txaustin Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Hi. My court date is coming up. We don't agree on the divorce. I started a small business while we were married and he has worked in it for almost the whole life of the company. It was my dream, passion, vision, and ideas. I created the recipes, graphics, design, website. I do a lot of things he doesn't do for the business. He only joined after he got laid off. Bottom line, he refuses to let me buy him out - he wants to keep working in the business and split the profit. (only $55k...not enough for 2 households to share) I am divorcing him and don't want to work with him in any capacity. (I have logical, valid reasons) We cannot afford lawyers. I consulted with one and he said the judge would probably let me have the business and I could give $ from the sale of the house. QUESTION - have you been to mediation lawyer process? How does it work? Do they recommend a solution in a document or do they just meet with you and try to work things out? I won't change my mind. Would it be a waste of money? A necessity? Any input would be highly appreciated!! Thanks, - Austin, TX Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Mediation generally works best when the parties are amicable. A contested divorce can be at any level of contest, from amicable to rancorous. The contest is merely defined by the response to the original lawsuit. If your court has a self-help division, see if they have any contacts with low or no-cost mediators. We used a 3L at a local law school who did a great job and best of all it was free! He mediated, collected all the relevant data and prepared the MSA (settlement agreement) which I had my lawyer go over before we filed it. We had two businesses and two residences plus some other stuff which needed to be filed correctly with the court. Got it done and the filing went flawlessly, thanks to the self-help division. I would view a mediator as a facilitator. They attempt to facilitate a meeting of the minds and offer alternatives and compromises. Ours hardly flexed his muscles since we had essentially settled everything before filing. His job was more information gathering and collating it into proper legal form. We spent most of the session shooting the breeze about his education and prospects. YMMV. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Are you in a community property state? If so, you are pretty screwed... Yes, YOU started the business with your thoughts, ideas, etc., but he is entitled to half of it. I went through mediation for my business and ultimately lost it to my ExH. I am now recently remarried and agreed to sign a tight pre-nup for my husband because he has owned a business for twenty years and during his divorce - a decade ago - he had to buy out his ExW to the tune of a LOT of money. Link to post Share on other sites
kalimata Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Sounds like to me that your husband hasn't given up on the marriage yet. Are you sure he is 100% towards D? If so then why wouldn't he agree to buyout? He is still hoping to reconnect with you is my guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author txaustin Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 yes, community property. yes, i realize technically it is half his. but, i don't want to share it with him. i am divorcing him! i would never have chosen him for a business partner (adhd, alcoholic, hot temper, runs from problems instead of rolling up sleeves, disorganized, messy, fights me at every turn....) I have had emotional/mental abuse from him for years - me, walking on eggshells...never physical. My family and a lot of friends have always wanted me to get out of the marriage. He has done some unforgivable things. We went to counselling and he told me I should get divorced. Anyway, I am offering to buy him out. We will get money from proceeds of sale of house that I am offering him. I have a CPA that said the biz is only worth assets - liabilities. It is only a 'job' for both of us. Profit is about $55k a year - not enough for 2 households. He never wanted me to leave. It has been a year and I had to spend my 401k on rent while he is living in our huge house. I just want out...but, I want my biz. He doesn't want to give it up because he doesn't want to have to get a 'real job'. I can understand that. I just didn't know how worthwhile a mediator would be since I am not going to change my mind. ..... This is so hard!!!! All I can say is don't get married! ugh. I need to do something asap. My court papers are due march 12th. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Hi. My court date is coming up. We don't agree on the divorce. I started a small business while we were married and he has worked in it for almost the whole life of the company. It was my dream, passion, vision, and ideas. I created the recipes, graphics, design, website. I do a lot of things he doesn't do for the business. He only joined after he got laid off. Bottom line, he refuses to let me buy him out - he wants to keep working in the business and split the profit. (only $55k...not enough for 2 households to share) I am divorcing him and don't want to work with him in any capacity. (I have logical, valid reasons) We cannot afford lawyers. I consulted with one and he said the judge would probably let me have the business and I could give $ from the sale of the house. QUESTION - have you been to mediation lawyer process? How does it work? Do they recommend a solution in a document or do they just meet with you and try to work things out? I won't change my mind. Would it be a waste of money? A necessity? Any input would be highly appreciated!! Thanks, - Austin, TX As for mediation, they'll just work with you both to try and come to a resolution. But as another poster pointed out, it only works if both sides are willing to negotiate. Is the business incorporated at all? And if so, how is it actually "owned". If it's not incorporated and just run as a small personal business, you're basically SOL as to how it will get set up. I'll also assume you have nothing in writing with your husband. One thing I would try to implement either through negotiation or otherwise is some type of shotgun clause. Whereby if you offer to buy him out for a certain amount of money, you have the ability to be bought out for the same. Hard to walk away from the business you love, but better than overpaying your ex to get it from them. Link to post Share on other sites
RuralGuy Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Couldn't you let him buy you out, and then form a new business by yourself, doing the same thing that you were doing, but without him? Is your business the sort that has clients that could stop doing business with your old business, and follow you to your new business? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 yes, i realize technically it is half his. but, i don't want to share it with him. i am divorcing him! Again - you may have no choice in the matter. That is what mediation is all about; finding an equitable solution for both parties. You want what you want. He wants what he wants. Somewhere in the middle is a solution that will be may not feel fair to you, but will be so in the eyes of the court. You can rant and rave all you want about his alcoholism or inabilities, but it will get down to numbers and a business transaction - not personalities or work ethics. The best thing you can do in the interim is gird your loins and prepare for the worst possible scenario. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lmyya Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I love the idea of buying him out, but starting a new business. Start one that competes with the old one. When you buy him out, make sure that you at least have intellectual property in all the ideas of the original business. (I realize that may require a lawyer that you can't afford, but I'm kind of daydreaming here.) Then, start a new business that excels over the old one. If your husband has that poor of a work ethic and that problematic an ADHD issue, he won't be able to keep the old company afloat. Maybe it doesn't really work that way but my point is: You started a company; he rode on your coattails. He will naturally fade into your background, business-wise. I'd sell the business. Half of $55k is not so much to lose in the long run, if you are an innovative and talented person with a future. And if he does take half the company and runs it well, more power to him. Maybe he needs that in order to keep afloat. You meanwhile can take your talents and invest them into something bigger and better than the $55k company that you started with an incompatible and problematic coworker. That company was your broken egg. You still have to make your omelette. Let it go, if possible, and go make your omelette. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lmyya Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) Best of luck to you and post and update. Edited March 1, 2014 by lmyya Link to post Share on other sites
michele4 Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 My ex and I did not share anything as large as a business but I do understand the not wanting to have to share or compromise something that was yours from the beginning. We had that issue during our divorce and he wanted a mediator so we could compromise- which I basically felt was him trying to get a part of the property because we were married even though he had nothing to do with it and he was the one who initiated the divorce. If your stbx is not willing to work with you on this (even though I do understand because of marriage laws they may be entitled to it) I think your chances with the judge sound much better Link to post Share on other sites
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