Flirting is annoying!

[loveshots]

I'm so problematic this past few days. Caught my boyfriend flirting with this secretary. We end up being together again. I caught every lies that he told me. I'm so stupid to believe again. And right now, i'm so confused. Did I made the right decision? We've been together for almost 3 years. I caught him twice. He's really apologetic about what he had done. He doesn't want us to go our separate ways. He said that he love me so much, but he's flirting how could that be? Is that normal for a man to flirt with other girls? With his secretary and another with his co-worker. Two different stories. And now i'm afraid, for another flirting thing to happen again. This is so frustrating. Somebody please help me. :'(

[Trep]

Some people are just naturally flirty. It doesn't necessarily mean they're trying to sleep with every single person they flirt with.

[loveshots]

So it's natural? I really don't have to over react or feel threatened about it? But it hurts a lot. Thank you trep. But as far as i know, he should avoid the things that will hurt me right? How would i deal with him being flirty?

[Trep]

I can't say if it's natural or not, I don't know the guy. Maybe he is trying to sleep with them, maybe he isn't. I'm just saying it might not be something you need to be THAT concerned about.

 

If it really bothers you that much, then you need to sit down and talk to him about it. Explain why it upsets you so much. And yes, he shouldn't be doing things that he knows will hurt you.

 

However, if he is just naturally flirty, there might not be much you can do about it other than just accept it or move on to someone who isn't.

[yk_shz]

So it's natural? I really don't have to over react or feel threatened about it? But it hurts a lot. Thank you trep. But as far as i know, he should avoid the things that will hurt me right? How would i deal with him being flirty?

 

i don't think that is a major issue just make sure that he isn't actually trying to get in bed with her because then you got a problem..also he shouldn't be doing things that will hurt you at least not intentionally

[Darl]

You say he flirted with his secretary? What did he do exactly? There's a world of difference between being friendly, amiable, and sociable, and being flirtatious. Flirting is simultaneously advertising 1) sexual attractiveness and 2) availability.

 

I flirted right in front of my husband. He accused me of it. I denied that I had flirted or had any intention of flirting. I accused him in turn of being an unsophis-ticated barbarian and a Teuton. But, the truth was I was indeed flirting and advertising my looks and my availability. I also enjoyed arousing my husband's jealousy and enjoy seeing him discomfited, uncomfortable, even humiliated. What could he do after all? What was he going to do about it? I was daring him to do anything ...

[Keenly]

You say he flirted with his secretary? What did he do exactly? There's a world of difference between being friendly, amiable, and sociable, and being flirtatious. Flirting is simultaneously advertising 1) sexual attractiveness and 2) availability.

 

I flirted right in front of my husband. He accused me of it. I denied that I had flirted or had any intention of flirting. I accused him in turn of being an unsophis-ticated barbarian and a Teuton. But, the truth was I was indeed flirting and advertising my looks and my availability. I also enjoyed arousing my husband's jealousy and enjoy seeing him discomfited, uncomfortable, even humiliated. What could he do after all? What was he going to do about it? I was daring him to do anything ...

 

Did you enjoy being emotionally abusive ?

[Frank2thepoint]

I flirted right in front of my husband. He accused me of it. I denied that I had flirted or had any intention of flirting. I accused him in turn of being an unsophis-ticated barbarian and a Teuton. But, the truth was I was indeed flirting and advertising my looks and my availability. I also enjoyed arousing my husband's jealousy and enjoy seeing him discomfited, uncomfortable, even humiliated. What could he do after all? What was he going to do about it? I was daring him to do anything ...

 

I pity your husband to have to tolerate you. Why would you advertise your availability when being married means you are not available? Why do you need to make him jealous? For some attention, albeit negative attention? What are you daring him to do, divorce you?

[tlegend]

You say he flirted with his secretary? What did he do exactly? There's a world of difference between being friendly, amiable, and sociable, and being flirtatious. Flirting is simultaneously advertising 1) sexual attractiveness and 2) availability.

 

I flirted right in front of my husband. He accused me of it. I denied that I had flirted or had any intention of flirting. I accused him in turn of being an unsophis-ticated barbarian and a Teuton. But, the truth was I was indeed flirting and advertising my looks and my availability. I also enjoyed arousing my husband's jealousy and enjoy seeing him discomfited, uncomfortable, even humiliated. What could he do after all? What was he going to do about it? I was daring him to do anything ...

