Can't get to the first date unless completely wasted

[GirlSydney]

Hi, I'm 25 and am chronically single. I have never really had a boyfriend, although I have a busy work and social life. When I'm out at parties or bars with friends, I often get asked out on dates. Although I am happy chatting and flirting with these guys at the time (usually because I am under the influence of alcohol or drugs or both), I can never follow up and meet them one-on-one in a situation when I am sober. I always cancel dinner dates or arrange to meet them in a bar instead where I can have a few drinks first.

 

I have tried a couple of times to meet guys for 'coffee' or lunch, or even just before going out, but I end up getting so nervous I feel like I'm almost on the verge of a panic attack. I'm afraid I'll muddle up my words or trip or he'll realise that in the daylight I'm really plain and boring. I also tend to get extremely suspicious if a guy is overly nice to me - I end up pushing away anyone who treats me with a bit of respect because I don't want to be sucked in only to fall hard later. It's happened to me before and I can't do it again.

 

I have one guy at the moment who has called me a few times to ask me out and everything about him looks so perfect... But I just can't bring myself to meet up with him until I can score some gear from my dealer first. I'm not a drug addict or alcoholic by any means - I hold down a succeful job as an attorney. I just don't know why I keep sabotaging my chances at finding true love.

[LucreziaBorgia]

It sounds more like you have some problems with anxiety and the alcohol and drugs are an extension of that rather than the cause of your problems. Have you considered talking to a therapist about it?

[einahpets]

my first reaction is that you may have a social anxiety disorder. i also was a chronic partyer and out of the party setting i did not know what to say to some of those people. it is a lot easier, isn't it?