When woman do answer your OLD email, but....

[irc333]

....they just address your questions, but never ask anything about you.

 

Sometimes it confuses me because when they do , they just address the questions I had asked in the email, but they never ask questions about me.

 

It's like the engagement is only going in one direction or you have to try to get information out of her.

 

She'll answer, but only answers what you ask.

 

Does this necessarily mean she is not interested or just has poor conversation skills?

[Teraskas]

Exactly, I keep running into situations like this when I actually DO get a response.

The last occasion which comes to mind is that I sent some woman a customary introduction mail while trying to go in depth as to what's on her profile.

To my surprise, I actually get a response back along the lines of: 'Wow, finally a message which has content ! I must say that I'm inclined to start a conversation with you. Particularly out of respect for that wall of text. '

(Mind you, my message was about 6 lines long. Hardly an argumentative essay. )

 

To which I respond: 'Hah, sweet. I can imagine it's quite a welcome change from the 'OMG YOUR HOT' or 'HAIUSECKSAY' oneliners.

So what exactly are you looking for on this site ?

 

Needless to say, I never got a response back, despite the fact that she was online in the last 24 hours. (The last message I sent is about a week old now.)

Oh well. :/

[gaius]

It might just mean she's submissive and is looking for someone who will run things, conversation included.

[irc333]

It might just mean she's submissive and is looking for someone who will run things, conversation included.

 

Yeah, believe it or not, there's this woman that just joined one of my Meetups.....she was the first to the event (it was a Game Night) and the host said, "Hey, she ALSO lives out by you"

 

(I happen to attend Meetups in "the big city", which is about an hour drive).

 

Surprisingly, she's commuted from my area to her very first meetup.

 

We talked for a bit, but we had to kind of split up and go to diff. game tables.

 

After the event, when I was home, I was browsing OK Cupid and saw her there.

 

She did respond, but I was wondering she felt obligated ONLY because she knew me in real life.

 

We did send back and forth a volly of emails, people say if the conversation or the content of the womans conversation doesn't seem all that engaging, she's not all that interested, and just "being nice".

 

SHe said she's a "Christian and very serious about it" in her OK Cupid profile, so I mentioned it's hard to meet single Christian ladies in the area, most are married (which is true). I finally asked her to meet up, considering she's local and she already knows me from Meetup.

 

So at least I am at the top of the competition among the freaks online that probably have already been emailing her. LOL

 

But yeah, I figured she was kind of shy, so I took the lead. I finally cut to the chase and asked her out.

[salparadise]

It might just mean she's submissive and is looking for someone who will run things, conversation included.

 

Yea, this one of those old school things they learn from their mammas in the vagina owners association... make the guy do the work, make him chase, keep him guessing. You have to flip it on them... quit asking questions. Reply with something like, "well isn't that interesting?" Which is basically saying, I'm bored and if you don't engage this conversation is over.

[kodakgirl]

I do this sometimes... It is my polite way of saying I'm not interested without ignoring the message or flat-out saying it. I'm actually surprised that isn't clear.

[Tayken]

I do this sometimes... It is my polite way of saying I'm not interested without ignoring the message or flat-out saying it. I'm actually surprised that isn't clear.

 

Is that because you are intimidated by the person's profile then i.e. they have done a lot more in life and bring more to the table?

 

To which I respond: 'Hah, sweet. I can imagine it's quite a welcome change from the 'OMG YOUR HOT' or 'HAIUSECKSAY' oneliners.

So what exactly are you looking for on this site ?

 

Ahhahahahha....I know what you mean I have had a few of those, and I always know that it's exactly what you just said, and that they are completely caught off guard and don't know how to respond with text more than 1-2 lines.

 

They are intimidated by someone that can actually communicated, and isn't playing into their BS of all guys sending pics of their penis, shirt off, them with their trucks etc, and the "hi sexy", "you are beautiful"

 

Personally...I have never told any woman that in my communications in OLD. That is not how I wish to portray myself if I want that respect from them

[kodakgirl]

Is that because you are intimidated by the person's profile then i.e. they have done a lot more in life and bring more to the table?

 

Um, no. Not at all. How on earth did you make that leap? I'm thrilled when I find a profile where the man is EQUAL to me in things he has done in life and things he brings to the table. If a man has done more in life than me, which certainly is possible, that's awesome, I want to hear about it. I don't think there is much more a man could bring to the table than me, at least as far as personal qualities. He could offer something different, traits that complement mine (ie, more extroverted vs. more introverted, more science-y vs. more arty), which I want, but I don't think either trait is better. I've yet to meet a man (person, even) who is overall nicer, sweeter, kinder, more compassionate, more honest, more intelligent, and more supportive than I am, though I've certainly met equals (and dated them!).

 

The reason I respond like that, when I do, is because the guy has taken the time to look at my profile and write me a nice message, and even if I'm not interested we're all allowed to have reasons not to be interested), I don't want to just ignore someone's attempt to start a conversation with me. The options are a) ignore, b) flat out say "I'm not interested" or c) provide a politely friendly response that doesn't provide a lead to further conversation. I'd prefer c, personally. I've had men do it to me, too, this isn't just theoretical. What would you prefer?

