EX Boyfriend trying to make me mad? [update]

[SunshineOnMe]

So it's been about 7 months since I broke it off with my now ex boyfriend. We dated for about 2 years. 2-3 months prior to the breakup I started to loose interest. I wasn't happy at all. I didn't tell him because I wanted to see if my feelings would change. They didn't.

 

I called him and told him that it wasn't going to work out. He was shocked. I will admit that I should've told him, but I'm just not good at opening up. He got mad because I didn't tell him my problems and didn't give him a chance, and that I that I didn't do it in person. Which I can understand, but I didn't see it going anywhere. I couldn't drag myself down.

 

I week later I got back together to "try" but I just wasn't feeling it. I gave him another call and told him the truth of me not being happy with him anymore. He said okay, and hung up. I soon took him off Facebook.

 

So back 7 months later (now) I was just on Facebook, and he happened to be on my newsfeed because of a mutual friend.

 

I saw pictures of him at a wedding with a date... His EX girlfriend before me.... I was told that hey were "reconnecting."

 

Why is he doing this? Is he trying to make me jealous? I know that I went about the breakup all wrong, but he's really got some nerves getting back with her.

 

Why?

[RDawg]

Nevermind, apparently second chances never work out so he will soon be single and miserable again. If that makes you feel better.

[stillafool]

If you were/are no longer interested in a relationship with him, broke up with him, it isn't your business who he moves forward with. Why must everything be about you? Maybe he really never was over his ex and now they are giving it another go. He isn't trying to make you angry. You are angry on your own.

[SunshineOnMe]

If you were/are no longer interested in a relationship with him, broke up with him, it isn't your business who he moves forward with. Why must everything be about you? Maybe he really never was over his ex and now they are giving it another go. He isn't trying to make you angry. You are angry on your own.

 

I understand. I understand that how I went about the break up was ****ty. But this "ex gf" he's getting back with has talked trash about me when I was with him.

[Saurren]

I don't know why you even care who your ex is with, just drop and forget it. Trash talking is for high school and unless you're in high school you shouldn't care.

[SunshineOnMe]

I don't know why you even care who your ex is with, just drop and forget it. Trash talking is for high school and unless you're in high school you shouldn't care.

 

Sorry I'm not trying to come off as immature, I'm 20. What I meant was throughout the time we dated, she would send him really nasty things about me on Facebook and text. He spent our whole relationship defending me, now he's back with her? It just bothers me.

[Zahara]

I understand. I understand that how I went about the break up was ****ty. But this "ex gf" he's getting back with has talked trash about me when I was with him.

 

It was on a mutual friend's newsfeed and you're asking if he was trying to make you jealous? Then you state that he has some nerve getting back with her?

 

Who he gets back with is none of your business. When you booted him, you forfeited any say in his life. You don't get to dictate who and what he chooses to date. Even if the ex said bad things about you, you get no say. You're in his past.

 

And no, he's not trying to make you jealous. It was on a mutual friend's newsfeed. I think you're the one that is jealous.

 

Much entitlement.

[SunshineOnMe]

It was on a mutual friend's newsfeed and you're asking if he was trying to make you jealous? Then you state that he has some nerve getting back with her?

 

Who he gets back with is none of your business. When you booted him, you forfeited any say in his life. You don't get to dictate who and what he chooses to date. Even if the ex said bad things about you, you get no say. You're in his past.

 

And no, he's not trying to make you jealous. It was on a mutual friend's newsfeed. I think you're the one that is jealous.

 

Much entitlement.

 

But still though. If he truly cared for my feelings he would have chosen not to. I'm not trying to control him, I know I don't have the right.

[stillafool]

Sorry I'm not trying to come off as immature, I'm 20. What I meant was throughout the time we dated, she would send him really nasty things about me on Facebook and text. He spent our whole relationship defending me, now he's back with her? It just bothers me.

 

She more than likely was still in love with him and that's why she said those nasty things. Now he was free, you dumped him and she got him back. So what? You didn't want him. Just be glad he's happy.

[stillafool]

But still though. If he truly cared for my feelings he would have chosen not to. I'm not trying to control him, I know I don't have the right.

 

Why should he give 2 cents about what you want when you didn't want him? Do you expect him to lead the rest of his life trying to please you when you two are no longer together? Why don't you start dating other guys now since you didn't want him? Move on, you got what you wanted.

