If you want them back.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I've been following this rule for a few weeks, I've tried contacting my ex a couple of times at first after a couple of weeks but now I'm just leaving her alone. I think, if anything, I just only set myself back for a bit for making bad calls, I feel she will come back sooner or later. Last thing I sent was a letter that she should've gotten on the fourth and haven't sent anything since then but I have been getting way better, I got the all clear that my mental and health is fine again last week from making a bad call on moving out back in November and was not fit for me. Overall, I think my ex will come back but I wouldn't be ready for a relationship for a while until I get back on my feet and start working again and accomplish a few things.

 

@LifeGoesOnMan, your post gives me hope that everything will be okay in the long run

 

 

good, im glad!

 

 

we've all gone through it, all made the same mistakes, all kept opening up the wound or not letting it heal at all.

 

 

sounds like you made it past that initial "end of the world" feeling which is such a burden when you're going through it and such a relief when it passes.

 

 

only way it passes is with thorough no contact.

stick to it bro.

 

 

the only way they really do come back is when you get yourself back, when you feel happy and like yourself again, because when you get pass it and look back on how you were acting and feeling, its laughable and kinda sad haha

 

 

im kinda embarrassed even reading my initial heartbroken threads.

 

 

you will get past it all, and like I've been saying, if you believe in fate, this is all pre-determined anyways and whats meant to be will be.

 

 

if you don't believe in fate, or believe you control your own fate, then this is the one and only way she may ever come back.

 

 

when you are "you" again. & happy!

[guest572]

YOU DO NOT BUDGE until they contact you..

 

Because they will.

 

that is, if you have a chance.

 

Now if they do contact you, and there is a VERY good chance they will, (especially if the relationship was 6 months or longer)

 

Do you really think this is true? I cant imagine my ex ever contacting me again (9month relationship, ended as he didnt love me. If he didnt love me in the relationship he is hardly going to come back, right?) but some guy I dated a few times came back out of the blue after 6 months NC.

 

 

 

Now the #1 way to see how invested they really are in getting back together with you, is to date other people.

 

I know what you’re thinking, I don’t even need to say it, but I will tell you this..

 

there is nothing more attractive to your ex, than seeing their ex happpy with someone else.

 

This confuses me. If you are in NO CONTACT then they will not know you are "happily" dating someone else.

 

 

What I have been trying to say along is you have to do your best to move on, and if a few months down the road your ex contacts you , again with nothing less than *I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER* and you still want to be with them, then you do what you have to do.

 

What if they dont state "I want to get back together" but apologise for the way they treated you and ask you out again. Does this count as a bread crumb? (This is just a past experience, the guy I dated a few times. I hadnt read about this "rules" or anything and declined his offer anyway. I think he took the hint and left me alone so I guess he didnt want me that badly, but I guess like I say we just dated a few times, he is hardly going to come out with "omg i want you back i adore you")

 

Just some thoughts

[TaylorM91]

@LifeGoesOnMan

 

That's the thing, I'm actually at my best in years! She'll be happy not only her man is back but even better and stronger than before things went bad!

 

 

I became a mess after I came back from my friend's, irritable, angry, easily depressed, etc. I started lashing out at friends, family.....Her. It's a terrible feeling you become something you aren't, worse hurting loved ones, indescribable anguish for what I did to her.

 

 

But I regained myself and more, I got over those issues and now I'm letting her heal and do what she needs to do. I'm willing to work through this with her for as long as it takes, I still love her and plan to marry her sometime down the line once we're together. (It was a long distance relationship but the love was definitely there)

Edited February 28, 2014 by TaylorM91
Derped on spacing

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Do you really think this is true? I cant imagine my ex ever contacting me again (9month relationship, ended as he didnt love me. If he didnt love me in the relationship he is hardly going to come back, right?) but some guy I dated a few times came back out of the blue after 6 months NC.

 

 

 

 

 

This confuses me. If you are in NO CONTACT then they will not know you are "happily" dating someone else.

 

 

 

 

What if they dont state "I want to get back together" but apologise for the way they treated you and ask you out again. Does this count as a bread crumb? (This is just a past experience, the guy I dated a few times. I hadnt read about this "rules" or anything and declined his offer anyway. I think he took the hint and left me alone so I guess he didnt want me that badly, but I guess like I say we just dated a few times, he is hardly going to come out with "omg i want you back i adore you")

 

Just some thoughts

 

Good points made, & I am not saying that every dumper is going to come running back to the dumpee eventually.

 

However, I will tell you that if they are SERIOUS about getting back together, not “I want to *try* to work things out”, or “I miss you, how are you?” , or “hope you’re well”…

 

If they are serious, and they really do love you, no time, no distance, no “breaking NC” bull****, as unattractive as you came off or as desperate as you appeared, nothing

 

& I mean nothing, will stop them from trying to get you back.

