how to tell parents???

[~Mike~]

I was wondering about how to break the news to my parents that I have been going up to my girlfriends house (about 2.5 hrs away) and staying for the weekend? Both of us are waiting untill we are married but, yes

 

we do mess around. Also, my parents are very strict. I am going up to her apt this weekend for a special occasion early fri morning through late night fri and on. Should I just tell my parents now? I will not have much sleep and will be tired when I am up there and that would help justify my staying. Oh, by the way I am 20 yrs. old and my parents are very religious.I Love My Girlfriend with all my heart and I forsee us being togetherforever, but I have not told my parents this yet. But, I like to be open

 

about evrything to my parents. How can/how should I tell them what is going on?

 

Please give me some advice I REALLY need it. and thanks in advance.

 

I want to respect my parents and keep them informed. Also, we are all Catholics. Plus my gf.'s parents knows that I come up for the weekend. Her parents were not too bad about it since they knew I was a nice guy and later they did find out for sure that we are both waiting and not having sex.

[Tony T]

Great praise to you for having the desire to show respect for your parents in this way.

 

Since I don't know your parents or just how strict they are, I don't know how they'll react to the news. I know you want to be open with them but you have ALREADY disrespected them by staying at your girlfriend's behind their back. If they are very open minded and forgiving (if they are strict, there are punitive consequences anyway), you should go ahead and confess these previous visits. If not, I would just start from what you are wanting to do this weekend.

 

This also depends on the rules you and your parents are living under. If your parents require they approve of where you go overnight, then you'll have to abide by what they say. If that's the case, you may have lied to them when you stayed with your girl previously. They won't like that at all.

 

So, yes, considering your upbringing and relationship with your parents, you should certainly let them know where you'll be...if for no other reason, in case there is an emergency. You may have to get into a lot of detail with them and you may have a lot of explaining to do. Or, they may just be very happy you're expanding your horizons and give you their blessings.

 

Just be prepared to accept the consequences, whatever they are. But honesty is the best and safest route to take.

 

If your parents are very strict, you may just have to sit this weekend deal out at home. Uuummmmm, if this weekend is a really special occasion, do you want to run the risk of your parents getting really peaved about this? There is no way I would ever advise you to lie to your parents, but on the other hand if they don't ask you where you're going, maybe all your disclosures could wait until after this special weekend.

 

This is really up to you.

[Taressa]

I'm not a great fan of deception but if this weekend is truly an important occasion I suggest you put off the conscience-cleansing discussion with your parents.

 

If you feel you must talk, it may be best to introduce the subject lightly - - a suggestion that you MAY spend the night at her home.

 

I'm just afraid that talking about it with so little time to let them settle into the idea will really stir up some emotional outbreaks that have no way of settling within the next two days.

 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend whatever you decide in regard to telling your parents.

[Ashesmum]

You said you were how old??? Last time I remember, 18 is an adult so why are you still living by your parents rules? Don't get me wrong, I believe in respecting your elders but you have to make your own decisions (as you obviously have). You really need to talk to your parents and tell them your feelings about YOUR life. If this weekend is really special and you don't want any negativity, then wait til you come back to talk to your parents. But make sure you're up front and you let them know how you like the way you're living your life. If they can't hang with that, then let them deal with it. It's your life, live it how you want! And how does your girlfriend feel about your situation with your parents? Does she know how you feel about the relationship? Have fun this weekend.

I was wondering about how to break the news to my parents that I have been going up to my girlfriends house (about 2.5 hrs away) and staying for the weekend? Both of us are waiting untill we are married but, yes we do mess around. Also, my parents are very strict. I am going up to her apt this weekend for a special occasion early fri morning through late night fri and on. Should I just tell my parents now? I will not have much sleep and will be tired when I am up there and that would help justify my staying. Oh, by the way I am 20 yrs. old and my parents are very religious.I Love My Girlfriend with all my heart and I forsee us being togetherforever, but I have not told my parents this yet. But, I like to be open about evrything to my parents. How can/how should I tell them what is going on? Please give me some advice I REALLY need it. and thanks in advance. I want to respect my parents and keep them informed. Also, we are all Catholics. Plus my gf.'s parents knows that I come up for the weekend. Her parents were not too bad about it since they knew I was a nice guy and later they did find out for sure that we are both waiting and not having sex.

