If you want them back.

[organizedchaos]

oh wow, I suppose we have lol still feels un-real/nightmare tbh.

 

 

what I've learned through all this, its nothing lasts forever & everything thing changes.

 

 

learn to accept that and you will be a much happier person.

 

 

and you never know what will happen in the future.

 

 

nothing NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY is set in stone.

 

 

nothing!

 

Maybe...I don't know about that.

 

After 7 months BU I reached out to my dumper to see if she'd just like to get dinner, no expectations. There's been some LC lately back and forth that led me to believe she would be open to it.

 

Well, she wasn't sure it was a good idea. The original BU was she wasn't sure what she wanted, after 3 years. Wanted to "grow in to herself more" at 33 years old. Overall, it was a great relationship.

 

Anyway, as we're talking she basically says that she still loves me, but she needs to be single for now and figure things out. But then later says she just "can't be a step mom".

 

So unless she magically has a change of heart on that, it's pretty much set in stone.

 

But I'm not waiting around for her to figure that out.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

It actually helps me to think of my ex as a person. He was selfish, but I allowed it for my own selfish reasons too. I knew exactly what was happening. Trust me, if I had made a thread with a blow by blow of my break up story, I would have gotten so slammed on these boards. Live and learn.

 

 

haha like I got slammed? I got toasted, and was still too blind to see it.

 

 

you do live and you do learn tho. life lessons learned & invaluable experience gained if anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe...I don't know about that.

 

After 7 months BU I reached out to my dumper to see if she'd just like to get dinner, no expectations. There's been some LC lately back and forth that led me to believe she would be open to it.

 

Well, she wasn't sure it was a good idea. The original BU was she wasn't sure what she wanted, after 3 years. Wanted to "grow in to herself more" at 33 years old. Overall, it was a great relationship.

 

Anyway, as we're talking she basically says that she still loves me, but she needs to be single for now and figure things out. But then later says she just "can't be a step mom".

 

So unless she magically has a change of heart on that, it's pretty much set in stone.

 

But I'm not waiting around for her to figure that out.

 

 

 

 

good, don't wait around and live your life!

 

 

what I mean by nothing is set in stone, is whether or not you get back with your ex tomorrow, next month, 3 years, 10 years from now or maybe never at all, there is ALWAYS a chance. ALWAYS.

 

 

then again there is always a chance im gonna win the lotto when I play too.

 

 

just DO NOT get your hopes up & be HAPPY!

[organizedchaos]

 

good, don't wait around and live your life!

 

 

what I mean by nothing is set in stone, is whether or not you get back with your ex tomorrow, next month, 3 years, 10 years from now or maybe never at all, there is ALWAYS a chance. ALWAYS.

 

 

then again there is always a chance im gonna win the lotto when I play too.

 

 

just DO NOT get your hopes up & be HAPPY!

 

Yep, I am continuing to move on, date, and improve. I'm sure I will hear from her again at some point. Over the past 7 months she always seems to poke her head out from the rabbit hole for some random reason after long periods of NC.

 

We're not connected on any social media anymore and I'm thinking of making my Instagram private so she can't spy on me anymore (she does that alot with random liking of my photos.) so I can be completely GONE to her.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Yep, I am continuing to move on, date, and improve. I'm sure I will hear from her again at some point. Over the past 7 months she always seems to poke her head out from the rabbit hole for some random reason after long periods of NC.

 

We're not connected on any social media anymore and I'm thinking of making my Instagram private so she can't spy on me anymore (she does that alot with random liking of my photos.) so I can be completely GONE to her.

 

 

 

that's awesome, & that's what you should be doing.

 

 

dude, you never forget someone you loved at one point, whether or not you still love them the same way or vice versa, they will ALWAYS have love for you... that's why reconciliations do happen.

 

 

and just the fact she is liking your instagram photos says things too, maybe not that she wants to get back together but definitely says something.

