Fried

[anne1707]

So you're proposed idea that 60 days NC will sort you out is completely eroded because NC is in fact going to last just 2 days. Get a grip woman. If you can't be honest with your husband, at least be honest on LS where you say you want help.

 

There is nothing in your actions which remotely suggest you want this affair to end. A few empty promises on LS count for nothing. You consistently do the complete opposite of what you have been advised to do and never answer a direct question such as "what are you going to do that is different this time".

 

If you really want to have this affair then tell us so we can stop giving you advice that you have no interest in. If you do want to end this affair then ACT NOW.

 

Carry on the way you are and I promise you it is only a matter of time before the truth is discovered by either your husband or his wife. You have no idea of the devastation that will cause. You think you are in pain at the moment but it is nothing compared to what happens at dday. Carry on like this and the lives of 4 people and all their children will change forever.

[William]

As arguments amongst members about 'who's right' and 'who's wrong' are counterproductive to the purposes of this web forum, we'll consider those disagreements resolved and refocus back to assisting the thread starter with their issue. If assistance is not forthcoming, moderation will close this up.

[anne1707]

Betsy

 

If you are still here, how are you planning to approach tomorrow? You really cannot socialise with this couple anymore if you want to keep everything under control. What are you going to do?

[anne1707]

Betsy

 

Any update? What happened yesterday?

[Owl]

I HOPE that something game changing occurred to end her indecision and inaction.

 

As painful as that might be, I think it's the only hope for resolution in OP's situation.

[Helen A]

I highly doubt you or anybody here are the kick in the pants that anybody here needs. As you said, you've given advice, she's ignored. It seems she's telling you that no, you're not what she needs to change her situation.

 

And there's a difference between being sickly-sweet and being cruel for the sake of being cruel. So she didn't follow your advice, it bothers you, but it's not your life. Let it go. The namecalling is unnecessary and unproductive.

 

 

Thanks Anne Boleyn. I only want to talk I guess I am winding up a lot of people here for some reason.

[Helen A]

Betsy

 

Any update? What happened yesterday?

 

They didn't make it after all.

 

I'm not posting here anymore.

 

It's pointless.

[Owl]

Good luck, Betsy. I hope that something changes in your situation, and that you're able to work through it all.

[anne1707]

Betsy

 

If you want to just chat on LS then you can. You seemed to be wanting advice. You have very often asked for advice. Hence you got advice.

 

As I said in an earlier post in this thread, try to be honest here about what you want. People can only post based on what you tell us. You say you want to end this and ask how - you get replies on that basis. If that is not what you really want the yes it is pointless but that is not the fault of those who have been trying to help you. It is on you for not being clear with us about why you are here.

 

I must admit I feel kind of slapped in the face by your last two posts. I have been trying to help you (As requested by you in posts and PMs) for 9 months now. And now you make me feel as if I have been in the wrong for that.

[Helen A]

Good luck, Betsy. I hope that something changes in your situation, and that you're able to work through it all.

 

 

Thankyou and thanks for all the advice.

[Helen A]

Betsy

 

If you want to just chat on LS then you can. You seemed to be wanting advice. You have very often asked for advice. Hence you got advice.

 

As I said in an earlier post in this thread, try to be honest here about what you want. People can only post based on what you tell us. You say you want to end this and ask how - you get replies on that basis. If that is not what you really want the yes it is pointless but that is not the fault of those who have been trying to help you. It is on you for not being clear with us about why you are here.

 

I must admit I feel kind of slapped in the face by your last two posts. I have been trying to help you (As requested by you in posts and PMs) for 9 months now. And now you make me feel as if I have been in the wrong for that.

 

 

You have helped me Anne. A lot of the advice you have given has been great, it's just sometimes I haven't got any answers to questions you ask me. I'm a emotional mess. I'm trying to sort me out. It's sometimes I don't know what go say and do.

 

And I can't post here anymore.

[anne1707]

You have helped me Anne. A lot of the advice you have given has been great, it's just sometimes I haven't got any answers to questions you ask me. I'm a emotional mess. I'm trying to sort me out. It's sometimes I don't know what go say and do.

 

And I can't post here anymore.

 

Betsy

 

Why can't you post here anymore? Are you ok?

[Helen A]

Well there's nothing really for me to say anymore Anne.

 

 

I'm ok.

 

There's no point in me saying the same things anymore.

[anne1707]

Betsy

 

If you are struggling or confused then there is plenty of reason for you to be here. You just need to be straight and honest with posters. If you really want your marriage,or really want the OM or want both/neither or just have not got a clue then just say so. If you tell us what you are really thinking, feeling, wanting then you will get posts that respond to that. I have been posting because you say you want it all to stop and make things work with your husband. If that is not what you want then there will be other posters who will take my place and they will be able to offer their help and support.

[Helen A]

Betsy

 

If you are struggling or confused then there is plenty of reason for you to be here. You just need to be straight and honest with posters. If you really want your marriage,or really want the OM or want both/neither or just have not got a clue then just say so. If you tell us what you are really thinking, feeling, wanting then you will get posts that respond to that. I have been posting because you say you want it all to stop and make things work with your husband. If that is not what you want then there will be other posters who will take my place and they will be able to offer their help and support.

 

 

I want my life my hubby and my little one. Honest things have been So much better since I've started actually paying attention to my family.

 

It will all be okay in the end.

I like reading the posts on LS.

[anne1707]

Betsy

 

You just need to find ways of making that future you want more likely. You need to find some more strength within you to take control back.

 

You say the advice you have been given is not the advice you need. But the advice given is tried, tested and proven for ending affairs and reconciling marriage.

 

I and others cannot in all good faith tell you to carry on as you are because we just see so much wrong with the situation if it is your marriage that you want. Your repeated failure to make progress (e.g. Never maintaining NC, repeated texting, etc) supports this view.

 

What advice is it you think you need? What is it you want from LS?

[Owl]

I want my life my hubby and my little one. Honest things have been So much better since I've started actually paying attention to my family.

 

It will all be okay in the end.

I like reading the posts on LS.

 

Anne is right.

 

Every bit of advice that she has offered, and I have offered, have been with this specific goal in mind for you.

 

Our difficulty has been centered around how you ASK for advice to accomplish your above stated goal...but refuse to implement any of it.

 

Personally, I'll offer no more advice to you.

 

You KNOW what you should do. You've heard it from at least Anne and I for months.

 

The problem is...you're afraid to do it. You want to find another way to accomplish your goals, and you're angry and upset when you keep coming back here looking for differing advice but you don't get it.

 

Sometimes the only way to open up the can is to start by picking the darned thing up...no other method will work.

 

That's what you're faced with here. OM won't go away voluntarily. You've seen that. The only way to MAKE him go away will require you to explain WHY he needs to be removed from your life. That's hard as heck, I get it. But you've banged around for months looking for another option...and yet, here you are. As far as I can see...there are no other options. You have no easy way out.

 

You're in a crap situation, with likely only a crappy solution. Things will have to get worse in your life before they get better.

 

It sucks...but it's life. It's a consequences of choices you've made that led you here.

 

You're a big girl. You can either take ownership of what you've done, and put effort into truly fixing things...or you can bury your head in the sand and hope it all just "goes away"...but you've been trying the latter for six months, and you've just found yourself getting deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole.

 

Nothing is going to change unless you tell the truth...or you or the OM does something stupid and the two of you get caught.

 

You have the option of being honest, or being caught...or leaving everything the way it is right now.

There ya go. Good luck Betsy.