 

What the ****.

 

**** you.

 

That is all.

[d0nnivain]

I am a flirty person but I am also loyal. Flirting doesn't bother me. However, I recognize that it takes a strong, secure man to be my partner because I am flirty. When I dated men who couldn't handle it, I stopped dating them because my personality was never going to be something they were comfortable with.

 

 

I don't see a huge problem with your BF causally & harmlessly flirting with a secretary. I do see a huge problem with whatever lies you say you caught him in. Unless the lie was "I wasn't flirting" in which case you two need to talk to determine what you each consider flirting.

 

 

Your BF may be unlike me. He may be capable of toning it down at your request.

 

 

If you are not comfortable with his behavior and he is unwilling to change it -- both of which are viable positions -- you two may simply be incompatible, which is OK. Just recognize it & move on rather than trying to change somebody into somebody they are not

[loveshots]

i don't think that is a major issue just make sure that he isn't actually trying to get in bed with her because then you got a problem..also he shouldn't be doing things that will hurt you at least not intentionally

 

How would I possibly know if he's not trying to sleep with her? This is so frustrating.

[lolablue17]

How would I possibly know if he's not trying to sleep with her? This is so frustrating.

 

You cant know.

 

A man can change his decisions but not his nature.

If you want loyalty - It's a decision he can make.

If you want him not to flirt - you're trying to change his nature - pointless, hopeless, cant be achieved.

[johndoe13]

I am a flirty person but I am also loyal. Flirting doesn't bother me. However, I recognize that it takes a strong, secure man to be my partner because I am flirty.

 

Questions though are you sure you are always flirty! Or does it depend on the guy you are with!

 

Flirty does not mean just nice! I means constant eye contact suggesting more than a simple conversations; like...I like you and would like more with you BUT unfortunately I am in a relationship! Take note of the bold in unfortunately! Could it be that with your past boyfriends you were not giving up on the flirting because they did not really do it for you sexually; hence flirting is my fix for what is lacking in my relationship! I'm sorry but when someone is CAPABLE OF CONNECTING EMOTIONALLY WITH SOMEONE, really in love and happy overall with someone(E.I. sexually) they just don't flirt because there is just absolutely no need; at least in my opinion. So yes if he is flirting or constantly staring at women in front of you it is not a good sign!

 

 

If you are crazy about your boyfriend where is the motivation to engage in sexual tension with someone else?

Edited March 3, 2014 by johndoe13

[ThatGirl213]

You say he flirted with his secretary? What did he do exactly? There's a world of difference between being friendly, amiable, and sociable, and being flirtatious. Flirting is simultaneously advertising 1) sexual attractiveness and 2) availability.

 

I flirted right in front of my husband. He accused me of it. I denied that I had flirted or had any intention of flirting. I accused him in turn of being an unsophis-ticated barbarian and a Teuton. But, the truth was I was indeed flirting and advertising my looks and my availability. I also enjoyed arousing my husband's jealousy and enjoy seeing him discomfited, uncomfortable, even humiliated. What could he do after all? What was he going to do about it? I was daring him to do anything ...

 

You really like to see your husband humiliated? Why is that so? Did he do something or make you feel that way ever? How would you like it if he humiliated you? I don't think you would be too happy about that, would you?

It is one thing to check if your spouse is getting jealous (Although I still think that's barbaric to even test your spouse's love that way) but you seem like you don't mind having your marriage being displaced as a joke.

[d0nnivain]

Questions though are you sure you are always flirty! Or does it depend on the guy you are with!

 

Flirty does not mean just nice! I means constant eye contact suggesting more than a simple conversations; like...I like you and would like more with you BUT unfortunately I am in a relationship! Take note of the bold in unfortunately! Could it be that with your past boyfriends you were not giving up on the flirting because they did not really do it for you sexually; hence flirting is my fix for what is lacking in my relationship! I'm sorry but when someone is CAPABLE OF CONNECTING EMOTIONALLY WITH SOMEONE, really in love and happy overall with someone(E.I. sexually) they just don't flirt because there is just absolutely no need; at least in my opinion. So yes if he is flirting or constantly staring at women in front of you it is not a good sign!

