If you want them back.

[hurts2death]

blocking would mean putting effort to avoid her, not cool. i would simply change the settings for her to not be able to see what you post and put sth that stimulates her mind which she will be able to see.

If you block her, then you can post whatever you want.

[erklat]

if i do the extra mile to block her it would mean i have sth that bothers me and this would make me putting effort at least in blocking her.

the thing is to put 0 effort.

 

 

^^ var char

[BC1980]

here's a question on the vanishing and disappearing completely though:

 

social media? My friends have told me to go completely cold. Stop posting anything. It's hard to not post the good things that happen in my life. But at the same time I want her to wonder what the hell is going on with my life instead of constantly seeing it.

Example: Snapchat, she watches every single one of my snaps, sometimes she's the first one to see them.

 

This mindset it detrimental to moving on. Only when you no longer care what she thinks will you be free. Right now, you are in the mindset of needing her to validate what you are doing/posting on social media. I know that it's hard to flip a 180 in the beginning, but, if you do just that, you will see improvement over time. A lot of people don't do NC or only do it for a few weeks because there is no instant gratification from it. You don't see improvement immediately, and, in fact, the improvement you see won't be linear. However, if you stick with it, NC and moving on will pay dividends in the long run.

[KBarletta]

here's a question on the vanishing and disappearing completely though:

 

social media? My friends have told me to go completely cold. Stop posting anything. It's hard to not post the good things that happen in my life. But at the same time I want her to wonder what the hell is going on with my life instead of constantly seeing it.

Example: Snapchat, she watches every single one of my snaps, sometimes she's the first one to see them.

 

If you must stay online, then maybe try what I did, which has worked very well for me: I deactivated my profiles on the social media sites on which we were connected and created new personas, using them to connect ONLY with close friends and family. Blocked her so she can't see me and I can't see her. This way, I can still share important details and stay in touch with a select few who I know will support me and have zero connection to her, her friends and her family, etc.

[Aint_Easy]

This mindset it detrimental to moving on. Only when you no longer care what she thinks will you be free. Right now, you are in the mindset of needing her to validate what you are doing/posting on social media. I know that it's hard to flip a 180 in the beginning, but, if you do just that, you will see improvement over time. A lot of people don't do NC or only do it for a few weeks because there is no instant gratification from it. You don't see improvement immediately, and, in fact, the improvement you see won't be linear. However, if you stick with it, NC and moving on will pay dividends in the long run.

 

This is the part I find interesting. I agree with you that I am still caring too much about what she sees/thinks. I agree there is still a slight amount of attachment. Yet I have no desire to text her or call her. I can see myself going months without contacting her, and yet I guess a part me likes the idea of knowing she's still alive. She feels dead to me and these dreams I keep having are killing me, being young and having this social media crap sucks.

[Simon Phoenix]

blocking would mean putting effort to avoid her, not cool. i would simply change the settings for her to not be able to see what you post and put sth that stimulates her mind which she will be able to see.

 

And in doing that you are putting out more effort to manipulate a look than you would be if you simply blocked. No playing games, just block and be over it.

[Simon Phoenix]

This is the part I find interesting. I agree with you that I am still caring too much about what she sees/thinks. I agree there is still a slight amount of attachment. Yet I have no desire to text her or call her. I can see myself going months without contacting her, and yet I guess a part me likes the idea of knowing she's still alive. She feels dead to me and these dreams I keep having are killing me, being young and having this social media crap sucks.

 

If she died, you'd hear about it. I realize you aren't being literal, but if something earth-shattering happened, you'd be aware even if you blocked her. Either way, the solution to your "problem" is an extremely simple one. You just have to execute it.

[kryptonide]

so...is this a good place to share my story too?... it's a complicated one amongst complicated ones...

[ralfgarnett]

so...is this a good place to share my story too?... it's a complicated one amongst complicated ones...

 

 

So please tell us your story.