 

 

however, when you completely cut the cord and really decide for yourself to move on, is when you will be completely happy and you will not care anymore

Edited February 27, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan

[organizedchaos]

that's awesome, & that's what you should be doing.

 

 

dude, you never forget someone you loved at one point, whether or not you still love them the same way or vice versa, they will ALWAYS have love for you... that's why reconciliations do happen.

 

 

and just the fact she is liking your instagram photos says things too, maybe not that she wants to get back together but definitely says something.

 

 

however, when you completely cut the cord and really decide for yourself to move on, is when you will be completely happy and you will not care anymore

 

Yeah. It doesn't bother me when she likes the photos. It's actually an ego stroke - tells me she's still on the hook, esp since we're not connected so she has to make the effort to go and look. I don't return the likes. Eh, we'll see.

[Never Again]

oh wow, I suppose we have lol still feels un-real/nightmare tbh.

 

 

what I've learned through all this, its nothing lasts forever & everything thing changes.

 

 

learn to accept that and you will be a much happier person.

 

 

and you never know what will happen in the future.

 

 

nothing NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY is set in stone.

 

 

nothing!

 

Oh, it's taken awhile, but things are finally settling out.

 

I hadn't found LS, so complete NC didn't dawn on me. I eagerly responded to breadcrumbs 3 times in the first month. I didn't really hit NC until I found out she met someone else.

 

Then she called me crying cuz she found out I knew about him. Why she was so upset about it, I'll never know. I assume she thought I was hurt and she wanted to alleviate her guilt. I spent 20 minutes telling her I didn't care as long as she was happy, and that I wasn't a part of her life anymore. Cue her chasing me down at a wedding, and me screwing it up by trying to give her a small memento and asking her to lunch.

 

4 months NC since then, and I've felt WAY better since. Honestly, I don't think I could've handled a "second chance" until now, if I were to get it. It's amazing what NC helps you with.

[jphcbpa]

Oh, it's taken awhile, but things are finally settling out.

 

I hadn't found LS, so complete NC didn't dawn on me. I eagerly responded to breadcrumbs 3 times in the first month. I didn't really hit NC until I found out she met someone else.

 

Then she called me crying cuz she found out I knew about him. Why she was so upset about it, I'll never know. I assume she thought I was hurt and she wanted to alleviate her guilt. I spent 20 minutes telling her I didn't care as long as she was happy, and that I wasn't a part of her life anymore. Cue her chasing me down at a wedding, and me screwing it up by trying to give her a small memento and asking her to lunch.

 

4 months NC since then, and I've felt WAY better since. Honestly, I don't think I could've handled a "second chance" until now, if I were to get it. It's amazing what NC helps you with.

 

Love your attitude in bold...my therapist asked me today how long I think it might take me to fully let go/accept. I said probably 4 to 6 months. But that it depends on me. I told him that probably in the next 4 to 6 weeks I would start to see some exponential changes. This sunday will be 10 weeks.

 

Also...

Would you mind sharing your story with me? can you PM me your story if you have a link?

[jphcbpa]

“Nature abhors a vacuum.” Aristotle

 

Give them what they want. SPACE. ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the space they want.

 

The "know" when you have let go. When you really let go, accept and have moved on, there is a shift. A void is created.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Give them what they want. SPACE. ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the space they want.

 

The "know" when you have let go. When you really let go, accept and have moved on, there is a shift. A void is created.

 

 

 

 

 

true story.

 

 

they know, my ex did, and literally came crawling back days before I was going to make things official with the new girl.

 

 

I didn't tell her, we weren't friends on fb, but she knew lol

 

 

she knew, the universe knows, its called the law of attraction.

[Never Again]

Give them what they want. SPACE. ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the space they want.

 

The "know" when you have let go. When you really let go, accept and have moved on, there is a shift. A void is created.

 

Eh.

 

Yes and no.

