If you want them back.

[amplified]

sounds like she was your mother? she probably wanted to feel secure and didn't want to feel like she was taking care of a cute puppy all the time.

[Pharoh]

So I read through a majority of this thread, and I still feel that my situation is a little bit different and has progressed a little further than what's mentioned here.

 

Basically she dumped me by letting feelings just slowly fade away after she went back to college. We didn't talk basically for 11 months (short of a happy birthday text and whatnot) but I still thought about her almost every day.

 

I contacted her over a death in a TV show we both watch, and she continued the conversation ultimately asking to catch up over lunch.

 

We had lunch earlier in the week, and now I don't know how to progress from here. I really want her back, but I think I'm going to have to be the one to blow on the embers a bit here. But I also can't come off as smothering either.

 

I don't want to hijack this thread, and I have a lot more information in a post that I made about my dilemma.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/564835-complicated-had-lunch-ex-gf-w-o-seeing-her-year-how-get-her-back

 

It outlines my whole entire situation with this girl, if you could give it a read and lend some advice on what to do next, i really need it.

[mbgeezle]

The best thread I've read on LS. bar none and a real insensitive for people going through this like myself. I to saw no red flags. she said she wanted a break because she loved me to much and it was scaring her that she was so dependant on me (she's 19). she lasted 2 days. I stuck to NC. She came home that next day. Nothing had changed between us. no loss of attraction or feelings. We outlined issues we had and put plans in place to change things. things were going great. We'd just come back from a spa weekend 3 weeks previously. We were more in love than ever (so it seemed)

 

She then out of blue said she wasn't 100% happy and she needed to be single. turns out she had become infatuated with a Co worker and liked the attention. I was distraught. For 10 minutes or so I got angry. but then said if this is what you want then so be it. I understand your young (I'm 25). I go NC after wishing her well. I never begged or pleaded I said I was not willing to just chuck it all away and would work at it if she would. she insisted we would be together.

 

I go full NC for 10 days. She initiates. tells me she loves me and wants me but is confused. we talked like we always had. I was calm and just said either way it's a win win because we move on or start again. I told her I was getting on with my life and getting my tattoos finished etc . light hearted. I said you need to work it out for yourself. We exchanged I love yous and back to no contact apart from a light hearted conversation on Christmas day.

 

A few days later my dad had been involved in a car accident. They got on well so I felt obliged to let her no. I also stated that I wasnt going to wait round and it was best we didn't talk anymore if we weren't going to work at our loving relationship. She stated she wanted us but not ow. she loved me and it wouldnt changed but she needed time for herself and it was going to be hard for us both. She said maybe in a few years we'll be together but not now. I stated I respected her decision. If it was true love we'd be together if not.then we are meant for another. I told her I loved her and believed in her and I'm in no contact now almost 2 weeks I'm

 

The month nearly since the original bombshell and now has been a roller coaster. I have spent hours over analysing everything. forgiving myself and her for wrongdoings. Wondering and waiting for that text or phone call. But I've finally accepted it for what it is. I am back in the gym and find real solice in there. It just me and the weights and they don't BS you! I have a strict diet and training program and am 100% dedicated to it. I am doing all things to make me happy. Driving test coming in a few days and I'm really excited for it. I want to feel that sense of achievement of passing. then getting a car and then I have so much more freedom. Things are slowly coming into place for me.

 

I still miss my ex so much. It kills me everyday that I don't see her or speak to her. But she doesn't no that. and I just plough on faking it till I make it so to speak. its my second love, I'm her first. together over a year. She is a diabetic and asthma suffererer and I took on not just her but her life changing illnesses I had to be on constant watch for. I don't think she understood that even though I tried to explain. I nagged her to eat properly, do her insulin, not lose her inhaler. wear her glasses. All because I loved her and wanted her to be healthy and well. I was helping her find a new part time job, a university course. I did so much to help this girl and it seems it was all for nothing. I no I'm a good person but have my faults and I've acknowledge them and am working on them every single day. I have a loving heart and one day I hope she realises everything I did was out of love. even letting her go as I said. EVERYONE keep your heads up. Just take each day as a new breath of fresh air. Do something. Anything. Just stick to NC.

