To: Rogue

[Ace]

You know, you really ought to be a little bit more compassionate to people. I am not going to get pissed anymore about immature people like you, dissing on guys that are just looking for some nice people to talk to.

 

There have been alot of people that have helped/tried to help me and I really appreciate that. I guess that you will always have a few bad apples in the basket.

 

Ace

[Paulie]

Please see my post below, in response to your post, "I am sorry."

 

YOU YOU YOU YOU asked for our advice, and everybody's advice, whether or not you agree with it.

 

And it was a low shot at Rogue, who also was just trying to help you. Sometimes well-intentioned people want to help others, and you don't want to accept their help. In the spirit of this forum, I would ask that you decline gracefully.

 

Paulie

[Tony T]

You need to know there is not a soul here who doesn't really want you to score big with this girl you are interested in. Rogue, Paulie, sparkle and everyone else who has given you advice has done so ONLY to give you the very best ammunition to get the job done.

 

Perhaps sparkle worded her post the best, but she said basically what everyone else has been telling you. Her instructions were set forth for you in very simple terms. I'm very glad you understood them. She is a terrific lady and everything she tells you is right on the mark. God bless her!!!

 

Yes, maybe we shoot off our words a little tough now and then...and I'm probably the worst offender about that...but it's only because we care. EVERYONE, I MEAN EVERYONE, HERE AT HE BOARD IS ON YOUR SIDE. We are all plugging for you...rooting for our favorite son, ACE. But it is really frustrating for us to sit and watch you make the same mistakes we have made because we know what the ending is.

 

We have all been there, we have all done just like you...not wanted to listen to anybody because we thought we had all the answers...and we've all gotten screwed because of it.

 

So, at least we've tried and while the wording may have been harsh it was all done in love. You will see that most clearly one day.

 

Instead of being critical of the advice, just study the posts, consider them, print them out, and then give us hell in a few months if the information was wrong. Give everyone your consideration with an open mind. Then come to your own conclusions. I have done exactly the same thing you are doing now so this is not meant to do anything but make you better at your stage of growth than I was at that time.

 

If in life you only listen to what you want to hear, you are in for a really tough time.

 

The greatest of luck to you always!

[Laurynn]

[sorry guys, my keyboard is hooped and my caps key doesn't work]

 

ace...you aren't going to like what i have to say but seriously guy, you're acting like a young punk here. a place like this is one where you get all kinds of opinions and advice. you don't insult someone because they gave you [sincere] advice that you don't agree with. that's acting like a real tit.

 

i've been to many relationship message boards over the past 3.5 years, and i have to say...you are the only person i've seen who keeps coming back and back and back and back for advice, yet the advice youre given seems to in one ear and out the other. when someone gets a little too 'real' for you, you have a temper tantrum.

 

you do seem completely and totally obsessed with this girl and i really feel sorry for her. it's no wonder she goes back and forth from hot to cold. you're probably freaking the crap out of her. what you're doing is not healthy.

 

i think it's really rude, yes rude...for you to keep coming back and here asking for more advice yet completely ignoring 99 per cent of the advice you're being given. seems to me that you're totally abusing this board.

 

you're 21 years old. nobody said life was going to be easy as an adult. sometimes you just have to grow up and get with the program. think things through on your own...not run to places like this everytime the wind blows or you don't know what to do or say. if you act the way you act here, to your girlfriend, it's really no wonder she hasn't refused all contact with her. you're acting like an insecure little pussy. act like the man that you are. learn to deal with some things on your own. learn to think for yourself a little more. and stop making a fool of yourself by coming back here every day, asking for advice that you've already been given 35 times in 35 different ways.

 

i get really annoyed by people who come to places like this, seeking advice and guidance....and they don't -like- the advice they're given so they have something smart assed to say. how rude. those of us who give advice, do so because we want to, not because we have to. there is a big difference between -advice- and being told what you -want to hear-.....

 

i personally think you need to take a break from this place for a while......you're not only far too dependant on your girlfriend but you're becoming far too dependant on people here. that is not healthy. time to cut all the apron strings and learn to deal with life on your -own-. while you're at it, go out and get a book on -codependence-

 

you do seem extremely extremely obsessed.....and it brings back memories, for me...of guys i knew when i was your age.....who wouldn't take -no- for an answer....who wouldn't leave me alone...who were obsessed with me.....who were always so eager to kiss my a--........who tried too hard, who smothered me, who obviously had no shame, no self esteem and no pride. they ended up completely creeping me out to the point that i wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. i would end up going out of my way to ignore them.....to the point where i'd have no choice but to tell them to f--- off because they were pretty much stalking me.