 

I mean, in my case, I started to let go when I found out they'd already filled the void.

 

At that point, I feel like it's more about acknowledging the void in yourself - the lack of happiness, with the knowledge that you DESERVE to be happy. Then, nature can REALLY take it's course and help you heal.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Eh.

 

Yes and no.

 

I mean, in my case, I started to let go when I found out they'd already filled the void.

 

At that point, I feel like it's more about acknowledging the void in yourself - the lack of happiness, with the knowledge that you DESERVE to be happy. Then, nature can REALLY take it's course and help you heal.

 

 

 

yup. & as soon as YOU'RE HAPPY, they come back (or at least start poking around! haha)

 

 

weird, but it works that way. why? because you are YOURSELF again

 

 

not the heartbroken version.

[Never Again]

yup. & as soon as YOU'RE HAPPY, they come back (or at least start poking around! haha)

 

 

weird, but it works that way. why? because you are YOURSELF again

 

 

not the heartbroken version.

 

Haha, well I agree that IF they do come back, it's because you've found yourself again.

 

I got the "poking around" 4 months, but she'd already been feeling "that way" about someone else.

 

I responded too quickly to the pokes (tried to give her a goodluck charm we'd bought together as a sign of good will and asked her to lunch), and probably killed what was "sparking" in her. My "failure" set me back hard.

 

So I've been NC since mid-October. Took me awhile to really let go, haha. I guess we'll see if she comes poking around again, but she's been getting lots of attention from guys (including this big "crush") so I'm not holding my breath.

 

I've got my own sh*t to deal with anyway.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Haha, well I agree that IF they do come back, it's because you've found yourself again.

 

I got the "poking around" 4 months, but she'd already been feeling "that way" about someone else.

 

I responded too quickly to the pokes (tried to give her a goodluck charm we'd bought together as a sign of good will and asked her to lunch), and probably killed what was "sparking" in her. My "failure" set me back hard.

 

So I've been NC since mid-October. Took me awhile to really let go, haha. I guess we'll see if she comes poking around again, but she's been getting lots of attention from guys (including this big "crush") so I'm not holding my breath.

 

I've got my own sh*t to deal with anyway.

 

 

 

me too man, me too.

 

 

really I did it all, made every mistake

 

 

but I still got her back eventually

 

 

because real love doesn't die, just takes a break, sometimes for years, as cliché as it sounds

 

 

and whatever way she is feeling about another dude is almost all cases after a significant LTR... doesn't last long.

 

 

hormone rush if anything , but you just keep on doing your thing and youll be just fine.

 

 

they'll be back

 

 

but don't hold me to that! worry about you and only you, cuz you're your own best friend, pal.

[JunkYardDog]

Whew! Reading this thread helped A LOT for me today. I have been battling myself with thinking that I should of reached out to her breadcrumb streak (5 in two weeks) after being NC for 5 weeks. Am on week 8 now and did not respond to any of them and I feel relieved that I did the right thing (for once).

 

Its been real hard the way it all went down for me to cope but I am....I am doing whats right and even though its tough as **** and hurts like a mother I feel good about it, about being strong and not caving and working on me (though its been a sloooow process but she dont need to know that). 4 year LTR isnt something that I can just snap my finger and let go of but am working on it day by day.

 

 

This thread helped me relieve that doubt and confirmed that my choice in absolutely no kind of response was and is the right thing. Not to get her back, because the way she did what she did, she shouldnt even get another chance. Its the right thing for ME. I am what this is about.

[Never Again]

My relationship was significant, but only 11 months long, so not exactly a lot to go on. It basically ended when the "honeymoon phase" faded off...which happened a little prematurely due to stress on both sides (and huge personal issues on mine).

 

It sucked getting the "I love you SO much, and you did nothing wrong and everything should've been perfect, but I'm not feeling it", which is basically "you didn't do anything major, but I'm not attracted to you because you've been boring and a wuss". Hurt like a b*tch a and kicked me while I was down (my depression is why I was being a doormat).