[Jacob1939]

Hi , great guide! I've been broken up 2 1/2 motnhs now and started NC last week. What i wanted to have your opinion on is , well girls aren't exactly THAT honest about their feelings , at least not at first and not my ex.Even if she wanted to come back i doubt she would send me a "i want t oget back together" text or call or whatever.So if she sends a "how are you doing" or something of the sort do i just straight up ignore her , or reply in a manner that makes it seem i dont care much and im indefferent and just wait for her to say something?or just cut it short and wait for her to reach out again with the right words?

[Jacob1939]

I know this is an old thread , but i would really like an opinion on this!

[ExtraSpice]

Well a lot of people are not honest about their emotions. Very few people just come out and say what they feel. Maybe it is a fear of putting yourself out there and then being rejected that keeps people from expressing exactly what they feel.

 

I prefer blunt honesty. So if I want someone back, I straight up say that I want a second chance. Many people don't and none of my previous exes have been honest in that regard.

 

If she sends a text that just says how are you? You can either ignore it, send a short and non engaging reply, or probe the conversation a little more, see where it goes and then ask her if there is a purpose to this conversation. If she says she just wanted to talk and that is it, you can tell her not to do that and only contact you if she wants reconciliation. Which option is best is something you have to decide. Just always remember to keep your hopes in check.

 

Just my opinion, not saying that is the right or the wrong way.

[Jacob1939]

Question : won't go into detail cause it's a long story (if you want i can to get eveyrone's opinions on it) , but basically my ex broke up with me 2 1/2 months ago , i chased for the first 2 months cause i saw she had feelings (and she still does , she told me she missed me but "to tell me she missed me wouldn't help anyone" *her words*) then i told her i'd be moving on and if she changed her mind she knew wherer to find me. Anyways what i wanted to ask is , should i send her for birthdays etc. I know i'm in the "i would do anything" phase more or less , but what i'm getting at is , won't they give up trying if you dont even text them for a happy birthday? Also her birthday and my nameday are in the same day so if she texts me i fell like it would be the civil thing to do to text back.

[ExtraSpice]

In my opinion sending someone birthday texts or small talk texts here and there to remind them of you is not going t convince them to take you back.

 

Post breakup, silence speaks louder than words.

 

Also if you feel like replying would be the civil thing then go ahead. But keep it short and to the point. Engaging in small talk and random conversations is not going to help you.

 

You can't convince a person to be with you. That is something they have to decide on their own. When they do make the choice to be with you, then you can try to convince them that they made the right choice.

[Learningtowalkagain]

My ex and I dated for most of 2014. The break up was 100% mutual. During 2015 we'd contact each other here and there, we still cared for each other. During summer I found out she had a new bf, I'll admit it hurt. So a few months go by and they break up, I'm walking in to work in September and she approaches me in the parking lot at work. She had tears in her eyes and was very emotional, said she still thinks about me and how great of a guy I am this and that and we should talk some time. I give it thought but left it alone because I wasn't sure.

 

November rolls around, and she's at my desk at work with a bag full of gifts for my daughters birthday. Very nice of her. I sit down and she instant messages me saying it was great seeing you again. We make plans to hang out. We talk for 8 hours straight, and I could tell she was still interested. We go out to her car and she starts kissing me. Then she says "you know I'm still in love with you". I was taken back.

 

So this goes on for a few weeks. She is very affectionate and sends me stuff about soul mates this and that. So one night she drunk text'd me, we got into an argument...but it was stupid and we both apologized. A few days later she contacts me saying she's feeling indifferent, a big part of her wants to be with me but she doesn't believe in going backwards in life. So now I'm confused.