[kryptonide]

i'll try to be as short as possible and sry for my horrific english,it all started last year in Dec we met on Fb just to find out she is 15 mins away from my town,she was 17 and me 19,i was her second bf and she was my first girlfriend,and from the start we had like 90% in common we met face 2 face 2 weeks later,she went home and confessed her love for me i waz soo happy next time we met i had my first kiss and it was magical ..ten months later she broke up with me after she've told me how i was her only friend and how nobody ever treated her so well we shared our deepest secrets (which her ex had no idea about even if they were for 1 year seven months) basically we we're long dead lovers reunited :/ ofc i cried and begged a little gave her few letters,one of 11 pages telling her how i will wait forever (big mistake) and from her best friend i heard that for one month she cried and felt bad and guilty,for me it landed two months of sleepless nights,weeping and actually heartache(horrible mood) i was rlly depressed..in BU day she told me she called my bfrend to tell him she might fall in love with him one day before she told me she leaves...i still see her crying face asking me "will u miss me"? ..this.."bestfriend" havent told me anything only if i brought up the subject,yet he insisted how he doesn't want my girl..she's just a sister to him..only to tell me 2 weeks later that if he should begin a relationship with her and make her hatehim so she can come back to me ,ofc i denied his req,right before her bday we met she gave me my belongins i gave hers(not everything ofc) and i told her we cant stay friends so basically i tried to take my powaa back,it only got worse,her bestfriend called me and told me 2 days later of how unhappy ex gf was on her bday and she was crying most of the time..i felt really guilty and called her to wish happy b day and apologise for being rude,she apologised too and she answered phone very fast and got happier,well later i forbid this bfrend of mine to talk with her anymore or our friendship will end(she was using him as emotional tampon instead of me) ofc i caught them togheder 3 weeks later,they were talking and laughing and feeling hapy huh?i made a scene i told him it's time to part ways(twenny years old childhood friendship) and i told her she just ruined everything for us and went home,i met them dat night by coincidence mlel... later i apologised to her after i realised how he lied to both of us(me and her)i told her all his lies,his attempts of getting other friends gf's and ruining the relationship of another close friend of mine,ofc she protected him and said i talk nonsense,ofc i proved it too afterwards i found out she stopped talking that often to him,but ofc she told me she almost hates me and doesn't want to see meh,last time we met it was like old times,cuddling forehead kisses hugs(u dont d dat uith a friend btw)she even included me in her plans or the next year,ofc it seems i lost all chances after thatlast call..i told her i risk to lose her but i accept it just for her own sake of hearing the truth,i risked ofc i kinda lost her and i've heard from 2 different ppl that she is getting drunk at parties now and kisses other boys and behaves crappy even at school(she is the smartest in class,quite an encyclopedia girl) i gave her a letter on fb and said some stuff from past and she sent me a text with : for everytime u say stuff about past &co ,remember?NO!,dat was her last msg,i started NC,one month since last contact..i remember how gratefull she was for me,happy and all za everlasting attributes,i think she wants to try new thing now which was forbidden to her..even after her dad forbid her to see me we still met for five months(10 total) her mom was covering us mlel,i know she's young and immature but will i ever have another try after we settle,and she gets over Gigs?(in her case grass is greener everywhere it seems...her former bf told me he saw her kissing at a party another old friend of mine..the other two are classmates.apparently i was good friends wth her ex when we we're kids lol(weird fate,now we're on the track again..even him wants us to reconcile,hes with another girl now and all of her frends told her to say sry but she says she doesn't believe in love anymore) so 10 months togheder 3 and a half Bu ,1 since NC....i'll give updates on the test run but meanwhile..what ya think guys?is our love in the graveyard forever?...one time she told me she would be scared to leave coz she would come back and i wouldn't accept her...

Edited January 17, 2015 by kryptonide

[Spongerob]

How should you go about things if your ex texts you everyday? We split 2 months ago. She suffered from depression and it was really hard for me to be with her. We were together for 2 years but it came to a point when I told her to leave me, so she did. I know how much me telling her to leave broke her heart and the few times I've seen her since the breakup I can tell she is still in love with me. She said she doesn't want me back because she thinks I will hurt her again (that was a few weeks after the breakup) She started dating a guy a very short time after our breakup, but still kept in contact with me. Pretty much everyday she contacts me, I've been 5 days no contact. She's still with this new guy, but on Monday she text me saying she's been/might be getting kicked out of her house because her mum doesn't agree with the age difference (she's 20 he's 31).

 

Should I respond to her texts or keep ignoring her. I really want her back.

