Woggle Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 She probably sees you doing well without her and nothing gets their interest back like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 That's failure level advice That's not why Link to post Share on other sites
AlphaC Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 One thing I learned is you never get back with an ex. Use what you learned from the relationship and use it for the next one. Just getting back together with an ex is going backwards. You will end up with the same issues that broke the two of you up. Plus all the baggage of seeing other people, the trust issues, etc makes getting back together with an ex so unpalatable. There are always better matches for you out there. Dont be afraid to let go. I agree 100%, it takes a strong person to really see this though. Don't look back, make the ex's decision to break up final and have a happy life without them, it's easy once you learn to love yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
VeronicaRoss Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 You two are at the age most people get married, statistically. Something about 26-28 that we feel we need to put a stake in the ground. Not a bad impulse but one that can create hasty decisions. A couple of questions and observations... Why aren't you asking her those questions instead of us? She's the only one with the actual answers. That's a red flag to me you both have a lot to learn about healthy communication. Or maybe you don't really trust each other enough to be open. Why haven't you confronted her about snooping through your phone and asked why? My husband (I suspect) snoops on what I'm doing on the internet now and then, I understand the impulse and could care less because I'm not doing anything he'd be upset to find. He's not a controlling or suspicious person, if he were I'd take the occasional snoop differently. You don't have to be mad about it, but it definitely something you have to confront her about. What went wrong the first time and why is that not an issue now? She needs to be able to explain that to your satisfaction. Be careful of the boomerang. Listen to your gut. I had a male co-worker that did what your ex did. He had fallen for someone else, but never told his ex about it, he just broke up with her. He said his ex was perfect, he just wasn't in love with her, didn't have the same strong feelings for her as this other woman. He moved to be with the other woman only to find out she wasn't that into him. Less than a year later he rushed back to his ex-girlfriend to propose because he knew for sure she loved him in a way the other woman didn't. Like you she was wanted to know why the boomerang and he worked hard to convince her that she was the one, he had made a mistake, etc. The thing was he said she knew it wasn't true but wanted to believe him. And she was right! He knew he was lying to her but he decided it was as good as it was going to get for him. Flash forward five years (this is when I me him) they aren't having sex because he's not into her like that, she's doing everything she can to get him interested but it's no use. Then, he hit on me! I said no and told him he needed to man up and get a divorce for both their sake. I heard years later they had a baby. Don't be that person. She has a lot to prove to you. Go to a counselor if you need help communicating with her and getting solid answers. But listen to your gut. You deserve someone who is really in love with you, not just loves you. There is no substitute. And a marriage is shaky without it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 You two are at the age most people get married, statistically. Something about 26-28 that we feel we need to put a stake in the ground. Not a bad impulse but one that can create hasty decisions. A couple of questions and observations... Why aren't you asking her those questions instead of us? She's the only one with the actual answers. That's a red flag to me you both have a lot to learn about healthy communication. Or maybe you don't really trust each other enough to be open. Why haven't you confronted her about snooping through your phone and asked why? My husband (I suspect) snoops on what I'm doing on the internet now and then, I understand the impulse and could care less because I'm not doing anything he'd be upset to find. He's not a controlling or suspicious person, if he were I'd take the occasional snoop differently. You don't have to be mad about it, but it definitely something you have to confront her about. What went wrong the first time and why is that not an issue now? She needs to be able to explain that to your satisfaction. Be careful of the boomerang. Listen to your gut. I had a male co-worker that did what your ex did. He had fallen for someone else, but never told his ex about it, he just broke up with her. He said his ex was perfect, he just wasn't in love with her, didn't have the same strong feelings for her as this other woman. He moved to be with the other woman only to find out she wasn't that into him. Less than a year later he rushed back to his ex-girlfriend to propose because he knew for sure she loved him in a way the other woman didn't. Like you she was wanted to know why the boomerang and he worked hard to convince her that she was the one, he had made a mistake, etc. The thing was he said she knew it wasn't true but wanted to believe him. And she was right! He knew he was lying to her but he decided it was as good as it was going to get for him. Flash forward five years (this is when I me him) they aren't having sex because he's not into her like that, she's doing everything she can to get him interested but it's no use. Then, he hit on me! I said no and told him he needed to man up and get a divorce for both their sake. I heard years later they had a baby. Don't be that person. She has a lot to prove to you. Go to a counselor if you need help communicating with her and getting solid answers. But listen to your gut. You deserve someone who is really in love with you, not just loves you. There is no substitute. And a marriage is shaky without it. I've asked her. She always seems to try to come back when I'm seeing someone. Several months ago she tried but I found out she was going into my email while we were broke up so I said no. Recently I was seeing someone and she came back. I just don't think the 2 occasions are coincidence. Link to post Share on other sites
VeronicaRoss Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Recently I was seeing someone and she came back. I just don't think the 2 occasions are coincidence. Aha, totally agree. So many people are drawn to romantic competition. It feels like love to them. You deserve happiness instead, you sound like a smart, thinking kind of guy. I've vote for you to wait for someone less gamey. Speaking from experience, once the games are done and you have someone who just wants to live a good life together...it's really good! Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I don't agree that a person should never get back with an ex. Folks break up for all kinds of reasons...some stupid, selfish, immature reasons, others based on timing, life etc. With that said based on what you have shared: a) you need to have a very serious conversation with her in regards to her trust issues b) nothing in your statements make me think you remotely want this. If the love is gone and you have moved on, if you don't feel like she is the one, then don't even go down this road. Link to post Share on other sites
Boxerhd Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 One thing I learned is you never get back with an ex. Use what you learned from the relationship and use it for the next one. Just getting back together with an ex is going backwards. You will end up with the same issues that broke the two of you up. Plus all the baggage of seeing other people, the trust issues, etc makes getting back together with an ex so unpalatable. There are always better matches for you out there. Dont be afraid to let go. I don't think I will get back with my ex. That being said, I do want to point out that the baggage shouldn't matter if it was to happen. It didn't matter who she was with before you guys met, why should it matter now? If you're single you can do whatever you want and if the other can't handle it, then you're right, its not going to work. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Dude be BE an option....Ever. Link to post Share on other sites
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