Dear Lady Disdain Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I have met somebody recently in a drama group who has offered me lifts home, first time I thought nothing of it...then he was quite friendly, rubbed my shoulder affectionately, made eye contact and we had a deep conversation on the way home and he drove the long way Then once again we went for coffee after the drama class, we went with the group and then it was just him and me left and he drove me home again and we seem to have loads in common, he was asking me about myself, I was asking him about himself... I am attracted to him so at the end of the evening I hugged him, I think the hug lasted quite a long time and must have rested my head on his shoulder ( lost track of time in that beautiful moment lol! ) and he did kiss the top of my head Then he held my hand a moment then dropped it, may have got nervous but I kind of left fast after that because I lost my nerve to do anything more in case things were awkward between us when we next met and I appreciate his friendship a lot - he then said as I was leaving " see you next week! " The time after he first offered me a lift, he offered another girl a lift home but she declined, he may have been making me jealous I guess because I ignored him, I didn't think he liked me as anything more than a friend, I'm dopey that way sometimes! When we talk we laugh a lot and he was also asking my starsign etc, we also have very deep conversation about our lives and we have loads of the same views and things in common, the funny thing is, when we first met he never spoke to me and he was nervous around me, lately though I've seen him staring sometimes and there's a lot of eye contact ( though he makes eye contact with every woman he speaks to I've noticed but he doesn't laugh with them as much as he does with me or seem as relaxed ) Now, soon I am going to see him again and if I want a lift, I will need to obviously leave at the same time as him and we don't have eachother's numbers yet, I think each of us is too shy to ask. Last time when we had coffee he did put his phone on the table and get it out, perhaps it was a hint lol I don't know I can't really play it cool and not go back with him or it'll look like I'm rejecting him after what happened but I am nervous now that he might not want to give me a lift anymore but I'm really pretty sure he feels the same as me When he drives back he drives the long way, we have been on three drives home now and he doesn't live that near me, I think he wants to know me better! I'd appreciate some advice before I go crazy analyzing all of this by myself thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I think he likes you but you'll have to find out if it's true. Be more flirtatious around him, make a small compliment and aim for that kiss se how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 Thanks David 87, a bit nerve wracking but I'll try it out maybe or maybe I'll wait a bit...to me this is scarier because I really like him, it wouldn't matter as much if I wasn't that bothered, but I think he likes me too which I guess makes it easier In the past I'd never be so forward as to even hug, I had such a fear of rejection so congratulating myself on that at least!!! ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Thanks David 87, a bit nerve wracking but I'll try it out maybe or maybe I'll wait a bit...to me this is scarier because I really like him, it wouldn't matter as much if I wasn't that bothered, but I think he likes me too which I guess makes it easier In the past I'd never be so forward as to even hug, I had such a fear of rejection so congratulating myself on that at least!!! ;-) At some point someone will have to make a move. I cross my fingers that it will be him Link to post Share on other sites
lovenotwar Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 I think he probably does, but it's hard to tell, and it doesn't really matter. If you want something to happen, just try to make it happen. This requires a little bravery, but I'm sure you can summon some up if required. Just affirmatively ask him for a lift. It might be awkward, and if you're shy, it probably will be. That's not a bad thing. Basically you should just ask him out, just something casual and low pressure. You don't need to specify whether its "as a friend" or not, because it doesn't especially matter. The goal is just to get some more face time, so both of you can decide what you think. If everything still seems good, obviously, at some point you want to get digits, and you should start flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Hey all, I need your advice I met somebody recently who started to offer to give me lifts home from a therapy group we both attended, we would go to the cafe first and then he would drive me home and he has given me four lifts home now The conversation flowed and I think he may like me as he sits opposite me, looks into my eyes etc and when he drops me off we cuddle ( I initiated the cuddles though ) but when we cuddle he kisses the top of my head or kisses my cheek and once held my hand a minute then dropped it - another time he caressed my shoulder One week we were alone in the cafe and got on really well, he asked my starsign etc and said he was getting over his ex wife and she'd done him a favour really Last time I asked for his number and he took mine and he gave me a missed call - he also wished me a lovely week and I said I'd see him next week This week I was going to offer to buy him dinner to thank him for driving me home as I didn't want to look like a freeloader ( we go out with the group to the cafe afterwards ) but he didn't turn up. We have eachother's numbers but nobody has texted yet, I am thinking of texting him tomorrow just to say hi and hope his week is going well, thank him for the lifts etc I am unsure whether he likes me or not, he always offered to drive me home and said good, when I said I'd like a lift... Should I just text him? Because I do appreciate all the lifts he gave me and would like to see how he is... Advice much appreciated thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
AnneT1985 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 My vote is yes. You won't know unless you try! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Most men go after what / who they want. You have made it pretty clear that if he asked for a date, the answer would be yes. His mention of the EX-W & that he's still getting over her indicates to me that isn't ready to date. Ask him out if you dare but I don't think he's there yet. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 He likes you but that doesn't mean he's ready or free to start dating someone seriously. It sounds to me like he has other women going on, probably including his ex. Don't get in any hurry to be with this guy or it will blow up. Give him space and maybe if he ever gets past his ex and finished spreading himself around like many do post-breakup, he'll circle back around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 (edited) Thanks Preraph, yes I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be ready as he's trying to sort out issues at the moment and so am I I would like to give him space but just let him know I'm appreciative of the lifts he has given me...mind you, it may be better the way it is at the moment, otherwise something could happen to make things awkward between us and ruin everything He did divorce some time ago but did say that all his girlfriends since " have been healthier versions of his ex wife " so best be cautious and tread carefully... I'm sure he didn't come this week because I had become too attached to him and said to him that I'd see him this week! So maybe best to give him his space...;-) I just don't want him to think I'm not bothered about him at all or he means nothing to me despite the lifts he gave me and stuff Edited March 9, 2014 by Dear Lady Disdain Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Hey thanks so much for your answers, oh god no, I wouldn't be asking him out by text!!!! Pulls terrified face No, I just wanted to let him know that I'm thinking about him and I appreciate him giving me the lifts, I do really like him, but wouldn't want to ruin anything by rushing it and he has a lot of stuff to work through and so do I I guess this way we're not going to ruin the friendship though, I'd hate for things to get awkward, I just don't want it to look like I'm not bothered though and didn't appreciate the lifts But I'll maybe see him this week so perhaps I should just sit back and be patient ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Thanks lovenotwar, I can't ask him out yet, but we did exchange numbers I become attached very fast however and did say, I'll see you next week and he kissed me on the cheek and we said bye...but then he didn't turn up this week He'll probably turn up this week, I think I'd better move it slow as we're both working through issues, nobody has texted yet but hopefully will see him in person soon thanks ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Hi David87 in a further development it appears to be a stalemate!!! Last time we parted and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and then the next week didn't turn up, we have exchanged numbers and nobody has made contact yet...think it's time to wait and see and forget about him for a bit as this obsession is driving me nuts! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Sending him a text to say thank you would be a nice thing to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Sending him a text to say thank you would be a nice thing to do. I agree, Dear Lady. And I will go with this cliché on this one: As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do Since I am older I can vouch for it that this is true Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 I decided not to do it! I think he needs some space from me actually and since I really like him I don't mind giving it ;-) He may come back next week hopefully and then I can say thanks LOL @ Negativecapability haha...thanks I know it would be nice to send the text but if the reply is not what I want I couldn't handle the rejection, so I'll take the coward's way and wait lol X X Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 I actually did text him to thank him for the lifts ( as the next week he still didn't come back to the group ) though it was completely terrifying to do but glad I did it anyway, I wrote " Hi....just wanted to say hi and I hope you are doing well and thanks once again for the lifts home, much appreciated ... x I hope it sounds okay, just as a nice thing to do...I am not ready to date at the moment anyway and I just wanted to say thanks and stay in touch in case something could happen in the future Waiting to see if he texts back, glad he hasn't already as if he rushed to text back that'd mean he wasn't really bothered about what he said...fingers crossed it's okay ;-) Would appreciate some reassurance the message is good thanks!!! If anyone's interested lol Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 I would just say do not be kissing on him unless and until he takes you on a real date. Plenty of guys still like the chase and he might even be turned off that you're already hugging around on him and stuff before he's taken you out. Sounds like he is a flirt who spreads himself around quite a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 He is quite shy actually and I don't think he's really a flirt... I haven't really come on to him that much, it was him who offered me all the lifts home, I am not looking for any date with him right now, I didn't text him for three weeks I'm hoping he won't find my text a turn-off!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 I sent it because I didn't want to look ungrateful for the lifts and also didn't want it to look like I couldn't care less that he'd disappeared and just forgot all about him...perhaps it was the wrong thing to do but you learn from your mistakes and I need practice at being more assertive and courageous in love as it has always been my downfall, men always thought I wasn't interested because I never showed any interest at all for for fear of rejection I didn't mean for anything to look like a come-on or as if I want to date him...! You are right though, he may be a flirt, I don't know, I'm hoping to learn more about him from his reaction / reply to the text ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Sound perfectly alright, your text. Let us know what he said! Btw, any idea why he has not shown up for 2 weeks? Anyone in the group said anything? Hope he's ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 Aw thank you so much Tav, it was you who got me thinking that it'd just be a nice thing to do ;-) One of my friends thinks that he might be depressed, also I think he was on a workshop for a bit and not sure how long it went on for, he is a bit of a depressive type so if he is down I hope that the text will cheer him up x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 He hasn't shown up for three weeks actually so I was wondering about him and hoping that he was okay x Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 Mmm. So he gave you that much attention so that you started chasing him ? Isn't that manipulative on his part ? To shake things up, I suggest you do nothing. That means, no texts, no calls, nothing. And don't think about engaging a kiss or fixing up a date between you two. Not to sound too harsh, but he has to come after you, because he's shown you attention and you responded positively. The only thing he has to do now is to ask you properly out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 (edited) Thanks so much for all your honest replies ;-) What happened was, I did text him to thank him and he sent a nice text back to me asking how I was doing...and he sounded pleased to hear from me I texted back and he responded with another nice text with two kisses at the end saying in it that he's going through the mill at the moment with some stuff but he'd see me sometime soon at the meeting which I was pleased about Just texted once more after that saying looking forward to seeing him and wishing him well with the stuff ;-) Kamila, I do get your point, it is either manipulative but more likely I think he has very low self esteem and doesn't dare to make a move right now, however he was encouraged by my texts so then put two kisses on the end and said he'd see me soon...using my intuition I knew I'd have to give him a lot of encouragement if this was to lead anywhere, I'd never ask him out though! Quite right that he should be doing that! In the meantime I am getting on with my life and hoping something may come of this...to me he's worth waiting a bit for as I like him very much and find him very interesting I am not actually looking for a relationship myself at the moment as I am working on some personal stuff like him however I wanted to push open the door a bit more and hope that perhaps something can come of it in the future when we are both ready I won't text first again and won't be kissing him soon either and we'll see what happens next....DLD X Edited March 29, 2014 by Dear Lady Disdain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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