 

The new guy is some exciting dude from across the country that she's been crushing on for 6 months. None of my business besides the fact that it means she moved on. Which is what I've been working doing, slowly but surely.

 

So don't worry, I won't hold you to anything lol

[BC1980]

Whew! Reading this thread helped A LOT for me today. I have been battling myself with thinking that I should of reached out to her breadcrumb streak (5 in two weeks) after being NC for 5 weeks. Am on week 8 now and did not respond to any of them and I feel relieved that I did the right thing (for once).

 

Its been real hard the way it all went down for me to cope but I am....I am doing whats right and even though its tough as **** and hurts like a mother I feel good about it, about being strong and not caving and working on me (though its been a sloooow process but she dont need to know that). 4 year LTR isnt something that I can just snap my finger and let go of but am working on it day by day.

 

 

This thread helped me relieve that doubt and confirmed that my choice in absolutely no kind of response was and is the right thing. Not to get her back, because the way she did what she did, she shouldnt even get another chance. Its the right thing for ME. I am what this is about.

 

Do the right thing for you and only you. That is the best advice I could give anyone post break up. More often than note, crumbs are a bait and switch. They send a text crumb, and you respond. Then, they disappear because they were only looking to see if you were still on the leash. My ex texted me happy birthday, and I texted back thanks for the card, ect. I never heard back from him, and it hurt my feelings. See how it works? They bait you into responding because you feel immature or "bad" that you don't acknowledge them. Once you respond, they're gone again.

[BC1980]

Whew! Reading this thread helped A LOT for me today. I have been battling myself with thinking that I should of reached out to her breadcrumb streak (5 in two weeks) after being NC for 5 weeks. Am on week 8 now and did not respond to any of them and I feel relieved that I did the right thing (for once).

 

Its been real hard the way it all went down for me to cope but I am....I am doing whats right and even though its tough as **** and hurts like a mother I feel good about it, about being strong and not caving and working on me (though its been a sloooow process but she dont need to know that). 4 year LTR isnt something that I can just snap my finger and let go of but am working on it day by day.

 

 

This thread helped me relieve that doubt and confirmed that my choice in absolutely no kind of response was and is the right thing. Not to get her back, because the way she did what she did, she shouldnt even get another chance. Its the right thing for ME. I am what this is about.

 

Of course, you can't let 4 years go. It will always hurt, but it dulls with time. It's not relevant to your everyday life at some point. Hell, it will always hurt. We're only human. It's more like you figure out how to deal with the grief in a productive way, so it doesn't paralyze you.

[JunkYardDog]

Unfortunately theres a lot more to the story. She dumped me a little over a week after my father died in Nov right before the holidays. Had a new guy within two weeks and threw how great he is compared to me in my face, even telling me intimate stuff about what they did already. A normal breakup is hard enough, add that all to the mix and it was something I will never forget or forgive and still am struggling with every single day.

 

Why it was STILL hard not to respond to her crumbs is crazy.

[d0cholliday]

Unfortunately theres a lot more to the story. She dumped me a little over a week after my father died in Nov right before the holidays. Had a new guy within two weeks and threw how great he is compared to me in my face, even telling me intimate stuff about what they did already. A normal breakup is hard enough, add that all to the mix and it was something I will never forget or forgive and still am struggling with every single day.

 

Why it was STILL hard not to respond to her crumbs is crazy.

 

 

Let me tell you my mindset. And what worked for me. Bear in mind that this is very different from the advices you'll get on LS. And most of people won't agree with me. I tried to explain, but got rejected by the community, cause, according to them, there is no hope for me, I don't want to listen. They are partially right, but knowing so I combined all the advices I got, read, learned together.

 

First I will say what I gained from all of this.

 

1. Have no problem responding to breadcrumbs, I respond if a respond is necessary, if I don't feel like responding I don't respond.