[ralfgarnett]

How should you go about things if your ex texts you everyday? We split 2 months ago. She suffered from depression and it was really hard for me to be with her. We were together for 2 years but it came to a point when I told her to leave me, so she did. I know how much me telling her to leave broke her heart and the few times I've seen her since the breakup I can tell she is still in love with me. She said she doesn't want me back because she thinks I will hurt her again (that was a few weeks after the breakup) She started dating a guy a very short time after our breakup, but still kept in contact with me. Pretty much everyday she contacts me, I've been 5 days no contact. She's still with this new guy, but on Monday she text me saying she's been/might be getting kicked out of her house because her mum doesn't agree with the age difference (she's 20 he's 31).

 

Should I respond to her texts or keep ignoring her. I really want her back.

 

Well your not going to get her back by ignoring her for the rest of your life are you?, you need to arrange a meeting with her and ask her what she wants you might be pleasantly surprised by her answer, if she doesn't want to know then at leat you know where you stand

[bigtrouble]

How should you go about things if your ex texts you everyday? We split 2 months ago. She suffered from depression and it was really hard for me to be with her. We were together for 2 years but it came to a point when I told her to leave me, so she did. I know how much me telling her to leave broke her heart and the few times I've seen her since the breakup I can tell she is still in love with me. She said she doesn't want me back because she thinks I will hurt her again (that was a few weeks after the breakup) She started dating a guy a very short time after our breakup, but still kept in contact with me. Pretty much everyday she contacts me, I've been 5 days no contact. She's still with this new guy, but on Monday she text me saying she's been/might be getting kicked out of her house because her mum doesn't agree with the age difference (she's 20 he's 31).

 

Should I respond to her texts or keep ignoring her. I really want her back.

 

She is still in love with you, and you want her back, take it slow, careful she is in rebound. Do what you must to regain her trust once more.

[Barbeh]

I've seen too many posts about the woman being the dumper and her emotions are causing her to be unsure and causes her to reach out to the man, or cut ties, and then repeat the cycle.

 

I'm in the opposite situation. I got dumped by my boyfriend after 6 years (been about 2 1/2 weeks), so I'm curious to know the man's point of view in getting back together. He kept telling me when he first dumped me: "we'll see what happens in a few months" and I've caved into NC and sent him emotional, desperate messages (I know.. it's just effected me physically, I have the whole story on another post). He doesn't ignore me, but keeps his responses short, and to the point. He tells me I'm great and to not be sad and ALWAYS "I'll talk to you later/tomorrow". I'm not sure if he's still in his rebound relationship anymore.

 

He also reached out to me the other day when he got picked up by police for unpaid fines, but I couldn't figure out which jail he was at. They held him for the day and he messaged me "everything is fine, I'll talk to you tomorrow" and ignored that I mentioned I was off the next day if he needed to talk about anything bothering him.

 

It feels like I have a chance.. but I'm just not sure at all. I know I should initiate NC again for sure.. Just wondering about your opinions.

[Simon Phoenix]

I've seen too many posts about the woman being the dumper and her emotions are causing her to be unsure and causes her to reach out to the man, or cut ties, and then repeat the cycle.

 

I'm in the opposite situation. I got dumped by my boyfriend after 6 years (been about 2 1/2 weeks), so I'm curious to know the man's point of view in getting back together. He kept telling me when he first dumped me: "we'll see what happens in a few months" and I've caved into NC and sent him emotional, desperate messages (I know.. it's just effected me physically, I have the whole story on another post). He doesn't ignore me, but keeps his responses short, and to the point. He tells me I'm great and to not be sad and ALWAYS "I'll talk to you later/tomorrow". I'm not sure if he's still in his rebound relationship anymore.

 

He also reached out to me the other day when he got picked up by police for unpaid fines, but I couldn't figure out which jail he was at. They held him for the day and he messaged me "everything is fine, I'll talk to you tomorrow" and ignored that I mentioned I was off the next day if he needed to talk about anything bothering him.

 

It feels like I have a chance.. but I'm just not sure at all. I know I should initiate NC again for sure.. Just wondering about your opinions.

 

Doesn't sound like much of a chance. He responds to you to be polite and he initiated contact so you could bail him out/help pay his fines. You need to stop chasing him and let him be. He wanted you to be gone, so be gone. If you have a chance, you are going to ruin it by chasing/being available like you are.

 

Basically, stop what you are doing immediately.

[Barbeh]

Thanks Simon Phoenix.. needed to read that... especially when you said he initiated contact to get him out of a bind... that really was the only time he's initiated contact during these 2.5 weeks. Which I'm dumb enough to not realize as of now. I thought of it as, "Oh, he's reaching out to me because he feels I'm the only one that he trust."