 

I ask her what she wants and she says to take things slow. But at this point I was emotionally invested. So I did a stupid thing and gave her an ultimatium of either being with me or not. She says she doesn't know what she wants, it 's like the U2 song with our without blah blah blah (this was early December). So I decided to give her her space. She still text'd me and instant messaged me here and there.

 

New Years eve after midnight she sends me a text saying Happy New Year and telling me what an amazing person I am. So a week ago I text her, asking her if she still wants to take it slow and when is she available to grab a drink. She gives me this wishy washy answer about work (she's not lying she's having issues at work) and she'll contact me later. She texts me later but it was "how's everything going, bout to run tot he gym". So I don't hear from her again.

 

2 days go by and now I'm just pissed. So I shoot her a text saying how ****ty it is she pushed herself back into my life and that she wasn't the person I thought she was. She shot about 15 texts back pretty much saying she can't believe I would say that, yes she still loves me and I was the only guy she ever loved and my message to her hurt his and that. We wind up texting all day. She keeps mentioning meeting up to chat in person.

 

Next day comes and she texts me more of the same. We should meet up and chat, low key, no expectations happy hour. I apologized for saying she wasn't who I thought she was and said I just wanted an answer and I feel like you've been jerking me around and really all I'm seeking at this point is closure. She apologizes there hasn't really been any closure but keeps reitereating we should meet up and talk in person. I unfriended her on facebook, because I didn't want to see what she's doing. So this past Friday she goes on my sisters page and likes a pic I'm tagged in. Then Friday night I get a late night text about how I didn't care about her for a year and now I'm coming out of the woodwork with my feelings and this and that. So I waited till the morning and made a joke about her drunk texting me. She never responded.

 

So I know a lot of you are going to say "she's unsure, just walk away"...trust me, I want nothing more than to do this...I even joined Match. But I still have strong feelings for her apparently. She has a lot of issues but I know how to deal with them and her best is simply amazing.

 

My question: Should I bother texting her back telling her I did care about her and her perception is wrong. We know a lot of mutual people, really any of these people could tell her yeah he definitely cared for you when you guys weren't together.

Next question: Would it be a bad idea to meet up with her and hear her out? I told her in one text, if you never see a future with us again, just say so. I just want closure. She still won't give me a straight answer.

And finally: How do I stop thinking about her? I have OCD so it just makes the situation a million times worse. I know people are going to say move on and I'd like to but at the same time it's not that easy.

[Jacob1939]

Hi , i'm broken up 2 1/2 motnhs with my ex gf , and i was wondering if i should block her from anywhere (fb, ig ,skype) ? I dont check her profiles anywhere , i can control the urge , i want her to wonder about me , but i dont want her to think im hurt and thats why i blocked her.I can control my urges to check her out , so wouldnt it be better to leave her as to say "i dont care if i have you or not" , and keep my life going as planned.

[Learningtowalkagain]

Hi , i'm broken up 2 1/2 motnhs with my ex gf , and i was wondering if i should block her from anywhere (fb, ig ,skype) ? I dont check her profiles anywhere , i can control the urge , i want her to wonder about me , but i dont want her to think im hurt and thats why i blocked her.I can control my urges to check her out , so wouldnt it be better to leave her as to say "i dont care if i have you or not" , and keep my life going as planned.

 

If you're asking "should I block her", no...should you unfriend her? Yes. If you're asking this question you're still trying to heal from the break up. Do you two keep in contact regularly? If not who cares what she thinks. You need to heal for yourself. You say you can control the urge but I doubt that's true. There are very few people who can just leave an ex and never wonder what they're up to again.

[dyna85]

Learningtowalkagain, the relationship sounds a tad toxic with the constant back and forth and not knowing which way is up with her.

 

If you're going to text her how you feel and/or meet up, do it, but it may not resolve the whole thing. She's definitely been hot and cold by coming on strong and then backing off by saying she's indifferent and doesn't believe in going backwards in life... (which is a bit contradictory since she's the one who returned to you after a year proclaiming she still loved you). Obviously her love for you doesn't translate to her wanting a relationship with you, based on her actions, since she is being wishy-washy and basically stated outright that she's unsure.

