Helen A Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Right I don't know how this has ended up happening again. MOM ends up speaking to me and asking me why have I taken him off my twitter why can't we be friends he likes following me on there. We end up talking again end up sending a few crazy messages. Afterwards I thought to myself I can't do this again I've been working to sort myself out again. After this, he ends up ignoring me YET again. Saying that it feels all good at the time but he feels awful then with his wife. I end up going comepletely crazy this time telling him how I feel that he's messed with my head all these months. He replies talks sum ****, but then blanks me mostly if I ask him anything or say how I feel. Oh my god who the hell does he think he is to keep coming back and fore and then not saying a word and messing with me AGAIN? He cannot even give me any decent answers. My head is now a fried mess again. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Hopefully this time it may be a little easier to bounce back & shake it off. I understand why you did that....you get tricked, your heart tells you they came "back" because they saw the light and they realized they loved you and without you they are experiencing a void. The contact is then euphoria and some feelings come crashing in, and you act in those feelings because its so familiar & feels good/right..... Ahhhhh but what he did, conciously or not was got a fix, and a quick ego stroke, then bam....hes good to go now. It does hurt. Im sorry it happened but channel all that hard work and strength you've been building up and dust yourself off, its ok....you were healing and you will heal the same way now. Hate to say it takes two so your both to blame here but i dont wabt that to upset you. Let it go. It was a few messages dont fall apart. Hugs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Sounds like you are a distraction for his life- he toys with you when he needs a little outlet or ego boost and then puts you back on the shelf when he is done playing- You need to decide if this is the role you want to play- Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 That reply was great. Thanks it's really helped a lot. It was a few words / messages I have come along way and it's not gonna knock me back. I feel a bit weird, upset but I won't permanently. Ill dust myself off and get on with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Why did you respond to him? Why do you have some much trouble with NC? He got at you because YOU allowed it! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 Why did you respond to him? Why do you have some much trouble with NC? He got at you because YOU allowed it! I haven't sorted myself out yet I'm not completely over him. But I will be. Link to post Share on other sites
txgrl Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) I used to break NC. didn't matter who requested it or initiated it, I used to text and text and email and email till he would break , we'd talk for some time and then....IMMENSE GUILT!! I would text a speech about how this is all so wrong and he should move on blah blah blah... and go NC ... Couple of days or weeks later....exact same cycle again... I never knew what it was doing to his head or heart. I felt awful, I stopped, I missed him terribly, I started up again. People say A should be stopped because of what they do to the spouse, the other person, the kids, M etc etc. I say STOP IT FOR YOURSELF FIRST!!! I let myself transform into somebody with little regard for anyone's feelings . This man has NO regard for himself or you. I know, I'd become that person. This is why you should block everything and never respond.Block the messages too. If he start to be a nuisance, give ONE very stern warning and if he still don't back off, follow through on whatever your warning said. Be firm, put your foot down. Edited February 27, 2014 by txgrl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 Tx Girl I am exactly the same as what you have just said. And then like you said he'll talk to me again I can't handle it I get crazy sending loads of messages etc. It's my marriage I want it's ME I'm trying to work on. I have got myself a new phone he has had my number from his wife. I got a new phone and blocked my twitter. I'm going to try and do something so that I can never message him again I know that after some time would go by that it would be pver. I can't help myself replying. I do miss him I have no idea why. Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Tx Girl I am exactly the same as what you have just said. And then like you said he'll talk to me again I can't handle it I get crazy sending loads of messages etc. It's my marriage I want it's ME I'm trying to work on. I have got myself a new phone he has had my number from his wife. I got a new phone and blocked my twitter. I'm going to try and do something so that I can never message him again I know that after some time would go by that it would be pver. I can't help myself replying. I do miss him I have no idea why. I think as long as you keep telling yourself you can't help yourself you'll never move on. Block him. Block everything. You're as strong as you want to be You're as weak as you let yourself be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ailsa1983 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 There will come a time when you no longer care about what he says or does and when that day comes you will be surprised by your reaction. It literally feels like a grey cloud has been removed from your mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 How could he text you? You had changed your phone last time you posted here. Did you text him first or had you given him your number? Either way, you started this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 He had my new Numberfrom his wife. I have got a new phone. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I thought you were going to distance yourself from her too. When are you going to take control of your mess Betsy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 Now right now. I had I was doing okay Anne and il do it agen. Strict sixty day no contact meaning I won't reply to anything Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 60 days? Why only 60 days? What is so important about this man that you will not get him out of your life/marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 No I mean sixty days to sort my head out again I read that it takes that and then onwards from there Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 This is a repeat of a repeat of a repeat of a repeat........ If you CHANGE nothing...nothing changes. Until Betsy makes major changes...nothing major will change. She is fully and completely aware of what she needs to do in order to resolve her 'mess'. She simply refuses to do it, and continually comes back hoping for a different solution. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 ^Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Right I don't know how this has ended up happening again. MOM ends up speaking to me and asking me why have I taken him off my twitter why can't we be friends he likes following me on there. We end up talking again end up sending a few crazy messages. Afterwards I thought to myself I can't do this again I've been working to sort myself out again. After this, he ends up ignoring me YET again. Saying that it feels all good at the time but he feels awful then with his wife. I end up going comepletely crazy this time telling him how I feel that he's messed with my head all these months. He replies talks sum ****, but then blanks me mostly if I ask him anything or say how I feel. Oh my god who the hell does he think he is to keep coming back and fore and then not saying a word and messing with me AGAIN? He cannot even give me any decent answers. My head is now a fried mess again. I hope you get strong enough to totally block him and stop talking to him. Any time NC is broken, you allow him to suck you back in. All that does is feed his ego, lets him know he can open the door and get a 'fix' then disappear again. Get mad, get fed up and shut the door once and for all. I know easier said than done but the sooner you cut him out for good, the better off you'll be in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 ^Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein Oh yea that's quite true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 I asked a question the other night he blanked me. I sent a message then which said I don't know why I said all the stuff I did to you this week, I've parked everything up for good. Absolutely no response. So I'm okay to talk to for hours and then I'm ok to ignore as and when? I don't think that we can be friends. The door is closed. I won't feel guilty not answering again. I simply WONT Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 You saying "I don't think we can be friends" is just so completely maddening to all of us trying to help you. It suggests you want to be friends, that you thought a friendship was possible. We have been telling you from day one that you cannot be friends with this man or his wife. No ifs, buts, maybes. Friendship was not an option once you two started the affair. Stop trying to find ways out of this that you think will work when time and time again you have failed. Each time you come here, you say it will be different this time but it never is. You do nothing to change the situation so why does it surprise you that nothing actually changes? It doesn't surprise any of us. What are you going to do that is any different to what you have said you have tried before? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 What would you do next Anne? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 What are you going to do that is any different to what you have said you have tried before? REALLY curious to see what comes back. I'm going to hazard a guess that we see a sentence or two of words that adds up to 'nothing different really'. I'd love to be proven wrong. I'd really like to see something that actually demonstrates an understanding of what's been suggested. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 What would you do next Anne? She's told you repeatedly what SHE would do, as have I. What do you think she'd do? What do you think we'd tell you to do? Link to post Share on other sites
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