 

Love is blind, especially for me right now, which is why I tried joining this forum to get it together, and see what others with much more experience can tell me.

[Lion Heart]

Thankyou CaliGuy I got it when I read your post. We all learn in different ways and with many repetitions! Presenting the same information but in a different style will help a broader range of people just get it.

 

Lion Heart

[Lion Heart]

Barbeh, I really feel for you but they're right.

He wanted you out, you left.

He's keeping you at arms length "just in case".

Now you're letting him "re-hook" you.

That suits him JUST FINE.

Is it suiting YOU?

He's selfish and he's not releasing you.

Release yourself.

Maybe he doesn't know that the kindest thing for you RIGHT NOW is NC so you can move on.

YOU KNOW the kindest thing, in the long run, is NC right now.

 

He wanted to be without you. Let him be without you.

 

I'll read your thread if I can learn how to find it!

 

Best wishes

 

Lion Heart.

[SUNFLOWER2015]

and f-k being friends by the way lol

 

Ok let me ask you this, he broke up with me we were together 3 years. We lived together said he never loved anyone as much as me or never been this close to considering marriage but he is 28 and I am 33 and he just isn’t sure he is ready to take the next step things weren’t progressing and he didn’t know if it was him or me and needed to break up to see. SO we did. It’s been 2 months since it happened and 1 month not living together

 

Once it happened I NEVER contacted him. It’s always him texting or calling me and wanting to hang out (at least 1 time a week I hear from him) stupid me I respond and even see him which makes things harder. After the last time we hung out (he asked me to sleep over which was weird because first time I saw him he was crying saying I couldn’t stay it would be too hard and he needed to get over the sadness to realize if I am the one and this is it we are going to get married)

 

At any rate I stayed and the next day when I left felt like crap. I have decided I am now not going to see him if he asks and not respond to his messages. Is it too late for the NC to work for me since I have seen him/responded and hang out when he has asked?

[tikay00]

Ok let me ask you this, he broke up with me we were together 3 years. We lived together said he never loved anyone as much as me or never been this close to considering marriage but he is 28 and I am 33 and he just isn’t sure he is ready to take the next step things weren’t progressing and he didn’t know if it was him or me and needed to break up to see. SO we did. It’s been 2 months since it happened and 1 month not living together

 

Once it happened I NEVER contacted him. It’s always him texting or calling me and wanting to hang out (at least 1 time a week I hear from him) stupid me I respond and even see him which makes things harder. After the last time we hung out (he asked me to sleep over which was weird because first time I saw him he was crying saying I couldn’t stay it would be too hard and he needed to get over the sadness to realize if I am the one and this is it we are going to get married)

 

At any rate I stayed and the next day when I left felt like crap. I have decided I am now not going to see him if he asks and not respond to his messages. Is it too late for the NC to work for me since I have seen him/responded and hang out when he has asked?

 

He has to "find out" if you're the one? BS, and NC. Simple as that. Trust me, I also thought my story was SOOOO different from everyone else, and that my ex was "different". At the end of the day, the best words I've ever heard were, "if they really love you, and you guys were meant to be, you guys would still be together."

 

Simple and plain. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Logically think about this. Feel the love you have for him right now. Feel it. You would do anything to be with him right now, right? You'd want nothing more than to be snuggled up with him on the couch, touching each other, smiling, and cuddling, right? Well, guess what? He could care less, because he obviously doesn't want that as bad as you. The love isn't equal.

 

If he loved you, he'd want exactly what you wanted, right now. It's common sense. If the love was equal, you guys would both be talking, and both of you guys wouldn't have these weird feelings, and uncertainty, and would just let love be. You guys would be at one of your guys' house right now, watching a movie or TV show, and just loving the fact that the person that you guys "love" is right there with each other, and nothing else matters.

 

Instead, you're posting on this site, because you're confused what's going on. What's going on is, you guys are broken up, and it's broken. Don't let his bread crumbs play with your heart. Trust me on this, move on, and NC.

Edited January 22, 2015 by tikay00

[LifeGoesOnMan]

He has to "find out" if you're the one? BS, and NC. Simple as that. Trust me, I also thought my story was SOOOO different from everyone else, and that my ex was "different". At the end of the day, the best words I've ever heard were, "if they really love you, and you guys were meant to be, you guys would still be together."