 

I have to say, though, I don't get women who do it like in the OP, and keep replying but don't make an effort to engage in the conversation. I don't know why you would do that.

 

By the way, I often have men tell me I'm a welcome change from the " 'OMG YOUR HOT' or 'HAIUSECKSAY' oneliners.", too. Me and the man I'm currently corresponding with have been joking about it (he ended his last message with a p.s "wat is ur favrite color" ). I don't have the faintest idea why anyone would think communicating online like that would work, male or female. (though, my word of advice Teraskas-- I think a problem there might be that "so what are you looking for on this site" ending, I personally find that kind of thing pointless at first (the basic answer is on my profile, isn't it?) and makes me wonder if there isn't anything else at all he's interested in knowing about me. I'd recommend going for a profile-based question instead. ).

Edited February 25, 2014 by kodakgirl

[newmoon]

I do this. I read a book for women about OLD and it advised to do it, so that's my reason, and I do it often. The reasons they gave in the book were: 1) if he wants to ask so many questions he should ask you out, so don't get into questions after questions because you end up being pen pals 2) don't ask too many questions because you don't want it to appear like you're reading his profile too much or too thoroughly 3) show less interest, so keep your answers and whatnot shorter than anything he writes.

 

 

not saying I agree with all this, but I have found that guys who like questions tend to be pen pals and not dates. it's all in your profile and you could probably give better answers to questions in person anyway, so forget asking stuff or wanting to be asked stuff, just ask for the date

[irc333]

True, so when I just straight up ask them out after a couple of emails...they stop with the emails altogether. LOL

 

 

I do this. I read a book for women about OLD and it advised to do it, so that's my reason, and I do it often. The reasons they gave in the book were: 1) if he wants to ask so many questions he should ask you out, so don't get into questions after questions because you end up being pen pals 2) don't ask too many questions because you don't want it to appear like you're reading his profile too much or too thoroughly 3) show less interest, so keep your answers and whatnot shorter than anything he writes.

 

 

not saying I agree with all this, but I have found that guys who like questions tend to be pen pals and not dates. it's all in your profile and you could probably give better answers to questions in person anyway, so forget asking stuff or wanting to be asked stuff, just ask for the date

[kodakgirl]

I do this. I read a book for women about OLD and it advised to do it, so that's my reason, and I do it often. The reasons they gave in the book were: 1) if he wants to ask so many questions he should ask you out, so don't get into questions after questions because you end up being pen pals 2) don't ask too many questions because you don't want it to appear like you're reading his profile too much or too thoroughly 3) show less interest, so keep your answers and whatnot shorter than anything he writes.

 

 

not saying I agree with all this, but I have found that guys who like questions tend to be pen pals and not dates. it's all in your profile and you could probably give better answers to questions in person anyway, so forget asking stuff or wanting to be asked stuff, just ask for the date

 

Really??? That just seems bizarre to me. Of course I want hm to know I've read his profile; why wouldn't I? Of course I want to show my interest. I don't want to be pen pals but I want a glimpse of how our conversations might go-- are we both really interested in the things the other person has to say? Are we both really interested in sharing stuff about ourselves? If not, why meet? When I've met up with so done from online it has always been after a couple messages with lots of questions both ways, getting gradually longer, then the suggestion to meet at about the 4th-5th email (between us-- 2-3 each). I've never had a bad date from online, I've always got along well with the men, enjoyed their company and conversation, and had a good time, even if there was no spark. When there has been a spark they've been the best first dates I ever had. I guess there's a variety of different ways one can approach OLD... but the quoted one just seems weird and unpleasant to me.

[salparadise]

I do this. I read a book for women about OLD and it advised to do it, so that's my reason, and I do it often.

 

Did the book include a script... is it guaranteed to hook men of all types and reel them in? Playing coy is so high school, and boring as hell. I'm not saying you should over do it. Just meet a guy half way and prove that you're not a bimbo. I would probably challenge the credibility of that book. What's the name of it?

[newmoon]

Did the book include a script... is it guaranteed to hook men of all types and reel them in? Playing coy is so high school, and boring as hell. I'm not saying you should over do it. Just meet a guy half way and prove that you're not a bimbo. I would probably challenge the credibility of that book. What's the name of it?

 

 

 

well, let's put it his way. you can call it what you want - coy, shy, hard to get, etc. but I haven't suffered in OLD because of doing this and it's not the only thing I do. and, if you read the whole post, I did say I didn't agree with it. it's just one of the 'tactics' i read about for men who ask too many questions... it's a way of getting them to stop - by not asking them stuff in return.

[joystickd]

Just means you need to get off your a$$ and meet women in real life

[MissBee]

....they just address your questions, but never ask anything about you.

 

Sometimes it confuses me because when they do , they just address the questions I had asked in the email, but they never ask questions about me.

