iDrumKing Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Wait... You had sex with him, but couldn't open up over the course of two years? Am I reading this correctly? 1
Sandy99 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Wow, OP you sound so narcissistic. Everything is only about you, right? You dumped your ex over the phone because you didn't want him to drag you down? That's so harsh. Yes, he's moved on. Who cares who he is with? You dumped him in a cold and heartless way. I am sure he will be much happier with somebody who treats him with even the slightest shred of respect, which you weren't able to muster. Learn a lesson from this OP and learn to communicate your problems with your boyfriend while still dating, so maybe you can salvage a good relationship and not have "dumpers remorse" later, as you call it. This guy is doing nothing to you. You did everything to yourself. Deal with it. 3
Author SunshineOnMe Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Wow, OP you sound so narcissistic. Everything is only about you, right? You dumped your ex over the phone because you didn't want him to drag you down? That's so harsh. I didn't mean he was dragging me down, I meant that since I wasn't happy with the relationship, I'd be dragging us both down. I'd be leading him on while I would be trying to be part of something I no longer want. I understand now. I need to open up. I just want for him to give me another chance. I know that it might be too far gone. I left him when he needed me most. I thought that I wouldn't settle since I'm about to turn 21. I'm still young, yes. I could open up so well to the guys I worked with that I naturally connected with them. I don't know what to do.... I just need help.
iDrumKing Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 So you had an emotional affair....... You connected well with other guys at work, yet you couldn't give your own BF a hint of your thoughts. Jesus. Sun, everyone here is criticizing you so much because you did a number on this guy. Holy crap. 1
somedude81 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Unless I'm completely mistaken, the only reason you want him back is because you saw pictures of him with with a woman. And not only a woman, it was his ex before you. Ha, that makes me want to take pictures with some random girls and post them on Facebook, which will get my ex jealous and then she'll come calling me wanting to get back together. 4
LostConfused123 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Why do you think a fight would start if you spoke up? Frankly I wish my ex-GF spoke and brought out her grievances instead of randomly dumping me one day. I don't know if this isn't obvious to some girls, but there is absolutely nothing worse to a guy than suddenly being dumped when you had no idea it was coming. Would you be fine if a BF you love and thought he was happy with you, called you one day and said that it's over? That's what happened to me. Guys do this too. Hopefully OP you can learn what myself and many others have learned. Communication is imperative!! 2
somedude81 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 That's what happened to me. Guys do this too. Hopefully OP you can learn what myself and many others have learned. Communication is imperative!! Such a shame. I hope karma bit him on the ass. 1
guest572 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 OP, my ex did the same thing to me as what you have done in terms of the breakup and the lead up to it.. except he broke up with me in person. It still hurts very badly a couple of months on and will probably take me many more months to recover and even look at other men let alone trust again. As it was your first long term relationship it probably is hard for you to really understand what he went through. You don't know heartbreak until you have felt it. I think your ex is doing very well to be happy and dating again. You can't do anything about it now that he is in a relationship. If you reach out now and ask to try again, that wouldn't be fair to him. Look at your mistakes and learn from them for your next relationship. Try to be less selfish and put your future man's feelings first. Many things you have said show selfishness..HE didn't MAKE you happy and you dumped him over the phone because YOU didn't want to see him sad. If you were happy with your decision of dumping him at the time, you are probably right. Trust your instincts. Now you are months out of the relationship and have probably forgotten why you were unhappy and you miss him, but do you really, truly want him back? You had 2 years with him to determine that he wasn't right for you. What has changed? And as others said, I really doubt he wants to make you jealous, he probably didn't know you would even see the photo. 1
Sandy99 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 OP it sounds like you're still not happy. So what you should be concluding is that the problem lies with you. This guy didn't make you unhappy. You make yourself unhappy. Work on yourself and do not bother this ex boyfriend. He doesn't deserve to be with an unhappy person who blames their unhappiness on him. It's not fair to him. Good luck. 1
Survivor12 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Since you are now aware of the importance of being open and honest and care so much about his feelings: when you try to get him back be sure to tell him the real reason you want to be with him--that you're jealous and can't stand seeing him with his former ex.
Author SunshineOnMe Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Just as an update for those who gave me critical yet needed advice. I did reach out to him. I called him. He sounded very confused at first, so I'm assuming I'm no longer in his phone. Asked for a minute of his time, and I'm surprised he gave it to me. I talked for quite some time to make my case. I told him that I realized that my communication problem wasn't in line and should've allowed him to help me with issues. I apologized for the way I broke up with him over the phone twice. I told him that the two years we were together were very important to me, and the only reason why I left was because I felt held back and that I shouldn't settle at my age. I was sorry for everything. He said that he couldn't do anything about it, bye and hung up. I texted him asking him if we could meet up soon and this is what he sent back: "You have no idea how bad you hurt me. All I wanted to do was help you, and you didn't allow that. You kept telling me that we're two completely different people, that you just couldn't open up to me, that you were happy on your own. Do you realize how that made me feel coming out of the blue? No warning no nothing. All you had to do was open your mouth and speak to me. Looking back all I saw were fake smiles. I made myself look like a fool trying to chase you. I would think that a 2 year relationship would mean enough to you to end things in person, but I guess not. I don't care for you nor do I hate you. You are a stranger to me. Please I ask for you to no longer contact me." I had a lump in my throat reading the text. I did what he asked. I stopped contacting him. I was being so sincere when speaking out to him. Do you think he was being harsh though? 1
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Do you think he was being harsh though? In all honesty? No... I think you did a real number on this guy and this was his final push to let you know how much you hurt him. He's happy now with someone new. And as his text said, leave him alone. Plain and simple. OP, you're sad and I know, but you need to take this as a learning experience. 2
disclosure Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Following this thread closely. The "not fully communicating feelings" before breaking up definitely hits close to home. Makes me think that this will be me 7 months down the road. Harsh truths from everyone, but good luck OP.
DontBreakEven Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Do you think he was being harsh though? GOOD FOR HIM!!! No, he was not being harsh. He was actually very mature. He handled that perfectly, and obviously has come to see that he is soooo much better off without you. Everything in this thread points to you being a narcissist and this guy getting healthy and moving on with his life. Your ex is my hero for how he handled this. You don't deserve him. 3
Author SunshineOnMe Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 You don't deserve him. Maybe not now, but why won't he give me a chance to prove myself? We all make mistakes, right? And if I can't ever be with him again, what about platonic friends? What does he mean by calling me a "stranger?"
Simon Phoenix Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Just as an update for those who gave me critical yet needed advice. I did reach out to him. I called him. He sounded very confused at first, so I'm assuming I'm no longer in his phone. Asked for a minute of his time, and I'm surprised he gave it to me. I talked for quite some time to make my case. I told him that I realized that my communication problem wasn't in line and should've allowed him to help me with issues. I apologized for the way I broke up with him over the phone twice. I told him that the two years we were together were very important to me, and the only reason why I left was because I felt held back and that I shouldn't settle at my age. I was sorry for everything. He said that he couldn't do anything about it, bye and hung up. I texted him asking him if we could meet up soon and this is what he sent back: "You have no idea how bad you hurt me. All I wanted to do was help you, and you didn't allow that. You kept telling me that we're two completely different people, that you just couldn't open up to me, that you were happy on your own. Do you realize how that made me feel coming out of the blue? No warning no nothing. All you had to do was open your mouth and speak to me. Looking back all I saw were fake smiles. I made myself look like a fool trying to chase you. I would think that a 2 year relationship would mean enough to you to end things in person, but I guess not. I don't care for you nor do I hate you. You are a stranger to me. Please I ask for you to no longer contact me." I had a lump in my throat reading the text. I did what he asked. I stopped contacting him. I was being so sincere when speaking out to him. Do you think he was being harsh though? No, you deserved every bit of that, and maybe more. You did this guy dirty and you try to get back with him because you are jealous that he's with his ex? To be honest, you are a child and you need to grow the f*ck up. I'm disgusted reading what you've written ITT. You're extremely selfish and immature and entitled -- a triangle of awfulness. And now you think you are obligated to get another chance from him? The nerve you have to suggest that. If I were him I'd be offended by your entitled attitude. I'm offended by it and I don't even know you. Not much gets me angry on this site, but you're getting me pretty close. It's time for you to be an adult and it's time for you to realize that the world isn't here to cater to your whims. 5
Simon Phoenix Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 And for dumpees, reactions like the OP's are exactly why No Contact is preached ad nauseum on this site. This guy moved forward like a champ and didn't look back and he did it so well that his ex is now all flustered because of how thoroughly he charged forward. And not only does he hold all the cards now, but he has no interest in playing them because he stayed No Contact and discovered something better for him. None of this would have ever happened had he kept after the OP and kept wanting to be in her life -- she'd be as dismissive of him now as she was when they broke up. Now she's despondent because he moved on just fine while she didn't do anything to improve her lot in life. No Contact everyone. It's advised for a reason. 7
Zahara Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) Maybe not now, but why won't he give me a chance to prove myself? We all make mistakes, right? And if I can't ever be with him again, what about platonic friends? What does he mean by calling me a "stranger?" He was very civil, dignified and straightforward. I didn't see any harshness in his response to you. He's not responsible to give you a chance. It's his prerogative to choose to move on. He's probably lost feelings and after an ending like that you certainly burned the bridge. Your mistakes don't require him to give you a chance to rectify them. There's that entitlement and selfishness again. Friends? After the way you treated him, you don't carry the qualities of a friend. I'm sure he has his ex and his friends to provide him with friendships that he needs. He most surely doesn't need a "friend" that hurt him. Stranger? It means he is choosing not to know you or have anything to do with you. He's put you in the past. Edited March 6, 2014 by Zahara 4
Zahara Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) "I left was because I felt held back and that I shouldn't settle at my age. I was sorry for everything." Settle at your age? It's been 7 months since the break-up!!! How after 7 months has that reasoning changed? All the more proof that you're only doing this because you can't stand him going back to his ex, realizing that she's making him happy and you're by yourself. Grow up. Edited March 6, 2014 by Zahara 3
BC1980 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Was he harsh? He was a lot more dignified than many people would be. He basically asked you to respect him and not contact him. This entire thread is about you, but you really don't seem to care about how any of your actions affect him. It's kind of awful to read. 6
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 And for dumpees, reactions like the OP's are exactly why No Contact is preached ad nauseum on this site. This guy moved forward like a champ and didn't look back and he did it so well that his ex is now all flustered because of how thoroughly he charged forward. And not only does he hold all the cards now, but he has no interest in playing them because he stayed No Contact and discovered something better for him. None of this would have ever happened had he kept after the OP and kept wanting to be in her life -- she'd be as dismissive of him now as she was when they broke up. Now she's despondent because he moved on just fine while she didn't do anything to improve her lot in life. No Contact everyone. It's advised for a reason. This ex of hers is my friggin hero... 1
Sandy99 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 This thread should be read by all people who have callously dumped somebody before, and then tried to get them back later (because this happens a lot). I think there is a period of time where forgiveness might happen, but in time, once the dumpee gets over you, there is probably no hope. So chose your break ups carefully and learn to communicate your feelings while still in the relationship (!!!) or don't get into relationships! Stay single. Also OP, I don't think your ex was being harsh. I am sure he is responding the way most people do once they have gotten over being harshly dumped. That was it for him. You might have had a grace period with him for a few months, but now he's never going back. That's something you have to live with. Learn from this and realize that you could have prevented all this if you had talked to him and expressed your feelings. How hard could that have been for you? Think about it. You caused this guy a lot of unnecessary pain and now you're the one who has to pay the price in the end. 2
David87 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) Maybe not now, but why won't he give me a chance to prove myself? We all make mistakes, right? And if I can't ever be with him again, what about platonic friends? What does he mean by calling me a "stranger?" You are a stranger to him now, because you hurt him so bad that I can't even describe how it feels ..... but now that you become the dumpee you'll feel some of his pain. I can understand your frustration( you're the dumpee now BTW). It hurts to be rejected and the best thing to do is to start NC immediately, delete him from your phone and social media and start improving yourself because you have alot to change. And please don't do this again in the future. Best of luck. Edited March 6, 2014 by David87 1
lonegirl Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 This thread should be pinned... wow, you're so arrogant and entitled! Your ex should be LS's hero. Move on, he doesn't want you (and i hope he stays this way ).
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 This thread should be pinned... wow, you're so arrogant and entitled! Your ex should be LS's hero. Move on, he doesn't want you (and i hope he stays this way ). Seconded... This ex of hers is a PRIME EXAMPLE of what nearly everyone preaches on here. NO CONTACT He not only used NC to move on and heal, but but found happiness somewhere instead of getting back together with an ex. All new dumpees should read this thread...
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