and you go where the wind takes you.

 

You be brave (you know that song, I wanna see you be brave? You be f’n brave my friend!

 

because you will survive, either way.

 

Now if they do contact you, and there is a VERY good chance they will, (especially if the relationship was 6 months or longer) you CANNOT and I repeat, you CANNOT jump at the first chance you get to try and reconcile.

 

YOU MUST NOT REPLY TO OR ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS THAN:

 

*I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER*

 

Kapeesh? Anything less than that is bs, breadcrumbs, seeing if you’re still on the hook, etc.

 

You have to make them work for it. Seriously, you can’t give in.

again, it has to appear as if they have lost you.

 

I cannot stress this enough, because if you hang around they will never know what it’s like to miss you.

 

And they will continue to lose respect for you, loss respect means loss attraction, means loss chances.

 

Now the #1 way to see how invested they really are in getting back together with you, is to date other people.

 

I know what you’re thinking, I don’t even need to say it, but I will tell you this..

 

there is nothing more attractive to your ex, than seeing their ex happpy with someone else.

 

It drives guys crazy, its drives girls into a murderous rage. (ive seen it first hand and Ive been there too)

 

Now, I am not telling you to go play with someone else’s emotions and then go and break their heart when your ex comes crawling back.. that would be wrong.

 

Its also going to take some time before you can even think about dating someone else, so take all the time you need.

 

What I have been trying to say along is you have to do your best to move on, and if a few months down the road your ex contacts you , again with nothing less than *I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER* and you still want to be with them, then you do what you have to do.

 

Because if you are the one who was dumped, you simply cannot go back or make anything right.

 

The dumper has too.

 

And you have to make them work for it, nothing less than *I want to get back together* NOTHING.

 

Make them squirm, scream, cry whatever, but until you get the *I want to get back together*, don’t even give them the time of the day.

 

If anything, appear as happy as ever and do not bring up anything about the relationship or wanting to get back together, if that cat gets out of the bag too soon, you lose!

 

IF YOU ARE EASY TO GET, YOU WILL BE EASY TO FORGET. also imperative.

 

& you really don’t know what you got until its gone, and neither do they.

 

If they love you, they will come crawling back.

 

Guaranteed, because what’s meant to be, will be.

 

I know its short and sweet but that’s all that needs to be said.

 

There is no magic formula, solution or any other way.

Edited March 6, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[legion113]

Yep took 3 months but it worked for me. I forced myself to go out and have fun, sucked at first but then I started to enjoy it.

[TaraMaiden]

THis is basically parroting the No Contact Guide - why not just have that as your signature....?

 

Really...I'm just asking....

[BC1980]

So are you back together with your ex?

 

I was wondering what had happened to you.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

THis is basically parroting the No Contact Guide - why not just have that as your signature....?

 

Really...I'm just asking....

 

 

lol I just wanted to say it in my own words, i know its all covered in there already, but it feels good to finally realize it.

[TaraMaiden]

...Gotcha....

[LifeGoesOnMan]

So are you back together with your ex?

 

I was wondering what had happened to you.

 

 

 

well believe it or not, we were back together for awhile, even went on vacation together (cancun), and i decided to end it recently because it just didn't feel the same anymore, felt like a lot more baggage with what had happened and the history between us, i just didn't want to do it anymore.

 

 

was fun while it lasted and glad i did it tho, it just is what it is.

[BC1980]

well believe it or not, we were back together for awhile, even went on vacation together (cancun), and i decided to end it recently because it just didn't feel the same anymore, felt like a lot more baggage with what had happened and the history between us, i just didn't want to do it anymore.

 

 

was fun while it lasted and glad i did it tho, it just is what it is.

 

Well, I'm glad to hear back from you. So you ended up breaking up with her this time? How did she react? I think it wound be hard to trust again after its been broken like that. Especially if the couple was together a substantial amount of time. I don't know that I could get past it.

 

I used to wish my ex would come back, but I realized it wouldn't work most likely. I just couldn't trust him. It seems like you are in a good place though.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well, I'm glad to hear back from you. So you ended up breaking up with her this time? How did she react? I think it wound be hard to trust again after its been broken like that. Especially if the couple was together a substantial amount of time. I don't know that I could get past it.

 

I used to wish my ex would come back, but I realized it wouldn't work most likely. I just couldn't trust him. It seems like you are in a good place though.

 

 

 

thanks! its good to be back, in some ways lol even tho I am in a totally different place now then a few months ago.

 

 

and to be honest, it really never felt the same or very sincere since we took another shot at it.

 

 

I mean everything was there, but the innocence was gone.

 

 

I really didn't trust her or believe anything she said she was doing, and we were also living apart after living together for 5 years... I was always wondering what she was really doing and it just felt like a burden.

