If you want them back.

[Never Again]

so be GONE my friend =) no better time than the present.

 

 

again, whats meant to be will be and every single couple that broke up & got back together when through the drama, the emotions, the back and forth, UNTIL you stop and walk away and if they don't chase, you keep walking.

 

Haha, I'm mostly trying to strengthen the actions of others through my mistakes.

 

This was all over the summer. I hadn't found this website yet, so I still slipped up here and there even while trying to walk away.

 

We've been broken up for over 8 months and been NC for over 4. I'm long gone in her eyes, it just took me nearly 4 months to get there.

 

I just allowed a closure talk, 5 brief text message conversations, a phone call (where she was crying), and a wedding to keep me "not gone". To my credit, I only started 2 of those text conversations in the 4 months (and one of those was after she chased me down at said wedding...I didn't wait for the "I made a mistake"...so when she asked me for the last dance and was a bit flirty, I asked her to lunch...whoops).

 

Anyways. NC is absolutely necessary for everything, I just never understood it's importance before. Yes, maybe I would've had a better chance to get my ex back way back when if I'd vanished immediately...but what I really needed it for was to heal and be happy again.

 

So I encourage everyone to follow that damned guide haha. I wish I had stuck to it a lot earlier. It wouldn't have taken me 4 months to move on if I had.

[Never Again]

What's everyone's opinion on the NC strategy laid out in the EX2 system? That a woman's peak loneliness occurs after 3-4 weeks and this is when they are most

Likely to contact you? Or indeed it becomes safe to contact them?

 

All the "get your ex back systems" are dumb.

 

They all follow the same idea:

 

- Agree to the breakup

- Go NC for 3-4 weeks

- Improve yourself during this time and "let go"

- If they don't contact you, contact them at 3-4 weeks and ask them to lunch

- ?????

- Profit

 

I DO think that dumpers in general are at their peak of loneliness around a month after the break up because the relief is starting to wane, but they're just as likely to get a rebound or see friends than contact the dumpee.

 

It is only ever safe to contact the dumper, male or female, when the dumpee doesn't care anymore. Until you've hit the "whatever" phase, you should never ever do it.

[Kevin_D]

[pickflicker]

What's everyone's opinion on the NC strategy laid out in the EX2 system? That a woman's peak loneliness occurs after 3-4 weeks and this is when they are most

Likely to contact you? Or indeed it becomes safe to contact them?

 

Rubbish. Just go silent. No exceptions, no loopholes. Silence!

[LifeGoesOnMan]

f--k that "for profit" garbage, if it worked, websites like this wouldn't exist.

[thefear]

Here's my situation. 1.5 year relationship, she broke up with me 5 months ago. I was dumped mostly because I took her for granted and she lost her feelings. NC for about 3 months. I begged a bit on and off, but it could've been worse.

 

She has told my cousin and our mutual friends the classic 'I hope we can be friends' line. She's clearly happy at the moment and doing well, she's made friends and I'm pretty sure in her mind she sees the man who was begging her back 3 months ago.

 

I can't deny I want her back.

 

If I regain myself, get my confidence back, fix my darn ass up and let go and get on with my life..is there a chance she'd come back?

 

Or am I a lost cause?

 

I see the hole in my logic, I just want to move on. I just want to know if she might come back if I successfully do all that.

 

Lifegoesonman, what do you think?

[Kevin_D]

Lifegoesonman, what do you think?

 

Why does it matter? If she doesn't come back, you will still benefit from getting your confidence back.

 

Of course there is a chance that she will come back. And that chance will increase if you move on.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Lifegoesonman, what do you think?

 

Hey bro, to be honest, I made every mistake in the book in the first couple months, however i attracted my ex back 3 or 4 times over the 8 months we were broken up for.

 

Wouldn't have needed those extra few times had I stopped trying to force things with gifts, and love songs and pushing.. Which pushed away, and then I would get fed up and walk away..

 

 

The only thing that kept her coming back was the thought of her losing me because i just kept going back to doing my thing, talking to other girls, going out, etc. And she knew it.

 

Point is, like I said, you just gotta keep keepin' on, and once they see the old you again, the one they were originally attracted to in the first place, if it's meant to be, it will be.

 

If it's not, you move on.

 

But you already knew this

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Haha, I'm mostly trying to strengthen the actions of others through my mistakes.

 

This was all over the summer. I hadn't found this website yet, so I still slipped up here and there even while trying to walk away.

 

We've been broken up for over 8 months and been NC for over 4. I'm long gone in her eyes, it just took me nearly 4 months to get there.

 

I just allowed a closure talk, 5 brief text message conversations, a phone call (where she was crying), and a wedding to keep me "not gone". To my credit, I only started 2 of those text conversations in the 4 months (and one of those was after she chased me down at said wedding...I didn't wait for the "I made a mistake"...so when she asked me for the last dance and was a bit flirty, I asked her to lunch...whoops).