 

I don't see this working out in the foreseeable future. Maybe you'll reconnect several yrs down the line, maybe not, but it seems you both want different things at the present time, and your staying in touch with her may just confuse you further and drag out the pain.

 

You can tell that her perception is wrong and that you care but that she's been giving you mixed signals or whatever, if it will bring you peace. Whatever brings you peace/closure. However, beware that it could just further feed her ego and contribute to her stringing you along, as it seems she's non committal with you.

 

As for the moving on part, there's no quick fix. The thoughts will recycle until they don't anymore. You just gotta live your life regardless.

[jphcbpa]

My ex and I dated for most of 2014. The break up was 100% mutual. During 2015 we'd contact each other here and there, we still cared for each other. During summer I found out she had a new bf, I'll admit it hurt. So a few months go by and they break up, I'm walking in to work in September and she approaches me in the parking lot at work. She had tears in her eyes and was very emotional, said she still thinks about me and how great of a guy I am this and that and we should talk some time. I give it thought but left it alone because I wasn't sure.

 

November rolls around, and she's at my desk at work with a bag full of gifts for my daughters birthday. Very nice of her. I sit down and she instant messages me saying it was great seeing you again. We make plans to hang out. We talk for 8 hours straight, and I could tell she was still interested. We go out to her car and she starts kissing me. Then she says "you know I'm still in love with you". I was taken back.

 

So this goes on for a few weeks. She is very affectionate and sends me stuff about soul mates this and that. So one night she drunk text'd me, we got into an argument...but it was stupid and we both apologized. A few days later she contacts me saying she's feeling indifferent, a big part of her wants to be with me but she doesn't believe in going backwards in life. So now I'm confused.

 

I ask her what she wants and she says to take things slow. But at this point I was emotionally invested. So I did a stupid thing and gave her an ultimatium of either being with me or not. She says she doesn't know what she wants, it 's like the U2 song with our without blah blah blah (this was early December). So I decided to give her her space. She still text'd me and instant messaged me here and there.

 

New Years eve after midnight she sends me a text saying Happy New Year and telling me what an amazing person I am. So a week ago I text her, asking her if she still wants to take it slow and when is she available to grab a drink. She gives me this wishy washy answer about work (she's not lying she's having issues at work) and she'll contact me later. She texts me later but it was "how's everything going, bout to run tot he gym". So I don't hear from her again.

 

2 days go by and now I'm just pissed. So I shoot her a text saying how ****ty it is she pushed herself back into my life and that she wasn't the person I thought she was. She shot about 15 texts back pretty much saying she can't believe I would say that, yes she still loves me and I was the only guy she ever loved and my message to her hurt his and that. We wind up texting all day. She keeps mentioning meeting up to chat in person.

 

Next day comes and she texts me more of the same. We should meet up and chat, low key, no expectations happy hour. I apologized for saying she wasn't who I thought she was and said I just wanted an answer and I feel like you've been jerking me around and really all I'm seeking at this point is closure. She apologizes there hasn't really been any closure but keeps reitereating we should meet up and talk in person. I unfriended her on facebook, because I didn't want to see what she's doing. So this past Friday she goes on my sisters page and likes a pic I'm tagged in. Then Friday night I get a late night text about how I didn't care about her for a year and now I'm coming out of the woodwork with my feelings and this and that. So I waited till the morning and made a joke about her drunk texting me. She never responded.

 

So I know a lot of you are going to say "she's unsure, just walk away"...trust me, I want nothing more than to do this...I even joined Match. But I still have strong feelings for her apparently. She has a lot of issues but I know how to deal with them and her best is simply amazing.

 

My question: Should I bother texting her back telling her I did care about her and her perception is wrong. We know a lot of mutual people, really any of these people could tell her yeah he definitely cared for you when you guys weren't together.

