overbearing parents

[Msrxchef]

Sorry for a long convoluted post.

I'm pretty sure what I'm suffering is loneliness. But I don't know how to change it. My heart aches, I get lethargic and I don't get excited about anything. I still go to class and act like everything in my life is normal. I also don't let my guard down at all. I just want to feel accepted and loved but I don't see myself making friends with anyone.

 

I'm scared to feel emptiness once I socialize. I hung out with people at my old college (transferred colleges recently) and every time I hung out with other people I felt empty. Really sad inside, you know? And I tried drinking the sad away but that did not work.

 

Now at my new college, I live with my family/parents. I live with my family and my entire financial situation depends on my parents right now. My tuition, living cost expenses, etc. all depend on my parent’s income. I have to tough it out for another 2-4 years before I plan on graduating as a nurse. But I don't know if I can do these 2-4 years without some emotional support.

 

For awhile it was just adjustment. I pored over books. Stuffed my brain with ****. And going on binges on Youtube, movies, TV shows, etc.

 

I figured I could start volunteering somewhere now that i've adjusted. But now whenever I interact with other people out there I know I will get that deep sadness inside. With every social interaction I feel like everyone seems to have somebody/real emotional support and I get really jealous. Family. Cousins. Aunts. Uncles. Relatives. Best friends. And i just feel so so alone. (I am a second gen immigrant kid.)

 

I don't feel like socializing (or fighting about socializing) now because my family really looks down on me socializing, esp. when I was an adolescent. They didn't see it as time well spent. They wanted me to know "right from wrong" and so they would judge everything I did and everyone I interacted with. In my family: you remain loyal to only your family and only listen to your parents in order to be a good person. Everyone out there in the world wants to hurt you in someway. Only your parents truly love you and protect you from rapists, serial killers, and whatnot evil people. Lets say I grew up as a very neurotic kid.

 

Even today as a young adult they still will judge my behavior but to protect my own freakin ego I don't talk to my parents about other people. And if someone from my past comes up, I avoid it by saying I don’t talk to them anymore or whatever. That way I don’t have to deal with my mother using my friends lives as a measurement of my inabilities. Otherwise every single day would be a projection of her inane thoughts! ("She/he has this and that, and you have nothing!") Every moment I spend with her is a judgment or a patronizing comment or a disappointment or a diatribe or a complaint. Just enough. I’ve had enough. Over 2 decades of this ****ing ****. I’ve had enough.

 

I don't mind being a homebody but it drives me nuts because I can't leave the house to socialize because I know I will feel sad BUT if I stay inside my house I will also feel sad. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. And how should I get myself to not feel this way anymore? It’s not just my family but also my own problems yes but I honestly feel like I can’t be myself or have friends as long as I shack with my parents. How do I tough it out for another 2 years? How do people do it?

[writergal]

Sometimes deep depression like that is linked to what you're doing with your life. Are you sure you want to be a nurse? I know lots of people who went to grad school for one thing but later realized it wasn't something they wanted to do, and had to completely start over.

 

 

Also, if you're not pursuing hobbies that fulfill you -- whatever those are -- that also contributes to feelings of severe depression.

 

 

Also, living at home while going to school is difficult when you're an adult. The pros are that you don't have to pay rent, tuition or living expenses (unless you want to). The cons are that your parents will still have the authority to dictate your life as long as you live under their roof.

 

 

If living at home is making you miserable, then you can try to find a job while you finish nursing school. And after you find a job, look for a couple of roommates in a house to live with. Ask classmates if they know of anyone who needs a roommate.

 

 

But if you don't mind living at home, and you know that nursing is your life calling then those can be eliminated as possible causes for your depression, which can be circumstantial sometimes. Depression isn't always permanent. It can come on when our life goes through a transition, and can be situational rather than biological.

 

 

I think seeing a counselor is a good suggestion. However, I think taking stock of what things make you happy in your life outside of school is something that could help you reframe the way you see your life. If your list is empty, then time to fill up that list with activities that you know will bring you some happiness, some socializing and some time away from living at home.

 

 

Also, remind yourself every day that if you want to live at home to save on expenses for nursing school, remind yourself that this situation is only temporary -- temporary for 2 to 4 years but it's not for the rest of your life.

 

 

Try to see things objectively rather than subjectively. As a nurse, I'm sure you are trained to do that as well. You assess the patient based on the symptoms they exhibit, and you use your training to determine the best way to provide the patient with the support and help they need during their treatment.

[jellybean89]

My suggestion is to dig deep and find something that makes you happy. A hobby, going to people watch at the park/mall. Or volunteer at a local organization. Or join a church that has activities for young adults..

[KathyM]

Sounds like you've lived a very sheltered life, and don't really see interacting with others as a positive experience because it makes you feel more aware of your social anxiety and social deficits. I would suggest finding a counselor at your college to help you with this. Most colleges have a counseling department that helps students with whatever issues they are struggling with. I would suggest contacting them and setting up some sessions with them. And as far as handling your parents when they are intrusive, you need to learn to set boundaries with them in a respectful way. For example, when your mother is asking questions that are too intrusive, you need to tell her something like "I'm not discussing this with you," or only stick to more vague answers that give only the information you are comfortable with providing. You are an adult now and can control what information you give to your parents. If they are being too intrusive about things that are not their business, then set appropriate boundaries with them.