 

 

and to be honest, I don't think she was expecting it, but I also don't think she was 100% feeling it either, so I just told her it wasn't the same, & I didn't want to do this anymore and I wished her the best of luck.

 

 

she kinda didn't react much to it and we haven't talked since, im sure she was hurt a bit but eh that's life.

 

 

cant say i'm over her, probably never totally will be, but i can say im ready to move on with my life, so that's what im doing.

 

 

and that's what I hoped to help other people do too with this thread, with the chance of reconciliation still there. hope it helps.

[BC1980]

It's amazing the difference a few months can make. I know I am miles away from where I was even one month ago.

[TaraMaiden]

'Walking' will do that to you....

[LifeGoesOnMan]

walk the path!

[Mariposa10]

I can relate to the bolded sentences

 

Thanks for coming back and letting us know how you're doing!!

 

 

thanks! its good to be back, in some ways lol even tho I am in a totally different place now then a few months ago.

 

 

and to be honest, it really never felt the same or very sincere since we took another shot at it.

 

I mean everything was there, but the innocence was gone.

 

I really didn't trust her or believe anything she said she was doing, and we were also living apart after living together for 5 years... I was always wondering what she was really doing and it just felt like a burden.

 

 

and to be honest, I don't think she was expecting it, but I also don't think she was 100% feeling it either, so I just told her it wasn't the same, & I didn't want to do this anymore and I wished her the best of luck.

 

 

she kinda didn't react much to it and we haven't talked since, im sure she was hurt a bit but eh that's life.

 

 

cant say i'm over her, probably never totally will be, but i can say im ready to move on with my life, so that's what im doing.

 

 

and that's what I hoped to help other people do too with this thread, with the chance of reconciliation still there. hope it helps.

[WantanS4]

....

 

Here's an interesting twist to all this advice.

 

What if you work with them? Maybe not directly, but within the same confines? What then?

[jphcbpa]

basically, if you want them back, get to a place you dont want them back

[CaliGuy]

THis is basically parroting the No Contact Guide - why not just have that as your signature....?

 

Really...I'm just asking....

 

Maybe because some people don't actually SEARCH to see if this information has already be discussed in depth

 

The whole point of me writing the guides I wrote and the ones you wrote was to give people a place to start.

 

I'm not offended by the OP -- I just hope newbs do some searching first!

[LifeGoesOnMan]

....

 

Here's an interesting twist to all this advice.

 

What if you work with them? Maybe not directly, but within the same confines? What then?

 

Funny you should ask, that was my dilemma as well, I worked & lived with my ex for 5 years, in an office, about 10ft away from each other, and to be completely honest, you still have to stick to your guns.

 

You don’t talk to them, look at them, unless you absolutely have to and that’s only when its of the professional nature.

 

If they reach out to you, short & sweet or no reply.

 

I did over 40 days no contact, while seeing my ex every single day, until she cracked and sent me a novel of an email apologizing for everything and wanting to work things out

[LifeGoesOnMan]

basically, if you want them back, get to a place you dont want them back

 

 

 

yup, but you're kidding yourself if you don't think your going to want them back the second they contact you.

 

 

it's more of an illusion you have to pull off, appearing as if they have "lost you" if you really want them back, by sticking to no contact and making them work for it, to show you how invested they are.

 

otherwise you have to go into it, really wanting to "move on".

Edited February 25, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Maybe because some people don't actually SEARCH to see if this information has already be discussed in depth

 

The whole point of me writing the guides I wrote and the ones you wrote was to give people a place to start.

 

I'm not offended by the OP -- I just hope newbs do some searching first!

 

 

 

I did read both your original guide and tara's updated version, but to be 100% honest, this whole thread has come from personal experience.

 

 

I know it was all there in front of me to begin with, and could have saved myself a lot of misery if I had stuck to it from the get go.

 

 

however you really don't understand lessons like these until you go through it on your own, as im sure a majority of people on here have themselves, despite everyone telling you what you should do lol

[WantanS4]

Funny you should ask, that was my dilemma as well, I worked & lived with my ex for 5 years, in an office, about 10ft away from each other, and to be completely honest, you still have to stick to your guns.

 

You don’t talk to them, look at them, unless you absolutely have to and that’s only when its of the professional nature.

 

If they reach out to you, short & sweet or no reply.

 

I did over 40 days no contact, while seeing my ex every single day, until she cracked and sent me a novel of an email apologizing for everything and wanting to work things out

 

I dumped. A week later i reneged. Was working out until all the resent was laid on the table, or rather over the phone, by me. Then, nc for two weeks. Then another two and dropped the question (last ditch effort). No luck. Nc since then, total of ~75 days now. She did drop a happy birthday hope all is well at about a month into nc, think maybe cause her rebound broke. I didnt read into it and replied 'thanks.'. I dont think itll work out, shes been said to be rounding the other office desperately seeking some tlc (or actually just filling the void). Ive been labeled 'capt save a ho'... Sucks.