 

It's like the engagement is only going in one direction or you have to try to get information out of her.

 

She'll answer, but only answers what you ask.

 

Does this necessarily mean she is not interested or just has poor conversation skills?

 

It could be both but more often than not she's probably not interested.

 

I am guilty of this. If a man messages me and is nice enough but I have ZERO interest in him I won't really engage him in a lively conversation, esp if he isn't that interesting, but will respond to what he has asked me or thank him if he messages me with a compliment and leave it at that. Kodakgirl's approach is pretty much my view/approach as well and likewise, when I message a man and he only responds but doesn't ask anything back or further the conversation, it's clear he isn't interested and it's fine. I appreciate his initial response or him thanking me for whatever compliment I paid him and the lack of further questions is a clear sign, without him explicitly saying so, that he isn't interested.

Edited February 27, 2014 by MissBee

[irc333]

Probably won't work, some men will just ask you out anyways regardless....they may tempt fate and assume you're shy, and try to get you out of your shell so-to-speak.

 

The whole, "I'll just make it difficult for him to talk to me" routine sometimes doesn't work, and you get asked for the digits anyhow. LOL

 

I did the same with this woman in Meetup, since I so happened to spot her on OK Cupid....we had corresponded...she was a Christian single, who had just moved to my area....figured I'd be worth the try...as there aren't many geographically desriable women where I live.

 

After a few emails back and forth...I said, "So how about we meet up some time over at the restaurant by so and so?" (Which is within mins. from where I live and where she lives as well".

 

Nary a response since then.

 

I got her to join the local meetups, but she'll soon discover that she's probably one of the YOUNGEST ones there....mostly retirees or close to retired people in that group...but I enjoy the people. (Hey, they might have a nice daughter, right? LOL)

 

I think she'll wind up being those "crusiin" women that will discover that the selection of unattractive men or average Joes in the group aren't too her liking, and thusly...won't even consider going to these events

 

Kind of cutting her nose to spite her face...she's not up for friendships or fellowships....just "landing a man".

 

 

It could be both but more often than not she's probably not interested.

 

I am guilty of this. If a man messages me and is nice enough but I have ZERO interest in him I won't really engage him in a lively conversation, esp if he isn't that interesting, but will respond to what he has asked me or thank him if he messages me with a compliment and leave it at that. Kodakgirl's approach is pretty much my view/approach as well and likewise, when I message a man and he only responds but doesn't ask anything back or further the conversation, it's clear he isn't interested and it's fine. I appreciate his initial response or him thanking me for whatever compliment I paid him and the lack of further questions is a clear sign, without him explicitly saying so, that he isn't interested.

[MissBee]

Probably won't work, some men will just ask you out anyways regardless....they may tempt fate and assume you're shy, and try to get you out of your shell so-to-speak.

 

The whole, "I'll just make it difficult for him to talk to me" routine sometimes doesn't work, and you get asked for the digits anyhow. LOL

 

I did the same with this woman in Meetup, since I so happened to spot her on OK Cupid....we had corresponded...she was a Christian single, who had just moved to my area....figured I'd be worth the try...as there aren't many geographically desriable women where I live.

 

After a few emails back and forth...I said, "So how about we meet up some time over at the restaurant by so and so?" (Which is within mins. from where I live and where she lives as well".

 

Nary a response since then.

 

I got her to join the local meetups, but she'll soon discover that she's probably one of the YOUNGEST ones there....mostly retirees or close to retired people in that group...but I enjoy the people. (Hey, they might have a nice daughter, right? LOL)

 

I think she'll wind up being those "crusiin" women that will discover that the selection of unattractive men or average Joes in the group aren't too her liking, and thusly...won't even consider going to these events

 

Kind of cutting her nose to spite her face...she's not up for friendships or fellowships....just "landing a man".

 

Some men can't take a hint, clearly, and others can.

 

If a man doesn't further the conversation, hint taken on my part.

 

If I do the same and he doesn't get the hint, I usually don't respond to anymore messages anyway or if I do it to be polite it will stop once he tries to escalate to asking for my number or asking me to meet up.

[central]

I do perhaps two or three rounds of emails with these types. Then I will assume they aren't interested or aren't interestING, and I just stop writing. Rarely do they write after that, but occasionally one will get her wits together and actually engage in a meaningful exchange.

[irc333]

Well, I've known women to turn down men on more than on occasion until she would decide on saying "Yes" to a date...some wind up in a relationship or even wound up married. lol.

 

So...you never know. Though I am not one to ask out women repeatedly, I do, however, ask them out at least ONE time regardless of what "hint" they may or may not be giving.

 

I'm more of a black and white kind of guy.

 

 

I give them the benefit of the doubt and think, "She's probably shy or something, I'll go ahead and ask her out".

 

Some men can't take a hint, clearly, and others can.

 

If a man doesn't further the conversation, hint taken on my part.

 

If I do the same and he doesn't get the hint, I usually don't respond to anymore messages anyway or if I do it to be polite it will stop once he tries to escalate to asking for my number or asking me to meet up.