[Zahara]

But still though. If he truly cared for my feelings he would have chosen not to. I'm not trying to control him, I know I don't have the right.

 

If he cared for your feelings? He has no need to care for your feelings. As I said, you are in his past. Your wellbeing, your feelings, your issues, your problems are not his concern anymore. His concern is taking care of himself and doing what makes him happy. It's called indifference. He is indifferent to you. He will do what he wants to do without you in mind. It's natural and a normal stage to get to after a break-up.

 

You ended it with him because you weren't happy or feeling it with him anymore. You lost feelings. So why should he still habor feelings of care for you?

 

You're entitled. You're almost saying that he should prioritize your feelings when he chose this woman to date. I'm sorry, you get no say. You forfeited everything and anything when you dumped him.

[iDrumKing]

But still though. If he truly cared for my feelings he would have chosen not to. I'm not trying to control him, I know I don't have the right.

 

Um care about your feelings???? You broke up with him out of the blue and over the phone... Twice!!!

[SunshineOnMe]

Um care about your feelings???? You broke up with him out of the blue and over the phone... Twice!!!

 

I didn't want to see him sad!

[Zahara]

I didn't want to see him sad!

 

That's great that you were concerned about him being sad. Well now he's not sad anymore and you should be happy that he is happy.

 

Move on from this.

[SunshineOnMe]

If he cared for your feelings? He has no need to care for your feelings. As I said, you are in his past. Your wellbeing, your feelings, your issues, your problems are not his concern anymore. His concern is taking care of himself and doing what makes him happy. It's called indifference. He is indifferent to you. He will do what he wants to do without you in mind. It's natural and a normal stage to get to after a break-up.

 

You ended it with him because you weren't happy or feeling it with him anymore. You lost feelings. So why should he still habor feelings of care for you?

 

You're entitled. You're almost saying that he should prioritize your feelings when he chose this woman to date. I'm sorry, you get no say. You forfeited everything and anything when you dumped him.

 

Well after thinking about it, maybe I actually do still care about him. I know breaking up over the phone is coward move, especially for a 2 year relationship. And now I realize that I didn't really give him a chance.

 

Do you think it's too late to get him back?

[Zahara]

Well after thinking about it, maybe I actually do still care about him. I know breaking up over the phone is coward move, especially for a 2 year relationship. And now I realize that I didn't really give him a chance.

 

Do you think it's too late to get him back?

 

OMG. You don't care for him. You're just jealous and bitter that he's with someone else. If you didn't see the post, you'd still be on your merry way not wanting to be with him.

 

You dumped him twice. You're mistaking your jealousy/bitterness for care. You can't stand that he is with his ex so you want to poke your nose in there and ruin it for him.

 

Leave the guy alone. You already kicked him in the gut twice. You had a relationship with him, never told him your issues so he could fix it, realized you didn't see yourself with him, sprung a break-up on him, then went back and dumped him again.

 

WTF.

[iDrumKing]

Well after thinking about it, maybe I actually do still care about him. I know breaking up over the phone is coward move, especially for a 2 year relationship. And now I realize that I didn't really give him a chance.

 

Do you think it's too late to get him back?

 

I think the damage is done at this point. When evaluating a break up decision you have to weigh ALL pros and cons. You didn't open up to him, and when you did you didn't even give him an opportunity. You've scared him. What's done is done and you're gonna have to live with your decision.

 

He's moved on. He's back with his ex. You're living in the past like Zahara mentioned. His previous ex probably took the time while you two were dating to improve herself. He noticed. They already had history and wanted to start again on a stronger platform.

 

You need to move on. Be happy for him. Hopefully this teaches you a lesson to not break up the way you did. Burning bridges....

[mammasita]

OP - I can relate.

 

My ex is back with his ex before me. I don't want him AT ALL but for some reason it ticks me off. He claims he realized he still had feelings for her. Bunch of BS.

 

I don't know why it bothers me, it just does. You're not alone.

[Minneloa]

I think you need a serious reality check. Your ex has moved on and is no longer concerned with your feelings, happy, sad, or otherwise. This is a direct and natural consequence of your decision to break up with him. Let it be and move on with your own life.

[mammasita]

Oh I forgot to add - I'm sure that both your ex and mine aren't doing this to make us mad. That part is pretty ridiculous.

