If you want them back.

[sheilaxy]

considering you want to go back together again, Is it better to block your ex on Fb, social media, etc or just leave it and let him see that you have a life and you can still have fun without him? what do you suggest?

[Never Again]

considering you want to go back together again, Is it better to block your ex on Fb, social media, etc or just leave it and let him see that you have a life and you can still have fun without him? what do you suggest?

 

If you want them back, you do the same thing as if you don't want them back.

 

You at least unfriend them, forget them, and move on.

 

You shouldn't WANT him to see what you're up to or try to show him anything. Pretend he's dead.

[BC1980]

considering you want to go back together again, Is it better to block your ex on Fb, social media, etc or just leave it and let him see that you have a life and you can still have fun without him? what do you suggest?

 

I vote to block because it causes too much temptation to look. Also, are you ready to see your ex with someone else? Don't do things only for your ex to see. I fell into that trap also, and I was so lost for those months. I was still doing so many things and wondering what he would think of my actions. It's not a way to live.

[organizedchaos]

I vote to block because it causes too much temptation to look. Also, are you ready to see your ex with someone else? Don't do things only for your ex to see. I fell into that trap also, and I was so lost for those months. I was still doing so many things and wondering what he would think of my actions. It's not a way to live.

 

FB is the only service that's a two way block. Instagram only blocks them from seeing you, you can see them. And Twitter block is pointless so you'd have to set that to private.

 

I guess if you truly want to disappear from their lives, you block and go private everywhere.

 

Whether that answers the question from sheilaxy, I don't know.

[Never Again]

FB is the only service that's a two way block. Instagram only blocks them from seeing you, you can see them. And Twitter block is pointless so you'd have to set that to private.

 

I guess if you truly want to disappear from their lives, you block and go private everywhere.

 

Whether that answers the question from sheilaxy, I don't know.

 

I unfriended, immediately deactivated my facebook, and stopped using Twitter and Instagram.

 

I've still had slip ups here and there. Not in awhile, but I was guilty of checking in the past since so much of it is public.

 

Deleting the apps of my phone helped haha.

[malin819]

I was dumped my ex Monday the 24th and I assume I did her wrong and its mainly my fault that we broke up. I have been in a pattern with all my exs but finally I'm seeking outside help to better myself.

 

Now I'm living there till the weekend and she is so mixed up. She keep saying she knows what she needs to do (dump my ass there) and her friends and family are saying the same but in the same time she keeps hoping that I'll get better and one day we'll be back together. And of cours ethe famous line the damage is done I keep hearing everyday.

 

I won't lie we have been in contact this whole time but after saturday I need to make my move and go NC even if I feel so guilty about my actions but at the end I want to fix those.

 

I truly care for her she was able to make me a better men but all you are saying is just let her go...even with all the guilt I have?

[somedude81]

The whole point and message in this thread is:

 

Do not wait around, live your life, there is nothing you can do to change the way they feel about you by pining, scheming, obsessing, clinging to them..

 

Nothing you can do.

 

You live and enjoy your life, and if they come back they come back, if they don't , they don't.

 

It's not the end of the world, you aren't going to die, You will find love again if you let yourself.

 

You worry about you and only you.

 

That's the point.

So in other words, there is nothing you can do, so don't do anything.

 

Give up and be hopeless.

 

[AlphaC]

So in other words, there is nothing you can do, so don't do anything.

 

Give up and be hopeless.

 

 

It's that type of attitude that is keeping you down. GIVE UP AND BE HAPPY!! You are alive, live your life, stop thinking that your ex holds the key to your happiness.

[malin819]

I was dumped my ex Monday the 24th and I assume I did her wrong and its mainly my fault that we broke up. I have been in a pattern with all my exs but finally I'm seeking outside help to better myself.

 

Now I'm living there till the weekend and she is so mixed up. She keep saying she knows what she needs to do (dump my ass there) and her friends and family are saying the same but in the same time she keeps hoping that I'll get better and one day we'll be back together. And of cours ethe famous line the damage is done I keep hearing everyday.

 

I won't lie we have been in contact this whole time but after saturday I need to make my move and go NC even if I feel so guilty about my actions but at the end I want to fix those.

 

I truly care for her she was able to make me a better men but all you are saying is just let her go...even with all the guilt I have?

