zep52 Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 Hi all Well its been two weeks of NC apart from a call she made to me last tuesday to request the return of her stuff, had started to feel positive about things and was coping well untill last night when i went to the pub and she was in there with her mother and sister, She ignored me and i ignored her but seeing her was all it took to plunge me back into the dark depths of despair, i love her, she loves me so why all this stupid posturing and game playing, all i wanted to do last night was go over to her and hug her, but she was flanked by her family and i knew that i had to stay away, How long can i keep up the NC, its only been two weeks but it feels like a lifetime, and i have a feeling its going to get harder, i allways do the running when things get tough between us and i feel like running to her now, but i know that if we really do have a future i have to let her come to me, its just so hard... So here i sit waiting for the phone to ring, and for her to be on the other end asking how i am, and if everything is ok, but the trouble is deep down i do not think she will ever call, and that we will always be left ignoring each other even when in the same place and that is just to much to bear. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcraig Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 The same thing happened to me last night. I was out having a good time, then she walks in, and everything falls apart. I didn't talk to her until the end of the night, as she was leaving with a couple friends, one of which is this guy who I think she might be seeing already. She managed to find to to call me sweetie and hold my hand, which made everything so much worse. I was doing really well, 4 days of NC, and felt like I had moved on. Now I am right back to square one, and ready to give up on everything. I am not a weak person either, but I feel like a brisk wind would blow me over right now. Hang in there man. Thats all you can do. Stay the course. Thats all you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 think of this as a test, ZEP52. If you have been going back to her everytime in the past then she knows it is her turn to run to you. By the way, if you have talked to her on the phone once and seen her at the pub then this is not NC. True NC is when there is no contact in any way, shape or form. If there are other girls that like you then you should go out with them. When she finds out about these other girls then she will most likely come running back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zep52 Posted January 23, 2005 Author Share Posted January 23, 2005 I know that everything you say is true, BUT having read a lot of your posts and replys i realize that you are a strong man, i on the other hand am not that strong, it is just so hard to keep up that i don't care front, you are completely right when u say it is her turn to run, and it is, but i seem unable to believe that she will, I am in my forties and so is she, this is to me at least a real test of our relationship but i fear for her it is just the end, i have fallen short in her eyes as a man and that is a terrible place to find yourself when your heart is no longer residing with you, i have no dought that you will tell me to get a grip and be a man and date other women, but there are no other women for me, she is the one If this is the end then in time i will repair myself and move on, but that time isn't now and im hurting like i never hurt before, man to man what would u do, i cant think strait, i feel like im running out of options and she is moving away from me, i truly believe that she loves me, she just cant commit, where as i on the other hand i committed long ago and now im in a world of hurt of my own making, what do i do other than what im already doing, no options left other than the one im following By the way she contacted me for the return of her stuff, and when i saw her last nite i had no idea she would be in that pub i specifically went there so as to reduce the risk of running into her but the best layed plans of mice and men and all that stuff, Any advice will be gratefully received Alpha-male, i fear that if i carry on as i have i will have lost her forever, thanks in advance for your remarks and rest assured that i will follow advice given. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 23, 2005 Share Posted January 23, 2005 Originally posted by zep52 By the way she contacted me for the return of her stuff, and when i saw her last nite i had no idea she would be in that pub i specifically went there so as to reduce the risk of running into her but the best layed plans of mice and men and all that stuff, Any advice will be gratefully received Alpha-male, i fear that if i carry on as i have i will have lost her forever, thanks in advance for your remarks and rest assured that i will follow advice given. What would have happened, ZEP52, if you had walked into that pub with another woman and did not know your ex what there and your ex saw you with someone else? Give me an honest answer and then I will help you. Would your ex have been indifferent, would she have been surpirsed? Would she have been jealous?? And plese elaborate on what you said about falling short as a man in her eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zep52 Posted January 23, 2005 Author Share Posted January 23, 2005 I feel for u man i really do, u keep ur chin up and god willing all will be well, it comes down to love in the end and from ur reply i can tell u love her, and that is the greatest thing u can ever give to someone, she feels it, she must and so its a waiting game, life takes its twists and turns but it always gets to where it was heading so in the end we are all passengers enjoy the ride as best u can and try to believe that ur destination is where u wanted to be. and with luck u will arrive with the sun shining, be strong... Link to post Share on other sites
Author zep52 Posted January 23, 2005 Author Share Posted January 23, 2005 Hi Alpha You are right i know in as far as what u say about her seeing me with another woman, but is it fair on the other woman to use her as a pawn in a game she is unaware of ??? In time i will find someone new and as you so rightly say that is when she will probably hear of this and then try to return, but i do not feel this is the right time now, even though that night i did walk another woman home and went in for drinks i left after nothing more than a few kisses, just didn't feel right, As far as her seeing me as less than a man, she is part of a family that is mainly all women, she never knew her father, and her mother has stayed single most of her life, she has one sister, who is married with seven daughters, she herself has a daughter and a son, so as you can see it is a very female dominated family, It seems to me that without a father figure she has a very rigid view of what makes a man a man, and again in my view a totally unrealistic view, if at anytime she feels that i should do something that in her view a real man would do, and i don't she makes me feel less than a man (probably unintensionly) but u know that the male ego is a fragile thing, As i said yesterday i am not a man who feels the need to be macho or outwardly assertive but i am a man none the less, ur average guy who if the need arose would do what i had to do in whatever situation arose, i provide, and would protect her with my life if needed but most of the time am easy going with a devil may care attitude to life, I do believe she loves me, i know she loves me but untill she can love me for who i am instead of who she wants me to be i fear this will always be a recurring theme, strangely enough her last boyfriend was a (from what i have heard) very macho, assertive guy who had a real temper and when the need arose would do his thinking with his fists, though never to her she left him because in her words he was a time bomb waiting to go off all the time, so WHAT DOES SHE WANT, Any ways this is what has brought us here, i will no longer do the running, she must come to me now and if she does all well and good, if however she does not, well i will hurt for a while longer and will in time find someone new, it is all i fear in the lap of the gods So there u go Alphamale, any advice you can offer from the above will be greatly appreciated and i look forward to your reply... Link to post Share on other sites
slightlyunhappy Posted January 23, 2005 Share Posted January 23, 2005 Try to feel better about seeing her in a crowded bar... It could be worse. You could be me... I live in the same dorm as my ex who broke up with me a little less than two weeks ago, and she is friends with all my friends at school... So yea, I probably see her every weekend at least once or twice... Try to avoid that bar next time (as I am trying to stymie my involvement with my current group of friends)... And as another poster said earlier... "Chin up" and don't ever let them see you sad. Link to post Share on other sites
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