[somedude81]

Yes, I know, it sounds counterproductive, but anything and everything you do other than moving on with set you back or permanently kill your chances of ever getting your ex back, EVER!

I can attest to that.

 

Here is my proof of what trying to maintain contact with my ex has accomplished. From an email she sent me.

Don't you understand that not giving it any space from the time I broke up with you, destroyed any possibility of being friends.

You kept asking me why, why, why, over and over and over again. And kept wanting to continue to talk about it. And I told you over and over again that I cannot be the person you talk to about this, then after that one night you went off on me. I was done.

 

I should have went no contact with her. Maybe she would have reached out to me down the line. But because of me being stupid, I made sure it will never happen.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I dumped. A week later i reneged. Was working out until all the resent was laid on the table, or rather over the phone, by me. Then, nc for two weeks. Then another two and dropped the question (last ditch effort). No luck. Nc since then, total of ~75 days now. She did drop a happy birthday hope all is well at about a month into nc, think maybe cause her rebound broke. I didnt read into it and replied 'thanks.'. I dont think itll work out, shes been said to be rounding the other office desperately seeking some tlc (or actually just filling the void). Ive been labeled 'capt save a ho'... Sucks.

 

 

 

when you say you dumped, you mean you dumped her?

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I can attest to that.

 

Here is my proof of what trying to maintain contact with my ex has accomplished. From an email she sent me.

Don't you understand that not giving it any space from the time I broke up with you, destroyed any possibility of being friends.

You kept asking me why, why, why, over and over and over again. And kept wanting to continue to talk about it. And I told you over and over again that I cannot be the person you talk to about this, then after that one night you went off on me. I was done.

 

I should have went no contact with her. Maybe she would have reached out to me down the line. But because of me being stupid, I made sure it will never happen.

 

 

 

stay NO CONTACT, regain your self-respect & dignity for now.

 

 

to be honest dude, you cant believe ANYTHING a girl says during emotional turmoil..

 

 

heres why:

 

 

girls think with emotion, guys think with logic. your logical thinking does nothing for her emotions, as you can see from her response to you, because the way you acted tired up negative emotions, she was emotional when writing it, you can even see it in the words.

 

 

because of a women's use of emotions in decision making you came off as a needy, desperate, unattractive dude when you pulled that stuff.

 

 

the good news is, because a women's emotions are so up and down and all over the place, everything she said in that response doesn't mean sh*t in the long run.

 

 

they don't stick to their words is what im saying, and now you need to let it cool... for months.

(my ex told me multiple times it was "over", however multiple times after that, she emailed me/messaged me, wanting to work things out)

 

 

stay no contact, & wait. but don't "wait" for say, move on with your life.

 

 

if its meant to be, it will be.

Edited February 25, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan

[somedude81]

stay NO CONTACT, regain your self-respect & dignity for now.

 

 

to be honest dude, you cant believe ANYTHING a girl says during emotional turmoil..

 

 

heres why:

 

 

girls think with emotion, guys think with logic. your logical thinking does nothing for her emotions, as you can see from her response to you, because the way you acted tired up negative emotions, she was emotional when writing it, you can even see it in the words.

 

 

because of a women's use of emotions in decision making you came off as a needy, desperate, unattractive dude when you pulled that stuff.

 

 

the good news is, because a women's emotions are so up and down and all over the place, everything she said in that response doesn't mean sh*t in the long run.

 

 

they don't stick to their words is what im saying, and now you need to let it cool... for months.

(my ex told me multiple times it was "over", however multiple times after that, she emailed me/messaged me, wanting to work things out)

 

 

stay no contact, & wait. but don't "wait" for say, move on with your life.

 

 

if its meant to be, it will be.

While I would like to believe what you say, she dumped me just about three months ago I don't see her changing her mind. Not once has she ever initiated contact, probably because I contacted her every two to three weeks.

 

Though yes, I won't contact her anymore and I deleted her number from my phone, even though she blocked me. Of course she has several ways to get in touch with me if she wanted to.

 

I will be moving on with my life, it's all I can do.

 

If she ever does contact me again, I will be surprised.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

While I would like to believe what you say, she dumped me just about three months ago I don't see her changing her mind. Not once has she ever initiated contact, probably because I contacted her every two to three weeks.

 

Though yes, I won't contact her anymore and I deleted her number from my phone, even though she blocked me. Of course she has several ways to get in touch with me if she wanted to.

 

I will be moving on with my life, it's all I can do.

 

If she ever does contact me again, I will be surprised.

 

 

 

you'd be surprised how many other people (including myself) thought that same thing

 

 

however, stick to your guns man, there is nothing you can do, but you!

 

 

was it a LTR?