Men: What do you like in a woman? Do my personality and interests suck?

[Teraskas]

Recently I was talking to a guy for a few weeks who at first seemed interested, then seemed to pull back and stopped contacting me. A week after we last talked, I discovered he's seeing someone else. I'm embarrassed to admit I creeped on the new girl's FB profile, which is mostly private but from what I could tell, she's pretty opposite of me, and I don't mean just physically.

 

This got me to thinking - I ALWAYS get rejected by guys I like and there has to be something about me that's turning them off.

 

I'm a good, honest person. I'm not clingy or demanding. I have a sense of humor. I'm told I'm attractive so I don't think looks are the issue, and I do LOOK feminine - I have long hair and wear makeup, etc.

 

Many of these guys who reject me are guys I share common likes/interests with, this last guy included. So now I'm wondering - could it be that I'm not "girlie" enough? I hate to stereotype but I tend to like movies, TV shows, music, etc that a lot of girls don't like but a lot of guys do. I just can't bring myself to enjoy "bubble gum" pop music and chick flicks - it's not who I am. (Just giving examples/making generalizations based on the girls I've been rejected for, I really don't mean to offend anyone here.) I also am interested in video games, cars, playing guitar, etc. - are these hobbies too "boyish"?

 

Also, I'm a bit "nerdy"/bookish; interested in current events, politics, science, etc; skeptical/not religious at all; maybe a bit cynical but not bitter...Are these turn-offs to guys? (No, I am not saying any of these of these traits are either "masculine" or "feminine". But they sure are similar to the guys I like and different from the girls I keep getting rejected for!)

 

So men, what is it that turns you on/off? ***And please try to base your answers not on what you think you should like, but on the women you've actually liked in the past.***

 

Honestly, you sound like my ideal kind of girl, lol.

Ironically, you also described my personal dating situation atm as a male, heh. :/ (Except I don't wear makeup, do politics, or play the guitar.)

[Targetlock]

see, there are plenty of people who think you are fine just the way you are

[Gemini47]

 

Would you mind elaborating on this a bit? So it wasn't just that these women weren't attractive to you physically? If you could give some examples of "acting too much like a guy friend" I would really appreciate it.

 

I can sure try. There's been a few women in my life that were no doubt attractive, but there was just something about them that sort of repelled me to them. It was almost as if when we were together we were like best friends. Some may say, "well that's what dating is all about!!!" Um, no not exactly. You want to desire your partner physically and sometimes there's subtle things that can really impact this. I don't know if its a psychological thing, sometimes you just know its not someone you want to be intimate with. Maybe a girl reminded me of one of my sisters. Or maybe she just didn't have a sexual vibe or aura about her so maybe that subconsciously squashed the feelings I might of had.

 

Hmmm, I guess I don't have the best answer for you here unfortunately.... . but maybe I can offer up a suggestion.

 

Don't get too close or too chummy until things have progressed a little bit more. If perhaps you come across like this super cool gamer girl, then maybe these guys might think youre just like one of their best guy buddies, and perhaps this might be repelling some of them. Maybe bring out more of your feminine qualities, and make them work for it more. We need them to lust for you more! I think if you switch your game up (no pun intended), at least in the beginning, you might have a better outcome. I know this sounds like too much, but if these guys are consistently leaving you for some other girly girl types, or whatever, then maybe its time for you to dial things up a notch. In either event, hopefully this helps a bit!

[Silver93]

One thing I like about girls is feminine hands. I love a girl who has well kept and feminine hands.

[jonsnuh]

Recently I was talking to a guy for a few weeks who at first seemed interested, then seemed to pull back and stopped contacting me. A week after we last talked, I discovered he's seeing someone else. I'm embarrassed to admit I creeped on the new girl's FB profile, which is mostly private but from what I could tell, she's pretty opposite of me, and I don't mean just physically.

 

This got me to thinking - I ALWAYS get rejected by guys I like and there has to be something about me that's turning them off.