 

Anyways. NC is absolutely necessary for everything, I just never understood it's importance before. Yes, maybe I would've had a better chance to get my ex back way back when if I'd vanished immediately...but what I really needed it for was to heal and be happy again.

 

So I encourage everyone to follow that damned guide haha. I wish I had stuck to it a lot earlier. It wouldn't have taken me 4 months to move on if I had.

 

Been there, f--k that lol nc is the way.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Btw, my ex is planning on reaching out to me again.

 

(I have friends on the inside haha)

 

Why? Because I'm doing my thing and not talking to her

 

And I'm the one who broke it off with her for real this time.

 

 

You see?

 

The power!

[BC1980]

It is totally about power. Every time I pulled away, my ex would come running. Once I took the bait, he was gone again. Like it has been said, as long as I created an illusion that I was gone, he wanted to check in to see if I really was gone. I played all the games like waiting hours to answer a text, only answering with a few words, not picking up the phone when he called and calling back a few hours later. Of course, I always eventually fell for the bait, so he knew I was basically waiting for him.

 

Even during the 3 years we were together, it was totally about power, the same dynamic. It was always apparent that I cared the most, had invested more, and would be ready when he said jump. Therefore, he had no impetus to actually marry me even though he talked a lot of noise about getting married and how our supposed future was going to be so great. Whenever I pulled away from him and acted like I didn't care about marriage, he would go full force with marriage plans. Once we would start the actual ball rolling, there would always be some reason that we had to push it back. It was like clock work.

 

One thing I've learned since being on LS is that people are just so damned predictable.

[BC1980]

Btw, my ex is planning on reaching out to me again.

 

It never ends! I think some people must rely on a power struggle more than others. The last time I talked to my ex, he actually said that maybe we could work a few years down the line. WTF? This after he had told me so many times how it was dead over. I'm so much happier at this point because I only have to worry about my emotions. I don't have to babysit his BS anymore. It really does take NC for you to realize how bad it was because you don't know any better after awhile. You get so used to the dysfunctional dynamic.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

It is totally about power. Every time I pulled away, my ex would come running. Once I took the bait, he was gone again. Like it has been said, as long as I created an illusion that I was gone, he wanted to check in to see if I really was gone. I played all the games like waiting hours to answer a text, only answering with a few words, not picking up the phone when he called and calling back a few hours later. Of course, I always eventually fell for the bait, so he knew I was basically waiting for him.

 

Even during the 3 years we were together, it was totally about power, the same dynamic. It was always apparent that I cared the most, had invested more, and would be ready when he said jump. Therefore, he had no impetus to actually marry me even though he talked a lot of noise about getting married and how our supposed future was going to be so great. Whenever I pulled away from him and acted like I didn't care about marriage, he would go full force with marriage plans. Once we would start the actual ball rolling, there would always be some reason that we had to push it back. It was like clock work.

 

One thing I've learned since being on LS is that people are just so damned predictable.

 

 

 

its all a push/pull thing, never ending power struggle haha relationships in a nutshell.

 

 

oh so predictable lol its the same story, over & over & over..

 

 

 

 

It never ends! I think some people must rely on a power struggle more than others. The last time I talked to my ex, he actually said that maybe we could work a few years down the line. WTF? This after he had told me so many times how it was dead over. I'm so much happier at this point because I only have to worry about my emotions. I don't have to babysit his BS anymore. It really does take NC for you to realize how bad it was because you don't know any better after awhile. You get so used to the dysfunctional dynamic.

 

 

 

I know, it gets ridiculous after awhile. I think the key to a successful relationship is finding an even balance between the pushing & pulling.

 

 

as far as exes go, they do have love for us, and are people too, and its hard to let something you loved and cared about for a significant time "go".

 

 

I don't think they mean to hurt us, but they are certainly selfish in a lot of ways. its not cool to play with someone's emotions because you aren't sure of your own.

[jphcbpa]

Keep preaching the good word LifeGoesOnMan!!!!

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Keep preaching the good word LifeGoesOnMan!!!!

 

 

 

haha thanks bro, ive just been there, right along with everyone else on this forum, its a painful process & it hurts but you get through it.

 

 

but only you can stop the rain.

 

 

there is a light at the end of the tunnel, if you get them back or not.

 

 

its all just emotions anyways.

 

 

my biggest problem is, I cant seem to take my own advice a lot of the time

[jphcbpa]

haha thanks bro, ive just been there, right along with everyone else on this forum, its a painful process & it hurts but you get through it.

 

 

but only you can stop the rain.

 

 

there is a light at the end of the tunnel, if you get them back or not.

 

 

its all just emotions anyways.

 

 

my biggest problem is, I cant seem to take my own advice a lot of the time

 

thank you for giving back. keep doing it. it helps us and you. yes we are all slow learners and forget real fast. we understand that you are not just talking to us, but you are talking to yourself.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

thank you for giving back. keep doing it. it helps us and you. yes we are all slow learners and forget real fast. we understand that you are not just talking to us, but you are talking to yourself.

