If you want them back.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Yeah I'm in a weird spot where I'm comfortable where I'm at, addressed some things I needed to work on and feel like it could work out if she wanted to reconnect.

 

But at the same time me wanting her to come back is the last obstacle to truly getting back on solid ground. Feelin positive about where I'll be at next month tho.

 

 

 

 

look at is as an addiction, love and the high you get from drugs affect the same part of the brain.

 

 

you will experience the same sort of highs and withdrawals when you have and don't have either.

 

 

so in reality, all it really is are chemical influences on your brain.

 

 

and the only way to kick a habit for good is to remove yourself from it indefinitely.

 

 

much easier said than done however, that's why there are thousands of rehab facilities.

 

 

think of loveshack as your rehab, a sort of 12 step program, but you only need one!

 

 

*NO CONTACT*

Edited December 16, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan

[ralfgarnett]

Ok so I went NC with her for 2 weeks and it is 3 weeks now since i last saw her, i was hoping it would smoke her out a bit but last night i spoke to her on a fabricated reason, and she now thinks that having no contact with each other for ex amount of time is the best way for us to move on and eventually become friends, i didn't want this i thought it might bring us closer, i miss her like mad and was hoping to see her over the christmas break as i wont be seeing many people and i need as much company as i can get, any advice on how to turn this round again so that i am back in charge or at least on an even footing ?, i know i sound pathetic and weak and that's because i am right now, i am lonely, lost, sad and scared and dreading the holidays on my own.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Ok so I went NC with her for 2 weeks and it is 3 weeks now since i last saw her, i was hoping it would smoke her out a bit but last night i spoke to her on a fabricated reason, and she now thinks that having no contact with each other for ex amount of time is the best way for us to move on and eventually become friends, i didn't want this i thought it might bring us closer, i miss her like mad and was hoping to see her over the christmas break as i wont be seeing many people and i need as much company as i can get, any advice on how to turn this round again so that i am back in charge or at least on an even footing ?, i know i sound pathetic and weak and that's because i am right now, i am lonely, lost, sad and scared and dreading the holidays on my own.

 

 

 

 

sadly, you are not in charge, in fact you are less in charge now that you have spoken with her than you were when you were in NC.

 

 

sigh, I've been here man, I know the feeling of helplessness but I am telling you that you are burying yourself alive in an emotional hole right now.

 

 

the holidays are the worst when it comes to nostalgia and memories being pulled up out of you but you need to realize that you there is nothing you can do but to go back to and stay in NC..

 

 

talking to her and "being friends" is the absolute worst thing you can do, whether or not you are dreading being lonely for the holidays, you'll be just fine if you let yourself, you will get through it and it will only make you stronger.

 

 

gotta trust me here. 2 weeks of NC is nothing @ all, sorry to say.

Edited December 18, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan

[erklat]

Ok so I went NC with her for 2 weeks and it is 3 weeks now since i last saw her, i was hoping it would smoke her out a bit but last night i spoke to her on a fabricated reason, and she now thinks that having no contact with each other for ex amount of time is the best way for us to move on and eventually become friends, i didn't want this i thought it might bring us closer, i miss her like mad and was hoping to see her over the christmas break as i wont be seeing many people and i need as much company as i can get, any advice on how to turn this round again so that i am back in charge or at least on an even footing ?, i know i sound pathetic and weak and that's because i am right now, i am lonely, lost, sad and scared and dreading the holidays on my own.

 

Whatever we advise you are either way going to do it your way, so there

Is no point.

 

We have warned you that breaking NC will do nothing good for you. You would

have feeling of your power returning after a few months mark.

 

Read my new sig. Power is the feeling when you know the one that hurt you

will live the rest of their life without your forgiveness and validation.

[batt]

I wish I found this site before I practically begged for her back through texts, emails, sending her flowers with special messages. I still miss her dearly, even if we only dated for a few months. The viciousness of being blindsided by a break up not by text but by an online message. I felt guilty for telling herto enjoy life being miserable and having no ambition to change it but not anymore.

[ralfgarnett]

I wish I found this site before I practically begged for her back through texts, emails, sending her flowers with special messages. I still miss her dearly, even if we only dated for a few months. The viciousness of being blindsided by a break up not by text but by an online message. I felt guilty for telling herto enjoy life being miserable and having no ambition to change it but not anymore.

 

 

Yes me too, if only I knew 5 months ago what I know now, it might not of got her back but I reckon I would be feeling much better and coping much better than I have been doing, sadly hindsight is a wonderful thing.

[Dobie]

X texted me last night

 

"Hope you are having a nice xmass x "

 

As I deleted her number I was not sure who it was so asked "who is this"?

 

She replied " how mature" ..

 

NC ?

[erklat]

Of course.

[Simon Phoenix]

X texted me last night

 

"Hope you are having a nice xmass x "

 

As I deleted her number I was not sure who it was so asked "who is this"?

 

She replied " how mature" ..

 

NC ?

