If you want them back.

[Allosdiver]

Personally I don't think that should be the prime reason to distrust them. Today you're the dumpee, tomorrow you could be the dumper - and we would go cold just as well. Heck, NC is as much of a trustbreaker.

Honestly, if you get dealt the second chance card, you should forget about the breakup's negativity. Just like there isn't room for the dead among the living, there's no room for breakups in a relationship (barring the end).

[Simon Phoenix]

Personally I don't think that should be the prime reason to distrust them. Today you're the dumpee, tomorrow you could be the dumper - and we would go cold just as well. Heck, NC is as much of a trustbreaker.

Honestly, if you get dealt the second chance card, you should forget about the breakup's negativity. Just like there isn't room for the dead among the living, there's no room for breakups in a relationship (barring the end).

 

How the hell is NC a trustbreaker? NC is only done (or at least, should be only done) after the relationship is already dead and gone. Really don't get where you were going with that comment at all.

[Evans223]

What about this.

I applied no contact rule, and I do it for my own good (mostly).

 

She was living at my place for some time. and yesterday, there was some documents from her University in my mailbox.

I put them in another envelope and resent them to her current location.

I didn't saw any other option..

 

Is this considered breaking no contact? I can't think straight now.

And little part of me still hope that she will miss me..

[music_and_poetry]

What about this.

I applied no contact rule, and I do it for my own good (mostly).

 

She was living at my place for some time. and yesterday, there was some documents from her University in my mailbox.

I put them in another envelope and resent them to her current location.

I didn't saw any other option..

 

Is this considered breaking no contact? I can't think straight now.

And little part of me still hope that she will miss me..

I wouldn't sweat it. All you did was forward her mail.

[Jason808]

This post keeps me motivated enough to keep NC going, I broke it off a few times and the last time we spoke we got in a fight, we made up but she has still blocked me on whatsapp since then. The longest NC i've had was 10 days.. I know it's not enough time to let her really miss me, she said she missed me but that it wasn't enough. I begged and pleaded before and as far as I know she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, she told me she wanted to be friends for sure but I think I blew even that chance (not that I want to be friends though). We were dating for a year and eight months, were eachothers first real lovers (she had one before but only for 2 months or something).

[Hellooo]

It is hard work this!

 

 

My ex broke up with me out of the blue saying she didn't see things for the long term and feels there is something missing. She cried along, kissed me, hugged me, even held my hand but nothing I said would get her to reconsider.

 

 

She asked if we could be friends but I told her that I couldn't be friends with someone I loved and was attracted to.

 

 

I deleted her from Facebook and within minutes got a text saying she was shocked and felt sick by what I had done but understood. We exchanged a few messages until I told her I would no longer be in touch with her.

 

 

A few days later she texted me again talking about work. I ignored her.

 

 

A week later she texted me (whilst on holiday with her friend) asking how I was. I waited a while then took this as an opportunity to tell her I was good and busy, kept it brief, asked her nothing and wished her a great holiday.

 

 

She messaged me back straight away telling me her holiday was quiet and relaxing, offered to buy me some sunglasses she had seen that I would like and then tried to make conversation about what exactly I had been upto.

 

 

I thanked her about the glasses but told her not to worry about them, explained I had been busy with my friends, then told her I couldn't talk to her as I was up early for work and going to be. I left it at "catch up soon".

 

 

I haven't heard from her in over a week now and I haven't initiated any contact.

 

 

I am confused by her, just as I was with the break up. I understand why it went wrong and that she lost attraction for me along the way. I am sure I could get this back with her given the chance but realise she has to be open to that as it is not something I can force.

 

 

If I had agreed to let her get me the gift it would have forced a meeting between us. She must have known this, just as she knows I don't want to be simply a friend, so why suggest it?

 

 

I understand everything people have said on here and feel it all makes sense but each situation and person can be different so I am just looking at interpretations of what might be happening here?

