If you want them back.

[zone x]

Ok.. be warm and friendly. I'll give it a shot yall. . If anything interesting happens I'll update.

 

Quick question, what if she drops the "I want you back" line again? Be nice and sat no, completely ignore?

[zhaulk]

To be honest, I live my day to day knowing she won't contact me. If she really did contact me, I don't know what the hell I would do. I think it would eat me alive.

[flight E]

Zone x until you are fine with not. Getting her back, you will never get her back

[strong-hearted]

what do you do when you're still deeply in love with them and you know they're dating someone else?

like i already did the NC thing, the 30 days were up about a week ago so now what do i do, do i move on or just wait for a miracle???

[organizedchaos]

what do you do when you're still deeply in love with them and you know they're dating someone else?

like i already did the NC thing, the 30 days were up about a week ago so now what do i do, do i move on or just wait for a miracle???

 

What do you mean 30 days were up? Who said NC was for only 30 days? It's forever or until you're completely over them. At which point you won't care to contact them.

 

You move on with your life and not worry about someone who thought they could do better than you.

[strong-hearted]

honestly i was told to do the NC thing for 30 days, and i don't think i'll ever be over him, we had an amazing relationship and it hurts that he even knew that and he still wanted to throw it all away

[organizedchaos]

honestly i was told to do the NC thing for 30 days, and i don't think i'll ever be over him, we had an amazing relationship and it hurts that he even knew that and he still wanted to throw it all away

 

We've all been where you are now. I was saying the same thing about her and our relationship a year ago that you're saying now.

 

But you know what? If it was so amazing he wouldn't have walked away.

 

I'm now with a wonderful woman who makes me very happy.

 

You will move on and meet someone else who makes you feel all those wonderful things again. I have.

 

you'll get there in time, but nc is the only way to do it.

[strong-hearted]

We've all been where you are now. I was saying the same thing about her and our relationship a year ago that you're saying now.

 

But you know what? If it was so amazing he wouldn't have walked away.

 

I'm now with a wonderful woman who makes me very happy.

 

You will move on and meet someone else who makes you feel all those wonderful things again. I have.

 

you'll get there in time, but nc is the only way to do it.

 

 

 

omg you are soo right!

i honestly begged him like there's no tomorrow, i begged him not to throw two years away and he did it anyway,people tell me i will find someone better than him but right now i'm still so blind i just can't see it!

like i said i am so hurt by him cuz i was always there for him through everything, even his friends would say "i need to find me a gf like yours" i was your typical housewife, we didn't live together but i was always at his place and i would do his laundry and all that stuff and he just threw me away, he foucused on the little bad things and left the good things out. right now i doubt i will find someone else, i am soo scared to trust anyone =[

[MonicaSays]

I have been loosely following this thread and I was wondering if you could share some insights..

 

To cut to the chase..

 

(I'm with a butch - eg: people like Ellen Degeneres)

 

Me and ex broke up sinc early June, and I made the mistake of begging and pleading. It didn't work.

 

So i went on nc.. but kept her on my fb. She would like my posts every so often, nothing more than that. A week went by and she called me. She sounded terrible but she didn't mention about reconciling. She said she just called to say "hi".

 

We did LC after that, then it lead to her wanting to get together again but not 'now' she said. She wants to go over her own issues first but would very much hope that we can get back together.

 

I did appear very clingy and needy and eventually one day when I asked her has she come up with a decision she said yes, and that she wants to quit for good. She said she couldn't deal with relationships anymore.

 

So then it was nc again.. until I found out she liked somebody else.. when I confronted her she wasn't happy about it, she said she's a human after all so it's not her fault if she developed feelings for another person.. at that time they weren't together yet. I told her I still love her very much and she shut me out completely. She doesn't wanna hear it.

 

I collected pieces of my broken heart for two weeks+.. living everyday in sorrow and the thought of her forgetting me easily acting like i didnt exist was such a killer.. that was when she called me out of the blue again.

 

She asked me where was I and what was I doing. Asked me out for lunch too. To which i agreed.

 

During our meet up we didn't mention about relationships nor did I ask her about her new relationship.. we just talked cordially about work and we did laugh a lot.. and she sent me back and we just said bye.

 

And it has been 5days since.. we didn't contact each other..