 

Yes. Not even a question.

[Jimmyjackson]

Hello Heartbroken!

 

To be quite honest, if they do not contact you within a few months, it doesn’t look good. You then stick to NO CONTACT , you remember who you were before the break-up, because that’s still who you are, and you go where the wind takes you.

 

How many months would you say until it doesn't look good? will be 2 months NC for me on Sunday.

[NopeNah]

How many months would you say until it doesn't look good? will be 2 months NC for me on Sunday.

No one knows. It is what it is. Thats why you just go about your life,without the other.

[reuelle]

Hi guys.

 

I'm not sure if I should post here or just start a new thread but it's pretty much the same thing.

 

So. I met someone last year around this time. Moved 600 miles to be in the same state mid this year. Felt like I was treated like crap for the most part. I myself was not perfect during this period. Mostly just differences in personality. But he did some downright mean things to me. The final straw was Christmas. He knew I had very few friends around here and would not be able to go home, but did not bother to call or check on me. About a month ago, he said he just wants to be friends. He is not ready for a relationship. I posted about it in a different thread.

 

I have decided to go no contact, but I think I made a mistake...

 

I announced it.

 

I changed my number, blocked, etc. (His FB is deactivated so I can't block that.) I returned his stuff when he was not home. I let him know that my work email is the only place he can reach me.

 

Let's call that complication 1.

 

Complication 2 is, I put in a referral at my job for him. He might get hired. In the same department. Pretty big company, but we would work on the same floor. I think it's possible to avoid running into each other. It's likely that we will at some point, though.

 

Despite everything (and trust me, "everything" is a whole lot), I think I want us to eventually work this out. Also, I have no evidence of him cheating.

 

I'm not sure what my questions are. I guess first of all, does announcing no contact defeat the purpose of the whole thing? And secondly, how can I bounce back, especially if he does get the job, in a way that makes this still about me healing, but also causes him to sort of step back and "whoa-wait-a-minute" and reach out?

 

Also, do you guys have any practical tips as far as just staying the no-contact course? Please don't say work out and get a hobby. And yes, I have read a couple of Ultimate No-Contact Guides on this forum.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

How many months would you say until it doesn't look good? will be 2 months NC for me on Sunday.

 

 

 

the trick is to believe there is no hope, so there is no waiting or pining, like I've said before on this thread, imagine your ex is dead, kaput, non-existent.

 

 

that's why NC is so important because it removes them from your life entirely, as if they died.

 

 

Stop trying to dissect time's passage to judge whether or not there is any hope left.. exes have come back the next week or 5 years later... you simply DO NOT KNOW and have NO CONTROL over that what so ever.

 

 

you only have control over yourself, and no contact is the only way to maintain that control.

 

 

No one here can give you a better answer, all that I can say is, no contact, ignorance and indifference is bliss when it comes to your ex.

 

 

2 months of NC is nothing btw.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Hi guys.

 

I'm not sure if I should post here or just start a new thread but it's pretty much the same thing.

 

So. I met someone last year around this time. Moved 600 miles to be in the same state mid this year. Felt like I was treated like crap for the most part. I myself was not perfect during this period. Mostly just differences in personality. But he did some downright mean things to me. The final straw was Christmas. He knew I had very few friends around here and would not be able to go home, but did not bother to call or check on me. About a month ago, he said he just wants to be friends. He is not ready for a relationship. I posted about it in a different thread.

 

I have decided to go no contact, but I think I made a mistake...

 

I announced it.

 

I changed my number, blocked, etc. (His FB is deactivated so I can't block that.) I returned his stuff when he was not home. I let him know that my work email is the only place he can reach me.

 

Let's call that complication 1.

 

Complication 2 is, I put in a referral at my job for him. He might get hired. In the same department. Pretty big company, but we would work on the same floor. I think it's possible to avoid running into each other. It's likely that we will at some point, though.

 

Despite everything (and trust me, "everything" is a whole lot), I think I want us to eventually work this out. Also, I have no evidence of him cheating.

 

I'm not sure what my questions are. I guess first of all, does announcing no contact defeat the purpose of the whole thing? And secondly, how can I bounce back, especially if he does get the job, in a way that makes this still about me healing, but also causes him to sort of step back and "whoa-wait-a-minute" and reach out?

 

Also, do you guys have any practical tips as far as just staying the no-contact course? Please don't say work out and get a hobby. And yes, I have read a couple of Ultimate No-Contact Guides on this forum.

 

 

 

 

nothing you are worried or concerned about matters when it comes to NC.

 

 

You did nothing wrong and whether or not you announced NC , it makes no difference.

 

 

as far as staying the course, talk to other guys.

[Jimmyjackson]

the trick is to believe there is no hope, so there is no waiting or pining, like I've said before on this thread, imagine your ex is dead, kaput, non-existent.

 

 

that's why NC is so important because it removes them from your life entirely, as if they died.