[NeoDymium]

Hey People,

I've gone through a break up 4 years ago.

 

It was a long distance relationship, and before we could meet up in person, dung hit the fan in her life and family situation and had to go through a whole lot. Obviously, because of the distance there was not much that I could do. I could be "there for her" only so much. She had to focus on family and problems they were going through, which basically resulted on her drifting away. I understood what she was going through and gave her bit of space, realising consequence leading to breakup.

 

In the break up she said she wanted to remain friends. I tried to casually sustain contact. She was perfectly responsive in that period. Then went in to NC after about 6 months after the breakup.

 

She was the type of person that I would compare every woman I met to her, for me she was the perfect one, I have been divorced, had several serious relationships before her, but nothing before her nor anything after her was comparable to her.

 

Exactly 5 years after I had initially met her, I am in contact with her again.

 

I have been posting my contact ordeal with her at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/486148-re-approach-ideas-needed

 

If she remains responsive to contact, how do I gauge when to make the move? She's in my country now, so I can easily (comparatively) drive down to meet her.

 

How will I bring up the topic? Should I refer to the past at all? We had a pretty peaceful parting, so the only hard feelings are on my end. I have started to ache like it happened yesterday. It's the 4th day of my initial contact; next day I didn't contact her; the day after I don't think she was online.

 

I'm all over the place at the moment....

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Hey People,

I've gone through a break up 4 years ago.

 

It was a long distance relationship, and before we could meet up in person, dung hit the fan in her life and family situation and had to go through a whole lot. Obviously, because of the distance there was not much that I could do. I could be "there for her" only so much. She had to focus on family and problems they were going through, which basically resulted on her drifting away. I understood what she was going through and gave her bit of space, realising consequence leading to breakup.

 

In the break up she said she wanted to remain friends. I tried to casually sustain contact. She was perfectly responsive in that period. Then went in to NC after about 6 months after the breakup.

 

She was the type of person that I would compare every woman I met to her, for me she was the perfect one, I have been divorced, had several serious relationships before her, but nothing before her nor anything after her was comparable to her.

 

Exactly 5 years after I had initially met her, I am in contact with her again.

 

I have been posting my contact ordeal with her at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/486148-re-approach-ideas-needed

 

If she remains responsive to contact, how do I gauge when to make the move? She's in my country now, so I can easily (comparatively) drive down to meet her.

 

How will I bring up the topic? Should I refer to the past at all? We had a pretty peaceful parting, so the only hard feelings are on my end. I have started to ache like it happened yesterday. It's the 4th day of my initial contact; next day I didn't contact her; the day after I don't think she was online.

 

I'm all over the place at the moment....

 

 

 

 

4 years is a long time, why don't you just ask her out to dinner, if you are in contact with her?

 

 

don't bring up the past relationship, just let it flow, as you would on a first date with any other girl in the world..

 

4 years is a lot of catching up to do, plenty to talk about, don't talk about too much before that date tho, you also want to appear mysterious.. and happy.

 

approach it as if you had never had any kind of intimate relationship in the past and take it from there.

Edited August 5, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan

[LifeGoesOnMan]

This post keeps me motivated enough to keep NC going, I broke it off a few times and the last time we spoke we got in a fight, we made up but she has still blocked me on whatsapp since then. The longest NC i've had was 10 days.. I know it's not enough time to let her really miss me, she said she missed me but that it wasn't enough. I begged and pleaded before and as far as I know she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, she told me she wanted to be friends for sure but I think I blew even that chance (not that I want to be friends though). We were dating for a year and eight months, were eachothers first real lovers (she had one before but only for 2 months or something).

 

 

 

dust yourself off & start over. don't sweat it, keep moving forward bud.

 

 

& you're right, you do not want to be friends.

[zhaulk]

We worked together, and seeing her every week made it harder for me to really go NC. It took me about 2 months to completely stick to NC. I've been at it ever since, for about 47 days now.