 

Do I have a chance of getting back ?? Thanks for taking time to read this..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I have been loosely following this thread and I was wondering if you could share some insights..

 

To cut to the chase..

 

(I'm with a butch - eg: people like Ellen Degeneres)

 

Me and ex broke up sinc early June, and I made the mistake of begging and pleading. It didn't work.

 

So i went on nc.. but kept her on my fb. She would like my posts every so often, nothing more than that. A week went by and she called me. She sounded terrible but she didn't mention about reconciling. She said she just called to say "hi".

 

We did LC after that, then it lead to her wanting to get together again but not 'now' she said. She wants to go over her own issues first but would very much hope that we can get back together.

 

I did appear very clingy and needy and eventually one day when I asked her has she come up with a decision she said yes, and that she wants to quit for good. She said she couldn't deal with relationships anymore.

 

So then it was nc again.. until I found out she liked somebody else.. when I confronted her she wasn't happy about it, she said she's a human after all so it's not her fault if she developed feelings for another person.. at that time they weren't together yet. I told her I still love her very much and she shut me out completely. She doesn't wanna hear it.

 

I collected pieces of my broken heart for two weeks+.. living everyday in sorrow and the thought of her forgetting me easily acting like i didnt exist was such a killer.. that was when she called me out of the blue again.

 

She asked me where was I and what was I doing. Asked me out for lunch too. To which i agreed.

 

During our meet up we didn't mention about relationships nor did I ask her about her new relationship.. we just talked cordially about work and we did laugh a lot.. and she sent me back and we just said bye.

 

And it has been 5days since.. we didn't contact each other..

 

Do I have a chance of getting back ?? Thanks for taking time to read this..

 

If you have been following this thread you already know the answer to this.

 

There is always a chance however they need to be the ones who come back, not you and there is nothing you can do about that.

 

You live your life and stay in NC until if/when that happens.

 

Otherwise move on.

[MonicaSays]

If you have been following this thread you already know the answer to this.

 

There is always a chance however they need to be the ones who come back, not you and there is nothing you can do about that.

 

You live your life and stay in NC until if/when that happens.

 

Otherwise move on.

 

 

Thank you so much for responding.. well here's another update to my story and I really could use more of your advice as to what I should and shouldn't do.. I hope u will guide me through this.

 

So 2 weeks after our meet up for lunch, she texted me around 1 am at night, asking if I got a new tattoo (I have a tattoo picture set on my whatsapp profile). I ignored that text. She then called me after half an hour. I didn't pick up too.

 

The next day she Called me three times. I felt bad for ignoring her as I still have strong strong feelings for her so I just texted her saying "hey u called? I'm busy."

 

She didn't reply me until two days after that asking me questions about her eyes and how to treat them. (I'm an aesthetician.) But tbh I don't think that was the actual reason.. it's like she's making up a story just to initiate contact? Idk.. but I replied her in just one line telling her what's best for her eyes. I made it sound short, simple and to the point. She suddenly tells me that she's busy, don't have time to do the treatments which I find totally lame becuz she was the one who texted first so I just left if there, without replying to her.

 

Then 4am yesterday she called me again. I didn't pick up but I was active in whatsapp which she must've known. Then at 2pm later she called again, with a text as below.

 

Her: Let's eat. I'm around ur area.

Me: I'm busy now.

Her: too busy for lunch??? Are u avoiding me???

Me: I'm with a patient now.

Her: K.

 

And nothing after.. I feel really bad for doing all this but I just don't want to be her doormat anymore.. I'm so confused by her actions and I wanna.know what I should do from now on. Do I keep doing what I'm doing?

 

Please help.. and thanks for taking time to read this ling post.. truly appreciate it.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Thank you so much for responding.. well here's another update to my story and I really could use more of your advice as to what I should and shouldn't do.. I hope u will guide me through this.

 

So 2 weeks after our meet up for lunch, she texted me around 1 am at night, asking if I got a new tattoo (I have a tattoo picture set on my whatsapp profile). I ignored that text. She then called me after half an hour. I didn't pick up too.

 

The next day she Called me three times. I felt bad for ignoring her as I still have strong strong feelings for her so I just texted her saying "hey u called? I'm busy."