Next question: Would it be a bad idea to meet up with her and hear her out? I told her in one text, if you never see a future with us again, just say so. I just want closure. She still won't give me a straight answer.

And finally: How do I stop thinking about her? I have OCD so it just makes the situation a million times worse. I know people are going to say move on and I'd like to but at the same time it's not that easy.

 

IMO, the only woman you should be focusing on is your daughter. If you have strong feelings for your ex please get off of Match. You are not ready and using another woman to fill a void is not helpful. Take some time away from dating to regroup. Try again perhaps late spring. It sounds like your ex got what she wanted....you at her whim. I would stop with the texting and only use that form of communication to set up dates. Pick up the phone and have real conversations in person. Otherwise you are wasting your time and energy.

[Learningtowalkagain]

Learningtowalkagain, the relationship sounds a tad toxic with the constant back and forth and not knowing which way is up with her.

 

If you're going to text her how you feel and/or meet up, do it, but it may not resolve the whole thing. She's definitely been hot and cold by coming on strong and then backing off by saying she's indifferent and doesn't believe in going backwards in life... (which is a bit contradictory since she's the one who returned to you after a year proclaiming she still loved you). Obviously her love for you doesn't translate to her wanting a relationship with you, based on her actions, since she is being wishy-washy and basically stated outright that she's unsure.

 

I don't see this working out in the foreseeable future. Maybe you'll reconnect several yrs down the line, maybe not, but it seems you both want different things at the present time, and your staying in touch with her may just confuse you further and drag out the pain.

 

You can tell that her perception is wrong and that you care but that she's been giving you mixed signals or whatever, if it will bring you peace. Whatever brings you peace/closure. However, beware that it could just further feed her ego and contribute to her stringing you along, as it seems she's non committal with you.

 

As for the moving on part, there's no quick fix. The thoughts will recycle until they don't anymore. You just gotta live your life regardless.

 

Thanks for your response. I'm going strict NC. When she contacts me (which she definitely will) I'm going to tell her I think hanging out is a bad idea and wish her well.

[Learningtowalkagain]

IMO, the only woman you should be focusing on is your daughter. If you have strong feelings for your ex please get off of Match. You are not ready and using another woman to fill a void is not helpful. Take some time away from dating to regroup. Try again perhaps late spring. It sounds like your ex got what she wanted....you at her whim. I would stop with the texting and only use that form of communication to set up dates. Pick up the phone and have real conversations in person. Otherwise you are wasting your time and energy.

 

My daughter will always come #1 in my life. I am on Match but not really active. I'll check whenever I get a notification but I'm just not ready to date yet. I was just really confused as to how someone can make such an effort to come back into your life, tell you they still love you, call them your soul mate, then say she's unsure. Baffling situation. I'm going strict NC with her. No more texting, no IMs...just done. When she reaches out I'm going to tell her I think hanging out will be a bad idea and wish her well. Thank you for your reply.

[dyna85]

Thanks for your response. I'm going strict NC. When she contacts me (which she definitely will) I'm going to tell her I think hanging out is a bad idea and wish her well.

 

I think that's a good idea. It seems like she's just not ready to settle down into a relationship with you due to her life circumstances and feelings. It's not you. It really is her. It's unfortunate since she got you wrapped up into being emotional about her by coming back, so she kinda baited and switched you, but it probably was not intentional and is just how things go, you know? No one controls how they feel, and I can't imagine someone intentionally pursuing someone to just hurt them in the end.

 

She probably just has some maturing to do and sorting out of her feelings and life issues.

 

These things happen for a reason so I would just take care of yourself and you'll be okay.

[Jacob1939]

If you're asking "should I block her", no...should you unfriend her? Yes. If you're asking this question you're still trying to heal from the break up. Do you two keep in contact regularly? If not who cares what she thinks. You need to heal for yourself. You say you can control the urge but I doubt that's true. There are very few people who can just leave an ex and never wonder what they're up to again.