 

Simple and plain. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Logically think about this. Feel the love you have for him right now. Feel it. You would do anything to be with him right now, right? You'd want nothing more than to be snuggled up with him on the couch, touching each other, smiling, and cuddling, right? Well, guess what? He could care less, because he obviously doesn't want that as bad as you. The love isn't equal.

 

If he loved you, he'd want exactly what you wanted, right now. It's common sense. If the love was equal, you guys would both be talking, and both of you guys wouldn't have these weird feelings, and uncertainty, and would just let love be. You guys would be at one of your guys' house right now, watching a movie or TV show, and just loving the fact that the person that you guys "love" is right there with each other, and nothing else matters.

 

Instead, you're posting on this site, because you're confused what's going on. What's going on is, you guys are broken up, and it's broken. Don't let his bread crumbs play with your heart. Trust me on this, move on, and NC.

 

 

 

 

nailed it.

[kryptonide]

can some1 plz reply to my previous post?.. really need some insight on this one... hello anyone?

[Nolan 93]

Life does go on, Im finally accepting that she left. Was with my girl for nine months and about another two months talking. She saw her ex at the mall, and she got confused on what she wanted. So she broke up with me to go back to the ex. Yah it hurts I did the begging and ****, but after a couple weeks I realized she left and I need to accept that to move on.

 

We both loved each-other, and it was real for the time we dated. But I guess her ex was her first love and he left her. Even though she broke up with me I noticed she couldn't let me down hard, always being nice and giving me that look of guilt. I don't hate her, its her life and she needs to do what will make her happy.

 

Its been about two months now and I did break no contact, around the first month in the middle, I guess. Just to write her an email saying Im not mad at you, its your life blah blah blah, and told her Im going to live my life and Im going to be happy. Then around one am she replied, and of course I told her not to but she did. It was a long email almost like an essay lol. Stating she was the one to break my heart, she's truly sorry, and then lets me know I was the perfect boyfriend who "SPOILD ME, FED ME, HELD ME, REASSURED ME, and most importantly LOVED ME" Then some more praises that she goes on about that I have, then ends it with good luck and take care.

 

So it was a nice letter, but I know its over and guess what I still live on with my life. The pain is actually going away, and you know what Im accepting that its over and Life goes on. One day i will look back on this chapter and laugh very hard. It sucks but, its life "adventure is out there".

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Life does go on, Im finally accepting that she left. Was with my girl for nine months and about another two months talking. She saw her ex at the mall, and she got confused on what she wanted. So she broke up with me to go back to the ex. Yah it hurts I did the begging and ****, but after a couple weeks I realized she left and I need to accept that to move on.

 

We both loved each-other, and it was real for the time we dated. But I guess her ex was her first love and he left her. Even though she broke up with me I noticed she couldn't let me down hard, always being nice and giving me that look of guilt. I don't hate her, its her life and she needs to do what will make her happy.

 

Its been about two months now and I did break no contact, around the first month in the middle, I guess. Just to write her an email saying Im not mad at you, its your life blah blah blah, and told her Im going to live my life and Im going to be happy. Then around one am she replied, and of course I told her not to but she did. It was a long email almost like an essay lol. Stating she was the one to break my heart, she's truly sorry, and then lets me know I was the perfect boyfriend who "SPOILD ME, FED ME, HELD ME, REASSURED ME, and most importantly LOVED ME" Then some more praises that she goes on about that I have, then ends it with good luck and take care.

 

So it was a nice letter, but I know its over and guess what I still live on with my life. The pain is actually going away, and you know what Im accepting that its over and Life goes on. One day i will look back on this chapter and laugh very hard. It sucks but, its life "adventure is out there".

 

 

 

hey, at least she seemed to appreciate your time together and thanked you for treating her well.

 

 

never got any of that from my ex, and I was with her for 6.5 years! lol

 

 

letting go is a long, painful road, but once you reach the end of it, you'll realize life really does go on.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

can some1 plz reply to my previous post?.. really need some insight on this one... hello anyone?

 

 

 

 

I read through it, the whole story sounds very dysfunctional and childish to be honest, then again, you two are only teenagers.

 

I wouldn't do anything different than what is [repeatedly] advised throughout this thread.

 

stick to no contact and live your life.