 

She didn't reply me until two days after that asking me questions about her eyes and how to treat them. (I'm an aesthetician.) But tbh I don't think that was the actual reason.. it's like she's making up a story just to initiate contact? Idk.. but I replied her in just one line telling her what's best for her eyes. I made it sound short, simple and to the point. She suddenly tells me that she's busy, don't have time to do the treatments which I find totally lame becuz she was the one who texted first so I just left if there, without replying to her.

 

Then 4am yesterday she called me again. I didn't pick up but I was active in whatsapp which she must've known. Then at 2pm later she called again, with a text as below.

 

Her: Let's eat. I'm around ur area.

Me: I'm busy now.

Her: too busy for lunch??? Are u avoiding me???

Me: I'm with a patient now.

Her: K.

 

And nothing after.. I feel really bad for doing all this but I just don't want to be her doormat anymore.. I'm so confused by her actions and I wanna.know what I should do from now on. Do I keep doing what I'm doing?

 

Please help.. and thanks for taking time to read this ling post.. truly appreciate it.

 

 

I know its hard to see because of your feelings for her, but she is just keeping you on the hook my friend.

 

 

notice how she is only contacting you for advice about whatever, or whenever she is feeling lonely (late night calls/texts).

 

 

she is using you, and if you are tired of being her doormat then stick to NC indefinitely.

 

 

you are being thrown for a loop.

 

 

No Contact.

[MonicaSays]

I know its hard to see because of your feelings for her, but she is just keeping you on the hook my friend.

 

 

notice how she is only contacting you for advice about whatever, or whenever she is feeling lonely (late night calls/texts).

 

 

she is using you, and if you are tired of being her doormat then stick to NC indefinitely.

 

 

you are being thrown for a loop.

 

 

No Contact.

 

 

So.. there isn't a chance that she wants to reconcile at all then..?

[leoc1973]

Monicasays, There is always a chance of reconciliation. Do you notice how pissed she seems to get when you blow her off? It's because she wants to know you are still waiting for her while she figures out if she likes this other person.

 

It's all about feeling loss. Take a look at how you feel right now. You feel like you lost her and it might be forever right? And that is what gives you that panicked feeling like you had better do something now or she will slip away forever. The only chance you have at getting her back is either her new relationship plays itself out and she comes back to you which you don't want because then she absolutely will do this again. Or... you turn the loss feeling on her. She has to think that you are slipping away.

 

Go read a thousand posts about people who dumped their ex and now feel like they screwed up and will do anything to get them back and they all have 1 thing in common. The person they dumped told them to go to hell or now hates them or is now dating someone else. It's because the person who got dumped turned that feeling of loss around on the dumper.

[Yasuandio]

I've got a question for this thread. After 23 year marriage, we went into a dramatic four year divorce. Terrible, whatever - doesn't matter - really, it is always the same old same old.

 

Two years post divorce, here I am, much older, completely disabled with a mental illness with other complications, etc., and got the short end of the stick, because it is only logical he kept the business. I got alimony, blah, blah. But long term, I gotta get my act together here - cause my status (mentally and physically is not on the upswing, and I had to pull my retirement to pay off credit card debt I got stuck with). Plus, attorney fees are looming - and I have to handle that situation, (another huge problem and story in itself), very soon. Doesn't matter how it turned out, it is what it is. Right now, I have two homes, one still under water with an outrageous mortgage, (unsalable), the other a rental, that has developed some equity. Attorney has lens on both, my hands are tied, cannot re-finance, nothing. Have plans for attorney. OK. Thats that.

 

Now, judge ordered former husband to sign "warranty deeds" on both homes over to me. He refuses. I even hired a second at tory to prepare papers at great cost (due to issue with previous divorce attorney whom I fired for lying to me to trick me out of one of my awards). The papers were prepared and sent in 2012, 8 months after the divorce, a second time ariund. NC, period. He had no problem accepting my papers signing business to him, as judge requied.

 

OK. After divorce, check came to him in my name, I immediately endorsed and sent funds to him. I am cooperative to the max. He, completely NC. Ignores all business issues that need completion. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Even judge's orders.

 

Present day, there is an issue arising with mortgage company charging me suddenly surprise escrow fees, that I knew nothing about. I even got a ding on credit record. His record too. Immediately, I got it all straightened out - meaning, I had to pay the $865 escrow, even though I did owe it, and subsequenly, sort it out, which I did. Mortgage company refunded $865. But, made a mistake, and sent a second refund of another $865.