 

But this is ONLY if they believe you are GONE for good…

 

They know if you aren’t, they know if you are waiting around, they know if you’re pining.

 

THEY KNOW

I’m a big believer in the law of attraction, true love, intuition, real connections between people

 

It exists, bonds do form and people reconcile all the time, years down the road, even after loving other people for years.

 

If its real, it lasts and it does prevail, eventually, and only when you are ready to let it.

 

“you lose what you cling to”- Buddha

 

Now, as far as the whole staying NO CONTACT & how will they know?

 

If you ever went through a break up (as you probably have since you are this forum) you will find a way to get the information you need, things get around, good (or bad news in their case) travels at the speed of light

 

And if anything at all, the universe knows and will let him or her know and a void is created and they feel it. (read back through this thread for an example of that from me)

 

And last but not least, I AM NOT TELLING YOU 100% FOR SURE that anything less than I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER, or an ENTIRE 180 turn and change of tune, just short of groveling ( and I mean they should be saying “ I f—k’d up, I made a mistake, I want to work things out” etc) is breadcrumbs.

 

I have been there, I got every single breadcrumb you could imagine before I got the “ I want to get back together” which was in fact a combination of “ I want to work things out, have a future together, make it work”,…

 

So you’re right, maybe I didn’t get the EXACT words, but you will get the point when they try to reconcile.

[guest572]

In my case, there is absolutely no way for my ex to know where I am, what I am doing or whether I am single. There is no communication at all and no mutual friends.

 

I guess you sort of responded to another question I wanted to ask people. Does being a desperate clingy idiot in the first couple of weeks post breakup decrease the chances of them coming back after no contact? You have said that if they are serious then that sort of things won't stop them coming back. I know in my case if he never loved me then he probably won't miss me now or want to get back together. I dont even know why I am considering this, i do want him back. But I guess if he came back I would have to have a long think about it.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

@LifeGoesOnMan

 

That's the thing, I'm actually at my best in years! She'll be happy not only her man is back but even better and stronger than before things went bad!

 

 

I became a mess after I came back from my friend's, irritable, angry, easily depressed, etc. I started lashing out at friends, family.....Her. It's a terrible feeling you become something you aren't, worse hurting loved ones, indescribable anguish for what I did to her.

 

 

But I regained myself and more, I got over those issues and now I'm letting her heal and do what she needs to do. I'm willing to work through this with her for as long as it takes, I still love her and plan to marry her sometime down the line once we're together. (It was a long distance relationship but the love was definitely there)

 

 

 

im glad you are taking this kind of attitude, its what you should be doing.

 

 

but don't just wait for everything to work out, go out and date, meet new people, have new experiences, enjoy life, you only have one and you only have so much time.

 

 

you may end up meeting someone new, who you love, and end up forgetting about your ex altogether

 

 

because it was suppose to happen!

 

 

you have to live your life and let whatever is gonna happen, happen.

 

 

I hope you're doing just that and not just waiting for her to come back..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

In my case, there is absolutely no way for my ex to know where I am, what I am doing or whether I am single. There is no communication at all and no mutual friends.

 

I guess you sort of responded to another question I wanted to ask people. Does being a desperate clingy idiot in the first couple of weeks post breakup decrease the chances of them coming back after no contact? You have said that if they are serious then that sort of things won't stop them coming back. I know in my case if he never loved me then he probably won't miss me now or want to get back together. I dont even know why I am considering this, i do want him back. But I guess if he came back I would have to have a long think about it.

 

 

 

you have to just do your thing and believe whatever is meant to be will be.

 

 

its even better than you have no communication at all because it will allow him to miss you even more and allow you to really heal.

 

 

for real.

 

 

he has your phone# and email right?

 

 

the point is you have to stop worrying about, thinking about it, wondering when hes coming back, or what he's doing

 

 

it does nothing for you, it only hurts you and keeps your mind glued on your ex.

 

 

stop that, and believe they are never coming back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

as far as coming off as desperate and clingy, that doesn't set in stone, everyone has emotions and unless you did something unbelievably drastic... it wont mean anything in the long run but it doesn't prevent any kind of progress and sets you back

[TaylorM91]

This is interesting because my ex has blocked me on Facebook and I have no way to know how or what she's doing but we do have one mutual acquaintance but I don't think her and him talked in a while. I was also a bit clingy at first I tried contacting her a couple of weeks, blocked me and I freaked out but it in retrospect, might've been too soon and haven't contacted her since I sent a letter. I still love her but I would like to at least know what's happening on her end :/

[LifeGoesOnMan]

And last but not least, I AM NOT TELLING YOU 100% FOR SURE that anything less than I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER, or an ENTIRE 180 turn and change of tune, just short of groveling ( and I mean they should be saying “ I f—k’d up, I made a mistake, I want to work things out” etc) is breadcrumbs.