 

Well I heard what I wanted she said that yes I'm dumped but she is questionning herself to come or not come back...

 

any advice?

 

keep in mind I'm moving out Friday guys and girls!

[jphcbpa]

It's that type of attitude that is keeping you down. GIVE UP AND BE HAPPY!! You are alive, live your life, stop thinking that your ex holds the key to your happiness.

 

Agree...you let go, grow, learn, improve, move forward....if they come back a great, if not great. either way you will be a better you.

[BC1980]

So in other words, there is nothing you can do, so don't do anything.

 

Give up and be hopeless.

 

 

Sure, you can be hopeless if you put all of your stock into getting your ex back. That's the biggest lesson I learned. Invest in yourself because people change, they die, they leave you, and they will hurt you. Family and friends will hurt you at some point. Investing in yourself is never a bad investment because you can always keep it. I don't see anything to be hopeless about. My ex lost his wife and child 9 years ago, and he made it though somehow. We can make it through too.

[BC1980]

Well I heard what I wanted she said that yes I'm dumped but she is questionning herself to come or not come back...

 

any advice?

 

keep in mind I'm moving out Friday guys and girls!

 

Someone saying the aren't sure means NO. I learned that the hard way. They know in their hearts that it won't work, but they want to keep all options open. Also, it's really hard to tell someone you love that it won't work. Your ex is a person with feelings too, and I doubt she relishes the idea of hurting you.

[somedude81]

It's that type of attitude that is keeping you down. GIVE UP AND BE HAPPY!! You are alive, live your life, stop thinking that your ex holds the key to your happiness.

I know what you are trying to say, but it's just hat not that easy.

 

The whole "be happy that you're alive" just doesn't cut it when bad things happen to you.

 

Lost your job? "Be happy that you're alive"

Girlfriend dumped you? "Be happy that you're alive"

Your house burned down and your dogs died? "Be happy that you're alive"

[BC1980]

I know what you are trying to say, but it's just hat not that easy.

 

The whole "be happy that you're alive" just doesn't cut it when bad things happen to you.

 

Lost your job? "Be happy that you're alive"

Girlfriend dumped you? "Be happy that you're alive"

Your house burned down and your dogs died? "Be happy that you're alive"

 

I was once at the point where I would think that if I could just get up, take a shower, and go to work, I would be doing okay. At least I had a routine that kept me from going off the rails. I sure as hell wasn't happy to be alive at that point, and I had dark thoughts, such as not caring if I died in a wreck on the way home or got some awful, malignant cancer.

 

The good news is that I lived to see the sun, and I survived to make it another day. However, it wasn't without work. I started volunteering, exercising more, eating better, lost a little weight even, reconnected with old friends, ect. I made an effort when it was about the last thing I wanted to do. It's still hard, but I have things to live for now. Keep plugging away okay? It doesn't come without a fight, but you can do it.

 

Volunteering at a food bank has helped me tremendously. I get to talk to real people every time I go, and they are so grateful. Those people have helped me more than I am helping them. Another benefit is that I have met some cool new people in the other volunteers. Try it

[Badsingularity]

I know what you are trying to say, but it's just hat not that easy.

 

The whole "be happy that you're alive" just doesn't cut it when bad things happen to you.

 

Lost your job? "Be happy that you're alive"

Girlfriend dumped you? "Be happy that you're alive"

Your house burned down and your dogs died? "Be happy that you're alive"

 

Actually. It is literally all in your mind. It is a choice you have to make in your mind. I know because I do it. Think this way or that way.

 

Thinking negatively accomplishes nothing, causes you unneeded stress, fear, and holds you back from doing things you need to do.

 

Thinking positively reducess the stress and fear you are experiencing, causes you to feel better, allows you to focus and do things that need to be done to better the situation.

 

When bad things happen to me sometimes I feel sad, but then I start telling myself it could be worse....becuase it could be. I could be dead, I could be paralyzed, I could be like the poor people in North Korea and have to live in fear like a robot, I could be forced to eat grass every day like some children do in Africa, I could be wearing a colostomy bag like someone I know did.

 

When I think about this and realize how lucky I am not to be in those situations I start feeling like I should stop being a wuss and start doing things I should do......because I still can.