 

I was assured when I paid out the first $865, that it would come to me in about two weeks once the mortgage company completed the research. I notified former husband by e-marketing and VM to the situation, and the correction to the credit report that would be forthcoming. I never received the check because it went to former husband, according to M.Co. I left VM, text, I got NC. I called assistant manager, and explained how I kinda needed that money, as it was slated for electric, gas, food, and medication. Plus A was broken (in July - and it was average 85-90 degrees in my house, causing issues with the met abolition of my meds we learned later - I didn't tell the guy all those details, but I was really in hardship position, with no gas, maxed credit cards cut off, etc.). Response = NC. Between the time I learned 1st check was sent, and the time I just gave up asking, was July 2 through July 18. I just assumed, Mayne he didn't get it or something - but of, course, I wasn't thinking right, nor was the doctor aware I was suffering in this extreme heat cause I didn't express myself, I just didn't feel well).

 

Next thing you know, the M.Co. tells me I owe them another $865 for a duplicate check they sent by mistake. Then, I lost my tenants at the rental (down $1200 in income). I pancakes and dumped my little retirement fund - I had to, I couldn't take it anymore.

 

I paid all the debt, got A C fixed, got to feeling better. Then had M.Co. do research on checks - where they went, what address, and if they were cashed. Got account put in my name by sending Judge's Final decree, and began receiving mail I didn't realize the M.Co. sent out (probably there is where I missed the notice about the escrow situation to begin with! Cause the mail had been being opened by someone else - more about that in a moment).

 

Turns out both checks sent to former husband address. First check cashed, other one not. I decide to wait, and start research for copy of check.

 

A say or so after I request reseach for copies of checks, suddenly, I receive the second check in the mail with my 9 day late alimony. Of course, by that time, he had been holding check 2 for almost two months. I try to cash at bank, but I am not primary, do bank declines, and I just wait for results of reseach.

 

Get this copy of first check from research, and yes, he endorsed and cashed it back on July 18 (that day I made 2 email contacts about matter, left 1 VM on cell phone, and called business to try to catch. That was the exact day I gave up, July 18). Legally, as his name was primary on account at THAT time, it is ok, I guess for him to cash, but, he did so with complete knowledge this monies were slated to my account - and check invoice says as much too.

 

before I saw signature, and day he sent the second check, I text and asked if he had knowledge of first check. NC.

 

Here's my quetion. In a situation like this, normally I would raise hell. But honestly, I tired of the whole thing. I'm tired of writing letters. I'm worried too many letters and hassles presented to a mortgage company, particularly a request to "assauge" the account, as one reseach error asked me to do - might cause them to call in the loan (I read that somewhere). That said, speaking to my therapist about this, we agree his conduct is to be recalcitrant, and refuse to cooperate because he can. Wants to control, be difficult, whatever his issue is, narcissist, anger, to punish me, doesn't matter really.

 

whatever, what is important is my well being, I'm starting to get that now. And this may be a good point to mention that by knowing the escrow issue, Foret husband had a false impression that I did not pay last year's taxes on the property, and was 3 months behind on the mortgage (that is what "my mail said" from mortgage company). Last Febrary, out of the clear blue sky, I receive a threatening letter from his attorney stating same, that I was in Contempt of Court for failure to pay property taxes, 3 months behind in morgages, and other accusations as well. I was mortified to receive this letter on a Saturday when I couldn't talk to anyone in the offices.

 

Well, it turned out I paid everything on time completely.

 

The researcher was able to put the pieces together recently. Since I had a contracted payment plan for my property taxes that extended past January 1, 2014, the M.Co. automatically pays your taxes for you under deress, and then you are in the escrow system in the computer. This what happened. I didn't have knowledge, because I did not receive the correspondence. The M.Co. sent check to pay taxes that was immediately returned to them by the tax office. But when M.Co. sent out the check, they put my last 3 Mortgage payments in "suspension" I suspect, to cove the money the we're laying out for the taxes (that is my only guess where X got idea I was 3 months behind on mortgage. As once I learned escrow charges started esculating on my account in June, I learned my May mortgage payment was being held in "suspension," which caused me to be 30+ days late, resulting in a ding on credit report - that, thank God, they corrected, as a "one-time coutesy." IOW, it's my fault. It is my fault. I had no idea there was mail going to him. I do everything on-line, or just automatically make the payment on the bank's bill pay center.

