hornet9 Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 me and katie have been best friends since i was a freshman in high school and she was a sophomore. we have been so close to each other, we talk about everything and spen alot of time together, i love her more than anyone in the world. but the thing is i want more i care about her so much. i stand beside her in anything she does, and im here whenever she needs me. she an awsome girl, shes pretty, popular, captain of the cheerleading squad and shes so smart. we have hooked up plent of times, but i want to be with her in a different way. The thing is she has a boyfriend, but shes told me today that shes going to break up with him because he doesnt trust her, im not worried about that i can wait for her,but she always says that our friendship is to important to her to let us going out come in between our friendship, and i respect that but i cant help to want more, ive never felt this way about anyone before, the question is what should i do? do yall think she will change her mind? what can i do to make her realize the way i feel? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 Once you are in the 'friend zone' it is very difficult to pull yourself out. She already knows you really well, and has dedided that you are in the 'friend zone' - else, she would have been your girlfriend. In this case it sounds like she has genuine "friend" feelings for you, but they don't cross the boundaries into romance or sex. Does that mean she isn't attracted to you and will never think of you in a sexual context? Usually, but not necessarily. I'm sure she really cherishes what you have as friends, and when she says she doesn't want to lose it - she is meaning that she has no intention of you being anywhere else but in that friend zone. Once a friend becomes a boyfriend, then there is the chance of the breakup and once that happens - you lose both a friend and a boyfriend. Now the hard choice. Whether to tell her or not. You can tell her and one of two things will happen: 1. (the VERY rare outcome) - she decides that she can have sexual and romantic feelings for you and you get together and have a full relationship based on a solid foundation of friendship 2. (the TYPICAL outcome) - she is dismayed and feels guilty about how you feel about her since she can't and won't return those feelings. She starts being 'busy' a lot and becomes distant over time. Things become awkward between you since the balance was tipped from 'friends' to 'unrequited love'. 3. (the MAYBE outcome) - you tell her and she gently lets you down and lets you know that she will always think of you as a friend. Once this small bump and the awkwardness plays out, you two go back to being friends. Its a gamble. You just have to decide what is right in your heart - what you hope to gain, and what you are willing to lose over it. **edit** I just missed the part about "hooking up plenty of times" - are you saying you two have made out/had sex plenty of times? That would change things a bit. In that case, she is saying you are good enough to have as a friend and good enough to hook up with occassionally, but that she still doesn't consider you 'boyfriend material'. In that case, it sounds less like genuine friendship to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hornet9 Posted January 22, 2005 Author Share Posted January 22, 2005 Thanks alot lucrezia for your advice, not we havent had sex but most everything else. I think i might tell her how i feel but only when i feel she is ready to listen to what i have to say, and if i feel it is the right time. She just confuse's me but im not sure exactly what i will do yet. But whatever it is i do i will let you know. Thanks for your advice again. Link to post Share on other sites
Crono69 Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 DONT DO IT! She will hurt you just like my friend hurt me. Dont go through the pain im going through right now..... Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 If you've actually made out and been physical, doesn't really matter if it is full on S-e-X or not, then ... Yah, come right out with it. When she breaks up with her boyfriend, make plans to do something with her. But instead of the usual casual hook up or casual "hanging out" --- take her out on a proper date. That action will speak louder than words adn will instill a response in her. If she digs you in that way, hopefully it'll progress. Otherwise, you'll know from her reaction. You may not actually have to "Say" it. Good luck!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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