.

 

 

I meant I AM** TELLING YOU 100% FOR SURE lol

Edited February 28, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan

[LifeGoesOnMan]

This is interesting because my ex has blocked me on Facebook and I have no way to know how or what she's doing but we do have one mutual acquaintance but I don't think her and him talked in a while. I was also a bit clingy at first I tried contacting her a couple of weeks, blocked me and I freaked out but it in retrospect, might've been too soon and haven't contacted her since I sent a letter. I still love her but I would like to at least know what's happening on her end :/

 

 

 

let it be man, I know it hurts but let it be.

 

 

let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be

 

 

speaking words of wisdom..

 

 

let it be!

 

 

truth is you have no control whatsoever on what she is doing or how she feels, so why worry?

 

 

worry about you, do you, be happy, take all the time you need, go date other girls, rinse repeat.

 

 

you were fine before her, and you will be fine without her.

 

 

remember that.

[TaylorM91]

@LifeGoesOnManTechnically, she does have a while because I want to get things done before I start dating again, but I won't wait forever on her

[jphcbpa]

but don't just wait for everything to work out, go out and date, meet new people, have new experiences, enjoy life, you only have one and you only have so much time.

 

 

not quite ready for that. my head and heart are still not there. just a matter of time. I am open to meeting someone out and about, but to actively get on match or other site is just not feeling right just yet.

[jphcbpa]

you have to just do your thing and believe whatever is meant to be will be.

 

 

its even better than you have no communication at all because it will allow him to miss you even more and allow you to really heal.

 

 

for real.

 

 

he has your phone# and email right?

 

 

the point is you have to stop worrying about, thinking about it, wondering when hes coming back, or what he's doing

 

 

it does nothing for you, it only hurts you and keeps your mind glued on your ex.

 

 

stop that, and believe they are never coming back.

 

 

 

super solid stuff right here..

[guest572]

the point is you have to stop worrying about, thinking about it, wondering when hes coming back, or what he's doing

 

 

it does nothing for you, it only hurts you and keeps your mind glued on your ex.

 

 

stop that, and believe they are never coming back.

 

But the whole point of this thread is about the best way to get them back which is naturally a recipe for false hope. I know he won't come back, he told me as much. But I do wish he would.

[jphcbpa]

 

let it be!

 

 

truth is you have no control whatsoever on what she is doing or how she feels, so why worry?

 

 

worry about you, do you, be happy, take all the time you need, go date other girls, rinse repeat.

 

 

you were fine before her, and you will be fine without her.

 

 

remember that.

 

preach it brother!!!!

[TaylorM91]

let it be man, I know it hurts but let it be.

 

 

let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be

 

 

speaking words of wisdom..

 

 

let it be!

 

 

truth is you have no control whatsoever on what she is doing or how she feels, so why worry?

 

 

worry about you, do you, be happy, take all the time you need, go date other girls, rinse repeat.

 

 

you were fine before her, and you will be fine without her.

 

 

remember that.

You're right on that but I still have faith in her but like I said, not waiting on her forever. If she does come back, I'm sure her and I can work things out over time.

[guest572]

I am all for preaching these tactics for moving on but for the right reasons. You can't move on if you are just doing these things so that your ex will miss you and take you back. You shouldn't go out and date (and hurt) new people to make your ex jealous.

 

Basically: forget your ex and live your life. If they come back, which is not so likely, deal with it then. Chances are you don't want them back. Maybe thats just me but I am sticking to that idea.

[Simon Phoenix]

@LifeGoesOnManTechnically, she does have a while because I want to get things done before I start dating again, but I won't wait forever on her

 

You shouldn't wait an hour for her, much less forever. She wanted to end the relationship with you, she doesn't get to have you waiting in the background as an option. She wanted you gone, so be gone. It's up to her to catch up to you if she wants to, but you need to stop turning around and seeing where she's at.

[TaylorM91]

You shouldn't wait an hour for her, much less forever. She wanted to end the relationship with you, she doesn't get to have you waiting in the background as an option. She wanted you gone, so be gone. It's up to her to catch up to you if she wants to, but you need to stop turning around and seeing where she's at.

When I say "technically" I mean I'm not going to bother to find someone for a while, right now I just want to focus on myself, she'll come back when she wants to because I'm done chasing her.

[zen2475]

Just a couple of observations. Most of the more successful reconciliations I've observed and experienced happened after quite a while apart. Taking quite a few months apart allows both people to heal from their respective hurts and reflect on the relationship.

 

 

You also have to remember that yes, the innocence is gone. You will never have your old relationship back. That relationship is gone forever, and you start again not by trying to rekindle what you once had, but by starting anew. You realize the hurts and mistrust will be there at first, but if both of you are committed to making it work, you proceed with candor and veracity, empathy, respect and patience.