2. I got rid of the guilt which was blocking my path to healing, and now I feel much more relaxed, I don't owe her anything more. I got rid of the bad emotions I had in my heart and in my brain.

3. Manage to sync my hear and brain, and most of the day, both of them are on the same page.

4. I started slowly to gain self-control, power, confidence

5. Started to feel better about myself

6. Started enjoy the life, little things.

7. I'm getting back in the game.

8. And my ex girlfriends behaviour changed a lot. In a positive way. She is initiating contact, wants to meet up etc.

 

So what did I do exactly?

 

After making to many mistakes during 3 months after the BU, trying NC, trying to talk to her, push her to reconcile, being there for her when she needed me, respongind to crumbs etc.... Only thing I never did is begging and pleading, and resting with anything she offers me. I made it plain and simple, either we are lovers first, than best friends, or either of us goes seperate ways. I didn't make it sound like an ultimatum. So she told me to relax, not to push her, let things come naturally, bla bla bla. And I agreed to that. But soon I realised that I can't do that, cause she was cold towards me, not making any progress, giving signs of reconciliation. Then I decided to put an end to it. She said to my friend she won't get back together with me, and I did the following after getting that info:

 

1. Blocked her on FB

2. Blocked her on Skype

3. Stopped anwsering her texts and phonecalls

4. Decided to move on and stick with the NC.

 

That was the day before Valentines Day. On V-day, after few unreturned calls, she came knocking on my door. I let her in, gave her the talk, told her that if she is willing to take another chance that she needs to do something. She again asked me not to push her and other bull****. I told her to give me something to work with, for an example I told her to remove that she is single on FB. She asked me to unblock her, and that she wants us to communicate. I said I will think about it. So we went out that night, everything was great, she acted like we were a couple. But the next day she was back acting like she did all the time after BU. That was the day my parents told me that my mother has a cancer. Man I was angry on everyone, angry on the world, life. I was so pissed, and alone, I texted my ex, not to contact me anymore, cause I can't take it anymore. I was miserable, and I started to think, analyze things, analyze our past relationship, my relationship with other girls. Came to conclusion where I failed in relationship, and why is this happening, why she acts like that, why she left me. To cut the story short, I realised that during the break up period I only looked at things from my perspective, and advices I got were the best thing for me, I was a bit selfish. So I thought about all of this, realised that I feel guilty about the mistakes I made, and decided to clear my heart, get rid of the guilt. Cause I figured it out that guilt is what is blocking me. I realised all of this from her words. Anyhow I manned up, called her few days after, asked her to come at my place, cause I need to do some explaining, and tell her something. She came, I told her everything, that I'm willin go give it another shot, and if she also wants she needs to start making progress, otherwise she can tell me we are over and I will leave her alone.

After that she started acting different. She initiates contact, meet ups etc. Not that cold like before. I told her that we need to spend more time together, if we are going to make things work, cause we need to rebuild thrust, wich was, including insecurity, the main reason for our break up. Also told her that she needs to open up, go softer on me, and start doing some action. Bear in mind that I told her not to string me along, and if that's a case that I won't tolerate it. I don't contact her first, I let her do her part, cause I've did all I could, she runs the game now, and her actions will either get us back together, or push me away. I don't know why, but I gained a lot of control, I started to feel better, even indifferent, but I'm taking a risk here. I'm aware I could get hurt again, but I know it is the right thing to do. Either I'll end up making a fool of myself, or we will get back together. I don't know, but I'm eager to see. I am now fine with both of the scenarios. I just don't really care about the outcome. I hope everything will turn out great, but at the end what ever will be, will be.

 

Today we are going on our "first" date, and I will see how that turns out.

 

During our recent meet ups, I was quiet, indifferent, even cold a bit, most of it is fake, but it has certain effect.

 

She is givinig some positive signs, and could be going for reconciliation.