[iDrumKing]

I think you need a serious reality check. Your ex has moved on and is no longer concerned with your feelings, happy, sad, or otherwise. This is a direct and natural consequence of your decision to break up with him. Let it be and move on with your own life.

 

I agree with you Minneloa. Op - you have to snap out of it. He's GONE. You don't love him, you're just being incredibly jealous.

[picnicinthepark]

Well after thinking about it, maybe I actually do still care about him. I know breaking up over the phone is coward move, especially for a 2 year relationship. And now I realize that I didn't really give him a chance.

 

Do you think it's too late to get him back?

 

I agree that breaking up with him over the phone was cowardly but that's not the issue here...

 

Now that you've seen him with someone else you just want something you can't have. You are jealous and you're mistaking this jealousy for your "feelings" for him. You did not give him a chance when he asked you. I think he would have moved mountains for you.

 

You left him. Plain and simple. When you did this you were basically telling him that he wasn't worth a second chance. Now you expect him to come back? Maybe he will, maybe he won't.

 

You need to ask yourself why you want him back. Are you ready to accept that you made a mistake and take responsibility for both of your shortcomings in your relationship and work on them? Or are you just crushed to see him with someone?

 

My ex left me for the same reasons you left yours. If she came crawling back soon after I'd moved on I wouldn't take her back. If I was your ex I wouldn't come back to you.

 

You made your bed. Now sleep in it.

[SunshineOnMe]

I agree that breaking up with him over the phone was cowardly but that's not the issue here...

 

Now that you've seen him with someone else you just want something you can't have. You are jealous and you're mistaking this jealousy for your "feelings" for him. You did not give him a chance when he asked you. I think he would have moved mountains for you.

 

You left him. Plain and simple. When you did this you were basically telling him that he wasn't worth a second chance. Now you expect him to come back? Maybe he will, maybe he won't.

 

You need to ask yourself why you want him back. Are you ready to accept that you made a mistake and take responsibility for both of your shortcomings in your relationship and work on them? Or are you just crushed to see him with someone?

 

My ex left me for the same reasons you left yours. If she came crawling back soon after I'd moved on I wouldn't take her back. If I was your ex I wouldn't come back to you.

 

You made your bed. Now sleep in it.

 

I think it's a little bit of both seeing him with someone new/old and that I think I made a mistake. When I had problems, I went to everyone but him to help me with my problems. I want to try again, but I don't know how. I haven't texted him or called or anything, so it's not like I'm trying to squeeze my way back in.

 

 

A couple of weeks after we broke up the second time I heard that he's been having panic attacks here and there because the break up was a traumatic event for him. I've felt sooooooo bad for all of these months. Being by myself has shown me how great of a guy he was.

 

Is it really impossible to get him back?

[Zahara]

No, being alone all these months has now triggered your jealousy because he's now moved on and you're still alone. All because of a post. If you had not seen the post, you wouldn't be harping on this. You wouldn't have started this thread.

 

And if you decide to poke your nose in his life again, you better be damn sure you're not going to hurt him again. You stating that you saw the relationship going nowhere and you weren't into him doesn't change in seven months. You felt that way for a reason.

 

You can't have what you want and if you don't want him, you can't stand that some other woman is wanting him. You can't stand that he's happy. You can't stand he chose an ex that wronged you and that makes you feel unvalidated.

[picnicinthepark]

I think it's a little bit of both seeing him with someone new/old and that I think I made a mistake. When I had problems, I went to everyone but him to help me with my problems. I want to try again, but I don't know how. I haven't texted him or called or anything, so it's not like I'm trying to squeeze my way back in.

 

 

A couple of weeks after we broke up the second time I heard that he's been having panic attacks here and there because the break up was a traumatic event for him. I've felt sooooooo bad for all of these months. Being by myself has shown me how great of a guy he was.

 

Is it really impossible to get him back?

 

I don't know what to tell you...

 

Would you feel the same way if you had no idea what was going on in his life?

 

Can you honestly say this has nothing to do with the fact that he's with someone now?

 

What were your problems and what would you do differently to make it work if you got back together?

 

Do you genuinely see a future with him?

 

You need to ask yourself these questions otherwise you'd be jumping back in too quickly and risk the chance of falling into old habits and hurting one another again.

 

If enough time had passed for both of us to grow and heal and my ex came back ready to fix our problems and try again with 100%, I would. Everyone deserves a second chance. I think you need to work on yourself for now and figure out what you really want.