 

No word from her thus far, and we don't work together anymore. I know I'm not over it, because part of me wants to get the chance to ignore her. Do you think I'll ever get that chance? Or do you think it's ruined because it took so long to go NC?

[LifeGoesOnMan]

We worked together, and seeing her every week made it harder for me to really go NC. It took me about 2 months to completely stick to NC. I've been at it ever since, for about 47 days now.

 

No word from her thus far, and we don't work together anymore. I know I'm not over it, because part of me wants to get the chance to ignore her. Do you think I'll ever get that chance? Or do you think it's ruined because it took so long to go NC?

 

 

Weird reading this because its very similar to my original situation.

 

No its not too late.

 

the amount of time you have spent in NC really isn't that long at all, people have gone years in NC before the ex came back.

 

However my ex did contact me right around the same benchmark, 1.5 months or so (44 days)

 

Watch for breadcrumbs I'm sure they will start showing too.

 

My ex was very cold during the beginning of the breakup and we worked together as well, 10ft away in the same office and didn't talk for that 1.5 months at all.

 

She wrote me a novel of an apology email shortly after

 

 

In brief yes you have plenty of hope, and the longer the NC , the longer you heal, the longer they miss you, the better .

Edited August 7, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan

[zhaulk]

Well..I'm just going to keep working out and playing dark souls.

 

My two vices.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well..I'm just going to keep working out and playing dark souls.

 

My two vices.

 

Atta boy! :)

[Boymeetsgirl]

My ex went straight into another relationship when dumping me. She is dating a work friend (now BF).

 

I did all the usual begging and trying to fix things crap. I had been the strong Alpha throughout the relationship and how it ended give her all the power and I felt like a begging little idiot. Still contacted after 2 month of NC and offered friendship and said I would be there for her. I wish I didn't say this now. I should have just vanished from her life and she might have missed me and realized what we had was worth fighting for.

 

Have a ruined any chances of getting her back? Should I take back my offer? Should I delete her off FB? Should I go dark? Or should keep her on face book so she can see my updates and she might miss me?

[erklat]

Defriend her and completely disappear off the radar.

 

No explanation needed.

 

@lifegoeson check my thread. I could use some support.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

My ex went straight into another relationship when dumping me. She is dating a work friend (now BF).

 

I did all the usual begging and trying to fix things crap. I had been the strong Alpha throughout the relationship and how it ended give her all the power and I felt like a begging little idiot. Still contacted after 2 month of NC and offered friendship and said I would be there for her. I wish I didn't say this now. I should have just vanished from her life and she might have missed me and realized what we had was worth fighting for.

 

Have a ruined any chances of getting her back? Should I take back my offer? Should I delete her off FB? Should I go dark? Or should keep her on face book so she can see my updates and she might miss me?

 

listen, there is always a chance, what's meant to be will be.

 

There are so many variables, every single person is different, it doesn't matter what you have done up to this point, nothing is set in stone, regardless of what they say.

 

Search "the law of attraction" thread on this forum.

 

Best thing you can do is disappear suddenly without an explanation or warning.

 

By staying friends and "being there" for her just makes you her emotional tampon while she bangs another dude.

 

Lose-Lose situation.

 

Disappear going forward and do not make any contact with her what so ever, believe she isn't coming back and just worry about making yourself happy.

 

If she loves you she will come back, but do not respond to anything less than "I want to get back together".

[Boymeetsgirl]

listen, there is always a chance, what's meant to be will be.

 

There are so many variables, every single person is different, it doesn't matter what you have done up to this point, nothing is set in stone, regardless of what they say.

 

Search "the law of attraction" thread on this forum.

 

Best thing you can do is disappear suddenly without an explanation or warning.

 

By staying friends and "being there" for her just makes you her emotional tampon while she bangs another dude.

 

Lose-Lose situation.

 

Disappear going forward and do not make any contact with her what so ever, believe she isn't coming back and just worry about making yourself happy.