 

My mindset is, that she is worth fighting for, and I will fight as long as I think is necessary, or until I prove that she isn't the right for me. But keep in mind, that I didn't stopped my life, I'm still going out, meeting other people, making friends, going on dates etc. Keeping myself in shape, always ready.

 

I love her enough, and I think it's worth a gamble.

 

Like I said above, most of the people don't agree with my theory, but it helped me a lot. I came hear not to heal myself but to get her back. I'm 90% healed, other 10% I delay on purpose, cause I don't want to find myself asking one day what if.... Plus I know that when and if I get rejected again, I will move on much easier, cause I gave it my best shot. And will have no regrets.

 

Don't get me wrong, all of the advices are good here, but you need to know how to apply them in your specific situation.

 

I'm probably wrong, and doing things wrong, but I choosed the path I want to walk. And I choose to belive that she is a good and genuine person, and not some cold hearted bitch. If I'm wrong, doesn't matter, at least I know that I've tried, and it's her loss.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

My relationship was significant, but only 11 months long, so not exactly a lot to go on. It basically ended when the "honeymoon phase" faded off...which happened a little prematurely due to stress on both sides (and huge personal issues on mine).

 

It sucked getting the "I love you SO much, and you did nothing wrong and everything should've been perfect, but I'm not feeling it", which is basically "you didn't do anything major, but I'm not attracted to you because you've been boring and a wuss". Hurt like a b*tch a and kicked me while I was down (my depression is why I was being a doormat).

 

The new guy is some exciting dude from across the country that she's been crushing on for 6 months. None of my business besides the fact that it means she moved on. Which is what I've been working doing, slowly but surely.

 

So don't worry, I won't hold you to anything lol

 

 

 

 

11 months is still awhile, so don't sell it short, but again, some things and some people are just not meant to be

 

 

& I myself wouldn't want to even get back with someone who loses interest in less than a year for the next new exciting thing..

 

 

my situation was a little different, together for almost 7 years, and we were both each others first relationship longer than 6 months.

 

 

however it hurts all the same, and you will be just fine either way.

 

 

just smile, life is too short to be unhappy and to worry about others.

 

 

its all about you anyways

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Do the right thing for you and only you. That is the best advice I could give anyone post break up. More often than note, crumbs are a bait and switch. They send a text crumb, and you respond. Then, they disappear because they were only looking to see if you were still on the leash. My ex texted me happy birthday, and I texted back thanks for the card, ect. I never heard back from him, and it hurt my feelings. See how it works? They bait you into responding because you feel immature or "bad" that you don't acknowledge them. Once you respond, they're gone again.

 

 

 

unless you get the straight up " I f--k'd up and i want you back"...

 

 

its a trap! and you're the only one that hurts.

 

 

glad you know better now , as well as myself

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Whew! Reading this thread helped A LOT for me today. I have been battling myself with thinking that I should of reached out to her breadcrumb streak (5 in two weeks) after being NC for 5 weeks. Am on week 8 now and did not respond to any of them and I feel relieved that I did the right thing (for once).

 

Its been real hard the way it all went down for me to cope but I am....I am doing whats right and even though its tough as **** and hurts like a mother I feel good about it, about being strong and not caving and working on me (though its been a sloooow process but she dont need to know that). 4 year LTR isnt something that I can just snap my finger and let go of but am working on it day by day.

 

 

This thread helped me relieve that doubt and confirmed that my choice in absolutely no kind of response was and is the right thing. Not to get her back, because the way she did what she did, she shouldnt even get another chance. Its the right thing for ME. I am what this is about.

 

 

 

 

 

im glad! and keep up the good work my friend, you are doing exactly what you should be doing.

 

 

its even better if you in fact get to a point where you don't want them back and they are groveling.

 

 

not that you want to hurt anyone, but you get the point

 

 

proud of ya, you will save yourself a lot of misery if you stick to it.

