Anyone ever reunited with an ex years later?

[FunctionaLove]

Does this ever happen in real life ... I mean, as a success story? Any people out there who have experienced it?

 

Here's my own story:

 

About three years ago, I ended a relationship of about 3.5 years. I was the one to pull the trigger, and it was mainly because my guy was partying too much -- too much drinking, drugs, immaturity. (We were both late 20s at the time and although I loved him so much I was just over that.)

 

It was painful but we parted on as good of terms as possible. We went no contact for about a year to do our healing, then after that were able to remain in touch in a limited but friendly way -- updating each other on our lives every once in a while via phone, email, whatever. And also Facebook friends.

 

In the time since we broke up, I've done a fair amount of dating, including one serious year-long relationship. But when I'm honest with myself nothing has ever come close to the intimacy, friendship, and comfort I felt with this one ex. Even to this day, whenever I'm with a new partner, I find myself longing to be in my ex's arms. Three years later!

 

In the meantime, my ex has done a lot of growing up. After living abroad for a while, he came back, got himself on a career path, bought a house, got a dog, and stopped with the drugs altogether. I know he still drinks but from what I can tell it's not anything like the excess of days past.

 

We've met up in person twice since our breakup. The first time it really was just like old friends... great to catch up. I was in that other serious relationship at the time, but didn't talk about it and he also didn't talk about his own love life. The second time (about eight months ago), we were both single and slept together. It was lovely but we didn't make it into anything more than that. (We live in different cities now, about three hours apart.)

 

I'm older now, 31, and I'm ready to be with someone I feel really comfortable with. I'm over the games and bull**** of dating. I don't get much thrill out of "the chase," sleeping with new people, etc. And time and again, my mind goes to my ex as the one I want to be with -- esp. as the person he's grown to become over the past three years.

 

We've never talked about the prospect of getting back together, even after we slept together that one time. But it's been so urgently at the front of my mind recently that I feel I need to explore this in some way.

 

If we were living in the same city maybe we could tiptoe into things gradually, but as it is now, I'd have to put a very clear effort into the matter and I'm terrified that could scare him off. I'm not ready to have a direct conversation about it, either -- it's just too overwhelming. I'm also not even 100 percent sure he's single, although I knew he was as of 4 months ago.

 

NO CLUE how to approach this. If anyone has any thoughts or similar experiences, I'd like to hear them.

[VeronicaRoss]

Check out more about his current life. You're at a bit of a dangerous age when the biological clock might be the equivalent of rose colored glasses because he's somewhat available and comfortable.

 

He might be dating someone or more, and it's impossible to know from a distance how much of his over-indulgence carries on today. You really need to take a bit of time to get to know him as a friend and talk with his current friends.

 

Also, you've already slept together and he isn't pursuing more? That is very suspicious. Guys are usually very clear when they're truly interested in a woman.

 

Think more about what he has to offer now and the way he's treating you. It doesn't sound like he's acting like a besotted man intent on you, and isn't that what you and your future kids would want?

[FunctionaLove]

Good points.

 

And I agree, I'd need to develop a stronger friendship with him, get to know his life more intimately. It's just hard to do that casually given our current geographical distance. I could invent some reasons to be in his city for a couple weekends, but beyond that it's going to look like a more obvious pursuit.

 

As far as how we behaved after sleeping together -- we were very sweet with each other in the morning, but there arrived a time when he blurted out: "So should we talk about this?" and we both kind of grinned at each other and said, "Let's just not" ... then "Phew." Like, we didn't want to go into it. There were a couple weeks after that when we were in more intimate contact than we'd been before, but then we faded out into our normal patterns. That was both his choice and my choice.

 

It's only been within the past few months when I've been thinking harder about this, and also doing some more dating and realizing: "Nope, nothing comes close."

 

As far as biological clock: I don't want kids. And the ex knows that. When we dated three years ago and were thinking about our future, we were on the same page that we wanted to have a couple dogs and be the coolest aunt and uncle on the planet, but nothing more.

[Speakingofwhich]

As far as how we behaved after sleeping together -- we were very sweet with each other in the morning, but there arrived a time when he blurted out: "So should we talk about this?" and we both kind of grinned at each other and said, "Let's just not" ... then "Phew." Like, we didn't want to go into it. There were a couple weeks after that when we were in more intimate contact than we'd been before, but then we faded out into our normal patterns. That was both his choice and my choice.

 

There's your clue that he was open to a possible R with you. If I was you I would definitely pursue this. Possibly tell him you're going to be in his city and wonder if he'd like to get together?

[newmoon]

it's so easy to go back, even years later, because there is a natural comfort with someone we've known, trusted, and loved. but not much is gained by going back, and if you (or he) has truly grown as a person then you should have grown beyond what one another can offer. you do sometimes see/read stories of successful reunions, but those are profiled because of their rarity and the people are usually kept apart by age, distance, war, being in other marriages, etc. - factors not within their personal control. I'd leave the past in the past. nothing shows growth and maturity more than being able to release the past completely and move on. imo.

[FunctionaLove]

it's so easy to go back, even years later, because there is a natural comfort with someone we've known, trusted, and loved. but not much is gained by going back, and if you (or he) has truly grown as a person then you should have grown beyond what one another can offer. you do sometimes see/read stories of successful reunions, but those are profiled because of their rarity and the people are usually kept apart by age, distance, war, being in other marriages, etc. - factors not within their personal control. I'd leave the past in the past. nothing shows growth and maturity more than being able to release the past completely and move on. imo.

 

I do agree with this to a certain extent. Trust me, I'm wary. I know it sounds crazy.

 

My gut is telling me to explore it, my rational mind is saying "WTF?"

 

I do genuinely think he's grown up some over the past few years, I've seen tangible evidence of that. It's not like he's an entirely different person at his core, but he's worked on himself and made progress. As for me, I don't feel too different myself. But I've learned a lot about what I want from my dating experiences over the past three years, and I don't regret having that time.