[AlphaC]

I know what you are trying to say, but it's just hat not that easy.

 

The whole "be happy that you're alive" just doesn't cut it when bad things happen to you.

 

Lost your job? "Be happy that you're alive"

Girlfriend dumped you? "Be happy that you're alive"

Your house burned down and your dogs died? "Be happy that you're alive"

 

Yes it does cut it. If I were to write down all the things that didn't go my way last year I would probably overload the LS server. Anyway...

your girlfriend dumped you... big deal. Do you really think that worrying, feeling hopeless, sad, mad, depressed, bitter, etc, etc is going to help you? Last year some kid (i'm assuming it was a kid) scratched all the cars on my block, the cost of repairs to my car alone was over 1,000 dollars. Almost every car owner affected was burning with rage, what did I do, nothing!!! I accepted that my car was scratched, I learned early on that worrying would do nothing. Worrying about these scratches would not make them disappear, complaining, crying, etc would just compound the problem. Yeah I hoped the bandit would be found and brought to justice but that not in my control.

 

Dude, if there is one thing you can control is your feelings, start feeling good about yourself, your life, your time. Yes your dog died, you lost your job, you lost your girlfriend, you lost your skateboard, the list goes on and on. A couple of years ago my friend ask me the read the book of Job, do yourself a favor and read it.

 

It's late here in Tijuana, behind the clinton wax museum, lol. Actually I just got home from a night of dancing, feels good to have moved on, have a new woman in my life, I have no love for my ex loser, fact!!

[jphcbpa]

Yes it does cut it. If I were to write down all the things that didn't go my way last year I would probably overload the LS server. Anyway...

your girlfriend dumped you... big deal. Do you really think that worrying, feeling hopeless, sad, mad, depressed, bitter, etc, etc is going to help you?

!

 

My thought this morning is that I would not trade my problems for anyone elses. I have high class "problems". There are kids with cancer and parents trying to cope with it. There are people living in extreme poverty that do not have running water, roof over their heads, a bed, food to eat ect.

 

Life is good. So what the R evolved and changed...there are 4 billion women in the world.

 

Perspective!

[somedude81]

"Thank God I'm alive" only applies to situations where your actual life was at risk. I beleive it's also really stupid to think, "She dumped me, but at least I'm not starving in Africa."

 

Such a mentality gives the impression that it's wrong to feel any sort of pain because somewhere, somebody has it worse than you do.

[jba10582]

I think what he was saying was that, if you have a problem that is solvable, then there is nothing to worry about, if you have a problem that is not solvable, then there is nothing to worry about.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

no one is telling you not to feel the pain.

 

 

its going to hurt, for awhile and a break-up with someone you love will probably be the worst kind of emotional pain you're ever going to feel

 

 

some says its even easier to deal with and get over a death of a love one because of how certain & permanent the situation is.

 

 

that's the difference with break-ups, the person hasn't died, they still exist, and its brings uncertainty into the equation, which prevents you from healing because you keep hoping, that by doing whatever you think is going to work or believe is the right to do, or whatever scheme or bright idea you come up with is going to fix things.

 

 

it wont, no contact and the desire and commitment to move forward with your own life is the only way YOU will heal.

 

 

no contact gives you the power and takes away the uncertainty because you are making the decision to heal

 

 

you will never heal waiting around for your ex, hoping they come back, scheming or even down right praying for their return.

 

 

let me make this clear: THEY ARE NOT HURTING THE WAY YOU ARE.

 

 

they aren't, if they were, they'd be right back in your arms.

 

 

understand?

 

 

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS HURTING, and you are doing it to YOURSELF.

 

 

no contact fixes that, smiling, being positive, BEING THANKFUL for what you DO have, and making the decision to BE HAPPY will fix that.

 

 

you and only you are your own best friend, and you are the only one who can save yourself.

 

 

you can come up with any rhyme or reason you'd like to justify whatever, it doesn't matter.

 

 

keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting.

 

 

be free, be happy, live your life.

[somedude81]

no one is telling you not to feel the pain.

 

 

its going to hurt, for awhile and a break-up with someone you love will probably be the worst kind of emotional pain you're ever going to feel

Exactly.

 

I get the feeling that nobody understands that, or if they do, they are pretending not to.