 

What a mess. I'm sick of it. Doctor says I'm at a point where I'm getting selective in the battles I'm willing to fight. This may be one of the first times true indications of letting go. I know my people in the Separation and Divorce section would say "Don't let him get away with taking you money!" I am now of the mind - AT WHAT COST? To get the money, continued asking? Sick of that. Get an attorney and fight? It will cost double just to file papers on this crap.

 

here is an approach. I've documented it thus far. He's uncooperative on numerous issues. I could send registered letter to his attorney and him, get it on the record, and one day, we will see him in court for ALL the issues at one time. What about that? I don't know what to do. But I'm not calling anymore. I feel kinda sick and tired.

 

I won't lie - with my illness, I am afraid of my future. It is at those points I get the "gooy" feel I get. But it is nothing like it was before. It is just fear, that's all. A creation in your mind.

 

please tell me your interpretation. Thank you very much. I have learned a tremendous amount from your story. You are a champ to come back here and share and help others. Yas

Edited October 2, 2014 by Yasuandio

[Summerrose2013]

Go read a thousand posts about people who dumped their ex and now feel like they screwed up and will do anything to get them back and they all have 1 thing in common. The person they dumped told them to go to hell or now hates them or is now dating someone else. It's because the person who got dumped turned that feeling of loss around on the dumper.

 

This is absolutely spot on.

[Yasuandio]

Update:

Mortgage company sent me a replacement check (with my name printed in bold on top) for the second check that former husband finally returned unendorsed after 2 months.

 

I notified him about the first check a dozen times thru various medium s, because losing that money at that time really put me in a huge hardship. He cashed it anyway, on the final day he was contacted twice by phone and twice by email. Thatat was the I gave up, assuming he didn't receive it (July 18).

 

Thursday, Therapist said it was theft, because he was notifed in advance if the check's arrival of what it was slated for. In fact, with all the contacts, as well as the clarity of the invoice that came with check, cashing it as he did is not un like embessilment.

 

I have no inclination in the least to make another contact again about that matter. I got half my money, that is better than nothing. NC. Let him have. Screw it. So done asking for what is mine, when he owns a Million Dollar franchise that was supposed to be "our retirement." Right.

 

Next. Yas

[xUnknown]

Yasuandio,

 

Do what you mentioned about getting the registered letters sent to the attorney. Get everything on file that you can.

[Yasuandio]

Yasuandio,

 

Do what you mentioned about getting the registered letters sent to the attorney. Get everything on file that you can.

 

Dude, I got no energy to fight anymore. Or deal with attoreys, especially when im NOW in a position to pay for representation. The record speaks for itself, I have copy of check from the reseach, he endorsed and selfishly put in his bank account. All I have to do is go to the bank and make an issue, really, with the proof that the funds werevto be re-embursed to me, that would cause a great deal of trouble. I think it's rather better to let him cut his own thoat, and wait it out, the bank records aren't going to grow legs and walk away anytime soon.

 

I do have reason to visit a Criminal attorney for a free consult in the near future regarding a matter with a possible fradulent Contract. I'll ask him about how these funds were lifted out of my hands - see what hr says. No reason to give his Attorney a head's up. I feel like my money was not onlynwitheld, but half was ultimately stolen from me (that sounds like a crime to me). But these a delicate matters when you need the person working and NOT in jail, so I can get my alimony, as I am very sick.

 

Really, he is sicker than me. What a creppo to take his mentally ill former wife's little money, so he feels he beat the system? Oh dear, that month of July with no AC, I was practically hallucinating, and never sweated so much in my entire lifetime. Pharmacist figured it out finally, cause psychaitrist just kept uping doses. When I reflect on that month, I dont even get mad, I think of how low the elecric bill was that month compared to August that I had to shell outbfor recently. Haha!

 

However, it could be a civil litagation matter, so I will discuss with Criminal Attorney, when I see him about contract matter related to another issue. Thanks for the pep talk. Yas

[msms21]

2 questions.

 

How she supposed to know that im dating some one alse? Do i need to upload photo's to facebook and those kind of stuff ?

