Stone Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 OK I've been prego now for 15 weeks, my SO has been kind of quiet about it, he never talks about the baby or the future. all he really says is "I have to work I have to work" bla bla.. money isn't that bad. I tried to talk about theings with him tonight and he basically said that he never planned to get me "knocked Up" of course I am hormonial and I ran away crying... I didn't plan this either but I have accepted it and embraced it, I don't know why he can't to. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunner Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 Hey Stone, I meant to post a couple of days ago on that other thread and ask if things had improved for you. Sounds like they haven't. Does your BF have other children of his own or is this his first? I may totally be on the wrong track here but he sounds an awful lot like me when my wife was pregnant. I am a worrier by nature and I don't deal with change that well and when I get too many things on my mind at once I kind of shut down and try to deal with them one thing at a time in an orderly sort of way. When I'm in this mode I come off very distant and emotionally unavailable. I mentioned in my previous post a sort of "buyers remorse" that I went through. Kind of like when you drive that shiny new car off the lot and you get to that first stoplight and you start thinking...Man I'm going to have to eat Raman noodles every day for lunch for five years to make up the difference in the payments from the beater I just traded in. Maybe he's just worried about the lifestyle changes you will both be going through with a new baby especially since it was unplanned. I always think that if something bad can happen it will happen to me. I was worried sick the whole time my wife was pregnant. Is the baby going to be healthy? 10 fingers. 10 toes all that jazz. How am I going to pay for formula, diapers, babysitting blah blah blah. And ours was planned! Just my worrying nature I guess. You've been through this before. The baby is growing inside of you. You feel connected. You know things are progressing normally. It sounds like he is scared, confused or worried, maybe all of the above. Plus if he is feeling detached like I get and you are hormonal and emotional the feelings are just clashing. I have a feeling if you can help him out and pull him through this stage that when he sees his child for the first time he will see the light. I know I sure did. I went home from the hospital by myself that first night and when I got home I cried because God had entrusted me with such a beautiful child. I know it will be difficult helping him through this because you feel like you need his help and emotional support but hang in there, I'm sure he will come around. Gunner Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 Originally posted by Stone OK I've been prego now for 15 weeks, my SO has been kind of quiet about it, he never talks about the baby or the future. all he really says is "I have to work I have to work" bla bla.. money isn't that bad. I tried to talk about theings with him tonight and he basically said that he never planned to get me "knocked Up" of course I am hormonial and I ran away crying... I didn't plan this either but I have accepted it and embraced it, I don't know why he can't to. Stone, isn't this the guy who's on a LOT of medications for his problems-imbalances? Not wanting the child isn't a big suprise to me. You've got multiple issues going here, you need to give it time for things to sort themselves out. I can't remember if it's you in particular who has the other son who is intenisvely special needs, but if so that may also be a factor in your SO's lack of enthusiasm. What can you do? I'm not really sure. You can't MAKE someone be happy about something. I imagine he'll come around eventually Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Stone, my dear, I have been so worried about you. Specifically, I have worried about you having to use "father", "suicidal", "abusive", and "wants me to have an abortion" all in the same sentence. My best advice for you is that you DO have control over your own life and behavior, but NOT over his. What kind of life do you want for your kids? I know you are an exceptionally devoted and loving mother, so you will, when you are strong enough, do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 Well with all the darn stress I have been under the doctor has put me on bed rest.... after today I am taking a week off work and going to stay with my mother so she can help me with my son... maby this is just what I needed space and rest Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Stone, the doc told you to keep your bloo presure down!! Sorry, I totally don't get your guy. So he says that he never planned the kid. But the kid is HERE. F*ck what he planned or not. He/She is months away from seeing the light of day. That's reality! Deal with it. He worries, that's fine. It's even quite a grown up thing to do. But in the same time, he has to confort you. Help you, give you strength, although he may not have "planned" to. He should not keep staying in the denial phase. It's not sane. For any of you. If you see he continues with this attitude, I say don't get into it again. Like Spock said, you cannot make him want the baby. Heather, even you had changes of heart. So be strong, be determined and think of YOUR best interest. Chaces are he'll fall inlove with the little one the second he sees him. You'll see. Don't tourment yourself because THE DOC ORDERED YOU TO KEEP THE BLOOD PRESSURE DOWN, ok hon? Don't try to change things that are not in your power to change. Remember: the first priority here is you! Now take that week off and relax ! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Awe Stone.. I hope your BF comes around eventually.. could be that things won't improve a lot until after the baby is born.. I do think he was a sh*t to say something like he hadn't intended to get your pregnant.. Get some rest girly.. and feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 I'm sorry sweetie, I know how stressed you are. I don't really know what to say. As far as I'm concerned the whole cow comment or whatever was just a total deal breaker (at least, nowadays it is for me....a while ago I totally accepted my ex calling me a fat bitch when I was pregnant). But get some rest. Don't think about this crap right now (I know it's hard hard hard not to!) focus on baking your bun and just deal with that sh*t later. All my love, otter ps - thank you for the special pm when i was really down. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by Stone Well with all the darn stress I have been under the doctor has put me on bed rest.... after today I am taking a week off work and going to stay with my mother so she can help me with my son... maby this is just what I needed space and rest It's good that you are going to take some time off. I think that's exactly what you need. At this moment you are too vulnerable to be dealing with all this stress. Hopefully he will come through soon. I feel for you sweety. Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliasDescent2 Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 i am in this situation too. My sort-of-ex and I split up and he is out getting drunk and stoned while Im pregnant, and he seems nonchalant about the whole thing, just plain unexcited. I think hes terrified- hes only twenty, and a first time father. I am sort of leaving him to his own devices, and hoping that later he will come to his senses, but im not counting on it. As for the woman who said her ex called her a fat bitch during pregnancy, I have to add, mine has called me a bitch and I went crazed. If he ever called me a FAT bitch, he would have nothing between his legs left Pregnancy= sensitivity= dont mess with me. ::grins:: j/k Meg Link to post Share on other sites
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