 

It's not that i don;t wonder about her, i mean let's be realistic i do.But the fact is i don't go into her social media profiles.I refuse to.Even when i find my mouse slowly moving towards the sidebar i immediately pull it.I know it will do me more harm than good.What i wanted to know is , will she wonder more about me if i unfriend her or does that not even matter?

[Jacob1939]

hey pal, look, like ive said numerous times before in this thread and in others, if its meant to be, it will be.

 

 

the worst thing you can do is dwell on it, it only hurts you and lessens your chances of ever reconciling.

 

 

ive been where you have been, ive felt the hopelessness and despair, I made all the mistakes, and yet my ex came back over & over, but only when I cut all contact and enjoyed life without her.

 

 

nothing is set in stone my friend and life goes on either way.

 

 

 

 

Did you unfriend her from social media? I haven't , and this is my dilemma.I dont check her page , i've unfollowed her as to not see her updates , but i'm thinking of deleting so she wonders more about me.On the other hand , if i want to move on completely i've seen that you don't care, so deleting her would be reacting not being indifferent.Also the fact that i want to delete her for her to come back , in my opinion isn't reason enough for me to delete her since i wouldn't do this normally and am doing it only in hopes of her missing me and not to move on.What's your opinions?

[NVO]

Did you unfriend her from social media? I haven't , and this is my dilemma.I dont check her page , i've unfollowed her as to not see her updates , but i'm thinking of deleting so she wonders more about me.On the other hand , if i want to move on completely i've seen that you don't care, so deleting her would be reacting not being indifferent.Also the fact that i want to delete her for her to come back , in my opinion isn't reason enough for me to delete her since i wouldn't do this normally and am doing it only in hopes of her missing me and not to move on.What's your opinions?

 

 

My opinion is that you focus way to much on your ex whereas the focus should be completely on you.

[Learningtowalkagain]

My opinion is that you focus way to much on your ex whereas the focus should be completely on you.

 

 

 

Agree with this. Yes you should unfriend, none of us knows what she'll think. You're unfriending her for you own sake. I read your thread about your breakup. You're definitely not over her and you're looking for silver linings and thinking if you do this or that she'll wonder about you. I recently unfriended my ex, I was too fixated on what she was doing. She friend requested me and I declined. I had to do that for my own mental health. Stop torturing yourself and let go. If she really wants to bewitch you she'll make it known.

[Jacob1939]

Agree with this. Yes you should unfriend, none of us knows what she'll think. You're unfriending her for you own sake. I read your thread about your breakup. You're definitely not over her and you're looking for silver linings and thinking if you do this or that she'll wonder about you. I recently unfriended my ex, I was too fixated on what she was doing. She friend requested me and I declined. I had to do that for my own mental health. Stop torturing yourself and let go. If she really wants to bewitch you she'll make it known.

 

I'm leaving it alone for now.Not in a state to take a rational decision.Anyways what struck my curiosity is this. At the start of this thread LifeGoesOnMan explains that you should never talk to your ex , but also says that we should check out the law of attraction thread.What made me curious is , the law of attraction thread suggests that you should communicate with your ex on your own , yet this thread says otherwise , despite saying the one is based on the other (which it is , don't get me wrong). So which is it?

[NVO]

I'm leaving it alone for now.Not in a state to take a rational decision.Anyways what struck my curiosity is this. At the start of this thread LifeGoesOnMan explains that you should never talk to your ex , but also says that we should check out the law of attraction thread.What made me curious is , the law of attraction thread suggests that you should communicate with your ex on your own , yet this thread says otherwise , despite saying the one is based on the other (which it is , don't get me wrong). So which is it?

 

Forget all those nonsense. Those both threads just come down to one thing, and one thing only: get yourself back by focusing on you instead of focusing on your ex. You need this period of calming down, believe me. It's a natural reaction to look up all sorts of things like implementing NC and the LOA. But what you should do is live your life for six months at least. Just be you again, find yourself again.