 

 

If you are crazy about your boyfriend where is the motivation to engage in sexual tension with someone else?

 

 

I'm happily married. Yet, just this afternoon I was flirting with the contractor who was doing work on my house. He's happily married with a baby on the way. We (me & the contractor) have known each other longer than we have both been married even if you add the lengths of our marriages together. We flirt because it's fun. He called me beautiful. I batted my eyes & told him what an amazing job he did on the kitchen. At one point I kissed him on the top of the head because he saved me a bunch of money. We have zero interest in actually having an intimate relationship with each other (years ago I dated his brother) but the ego boost was enjoyable.

 

 

Neither one of us would have altered a thing about this afternoon's encounter even if our spouses were in the room. It's all very innocent & everybody involved knows that.

 

 

In the past if a relationship wasn't doing it for me, I tried to fix what was wrong or I ended the relationship. I didn't stick around & make that person feel bad by demeaning them.

 

 

Harmless flirting has always been no big deal to me. I call people honey & Sweetie. I touch them on the arm or pat their backs. I hug them. I laugh & bat my eyes. It still doesn't mean that I want to have sex with them. Most men, even strangers, know this & I set the other's straight quickly & clearly, but politely. It is all about boundaries but I may draw them differently then some people. Again men I have dated & my husband have always been OK with it; it's just part of me. Most of them have joked that I could no more stop flirting then I could stop breathing.

 

 

If one person in a relationship can't handle that part of a partner's personality, they may not be compatible. I did date one guy who freaked if I so much as talked to another man. This was a huge issue because I was in the bar business at the time which had tons of men. His insecurity & jealousy got old fast. We didn't even last a year.

[PegNosePete]

How would I possibly know if he's not trying to sleep with her? This is so frustrating.

Look it doesn't matter if he is or not. The fact is, you are not happy with his behaviour. It upset you. You have told him how it made you feel, he has apologised, but has gone ahead and done it again with someone else.

 

Whether he is trying to get into their pants or is just "naturally flirty" (whatever that means), makes no difference really. What you have to ask yourself is, is this behaviour something you are prepared to put up with happening again and again in the future? If not then you need to move on because it seems he is NOT going to change.

[No Limit]

You really like to see your husband humiliated? Why is that so? Did he do something or make you feel that way ever? How would you like it if he humiliated you? I don't think you would be too happy about that, would you?

It is one thing to check if your spouse is getting jealous (Although I still think that's barbaric to even test your spouse's love that way) but you seem like you don't mind having your marriage being displaced as a joke.

 

Her thread tells that they're divorced now. Who would have expected that.

[johndoe13]

I'm happily married. Yet, just this afternoon I was flirting with the contractor ....We flirt because it's fun. He called me beautiful. I batted my eyes & told him what an amazing job he did on the kitchen. At one point I kissed him on the top of the head because he saved me a bunch of money. ...but the ego boost was enjoyable.

 

 

My ex seemed flirty when I met her....but at the end she was just extremely friendly and nice. You could almost just tell from the eyes if it is flirting (sexual tension or being really nice_not sexual).

 

I'm convinced that when you flirt with someone other than you mate you are doing it because you are missing a major component (spice, affection or attraction which you are trying to meet by flirting). Basically you will eventually cuckold the sucker.

 

My current girlfriend told me she was naturally flirty when we became exclusive. She flirted (although she always denied) with a friend once at a party where she did not stick by my side most of the night. I never invited her to a party again. I accused her and she almost dumpted me. I found out she was so easy to get to bed in the past; which still bothers me (not saying you were/are). I also notice that she has a weird look (staring) when she talked with men...which I always found ackward.

 

Anyways, I won't be the sucker to accept my girl creating sexual tension with strangers when she does not do it with me. So if I ever see her or hear she was flirting with someone; I will next her.

[johndoe13]

Look it doesn't matter if he is or not. The fact is, you are not happy with his behaviour. It upset you. You have told him how it made you feel, he has apologised, but has gone ahead and done it again with someone else.

 

Whether he is trying to get into their pants or is just "naturally flirty" (whatever that means), makes no difference really. What you have to ask yourself is, is this behaviour something you are prepared to put up with happening again and again in the future? If not then you need to move on because it seems he is NOT going to change.

 

 

I totally agree with this comment.