 

 

finding a new girl is a whole lot more fun anyways!

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Let me tell you my mindset. And what worked for me. Bear in mind that this is very different from the advices you'll get on LS. And most of people won't agree with me. I tried to explain, but got rejected by the community, cause, according to them, there is no hope for me, I don't want to listen. They are partially right, but knowing so I combined all the advices I got, read, learned together.

 

First I will say what I gained from all of this.

 

1. Have no problem responding to breadcrumbs, I respond if a respond is necessary, if I don't feel like responding I don't respond.

2. I got rid of the guilt which was blocking my path to healing, and now I feel much more relaxed, I don't owe her anything more. I got rid of the bad emotions I had in my heart and in my brain.

3. Manage to sync my hear and brain, and most of the day, both of them are on the same page.

4. I started slowly to gain self-control, power, confidence

5. Started to feel better about myself

6. Started enjoy the life, little things.

7. I'm getting back in the game.

8. And my ex girlfriends behaviour changed a lot. In a positive way. She is initiating contact, wants to meet up etc.

 

So what did I do exactly?

 

After making to many mistakes during 3 months after the BU, trying NC, trying to talk to her, push her to reconcile, being there for her when she needed me, respongind to crumbs etc.... Only thing I never did is begging and pleading, and resting with anything she offers me. I made it plain and simple, either we are lovers first, than best friends, or either of us goes seperate ways. I didn't make it sound like an ultimatum. So she told me to relax, not to push her, let things come naturally, bla bla bla. And I agreed to that. But soon I realised that I can't do that, cause she was cold towards me, not making any progress, giving signs of reconciliation. Then I decided to put an end to it. She said to my friend she won't get back together with me, and I did the following after getting that info:

 

1. Blocked her on FB

2. Blocked her on Skype

3. Stopped anwsering her texts and phonecalls

4. Decided to move on and stick with the NC.

 

That was the day before Valentines Day. On V-day, after few unreturned calls, she came knocking on my door. I let her in, gave her the talk, told her that if she is willing to take another chance that she needs to do something. She again asked me not to push her and other bull****. I told her to give me something to work with, for an example I told her to remove that she is single on FB. She asked me to unblock her, and that she wants us to communicate. I said I will think about it. So we went out that night, everything was great, she acted like we were a couple. But the next day she was back acting like she did all the time after BU. That was the day my parents told me that my mother has a cancer. Man I was angry on everyone, angry on the world, life. I was so pissed, and alone, I texted my ex, not to contact me anymore, cause I can't take it anymore. I was miserable, and I started to think, analyze things, analyze our past relationship, my relationship with other girls. Came to conclusion where I failed in relationship, and why is this happening, why she acts like that, why she left me. To cut the story short, I realised that during the break up period I only looked at things from my perspective, and advices I got were the best thing for me, I was a bit selfish. So I thought about all of this, realised that I feel guilty about the mistakes I made, and decided to clear my heart, get rid of the guilt. Cause I figured it out that guilt is what is blocking me. I realised all of this from her words. Anyhow I manned up, called her few days after, asked her to come at my place, cause I need to do some explaining, and tell her something. She came, I told her everything, that I'm willin go give it another shot, and if she also wants she needs to start making progress, otherwise she can tell me we are over and I will leave her alone.

After that she started acting different. She initiates contact, meet ups etc. Not that cold like before. I told her that we need to spend more time together, if we are going to make things work, cause we need to rebuild thrust, wich was, including insecurity, the main reason for our break up. Also told her that she needs to open up, go softer on me, and start doing some action. Bear in mind that I told her not to string me along, and if that's a case that I won't tolerate it. I don't contact her first, I let her do her part, cause I've did all I could, she runs the game now, and her actions will either get us back together, or push me away. I don't know why, but I gained a lot of control, I started to feel better, even indifferent, but I'm taking a risk here. I'm aware I could get hurt again, but I know it is the right thing to do. Either I'll end up making a fool of myself, or we will get back together. I don't know, but I'm eager to see. I am now fine with both of the scenarios. I just don't really care about the outcome. I hope everything will turn out great, but at the end what ever will be, will be.