 

Your ex will show up, because they always do like 80 percent of the time. I did not believe my ex would ever contact me again, but behold after one month of me going NC there was message one. The following month there was number two, and yes, you guessed it, at month three came the third time she initiated contact. She even added me back on FB even though she deleted me and I told her not to do it. She disrespected my boundaries there so I blocked her. There I was, the guy who did not have the guts to walk away and leave his ex alone. I became the guy that got fed up with his ex and experiencing the pain over and over again with every text she send me. And she contacted me again after I blocked her. That was 4 weeks ago, but she'll be back. So will yours so stop worrying, because maybe when she contacts you, you might be in a better place and not even worry about her anymore. Sounds strange, even I could not believe that I would end up in that place. But you will. Keep strong buddy.

[Learningtowalkagain]

I think that's a good idea. It seems like she's just not ready to settle down into a relationship with you due to her life circumstances and feelings. It's not you. It really is her. It's unfortunate since she got you wrapped up into being emotional about her by coming back, so she kinda baited and switched you, but it probably was not intentional and is just how things go, you know? No one controls how they feel, and I can't imagine someone intentionally pursuing someone to just hurt them in the end.

 

She probably just has some maturing to do and sorting out of her feelings and life issues.

 

These things happen for a reason so I would just take care of yourself and you'll be okay.

 

She contacted me today. I declined meeting up for a drink and wished her well.

[OhioGuy7]

Hello Heartbroken!

 

If you are reading this, I am assuming you have recently been dumped, broken up with, heart torn apart, feelings crushed, feeling like life isn’t worth living, feeling like you aren’t good enough or thinking why me? Chin up, you’re better than that. They are just emotions, a chemically influenced overload on your brain.

 

& Trust me friend, I’ve been there… you have no clue (well if you read either one of my saga of a thread “ 7 years relationship in limbo” or “I believe in second chances”, then you do have a clue or at least a good idea) and I’m going to try to save you a lot of future misery and do my best to guide you in the right direction and give you the best chance of either getting over your ex, or getting your ex back.. the right way.

 

Now listen closely here,

 

closer,

 

closer,

 

even closer.

 

YOUR ONE & ONLY OPTION HERE IS TO GO *NO CONTACT*.

 

No, you cant get them back by begging, pleading, crying.

 

No, you cant get them back by writing love poems, sending gifts, or declaring your love for them on facebook.

 

& You definitely can’t get them back by being “just friends”

(No, GOD NO.. seriously DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT)

 

Now since that’s out of the way, here’s how you get them back..

 

YOU MOVE ON!

 

Yes, I know, it sounds counterproductive, but anything and everything you do other than moving on with set you back or permanently kill your chances of ever getting your ex back, EVER!

 

Now, when I say Move On, I mean you stick to no contact through and through, you live your life, you do all the crying you have too, you do all the partying you want to, you simply DO YOU.

 

IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT IT APPEARS TO THEM, THAT THEY HAVE *LOST YOU*.

 

and despite whatever number of days someone tries to tell you, YOU DO NOT BUDGE until they contact you..

 

Because they will.

 

that is, if you have a chance.

 

To be quite honest, if they do not contact you within a few months, it doesn’t look good. You then stick to NO CONTACT , you remember who you were before the break-up, because that’s still who you are, and you go where the wind takes you.

 

You be brave (you know that song, I wanna see you be brave? You be f’n brave my friend!

 

because you will survive, either way.

 

Now if they do contact you, and there is a VERY good chance they will, (especially if the relationship was 6 months or longer) you CANNOT and I repeat, you CANNOT jump at the first chance you get to try and reconcile.

 

YOU MUST NOT REPLY TO OR ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS THAN:

 

*I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER*

 

Kapeesh? Anything less than that is bs, breadcrumbs, seeing if you’re still on the hook, etc.

 

You have to make them work for it. Seriously, you can’t give in.

again, it has to appear as if they have lost you.