 

If she loves you she will come back, but do not respond to anything less than "I want to get back together".

 

I know this is the best advice and I just have to do it!!! ASAP

What about social media.. face book and instagram? Delete and block seems childish and not alpha?

[Evans223]

What about social media.. face book and instagram? Delete and block seems childish and not alpha?

 

I would like to know too...

I don't stalk her on her profile, nor I see her updates.

[erklat]

Check in my signature for the answer. It's in the last post.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I know this is the best advice and I just have to do it!!! ASAP

What about social media.. face book and instagram? Delete and block seems childish and not alpha?

 

everything.

 

& its not childish, its what's best for you...

 

which is all that matters.

 

You don't have to block them, but definitely unfriend them and make your stuff private.

 

**** the Alpha stuff at this point.

 

alpha is loving yourself regardless.

Edited August 11, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan

[heartbroken56]

I still think about my ex every single day after 3 months of a break up. He pulled the typical, "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" and we were long distance. And it's weird, but I feel like if he came knocking on my door and asking to be with me again, I would. Recently, I find myself thinking about it even more and even cried a week ago regarding our breakup and I haven't cried in such a long time. And we've been no contact now for a month and a half. At the beginning, we both kind of broke it a few times. I don't want breadcrumbs but sometimes I wish, I could hear an "I miss you" because it just feels like I meant nothing to him. I feel ridiculous for feeling this way, I don't even know if I'm still in love with him or if I just miss how we used to be.

[zhaulk]

I met this cute 19 year old and we've been dating for a while. We slept together last weekend..and it helps sooo much. I really recommend getting out there and meeting someone!

[Boymeetsgirl]

I still think about my ex every single day after 3 months of a break up. He pulled the typical, "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" and we were long distance. And it's weird, but I feel like if he came knocking on my door and asking to be with me again, I would. Recently, I find myself thinking about it even more and even cried a week ago regarding our breakup and I haven't cried in such a long time. And we've been no contact now for a month and a half. At the beginning, we both kind of broke it a few times. I don't want breadcrumbs but sometimes I wish, I could hear an "I miss you" because it just feels like I meant nothing to him. I feel ridiculous for feeling this way, I don't even know if I'm still in love with him or if I just miss how we used to be.

 

Is he seeing anyone else? I feel your pain.. it's the worst ever! Every morning I wake up and remember. And I've usually had a dream about her which makes it worse. And then when I found out she was seeing someone else pretty much straight after our breakup I was extra heartbroken. Deep down I would take her back but I know I shouldn't. But that opportunity is highly unlikely anyway. Breadcrumbs would be good to know they still have a heart at least.. and the person we thought we once knew is there somewhere and we weren't just fools all along.

[Boymeetsgirl]

everything.

 

& its not childish, its what's best for you...

 

which is all that matters.

 

You don't have to block them, but definitely unfriend them and make your stuff private.

 

**** the Alpha stuff at this point.

 

alpha is loving yourself regardless.

 

Still can't bring myself to delete her off my FB just yet. Has anyone else kept or deleted and what was the outcome long term?

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I still think about my ex every single day after 3 months of a break up. He pulled the typical, "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" and we were long distance. And it's weird, but I feel like if he came knocking on my door and asking to be with me again, I would. Recently, I find myself thinking about it even more and even cried a week ago regarding our breakup and I haven't cried in such a long time. And we've been no contact now for a month and a half. At the beginning, we both kind of broke it a few times. I don't want breadcrumbs but sometimes I wish, I could hear an "I miss you" because it just feels like I meant nothing to him. I feel ridiculous for feeling this way, I don't even know if I'm still in love with him or if I just miss how we used to be.

 

Its not ridiculous at all, its emotion which everyone has.

 

Breakups are not easy, they are probably one of the hardest things you will have to deal with in your life but you will get through it either way, whether or not you end up getting back together.

 

Its just chemicals in your brain after all, and the pain and hurt fades overtime, as long as you let it.