 

The other question is, im really scared of deleting our photos from facebook and instgram. We were together 4 years and she dumped me 3 months ago. Our last contact was a week ago while she texted me shes sorry of how she broke up with me and begged me to answer anything. I answered " i dont want to talk with you." thats all.

Im afraid that if i will delete those photos she will delete hers too... Im afraid that it will be some sign that it is totally over.

My life really changed since the breakup she become my biggest fear. Im more scared in every day that pass by. So scared she forgotten me, that shes dating other people, that i lost my best friend forever. And it not getting any better. My body is hot all day long, my brain is so tired of thinking about her, im on stress, depression, my eyes and legs are jumping, i cant handle ot any more i feel like im going to get an heart attack !!! And i do EVERYTHING! I go to gym, play tennis, go out to parties, bars, working alot, talk to other people.

But im lost, i feel like i need to survive every f***ing day and every call i get to my phone i wish its her telling me she wants me back. I really want to get rid of that feelings, instead, im waiting for her to contact me.

 

I built my life over her, now shes gone .

Edited October 12, 2014 by msms21

[Kyle7]

Really want my ex back we were together for 3 years. It's been 6 weeks now but for first 3 weeks we were still meeting up. Completely broke off now haven't seen her for 3 weeks haven't spoke to her for 2 weeks.

 

Split because she said her feelings have changed and doesn't feel the same as she once did.

 

I'd do anything to get her back, by not contacting her now I'm trying to give her the time and space to miss me.

 

What chances do I have? Is no contact the best form of action? Help !!

Edited October 13, 2014 by Kyle7

[Xemyd]

Really want my ex back we were together for 3 years. It's been 6 weeks now but for first 3 weeks we were still meeting up. Completely broke off now haven't seen her for 3 weeks haven't spoke to her for 2 weeks.

 

Split because she said her feelings have changed and doesn't feel the same as she once did.

 

I'd do anything to get her back, by not contacting her now I'm trying to give her the time and space to miss me.

 

What chances do I have? Is no contact the best form of action? Help !!

 

No one can tell you what chances you have, at this point probably no chance. It's all up to her. NC is the best thing you can do for her and yourself, BUT it will not bring her back, it's not magic.

[Kyle7]

No one can tell you what chances you have, at this point probably no chance. It's all up to her. NC is the best thing you can do for her and yourself, BUT it will not bring her back, it's not magic.

 

I'm thinking to just leave it for now and get to the month mark with NC then drop her a text to see how she is just to try and open the lines of communication again and see what happens. Nothing to lose really... Good or bad idea?

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm thinking to just leave it for now and get to the month mark with NC then drop her a text to see how she is just to try and open the lines of communication again and see what happens. Nothing to lose really... Good or bad idea?

 

Bad idea. She knows where to find you, and 30 days of NC to try to manipulate her into missing you is not the point of NC. The point of NC is to get yourself back, recover, and move forward. You won't do that if you are counting down the days to text her.

 

Take NC (and more than 30 days of it) to get your head straight. If she does come around on her own, then you'd have a chance to put your best foot forward if you choose to do so. But your plan right now sucks -- all you are doing is sitting around staring at a phone and when the contact doesn't go the way you want it to (because it almost certainly won't) you'll be in the exact same place you are now.

 

So yeah, that's a horrible idea.

[Kyle7]

Bad idea. She knows where to find you, and 30 days of NC to try to manipulate her into missing you is not the point of NC. The point of NC is to get yourself back, recover, and move forward. You won't do that if you are counting down the days to text her.

 

Take NC (and more than 30 days of it) to get your head straight. If she does come around on her own, then you'd have a chance to put your best foot forward if you choose to do so. But your plan right now sucks -- all you are doing is sitting around staring at a phone and when the contact doesn't go the way you want it to (because it almost certainly won't) you'll be in the exact same place you are now.

 

 

 

So yeah, that's a horrible idea.

Your 100% correct and to be honest I think I knew it was a bad idea when I was typing it. I just think I want to hear stuff that isn't true and just want someone to tell me that she will be back and just tell me what I want to hear. This will be the death of me and is exactly what will prevent me from moving on from this for good. I'm really not helping myself am I !!

 

Like you and many others have said, she knows where to find me if she does change her mind and want to give this another go. Me nor anyone else can change the way she feels or what she's thinking right now and I've got to accept this.