 

I cannot stress this enough, because if you hang around they will never know what it’s like to miss you.

 

And they will continue to lose respect for you, loss respect means loss attraction, means loss chances.

 

Now the #1 way to see how invested they really are in getting back together with you, is to date other people.

 

I know what you’re thinking, I don’t even need to say it, but I will tell you this..

 

there is nothing more attractive to your ex, than seeing their ex happpy with someone else.

 

It drives guys crazy, its drives girls into a murderous rage. (ive seen it first hand and Ive been there too)

 

Now, I am not telling you to go play with someone else’s emotions and then go and break their heart when your ex comes crawling back.. that would be wrong.

 

Its also going to take some time before you can even think about dating someone else, so take all the time you need.

 

What I have been trying to say along is you have to do your best to move on, and if a few months down the road your ex contacts you , again with nothing less than *I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER* and you still want to be with them, then you do what you have to do.

 

Because if you are the one who was dumped, you simply cannot go back or make anything right.

 

The dumper has too.

 

And you have to make them work for it, nothing less than *I want to get back together* NOTHING.

 

Make them squirm, scream, cry whatever, but until you get the *I want to get back together*, don’t even give them the time of the day.

 

If anything, appear as happy as ever and do not bring up anything about the relationship or wanting to get back together, if that cat gets out of the bag too soon, you lose!

 

IF YOU ARE EASY TO GET, YOU WILL BE EASY TO FORGET. also imperative.

 

& you really don’t know what you got until its gone, and neither do they.

 

If they love you, they will come crawling back.

 

Guaranteed, because what’s meant to be, will be.

 

I know its short and sweet but that’s all that needs to be said.

 

There is no magic formula, solution or any other way.

 

 

This and Caliguys guides have been a godsend for me.. Just like you and many others here I made the mistakes for 4 of the 5 months we have been split up.. I've pushed her away, I know I have, she is probably past the point of returning. I love this guide the only thing that tells me "ehhh" about it is

 

What if you were the reason for the break up, I was selfish stubborn and I took her for granted.. I got to complacent in the 4 year relationship and it showed in my lack of effort.. I really hurt her, I've received the "never back together" text, she has completely wrote me off as negative and not having a positive impact on her life (4years).. She had a new guy shortly after the break turned break up, she is still with him as of now. Probably 4 months, my friends have told me they have seen no pictures of this new guy or anything about him for that fact.. But I have been told how he treats her so perfect blah blah.. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing? She always post pictures of us so i don't know.. It doesn't matter I guess.. I just worry this guide seems more for the dumper leaving by their mistakes, and having to come back and want to work it out.. When my situation is I messed up, I needed to change, for anything to work in the future, not really her, so I don't see her coming back.

 

But if I can take anything from this guide, it's to take everything they say with a grain of salt, just because they say things during emotional moments means nothing.. There is always a chance down the road no matter what.

 

My friends/our mutual friends tell me they think she has feelings still, even though she claims to feel nothing toward me.. They thought it was weird that every time I reached out to her during the first 4 months (shouldn't have) it always let to an argument about the past, brought up by her.. My friends said if she was over me without feelings and has this "perfect guy" she would have no reason to respond or provoke these past moments.. To them it shows she is still not over it, may not want to be together with me right now, but that's why I have to stop reaching out to her, she knows how I feel, that I made changes, but it has to be her to open up to the idea of coming back.. My friends told me to not reach out but of course, we never listen lol.. I don't hope one day she does reach out since she has yet to reach out first since the break up, which was handled so awful by her, it's crazy I still want this girl in my life, but that's a long story to add to this!

 

Thank you for making this guide my man

[erklat]

Dude work on your selfesteem. Your in the bargaining

phase where you are taking all the blame. Guess what -

she's the one to blame too. It takes two to tango. Once

you regain your sense of self worth you will see that

clearly.

 

Don't contact her under no circumstances and don't

smother your people with that because they are telling

you what you want to hear. Come here to went instead.