 

I'm a good, honest person. I'm not clingy or demanding. I have a sense of humor. I'm told I'm attractive so I don't think looks are the issue, and I do LOOK feminine - I have long hair and wear makeup, etc.

 

Many of these guys who reject me are guys I share common likes/interests with, this last guy included. So now I'm wondering - could it be that I'm not "girlie" enough? I hate to stereotype but I tend to like movies, TV shows, music, etc that a lot of girls don't like but a lot of guys do. I just can't bring myself to enjoy "bubble gum" pop music and chick flicks - it's not who I am. (Just giving examples/making generalizations based on the girls I've been rejected for, I really don't mean to offend anyone here.) I also am interested in video games, cars, playing guitar, etc. - are these hobbies too "boyish"?

 

Also, I'm a bit "nerdy"/bookish; interested in current events, politics, science, etc; skeptical/not religious at all; maybe a bit cynical but not bitter...Are these turn-offs to guys? (No, I am not saying any of these of these traits are either "masculine" or "feminine". But they sure are similar to the guys I like and different from the girls I keep getting rejected for!)

 

So men, what is it that turns you on/off? ***And please try to base your answers not on what you think you should like, but on the women you've actually liked in the past.***

 

I would go on a date with you simply because we have the same interests. I like someone I can connect with. Could be totally different with the guy next to me.

[Frank2thepoint]

So men, what is it that turns you on/off

 

awkwardturtle. Most of the hobbies/interests you mentioned I like in a woman. I wouldn't mind the cynicism, if you'd turn it into humor. But if you dwell on being negative, then I'd think you were pessimistic and lacked confidence. Personally, what really turns me on about a woman is attention. Things like she remembers my birthday, or remembers a small detail like if I had my burrito on a particular day, etc.. These can be inconsequential things to everyone else, but they are the small stuff that turns me on about a woman.

 

As others have said, a man's preference differs just like a woman's. And as others have said, you shouldn't change who you are to accommodate someone else. If you do, you will be cheating yourself and you will feel very uncomfortable. My simple advice for you is try not to be too cynical. Add little positivity to your repertoire and humor. There is nothing wrong with being a little awkward, as long as you exhibit some confidence with it.

[shet]

You sound awesome. Are you in the UK and how old are you? Joking. Half joking.

 

What turns me off women is basically not being the things you said. The big ones are: not liking any geeky stuff, not being able to relax/workaholism, political or social conservatism, and substance abuse.

 

If you always get rejected (if you really do, really) then either you're pursuing the wrong guys who aren't interested in what you are, or the guys are fine but you aren't showing them any interest. My experience of dorky women (dorky men too) does tend toward them having problems letting people even realise they like them, and since they're often trying to date other dorks, behaving the same way, there's a lot of missed connections in their lives.

[hardliner]

Recently I was talking to a guy for a few weeks who at first seemed interested, then seemed to pull back and stopped contacting me. A week after we last talked, I discovered he's seeing someone else. I'm embarrassed to admit I creeped on the new girl's FB profile, which is mostly private but from what I could tell, she's pretty opposite of me, and I don't mean just physically.

 

This got me to thinking - I ALWAYS get rejected by guys I like and there has to be something about me that's turning them off.

 

I'm a good, honest person. I'm not clingy or demanding. I have a sense of humor. I'm told I'm attractive so I don't think looks are the issue, and I do LOOK feminine - I have long hair and wear makeup, etc.

 

Many of these guys who reject me are guys I share common likes/interests with, this last guy included. So now I'm wondering - could it be that I'm not "girlie" enough? I hate to stereotype but I tend to like movies, TV shows, music, etc that a lot of girls don't like but a lot of guys do. I just can't bring myself to enjoy "bubble gum" pop music and chick flicks - it's not who I am. (Just giving examples/making generalizations based on the girls I've been rejected for, I really don't mean to offend anyone here.) I also am interested in video games, cars, playing guitar, etc. - are these hobbies too "boyish"?