 

Today we are going on our "first" date, and I will see how that turns out.

 

During our recent meet ups, I was quiet, indifferent, even cold a bit, most of it is fake, but it has certain effect.

 

She is givinig some positive signs, and could be going for reconciliation.

 

My mindset is, that she is worth fighting for, and I will fight as long as I think is necessary, or until I prove that she isn't the right for me. But keep in mind, that I didn't stopped my life, I'm still going out, meeting other people, making friends, going on dates etc. Keeping myself in shape, always ready.

 

I love her enough, and I think it's worth a gamble.

 

Like I said above, most of the people don't agree with my theory, but it helped me a lot. I came hear not to heal myself but to get her back. I'm 90% healed, other 10% I delay on purpose, cause I don't want to find myself asking one day what if.... Plus I know that when and if I get rejected again, I will move on much easier, cause I gave it my best shot. And will have no regrets.

 

Don't get me wrong, all of the advices are good here, but you need to know how to apply them in your specific situation.

 

I'm probably wrong, and doing things wrong, but I choosed the path I want to walk. And I choose to belive that she is a good and genuine person, and not some cold hearted bitch. If I'm wrong, doesn't matter, at least I know that I've tried, and it's her loss.

 

 

 

all I can say is, I have been there & good luck.

 

 

I mean that sincerely too.

 

 

you need to keep your composure if anything..

 

 

I went back and forth with my ex for months because I lost my composure, multiple times, with pushing and getting impatient..etc.

 

 

second chances & reconciliations take a lot of work, and it will still hurt until you get back to that comfortable place with each other.

 

 

hope it works out for you man.

 

 

& they are lucky we stick around like we do...

[Never Again]

11 months is still awhile, so don't sell it short, but again, some things and some people are just not meant to be

 

 

& I myself wouldn't want to even get back with someone who loses interest in less than a year for the next new exciting thing..

 

 

my situation was a little different, together for almost 7 years, and we were both each others first relationship longer than 6 months.

 

 

however it hurts all the same, and you will be just fine either way.

 

 

just smile, life is too short to be unhappy and to worry about others.

 

 

its all about you anyways

 

Definitely does hurt all the same haha, or at least it did.

 

I was depressed and stressed when she broke it off, so I wasn't very attractive. I was so overwhelmed that I wasn't putting the necessary effort into the relationship.

 

Her longest relationship was just shy of a year and a half, so loooong term isn't exactly her speciality either.

 

There wasn't anyone else there when she left, and she cried for days over it. In her words, she must've been crazy to not feel "that way" anymore, was confused about it, wondered if she made a mistake (until I wasn't GONE, so that never took shape), yada yada. Met the other dude 2 months later.

 

I probably would've taken it better had she been cold or given me a solid "it's done". I got all the wishy-washy stuff that kept me on the hook for awhile, and she was so upset about it that I didn't know how to handle it lol.

 

Until recently I always thought that the point of relationships was to worry about the other person, support them and occasionally put then first. Learned that I was wrong the hard way lol

[TaylorM91]

I've been following this rule for a few weeks, I've tried contacting my ex a couple of times at first after a couple of weeks but now I'm just leaving her alone. I think, if anything, I just only set myself back for a bit for making bad calls, I feel she will come back sooner or later. Last thing I sent was a letter that she should've gotten on the fourth and haven't sent anything since then but I have been getting way better, I got the all clear that my mental and health is fine again last week from making a bad call on moving out back in November and was not fit for me. Overall, I think my ex will come back but I wouldn't be ready for a relationship for a while until I get back on my feet and start working again and accomplish a few things.

 

@LifeGoesOnMan, your post gives me hope that everything will be okay in the long run