 

Getting dumped by her was the most extremely painful I have ever felt in my entire life. People who say, "Be happy you're alive" makes it seem like they are trying to trivialize my pain.

 

some says its even easier to deal with and get over a death of a love one because of how certain & permanent the situation is.

 

 

that's the difference with break-ups, the person hasn't died, they still exist, and its brings uncertainty into the equation, which prevents you from healing because you keep hoping, that by doing whatever you think is going to work or believe is the right to do, or whatever scheme or bright idea you come up with is going to fix things.

I definitely understand that.

 

I still have a tiny speck of hope that she'll come back to me and I hate that.

 

You're right that it would be so much easier to move on if she had died. Because if she was dead, I would know that there is no chance whatsoever of a reconciliation. But she's not dead, and I know exactly where she is right now. I could drive to her place and she'd answer the door.

 

As for schemes or bright ideas, I don't have any. So I don't do anything, and wait for my feelings to fade. Three months later and they still haven't dropped at all

 

 

 

no contact gives you the power and takes away the uncertainty because you are making the decision to heal

 

 

you will never heal waiting around for your ex, hoping they come back, scheming or even down right praying for their return.

I believe that no contact only works and gives you power if you truly want to be no contact.

 

If it wasn't obvious, I absolutely do not want to be no contact with my ex. I am doing it out of necessity. Because of that it is doubtful that I will heal through that. The only thing that can possibly help is time.

 

let me make this clear: THEY ARE NOT HURTING THE WAY YOU ARE.

 

 

they aren't, if they were, they'd be right back in your arms.

 

 

understand?

 

 

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS HURTING

Of course I know that she's not hurting. That was never a question.

 

 

, and you are doing it to YOURSELF.

No, I did not make the choice to feel this way. I do not desire to be in pain.

 

no contact fixes that, smiling, being positive, BEING THANKFUL for what you DO have, and making the decision to BE HAPPY will fix that.

How do you comprehend being positive and making the decision to be happy?

 

It's almost as if I have to force myself to be happy, or trick my brain to forget the pain.

 

Right now, I believe that it's impossible to do those things if you still miss your ex. If I ever stop missing her, then it will be easier to focus on the things I have in my life, instead of the things that are missing.

[sheilaxy]

His birthday is coming up and I'm still on NC and have been for a month now. I feel a littel better but still hurt..For the first week of NC I was pretty sure that I don't want to talk to him ever again..But it's been a few days that I miss him.. I hate this feeling of being left in a limbo. He ignored my last msges, calls etc after he broke up with me over a TEXT saying it;s for best!..I was so devastated and promised myself to never ever contact him again until maybe if he realizes what he did to me was so unfair and sincerely apologize (which I highly doubt he'll do that)..That's why I am so angry at myself right now for all the mixed feeling that I have for him.. Why do i feel like this? Now his BD is coming up and I'm not sure what to do..should I text him a simple HB text or just save my dignity and ignore it? I still have strong feeling for him and it really hurts when i remember how he ended thing between us. I truly loved this man..

[BC1980]

It's funny because my ex would always say it's harder to get over a breakup or divorce than a death, and his first wife died. I used to think that wasn't true, but I understand it now. With a breakup, someone left you willingly and they are out there, living their lives, and don't want you in it.

 

Anyway, all this to say that you do need to validate the pain but don't wallow in it. It takes work, but you can chip away at it.

[JunkYardDog]

I dont know if its funny, but its true. I lost my dad in november, the ex dumped me a week and a half later. It has been excruciatingly painful having to deal with it both at the same time but losing her was worse than losing him. Its sort of robbed my grieving process for my dad with is so f'd up.

 

He did not choose to die and leave, she chose to leave.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

It's almost as if I have to force myself to be happy, or trick my brain to forget the pain

.

 

 

 

 

 

yup, that's the point. except you don't need to trick anything, time will heal it.

 

 

time dude, that's it, only time will fix this, and only removing yourself from any and all forms of contact will heal you.

 

 

you do have to force yourself to be happy, and once you start doing that, it wont be forced anymore, you'll just be happy.

 

 

I wish I had a better answer for you, but there is none, time and no contact is the only thing that helps.

 

 

and of course doing all the fun stuff you use to do before your breakup, etc.