Men: What do you like in a woman? Do my personality and interests suck?

[awkwardturtle]

Recently I was talking to a guy for a few weeks who at first seemed interested, then seemed to pull back and stopped contacting me. A week after we last talked, I discovered he's seeing someone else. I'm embarrassed to admit I creeped on the new girl's FB profile, which is mostly private but from what I could tell, she's pretty opposite of me, and I don't mean just physically.

 

This got me to thinking - I ALWAYS get rejected by guys I like and there has to be something about me that's turning them off.

 

I'm a good, honest person. I'm not clingy or demanding. I have a sense of humor. I'm told I'm attractive so I don't think looks are the issue, and I do LOOK feminine - I have long hair and wear makeup, etc.

 

Many of these guys who reject me are guys I share common likes/interests with, this last guy included. So now I'm wondering - could it be that I'm not "girlie" enough? I hate to stereotype but I tend to like movies, TV shows, music, etc that a lot of girls don't like but a lot of guys do. I just can't bring myself to enjoy "bubble gum" pop music and chick flicks - it's not who I am. (Just giving examples/making generalizations based on the girls I've been rejected for, I really don't mean to offend anyone here.) I also am interested in video games, cars, playing guitar, etc. - are these hobbies too "boyish"?

 

Also, I'm a bit "nerdy"/bookish; interested in current events, politics, science, etc; skeptical/not religious at all; maybe a bit cynical but not bitter...Are these turn-offs to guys? (No, I am not saying any of these of these traits are either "masculine" or "feminine". But they sure are similar to the guys I like and different from the girls I keep getting rejected for!)

 

So men, what is it that turns you on/off? ***And please try to base your answers not on what you think you should like, but on the women you've actually liked in the past.***

[pteromom]

Are these turn-offs to guys? (

 

Not to the RIGHT guy(s).

 

Even if 10 guys answer that they don't like your hobbies and interests, how is that helpful? Are you going to change who you are and what you like so you can get better search results?

 

Look for guys who like you for who you are. If that is just 1 in 100 guys, it is better to go for that ONE who you could be truly happy with than try to attract 50 of them and go on a bunch of dates with guys you are incompatible with, or who you have to continue to pretend you are someone else with.

[soccerrprp]

You sound young, so my view may not be so pertinent. I'm 45. Two things that would keep me from pursuing you are: (1) video games and (2) cynical. Surprisingly, the liking of video games is most bothersome for me. But then again, I'm not a gamer and finding wasting hours playing video games, is, well, a waste of time.

 

Your handle, "awkwardturtle" says a lot about who you are?

[OpheliaSong]

Recently I was talking to a guy for a few weeks who at first seemed interested, then seemed to pull back and stopped contacting me. A week after we last talked, I discovered he's seeing someone else. I'm embarrassed to admit I creeped on the new girl's FB profile, which is mostly private but from what I could tell, she's pretty opposite of me, and I don't mean just physically.

 

This got me to thinking - I ALWAYS get rejected by guys I like and there has to be something about me that's turning them off.

 

I'm a good, honest person. I'm not clingy or demanding. I have a sense of humor. I'm told I'm attractive so I don't think looks are the issue, and I do LOOK feminine - I have long hair and wear makeup, etc.

 

Many of these guys who reject me are guys I share common likes/interests with, this last guy included. So now I'm wondering - could it be that I'm not "girlie" enough? I hate to stereotype but I tend to like movies, TV shows, music, etc that a lot of girls don't like but a lot of guys do. I just can't bring myself to enjoy "bubble gum" pop music and chick flicks - it's not who I am. (Just giving examples/making generalizations based on the girls I've been rejected for, I really don't mean to offend anyone here.) I also am interested in video games, cars, playing guitar, etc. - are these hobbies too "boyish"?

 

Also, I'm a bit "nerdy"/bookish; interested in current events, politics, science, etc; skeptical/not religious at all; maybe a bit cynical but not bitter...Are these turn-offs to guys? (No, I am not saying any of these of these traits are either "masculine" or "feminine". But they sure are similar to the guys I like and different from the girls I keep getting rejected for!)

 

So men, what is it that turns you on/off? ***And please try to base your answers not on what you think you should like, but on the women you've actually liked in the past.***

 

I have some of your interests so I hope they aren't taboo...even if they are, I will keep them anyway because I want someone who likes me for me and not some carbon copy of what they think I should be.

[mammasita]

I agree that you do sound young - nothing wrong with that though.

 

Bottom line is you should just be YOU. I took a while to be comfortable being me - for a long time I thought I couldnt be with certain guys because they weren't my "style".

 

What a bunch of f*ckery that was (and is).

 

Like pteromom says - be you, be happy being you and the right guy will embrace that.

[hasaquestion]

I agree that you do sound young - nothing wrong with that though.

 

Bottom line is you should just be YOU. I took a while to be comfortable being me - for a long time I thought I couldnt be with certain guys because they weren't my "style".

 

What a bunch of f*ckery that was (and is).

 

Like pteromom says - be you, be happy being you and the right guy will embrace that.

 

This is good advice.

 

We all have room for self-improvement. But there is a fine line between self-improvement and changing yourself to try to please others.

 

Could you be doing something wrong? Yes. But its nothing you've listed. Everything you've listed is part of who you are and shouldn't change. Be yourself and a guy who likes you for you will show up.

[Silver93]

I think you should change whatever aspects you WANT to change about yourself but NEVER change for someone. You will find someone that loves you for you.

[Sivok]

Recently I was talking to a guy for a few weeks who at first seemed interested, then seemed to pull back and stopped contacting me. A week after we last talked, I discovered he's seeing someone else. I'm embarrassed to admit I creeped on the new girl's FB profile, which is mostly private but from what I could tell, she's pretty opposite of me, and I don't mean just physically.

 

This got me to thinking - I ALWAYS get rejected by guys I like and there has to be something about me that's turning them off.

 

I'm a good, honest person. I'm not clingy or demanding. I have a sense of humor. I'm told I'm attractive so I don't think looks are the issue, and I do LOOK feminine - I have long hair and wear makeup, etc.

 

Many of these guys who reject me are guys I share common likes/interests with, this last guy included. So now I'm wondering - could it be that I'm not "girlie" enough? I hate to stereotype but I tend to like movies, TV shows, music, etc that a lot of girls don't like but a lot of guys do. I just can't bring myself to enjoy "bubble gum" pop music and chick flicks - it's not who I am. (Just giving examples/making generalizations based on the girls I've been rejected for, I really don't mean to offend anyone here.) I also am interested in video games, cars, playing guitar, etc. - are these hobbies too "boyish"?

 

Also, I'm a bit "nerdy"/bookish; interested in current events, politics, science, etc; skeptical/not religious at all; maybe a bit cynical but not bitter...Are these turn-offs to guys? (No, I am not saying any of these of these traits are either "masculine" or "feminine". But they sure are similar to the guys I like and different from the girls I keep getting rejected for!)

 

So men, what is it that turns you on/off? ***And please try to base your answers not on what you think you should like, but on the women you've actually liked in the past.***

LIKE - Intelligent, confident, assertive, fit, feminine, positive (but realistic), sexual women.

 

DISLIKE - ignorance, narrow-mindedness, inability to take responsibility for themselves/their actions, prudish, constant negativity and complaining, clingy, unmotivated

[StanMusial]

If you have mannish tendencies it would turn off a lot of guys. Been there, didn't stick around.

[BikerAccnt]

You sound young, so my view may not be so pertinent. I'm 45. Two things that would keep me from pursuing you are: (1) video games and (2) cynical. Surprisingly, the liking of video games is most bothersome for me. But then again, I'm not a gamer and finding wasting hours playing video games, is, well, a waste of time.

 

Your handle, "awkwardturtle" says a lot about who you are?

 

 

Just HAD to jump in here, as a 53 year old gamer. A waste of time compared to what? Sitting and watching hours of NCIS. Castle, or the bachelor?

[BikerAccnt]

Awkward, your traits are fine for some, not fine for others. We men are as different as you women. There is no one size fits all.

 

 

Confidence is a big turn on for me personally. I like strong women with forceful opinions and will stand up to me when I'm an ass. I can't remember who said it but the line..

 

 

"Whatever lies in front of you, approach it with confidence" fits what I like most in a woman. You don't always have to "win" at what you try, but you at least have to be confident enough to try.

[CarrieT]

Just HAD to jump in here, as a 53 year old gamer. A waste of time compared to what? Sitting and watching hours of NCIS. Castle, or the bachelor?

 

For some of us, it is a waste of time compared to the sound of an orchestra warming up, watching actors on a stage, seeing art on gallery and museum walls, wildflowers on a hiking trail, rocks in the road felt by a bicycle, the smell of melting onions in a pan when cooking together...

 

There is so much more in life than what can be streamed through a television or electronic device.

[Phantom888]

Men's preferences are very subjective obviously. You can be completely gorgeous and fun, and still turn off a percentage of men. For example, my woman might be a bit too curvy for some men (especially her ex who likes anorexic types). But to me, she is absolutely gorgeous. I was stunned the first time we met. After we kissed the 1st time, I was convinced that I would never want to date another woman. This is chemistry...and cannot be explained logically. Your personality and interests may not be suitable for some men, but I'm absolutely certain that some guys would find you irresistible.

 

Don't waste time with guys who play games or don't know what they want. There is a word to describe those men: Man-child. Focus your energy on decent dudes who are into you, and appreciate you.

[BikerAccnt]

Carrie I'm in Ohio, hard to do a lot of that stuff in winter.

 

 

And you're right, I do many of those things too, I also game. To some people, the things you describe are a waste of time. For me, spending time in an ART gallery would be a waste of time and horribly boring (I'd rather be exporing a virtual land - and isn't that what a painting is anyway, a virtual representation?) . Now, a Natural History museum however would be fun.

[Versacehottie]

not a guy here but tend to think there is someone for everyone and that it's less about your interests but the way you interact with guys, I'm going to guess. Don't be too nice or agreeable trying to please. Be a bit of a challenge, etc etc. I also have to say if you are relatively young, the right guys for you as I imagine them (take other gamers for example), the last thing on their minds at this point is a girlfriend. If you liked a conservative, law school type at same age, probably a different story. Maybe skew things in your favor by trying to date a bit older than yourself. Lastly I think in your own way, try to insert some femininity into your game. Even for tomboyish types there is a way. Don't underestimate a perfectly fitting tee shirt that shows a bit of boobage. That way it won't seem like your making a 180 but simply that there is something to notice. Practice flirting. If you seem to be a friend to these guys, do the opposite of what you have been doing. Experiment. Good luck

[Phoe]

For some of us, it is a waste of time compared to the sound of an orchestra warming up, watching actors on a stage, seeing art on gallery and museum walls, wildflowers on a hiking trail, rocks in the road felt by a bicycle, the smell of melting onions in a pan when cooking together...

 

There is so much more in life than what can be streamed through a television or electronic device.

 

I play video games and that doesn't mean I miss out on any of the things above, nor does it mean I have a skewed or warped appreciation for such things in life.

 

 

I am a classical musician, go to concerts, visit museums, hike, fish, bike, surf, camp, snowboard, read, cook, watch movies, tv, AND play video games.

 

 

It's just another thing on my list of hobbies and things I enjoy doing.

 

 

OP - I am similar in the sense that I have a personality that men often are not romantically interested in. I often get friendzoned by men. They enjoy spending time with me and being friends with me but I am not the "girly girl" they want.

 

 

I now have a boyfriend, and I was exactly what he was looking for. Nerdy and slightly tomboyish/ low maintenance while still looking feminine. It takes girls like us just a little more time to find someone who really appreciates us.

[Poppygoodwill]

The problem is not that you are wrong somehow in what you like or do. The problem is that you're not meeting the kind of guys who are interested in someone like you. You're not a girlie-girl; embrace it! I'm not either, and once I became confident in who I am, I find plenty of men interested in me.

 

The one observation I will make though is that perhaps you're getting put in the friendzone not becuase you game and all that, but because you don't project your sexuality at all in a way that adds that extra tension. Are you shy? Your LS name does suggest that. It could be the guys don't feel you're interested in them. The same will happen with shy men, who never be clear about their sexual or romantic interest and so woman pass them over a lot, assuming they're just friends material.

[somedude81]

awkwardturtle, just your forum name and avatar give me a big impression about you are.

 

I'm picturing a shy awkward girl that comes across as nerdy and boring and possibly weird. You probably dress conservatively or don't put much effort into your appearance.

 

Am I close?

 

I hate to say it, but girls like that are easily overlooked.

 

It's great that you like "guy things" but there has to be something about you that gets guys to notice you.

 

Also make sure that you aren't going for the type of guy that you know does very well with women. It's just not going to work.

[Gemini47]

I'm going to be completely honest and offer an opinion from a guy's perspective.

 

It seems this is happening frequently. This leads me to believe you ARE doing something to turn these guys off. If you don't mind my asking, are you getting 'physical' with these guys like hooking up, etc....? Men will leave and find another woman if they're not getting any... and sorry to say but yea it's true...

 

While its nice to have a girl friend that shares your love for video games, playing guitar, plowing through episodes on netflix, and hanging out in hoodies and sweatpants eating pizza on the couch, THERE HAS TO BE A PHYSICAL CONNECTION. Has this been a problem? If not, then it must be something else...

 

Otherwise, maybe you act too much like one of their guy friends. I remember there being a few women in my life who I thought were super cool, but then I realized there was no attraction. Why? Bc I thought of them in a way I'd think of my best friend or one of my sisters. I hope this helps. If it doesn't, let me know why and I'm sure I'll get to the bottom of this...

[awkwardturtle]

Wow, thanks for all the great responses!

 

I'm picturing a shy awkward girl that comes across as nerdy and boring and possibly weird. You probably dress conservatively or don't put much effort into your appearance.

 

Am I close?

 

Shy, awkward, nerdy - definitely. Boring and weird? I hope not though maybe I do give that impression. But I do wear cute, girly clothes when I go out, and I have long hair and wear makeup. So I do at least *look* like a girl. I actually get many compliments on my appearance from guys I date so I don't think it's that.

 

 

Also make sure that you aren't going for the type of guy that you know does very well with women. It's just not going to work.

 

Ugh, I don't like that type of guy. "Players" are a major turnoff for me.

 

 

If you don't mind my asking, are you getting 'physical' with these guys like hooking up, etc....? Men will leave and find another woman if they're not getting any... and sorry to say but yea it's true...

 

Yeah, I have no problems here. I'm not prudish at all and love being physical with someone I really like.

 

Otherwise, maybe you act too much like one of their guy friends. I remember there being a few women in my life who I thought were super cool, but then I realized there was no attraction. Why? Bc I thought of them in a way I'd think of my best friend or one of my sisters.

 

Would you mind elaborating on this a bit? So it wasn't just that these women weren't attractive to you physically? If you could give some examples of "acting too much like a guy friend" I would really appreciate it.

 

Thanks again to everyone

[regine_phalange]

Hey, no, I don't think so. We all are a mix of feminine and masculine qualities/interests. It's healthy.

 

I'll tell you something about my ex boyfriend. He was into football, drama movies (that explains a lot in our relationship now that I'm thinking about it ), tattoos, rock music, guitar, but above everything else? Cooking. He would stop in front of a window display to look at kitchenware and I was like "ok, let's go now!". Did this make him loook feminine to my eyes/was the reason that my attraction faded? No way!

 

So don't listen to anyone who tells you how you are supposed to be like. If you enjoy your self, others will enjoy you too.

[awkwardturtle]

Just a random thought..you come across as a little insecure. I know that is a huge turn off for me. I like confident women who know what they want, know they deserve it and won't take crap from people without being aggressive. Are you perhaps a little insecure around guys you start to like? Jealous?

 

Well, I'm not the jealous type at all, no. And I'm not clingy or an "attention whore" type or anything like that. But I do get nervous around guys I really like, sometimes to the point that my mind goes blank when I'm trying to have conversations with them.

 

And I do lack confidence about my body at the moment because I've let myself get a little overweight. I have 20 lbs to lose and am working on it currently. I didn't have sex with the last guy I liked but we did do some "sexting". I wouldn't always send the pics that he asked for because I didn't like how I looked in them and I told him so. Would something like that alone be enough to drive you away if you liked a woman otherwise?

[Targetlock]

Recently I was talking to a guy for a few weeks who at first seemed interested, then seemed to pull back and stopped contacting me. A week after we last talked, I discovered he's seeing someone else. I'm embarrassed to admit I creeped on the new girl's FB profile, which is mostly private but from what I could tell, she's pretty opposite of me, and I don't mean just physically.

 

This got me to thinking - I ALWAYS get rejected by guys I like and there has to be something about me that's turning them off.

 

I'm a good, honest person. I'm not clingy or demanding. I have a sense of humor. I'm told I'm attractive so I don't think looks are the issue, and I do LOOK feminine - I have long hair and wear makeup, etc.

 

Many of these guys who reject me are guys I share common likes/interests with, this last guy included. So now I'm wondering - could it be that I'm not "girlie" enough? I hate to stereotype but I tend to like movies, TV shows, music, etc that a lot of girls don't like but a lot of guys do. I just can't bring myself to enjoy "bubble gum" pop music and chick flicks - it's not who I am. (Just giving examples/making generalizations based on the girls I've been rejected for, I really don't mean to offend anyone here.) I also am interested in video games, cars, playing guitar, etc. - are these hobbies too "boyish"?

 

Also, I'm a bit "nerdy"/bookish; interested in current events, politics, science, etc; skeptical/not religious at all; maybe a bit cynical but not bitter...Are these turn-offs to guys? (No, I am not saying any of these of these traits are either "masculine" or "feminine". But they sure are similar to the guys I like and different from the girls I keep getting rejected for!)

 

So men, what is it that turns you on/off? ***And please try to base your answers not on what you think you should like, but on the women you've actually liked in the past.***

 

Not a turn off for me, prefer the unusual, geeky nerdy girls myself than the girly girls, more in common i guess, but that is just me not everyone finds the same things attractive.

[Eclypse]

For some of us, it is a waste of time compared to the sound of an orchestra warming up, watching actors on a stage, seeing art on gallery and museum walls, wildflowers on a hiking trail, rocks in the road felt by a bicycle, the smell of melting onions in a pan when cooking together...

 

There is so much more in life than what can be streamed through a television or electronic device.

 

Surely what you just mentioned isn't mutually exclusive with video games? Many people like a variety of things.

[Disillusioned]

Recently I was talking to a guy for a few weeks who at first seemed interested, then seemed to pull back and stopped contacting me. A week after we last talked, I discovered he's seeing someone else. I'm embarrassed to admit I creeped on the new girl's FB profile, which is mostly private but from what I could tell, she's pretty opposite of me, and I don't mean just physically.

 

This got me to thinking - I ALWAYS get rejected by guys I like and there has to be something about me that's turning them off.

 

I'm a good, honest person. I'm not clingy or demanding. I have a sense of humor. I'm told I'm attractive so I don't think looks are the issue, and I do LOOK feminine - I have long hair and wear makeup, etc.

 

Many of these guys who reject me are guys I share common likes/interests with, this last guy included. So now I'm wondering - could it be that I'm not "girlie" enough? I hate to stereotype but I tend to like movies, TV shows, music, etc that a lot of girls don't like but a lot of guys do. I just can't bring myself to enjoy "bubble gum" pop music and chick flicks - it's not who I am. (Just giving examples/making generalizations based on the girls I've been rejected for, I really don't mean to offend anyone here.) I also am interested in video games, cars, playing guitar, etc. - are these hobbies too "boyish"?

 

Also, I'm a bit "nerdy"/bookish; interested in current events, politics, science, etc; skeptical/not religious at all; maybe a bit cynical but not bitter...Are these turn-offs to guys? (No, I am not saying any of these of these traits are either "masculine" or "feminine". But they sure are similar to the guys I like and different from the girls I keep getting rejected for!)

 

So men, what is it that turns you on/off? ***And please try to base your answers not on what you think you should like, but on the women you've actually liked in the past.***

 

Sounds to me like you're trying to get the wrong kinds of guys interested in you.

 

The only things in a woman that would absolutely turn me off are rudeness, selfishness, or being mean-spirited.