 

Also, I'm a bit "nerdy"/bookish; interested in current events, politics, science, etc; skeptical/not religious at all; maybe a bit cynical but not bitter...Are these turn-offs to guys? (No, I am not saying any of these of these traits are either "masculine" or "feminine". But they sure are similar to the guys I like and different from the girls I keep getting rejected for!)

 

So men, what is it that turns you on/off? ***And please try to base your answers not on what you think you should like, but on the women you've actually liked in the past.***

 

Based upon what you've said, I'd ask you out. We have alot in common. I put up with One Direction for the sake of my nieces. Got some else that'll torture me?

[StandingO]

Maybe it is something you are not realizing you are doing. I can think of a few people who just don't seem to realize they are repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Not saying these are you but talking to negatively, show anger too easily or too often, frowning all the time. Some its because they just try to hard. Loud and critical, never wrong always right. I am just firing out a few.

 

Maybe record some of your conversations and play it back. I tried this on an old friend and they could not believe someone what they herd. It was not so much the words but the tone.

[MixedUpChick]

If you always get rejected (if you really do, really) then either you're pursuing the wrong guys who aren't interested in what you are, or the guys are fine but you aren't showing them any interest. My experience of dorky women (dorky men too) does tend toward them having problems letting people even realise they like them, and since they're often trying to date other dorks, behaving the same way, there's a lot of missed connections in their lives.

 

OP: I'm very much like you, but I suspect I'm also a lot older than you are

But shet makes a good point; you could be pursuing - or responding to - the wrong guys. It's taken me a little time to realize I somehow was attracting the same type of men as my ex, so now I really have to pay closer attention in the screening process to make sure I'm not doing that any more. It's just something to consider. Good luck in turning things around!

[Leigh 87]

Honestly, you sound like my ideal kind of girl, lol.

Ironically, you also described my personal dating situation atm as a male, heh. :/ (Except I don't wear makeup, do politics, or play the guitar.)

 

 

 

You don't wear make up. Maybe that is your problem:lmao:

 

 

A slither of lipstick may be all you need:D

[Teraskas]

You don't wear make up. Maybe that is your problem:lmao:

 

 

A slither of lipstick may be all you need:D

 

Oh bugger off, you.

[Leigh 87]

Oh bugger off, you.

 

 

My ex wore eyeliner to a fancy dress party once and I kid you not, after the party in his normal clothes, girls went NUTS over him with a little eye liner:lmao:

 

 

It wasn't overt... but wow it brought out his eyes and girls started paying attention to him:lmao:

 

 

 

Maybe the OP can try .... something out of her comfort zone too? She is doing everything the same and getting the same results.

 

 

 

Something more of substance than wearing make up, of course. That wouldn't stand out much compared to other women. MAYBE if she wore NO make up, she would stand out! In a good way?

 

 

 

 

That could be a fun thing to try one day. I have done it. My boyfriend though I actually looked "better" without ANY make up. I would never go out without mascara but yeah, it was a real confidence booster and a really fun change to omit the usual make up routine!

 

 

 

 

When I try a change, be it colour my hair or wear NO make up for a day, guys take more notice of me because I am feeling so good about myself due to a new change.

 

 

 

 

Perhaps, aside form the internal work you must be doing on yourself, you could also benefit from a light, fun thing that you could do for yourself, just for laughs? A no make up day, colouring your hair, going into a high end shop and getting a stylist to match you to a perfect dress......

[Do_The_Herp]

OP, you sound awesome to me. The gaming/cynicism could be blown out of proportion here, but if you are simply someone with an actual life/direction in life (you don't HAVE to be planning on "changing the world" if you know what I mean, even if I personally was/am (lol), but at least have a job/future career path in mind that you're striving towards) then gaming isn't an issue with me, I'd probably be playing with you.

 

And a regular dose of cynicism is healthy so long as you're not a negative nancy who poo poos everything. I don't "HATE" "pop" music.. But most of the artists in my itunes library are not considered to be a part of "popular culture".. Maybe popular MUSIC culture, but..

Edited April 5, 2014 by Do_The_Herp