 

 

It can be done.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

The whole point and message in this thread is:

 

Do not wait around, live your life, there is nothing you can do to change the way they feel about you by pining, scheming, obsessing, clinging to them..

 

Nothing you can do.

 

You live and enjoy your life, and if they come back they come back, if they don't , they don't.

 

It's not the end of the world, you aren't going to die, You will find love again if you let yourself.

 

You worry about you and only you.

 

That's the point.

[TaylorM91]

@LifeGoesOnMan

 

I've gotten over my ex, I called her today to try to talk things over or at least have a proper goodbye. Her response? She said to never contact her again or she'll contact the authorities, even though she had no grounds to do so.

 

 

So I left a message basically going over why this is messed up, the boyfriend she had before me actually cheated on her and left her because she had mental problems but she did the same to me. She was going to report ME because I contacted her a few times but she wouldn't report that a guy had his way with her. I sat there, always there to at least talk and help her through problems and situations and she couldn't at least repay me with decent closure. I added much more that called her out on many things and on how she is weak as a chracter, abandoning someone she loved because he wasn't himself.

 

 

Overall, I don't hate her, I'm not mad at her, just disappointed in it all but feel relieved I can move on with my life and even dodged a bullet or two. So I am happy to do what I did because I seen who she really was and I had learned a lot and improved myself in the progress! Also she spent a lot of money on me on gifts so free stuff!

 

 

What I'm trying to say is, try to evaluate if it's worth pursuing your ex, if they're willing to work with you and to improve themselves, by all means try to and you'd have a good chance of being happy again (Not guaranteed but still a good chance), other than that just move on and see where life takes you

[BC1980]

@LifeGoesOnMan

 

I've gotten over my ex, I called her today to try to talk things over or at least have a proper goodbye. Her response? She said to never contact her again or she'll contact the authorities, even though she had no grounds to do so.

 

 

So I left a message basically going over why this is messed up, the boyfriend she had before me actually cheated on her and left her because she had mental problems but she did the same to me. She was going to report ME because I contacted her a few times but she wouldn't report that a guy had his way with her. I sat there, always there to at least talk and help her through problems and situations and she couldn't at least repay me with decent closure. I added much more that called her out on many things and on how she is weak as a chracter, abandoning someone she loved because he wasn't himself.

 

 

Overall, I don't hate her, I'm not mad at her, just disappointed in it all but feel relieved I can move on with my life and even dodged a bullet or two. So I am happy to do what I did because I seen who she really was and I had learned a lot and improved myself in the progress! Also she spent a lot of money on me on gifts so free stuff!

 

 

What I'm trying to say is, try to evaluate if it's worth pursuing your ex, if they're willing to work with you and to improve themselves, by all means try to and you'd have a good chance of being happy again (Not guaranteed but still a good chance), other than that just move on and see where life takes you

 

You're not over your ex if you called and left that message. I'd still like to leave a message like that sometimes, which is why I know I'm not totally over my ex.

[TaylorM91]

@BC1980

 

 

I am over my ex and moved on after that little confrontation, I just wanted to post on here to show people what happened and they can learn something from it. In this situation, I'm not going to hear from her again and that is fine! I got my closure and I am more than ready to move on but I just can't help but find this situation entertaining because since she stopped talking to me, I was depressed like anyone else and took nearly two months for me to feel fine and seeing her respond like that made go "I was crying over her? What would've happened if I moved in with her in Canada?". I thought she'd be up for at least proper closure then go our separate ways, I got closure all right, just it being hilarious! I don't hate her, I'm not mad at her, just disappointed in all of that but it happend and I am just going to move on.

 

Right now I'm just focusing on myself and trying to get things accomplished so I can make the next big step in life. With my newfound health and better support than before, it'll be interezting to seehow everything plays out!

[BC1980]

@BC1980

 

 

I am over my ex and moved on after that little confrontation, I just wanted to post on here to show people what happened and they can learn something from it. In this situation, I'm not going to hear from her again and that is fine! I got my closure and I am more than ready to move on but I just can't help but find this situation entertaining because since she stopped talking to me, I was depressed like anyone else and took nearly two months for me to feel fine and seeing her respond like that made go "I was crying over her? What would've happened if I moved in with her in Canada?". I thought she'd be up for at least proper closure then go our separate ways, I got closure all right, just it being hilarious! I don't hate her, I'm not mad at her, just disappointed in all of that but it happend and I am just going to move on.

 

Right now I'm just focusing on myself and trying to get things accomplished so I can make the next big step in life. With my newfound health and better support than before, it'll be interezting to seehow everything plays out!

 

Well, I hope you are over her, but your emotions change daily. You're over someone when you don't care anymore, but you clearly do.