 

 

Stop trying to dissect time's passage to judge whether or not there is any hope left.. exes have come back the next week or 5 years later... you simply DO NOT KNOW and have NO CONTROL over that what so ever.

 

 

you only have control over yourself, and no contact is the only way to maintain that control.

 

 

No one here can give you a better answer, all that I can say is, no contact, ignorance and indifference is bliss when it comes to your ex.

 

 

2 months of NC is nothing btw.

 

If an ex becomes indifferent with you, is there no going back?

[LifeGoesOnMan]

If an ex becomes indifferent with you, is there no going back?

 

 

 

Indifference is a funny thing, you must realize that your ex is already at a level of indifference with you if they break up with you, if they weren't, they wouldn't break up with you, understand?

 

 

they wouldn't force themselves into a painful situation, and in most case they have already moved on in more ways than one.

 

 

that doesn't mean they wont come back, emotions and feelings fan and fade all the time my friend.

 

 

however, you can only worry about yourself, there is nothing else you can do but live your own life, be yourself and stop worrying about their's and whether or not there is "hope"...

[Didn'tknow]

Can I get some advice on this please?

 

I was with my ex for 3 years, only ended a few days ago.

 

She said she still loves me, her feelings haven't changed but she needs to be alone and it feels like the right thing for her to do right now. She just started college in September and she said the thought of being so young and in a such a serious relationship at such a young age was frightening her. She said it's not about seeing other people either. She wants to work on herself, she doesn't want to be so dependant on me (she was kind of dependent).

 

I could see it eating her up as she tried to make a decision. She felt she didn't want to leave me but she had to for her own sake. I watched as she had a war in mind on what to do and what the right decision was and she was just as upset as I was about all this.

 

I do actually believe her that her feelings haven't changed for me but her need to be alone and be her own person matter more to her right now. For this reason I do think there is a chance in the future she might come back (also we never had any problems in our relationship really)

 

Now I did make one mistake, I text her the day after the breakup and said

"I know we shouldn't speak but it's very difficult and I was wondering if you're ok? Just one text back is fine and I'll try harder not to text again after this one" to which she replied "I'm doing as okay as can be expected. Thank you for the concern. I hope you're ok as well".

 

I haven't done anything else besides that. Is this a major blunder so is it ok because it was only the day after the break up and just a minor text.

[mineral27]

Indifference is a funny thing, you must realize that your ex is already at a level of indifference with you if they break up with you, if they weren't, they wouldn't break up with you, understand?

 

I think most people break up because the relationship is not functioning any more, not because they are indifferent.

 

A lot of times the dumper still has (even strong) feelings, but is aware the relationships is in a dead end.

[mineral27]

Now I did make one mistake, I text her the day after the breakup and said

"I know we shouldn't speak but it's very difficult and I was wondering if you're ok? Just one text back is fine and I'll try harder not to text again after this one" to which she replied "I'm doing as okay as can be expected. Thank you for the concern. I hope you're ok as well".

 

I haven't done anything else besides that. Is this a major blunder so is it ok because it was only the day after the break up and just a minor text.

 

You two were together for 3 years - one peaceful text you happened to send few days after the break up won't make her think any less of you.

[Didn'tknow]

You two were together for 3 years - one peaceful text you happened to send few days after the break up won't make her think any less of you.

 

I thought so too but I was still breaking the no contact rule and I would from what I've read on here the no contact rule is essential if you're ever going to get better enough to be with your ex again or anyone else for that matter. Also thanks for replying

[Simon Phoenix]

I thought so too but I was still breaking the no contact rule and I would from what I've read on here the no contact rule is essential if you're ever going to get better enough to be with your ex again or anyone else for that matter. Also thanks for replying

 

Breaking it in the immediate aftermath of a relationship, as long as you aren't weird, creepy or smothering about it, isn't a big deal. Just don't do it again.

[Didn'tknow]

Breaking it in the immediate aftermath of a relationship, as long as you aren't weird, creepy or smothering about it, isn't a big deal. Just don't do it again.

 

Well I certainly wasn't any of those things so I guess it's ok then. Thanks for the reply

[phuqdithappened]

So how many of you have actually used no contact exactly how u guys say to use it and have actual results for recon.

[Simon Phoenix]

So how many of you have actually used no contact exactly how u guys say to use it and have actual results for recon.

 

No Contact isn't a tool for recon. It's a tool for recovery and moving forward and getting yourself back. Sometimes in that process a recon happens, but that's not the purpose of it and if you are using it for that purpose, it's not going to work to its full potential.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I think most people break up because the relationship is not functioning any more, not because they are indifferent.

 

A lot of times the dumper still has (even strong) feelings, but is aware the relationships is in a dead end.

 

 

 

yea but their feelings for the dumper have faded enough to break up with them, that's a level of indifference, which ever way you want to put it.

 

 

indifference is not permanent, it is just a disregard for how breaking up with the dumpee will make the dumper feel.

 

 

their indifference to your feelings gives them the strength to break up with you.

Edited December 29, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan