Feel Lost

[C0ldrain]

Hi

 

I'm very new to the forum and only found it by looking up relationships with ex's etc.

Let me tell you something about me first. I have a Daughter who is 5 with another woman. Me and my current ex have a son, he has just turned 2. We have been split for a month now. We had been living at her parents and sister for nearly 2 years. Her family love me and can't believe that she has done the split.

 

Let you tell you some of my story. Its fairly long.

 

I don't even know where to start, so lets start at the break up and see where it flows forwards and backwards in my memory. We been split for a month now, it came out of the blue. I had just bought a house and was decorating it. We ordered my son's bed which arrived on the 17th of Jan. My ex had to wait at the house while i was at work for it to be delivered. It came and she went back to her parents house as i had my daughter that weekend ( i have my daughter every other weekend) just as i got back i get a text asking if i was happy, i said yes, i know i have't seen you a lot recently but i was concentrating on the house. She replied saying she wasn't happy and wanted a break. She needed time and space to figure out what she wants. I done the typical thing, pleaded, say we can work on things if you can communicated with me. What we have is just too much to give up on.

During the "break" (not break up) i was a wreck, holding onto hope, knowing she will end it. was still texting her etc. Accused her friend of changing her.

 

See she had a new job last year, it was seasonal, but she still hanged with her boss and new best friend after her job finished and it even got more increasingly . I didn't mind that as she didn't have many friends. They started going out alot more and i wasn't getting invited ( bells ringing). A week before new year roughly she said maggie was going out for NYE ( i guess she was telling me that she was going too). Then a few days before she said she was going, i was abit upset and said would she not rather send it with me and our son?

 

She got moody and was like fine i'll stay here then. I did the wrong thing, i let her go out NYE.

 

She was hiding her phone from me getting I Messages from her friend( lets call her M) all the time. I could see the name M come up but not the message. She would angle it away when she read it and replied.

 

She was starting back again to a new role but the same place in February, but her "boss" ( not M a new boss) apparently asking her to come in and work. she wasn't going work i knew this.

 

I met M 3-4 times briefly every time i got a cold feeling.

 

Anyway so 2 weeks after the 17th of jan she ended it with me. The 1st of feb a week before our sons birthday.

 

Anyway i acted confident at his birthday, and tried NC but she kept texting me about our son and arrangements for when i see him etc but then changing subject and have random questions in. She was confirming when i was seeing logan so she could go to that house but saying she at "m". So i sorted all of that and tried to ignore her texts, but its really difficult.

 

Now i know she been lying to her family saying shes going "m" house but when i see her GPS ( fb messages when she messages me) she was somewhere else and was at this persons house all night (told her family it was M)

 

So i think she is seeing someone else but keeping it a secret to everyone. I Have no hard proof, i have seen her search history on computer and it was looking up Hotels with hot tubs ( date of history was around valentines)

 

When we see each other ( when i see my son and take him for the weekend) and when texting we kept it nice and pleasent.

 

She also keeps trying to give me my son for a sat night when its not my weekend with im too. I said no. I keep saying no to her "suggestions"...

 

I do want her back. I don't know why she left. She gave the reasons of, I love you but i not in love with you any more. I wasn't happy. ( both things if they changed once can change again surely?)

 

I have come to face that i just have to let her go and see what happens. I started NC yesterday, and plan to ignore her texts where i can.

 

But what do i do when its about my son? And what about when i have to see her etc?

 

I think there is another guy, it makes sense with whats been going on? So i think shes met him at work, and possibly her work friends ( who i never met) i wonder have influenced this too.

 

I gave her everything she wanted ( family, a house, a child) and she throws it all away. By text. She didn't even break up with me in Person. She did it by text.

 

What do i do?

 

There is more to this story, but its long enough and fragmented as it is ( my brain not quite working)

 

Please reply

[tomcat_f14]

You say you gave her everything, but did she put the same effort into the relationship to give you everything you needed?

 

Regardless who is influencing her, if she's strong enough and cares enough, she should never let anyone influence such a big decision. Obviously you love her, but she was a coward to end a serious relationship by text.

 

You have a son together so she'll always be part of your life, but she musn't stop you from living your life.

 

If she's moved on with someone else, then maybe she'll realise what she's missing and come back, but I wouldn't put everything on that hope. If it's meant to be then she'll come back, if it's not it means there's something better for you out there.

 

When you see her, just be yourself. You need to get along for the sake of your son. In time, it will be easier to see her and less painful.

 

She has a new job, new friends and possibly a new partner ... maybe it's time you looked for something new with someone who deserves and appreciates you.

[C0ldrain]

Well i can confirm she is seeing someone else. She is keeping it secret from me and her family ( as she still lives at home) i would suspect she been seeing him before she ended it.

 

What do i do now? She doesn't know that i know? do i let her know? Do i let her family know? Or do i just let her get on with it? I just don't think its fair she leaves our son with her family to look after as she goes out with this guy but say she going "work" or going out with other friends.

 

Please respond

[David87]

Well i can confirm she is seeing someone else. She is keeping it secret from me and her family ( as she still lives at home) i would suspect she been seeing him before she ended it.

 

What do i do now? She doesn't know that i know? do i let her know? Do i let her family know? Or do i just let her get on with it? I just don't think its fair she leaves our son with her family to look after as she goes out with this guy but say she going "work" or going out with other friends.

 

Please respond

 

What do you do? Pay atention ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

 

Don't tell that you know, in fact block her on social media and start NC.

 

Be there for your son not for her.

[C0ldrain]

I started No contact yesterday. She doesn't post a lot of Social Media. Not sure what blocking her would do. She texted me this morning saying, when i come over can i give our son a bath as she not going to be home till late as she going Cinema with friends ( and named the friends) as a show was canceled. She already texted me monday saying she will be home late so i can put him to bed if i wanted ( both i have ignored and not responded too).

 

I still love her yes it does hurt. But i made the decision i am going to live my life and be happy. The situation just sucks a bit as this is the 2nd relationship i have with a child that failed.

 

2 children with 2 different women. Didn't want to end up like that.

 

The guy she is seeing has a famous cousin and he is a Close protection officer (security/bouncer) not that it matters.

 

I read on here about EX's coming back. Do they actually come back once you moved on? does it last? Or is this any new relationship dead with her now?

[David87]

To be honest, they rarely come back and when they do is because things didn't go well with the one she cheated on you. I'm sorry that this happened to you twice. Next time be more careful and don't make another baby until you are sure that the girl is worth your time.

[C0ldrain]

I thought she was. We had known each other before. Had a good relationship. things changed when she had our son and financial problems happened. But everything in a relationship can be worked through if you talk and are honest about things ( thats my view anyway) Love is not something you just have it has to be nurtured and grown.

 

She didn't want to work on it. so its over. I not going to wait for her, i will continue to try to move on. If she comes back then it would be my decision to accept her back or not. and by that time things probably would have changed for me.

 

I think i am actually scared of falling out of love with her. as i do want her back. i guess thats the break up brain talking

 

How do i deal with her when she texts me about our son etc if its No contact.

[David87]

You talk to her when it's about your son. He is your priority now.

[C0ldrain]

Right ok. obv will have to see her at some point ( due to me picking him up etc) also i am very close to her family. They are pretty much my 2nd family. And i don't want to lose them as they are very close to my son. I am welcome over any time. So i want to visit ( when she is not there) is that ok?

 

I know its not going to help my recovery time.

[David87]

Normally I wouldn't advise to remain friends with an ex's family but in this case, because of your son you can visit them from time to time, when she's not there.

[C0ldrain]

Thanks for the advice.