 

 

 

you're very welcome, it's my pleasure and it also makes me feels as if going through all that was for something and not all for nothing.. even tho I did get her back and then let her go myself, it was my choice (the power!)

 

 

if its helps other avoid the same misery, that's something to me!

 

 

and I also have to thank people like TaraMaiden, SimonPhoniex, BC1980 and countless others who tried their best to smack some reality back into me when I was way out there in la la land doped up on emotions and hope.

 

 

im a stubborn guy and I will not learn until I go through it on my own lol

 

 

don't make the same mistakes, the answers are all right in front of your face.

Edited February 27, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan

[jphcbpa]

I understand...some days my head and heart are not on the same page. my heart wants to pin, hope and reach out. my head, the logic, knows that NC is the best way to heal up. it is the long road, but in the end for the best. it gets me back...no....it gets a newer and improved version of me back. JPH 2.0

[LifeGoesOnMan]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/84894-guide-second-chances

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated

 

 

 

 

this is where its at.

 

 

this thread, my thread, is a life lesson through my own words & experience.

 

 

but the above readings were here when I first found LS, and that's where the answers are, written by LS pioneers of how to get over a broken heart.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I understand...some days my head and heart are not on the same page. my heart wants to pin, hope and reach out. my head, the logic, knows that NC is the best way to heal up. it is the long road, but in the end for the best. it gets me back...no....it gets a newer and improved version of me back. JPH 2.0

 

 

 

it definitely hurts.

 

 

however you have to understand they are just emotions,

 

 

and they are f--k'n with your brain.

 

 

it gets easier, and it fades gradually, but you have to walk on.

 

 

every time you try to reach out, look at their fb, ask about them, etc. it sets you back.

 

 

walk on!

[jphcbpa]

agree...emotions are not facts.

 

one day at a time. trying to live in the now and realized that the fear I feel is the little abandoned JPH. it is neediness leaving the body. I am working on loving him (the 4 year old version of me) and showing him self love/self care, that I will not leave him. that we are okay. that it is all right all ready. that we have no control over what other people do. we wish them the best, pray for them, forgive and let go moment by moment if need be. that this is a beautiful blessing of awareness.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

agree...emotions are not facts.

 

one day at a time. trying to live in the now and realized that the fear I feel is the little abandoned JPH. it is neediness leaving the body. I am working on loving him (the 4 year old version of me) and showing him self love/self care, that I will not leave him. that we are okay. that it is all right all ready. that we have no control over what other people do. we wish them the best, pray for them, forgive and let go moment by moment if need be. that this is a beautiful blessing of awareness.

 

 

you, yourself & you.

 

 

its all you got in the end.

 

 

along with family & friends.

 

 

that neediness leaves and the confident happy you returns as soon as you allow it too.

[Never Again]

if its helps other avoid the same misery, that's something to me!

 

I think you've nailed why a lot of people are here, including myself.

 

It looks like you and I actually began our fun little journey around the same time. Mine happened in mid-June, but I didn't find LoveShack until mid-September.

 

I wish I'd come here for the harsh reality of things back when it would've made a difference. I would've healed a lot faster had I known to go completely NC.

 

I suppose there's a chance I could've had a second chance as well had I been "gone" earlier and not shown to my ex how badly I was hurt, but that's sort've secondary at this point. I needed the time alone to sort out the issues that caused the split, but ALL of that would've happened a lot faster had I focused on myself immediately.

 

There's a lot of people on here that've been a great help with that, but we're all stubborn when it happens to us haha.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I think you've nailed why a lot of people are here, including myself.

 

It looks like you and I actually began our fun little journey around the same time. Mine happened in mid-June, but I didn't find LoveShack until mid-September.

 

I wish I'd come here for the harsh reality of things back when it would've made a difference. I would've healed a lot faster had I known to go completely NC.

 

I suppose there's a chance I could've had a second chance as well had I been "gone" earlier and not shown to my ex how badly I was hurt, but that's sort've secondary at this point. I needed the time alone to sort out the issues that caused the split, but ALL of that would've happened a lot faster had I focused on myself immediately.

 

There's a lot of people on here that've been a great help with that, but we're all stubborn when it happens to us haha.

 

 

oh wow, I suppose we have lol still feels un-real/nightmare tbh.

 

 

what I've learned through all this, its nothing lasts forever & everything thing changes.

 

 

learn to accept that and you will be a much happier person.

 

 

and you never know what will happen in the future.

 

 

nothing NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY is set in stone.

 

 

nothing!

[BC1980]

as far as exes go, they do have love for us, and are people too, and its hard to let something you loved and cared about for a significant time "go".

 

 

I don't think they mean to hurt us, but they are certainly selfish in a lot of ways. its not cool to play with someone's emotions because you aren't sure of your own.

 

It actually helps me to think of my ex as a person. He was selfish, but I allowed it for my own selfish reasons too. I knew exactly what was happening. Trust me, if I had made a thread with a blow by blow of my break up story, I would have gotten so slammed on these boards. Live and learn.