[Tony T]

Many famiiies in the America culture particularly feel that as long as the children are living under their roof, no matter what their age is, they should live by the rules set forth by the parents.

 

Some parents have a real difficult time letting go.

 

You are quite right, he should be able to make his own decisions and by all means he can. But the consequences of that could be his parents kicking him out of the house, losing free rent, electricity, phone, etc. So for the big savings, sometime's it's more practical to follow their rules...even if you are of age.

[~Mike~]

Yes, I understand what you are saying. Thanks for the info, it is a Great help. The slight difference that I forgot to mention is that I am living at college about an hour away from home. That is how they haven't know that I have gone to visit her for a few weekends. Does this change the situation? (not much is what I am thinking). Also, I think this has a big part to do with my parents trust in me because I'm sure their major concern is that I will do something stupid(mainly Sex). But, I need them to honestly believe what I say.

 

I feel that telling this to my parents will be a drastic letting go phase. I'm just afraid that I will tell them and they will be upset and I don't want to lose any trust in their minds, but that is partially why I would tell them. Also, my parents are helping fund my schooling and they in some ways gave me my car (but, it'sm in their name), so I am hoping not to lose the $ and car. But, that is horrible I don't want to have to lie to my parents to be "greedy" or whatever you want to call me to keep that stuff. But, there is the cahnce that I could lose it if I inform my parents but I want them to know. Thanks again for the info.

[~Mike~]

I am 20 yrs. old. But the thing I forgot to say is that I live at college about 1 hr. from home. So, that's how my parents wouldn't have known about my seeing my gf and staying there. I reponded to Tony and explained some of this and some other things in more depth. Yes, I would like to tell them but so far I am leaning to the idea of telling them after the fact. I mean, I don't see what is wrong with my staying overnight with her because we are both waiting and I want my parents to believe that. But, I know they will probably say...well...one thing leads to another and...but No, I woln't break my promise to myself and/or my gf's promise to herself. But, since my mom inparticular is a very stong catholic, she will be upset because we are not to put ourselves in situations that would involve temptaion, if we can avoid it and I understand this to an extent; but you have to be real everyday we are tempted to do all sorts of things it is a fact of life. Why try to shelter yourself.

 

Personally I feel that because of this and my gf. and I and what we have done...yes, it was tempting and I would have liked to have sex...but I out and out would NOT. I think this makes our relationship stronger in that even though we are tempted a Lot, we both can and Will hold to our morals and standards.

 

My gf. knows that my parents are strict and we have been talking about it a lot lately, or at least I've been talking to her about it a lot becasue it is bothering me SO Much. We both want my parents to know..it is just the how to go about it becasue if my parents are so minded they could really cut our the interaction between her and I....and I don't feel that I'm making a foolish mistake becasue we have know each other since 6th grade. and now we have a Wonderful loving realtionship and we have talked numerous times about marriage and we both only want to be with each other. Oh, also, my gf. knows that I basically tell everything to my parents and that is how I like it to be.

 

Thanks again. Sorry so Long./

[Tony T]

Since you live away from home and you are of legal age, I'm not really sure this is something your parents need to know. It's not really information that changes the world. Whatever you do away from home is pretty much your business, as long as it's legal, healthy, and not harmful to others.

 

I actually see absolutely nothing disrespectful about not telling your parents about this. Frankly, I think you have a right to live your life and you see fit...as long as you do well in school so certain expenditures are justified to your parents. Your studies are obviously not being affected.

 

So, I don't see anything at all to clear your conscience about. You also need to be sure they don't get this information from another source, like some big mouth friend or from an inadvertant slip of the tongue.

 

However, if you absolutely must tell them for some reason, then wait until after this weekend. They may steam a little for a bit but surely they will ultimately come to the realization that their little boy has grown up. They'll have to let you out of the nest sooner or later.

 

I will guarantee you one thing. You'll play hell convincing them you're staying with your girl on the weekends and keeping your pants on.

 

By the way, congratulations on your nice lady. I certainly think you've known her long enough for her to qualify as a great potential mate. Good luck with everything. If your parents cut you off, let us know and we'll take up a collection for this good cause (lol).