 

you need to find other things in your life......sports, friends, interests, family, your job/school....other things to devote your time and heart into. you are going way over the line with this one girl. it's clear that you're going to do your own thing no matter what, so stop wasting all our time here, will ya [insert question mark].......figure out your own special date ideas, you have a brain right.

 

take a break from this place. your obsessions are spilling over here and it's not healthy....and it's getting to be a major annoyance.

[Tony T]

I'm about as frustrated as others with you but I would not ever want to discourage you from coming here and posting and I don't think most of us want to do that.

 

You are always welcome to bring your problems here. I do agree that you can become way too dependent on advice or feedback. There's a point when you have to call your own shots. And if you want people to answer your posts in the future, you shouldn't make judgements of their advice. Just simply and quietly do what you will (as you have been doing).

 

Laurynn and others are extremely frustrated that they take their valuable time to answer your posts, yet you come right back and announce to them that you did your own thing. Whatever you do is your business but don't expect many to continue to give you advice that falls to deaf ears.

 

So I hope you understand why some are annoyed. If not, you will in time. I guess it's all part of growing up and maturing. Much of what a lot of us feel is seeing you doing the same things that were a dead end for us in the past.

 

Your interests will be best served if you post more sparingly, just from a psychological point of view. Laurynn has already had her fill of this and perhaps others are getting close. It might be a better idea, since you are armed with advice for the next week or so, to post only when there are major events.

 

People post advice here because they are compassionate and have empathy and they don't want to get involved in a situation like yours unless you seem to be getting their message.

 

You have your lessons to learn and you will in good time. But you are absolutely free to post here as often as you want...and others are free to ignore your posts or to reply as they choose.

 

Do you have some close friends where you are who may be able to give you some advice from experience? Try that. But as long as you're nice, you'll never be turned away from this site.

[sparkle]

OUCH! This was a harsh email, it stung like salt on an open wound, and it wasn't even to me!!

 

I don't really even know what to say, but I just had to reply; it was giving me that not-so-good feeling in my stomach.

 

Laurynn, I know you meant well and I hope I don't offend you, but take a second and read over the email you wrote. Usually when you read it a little while later, it sounds much different. I know how you felt..you were frustrated and annoyed...and that was reflected in the tone of the email. But sometimes a nicer reply can still send the same point across that you wanted to send to him.

 

I know when I'm in a relationship, sometimes I'm the last one to realize the problems. I'll be totally blind to them, and totally deaf regarding the advice that people are giving me. It's only AFTER it's over am I able to see it from a different...many times...better point of view.

 

Ace, you came here for advice, and that's what we want to provide you...just some helpful suggestions. Please don't let this above post bother you...although I didn't like it at all.

 

The good thing about our replies are that we see the problem from an objective point of view and we can give our advice without letting our feelings and emotions become involved. That's what makes the advice so great, and that's why Loveshack is so popular. But when people let their frustration and anger become mixed in when they are dispensing some advice, it's not so great anymore, and sometimes it's very inappropriate.

 

But Ace, I know you're smart enough to absorb the comments of those who meant well, and to ignore the ones that seem to "attack" instead of "advise" you.

 

Good luck, and we're still here to read about EVERY SINGLE one of your relationship problems, no matter how many they may be. And hopefully, future replies will be just as kind and respectful as your posts.

 

[Laurynn]

sorry my response seemed harsh but it's how i feel and it's my opinion.

 

i don't think we are doing ace any favors by continuing to coddle him. the guy needs to learn a few things on his own, develop a little independence.......to figure things out on his own, like the adult that he is, and that adult that he's expected to be. he's coming here daily and asking for advice on absolutely everything, that's just not healthy and he's not going to learn to stand on his own two feet that way. he indicates a real problem with independence.....he can't seem to survive without this girl and he can't seem to figure things out without people on this board. by all of us continuing to give him the same advice over and over and over and over and over and over [though in different ways/forms]....what's the point. he is becoming very sweet to those who take his side, and more hostile to those who don't. this place isn't for picking sides. how many times are we going to give this guy the same dang advice. it's becoming pointless and futile and that's how i feel and i'm certain that others are beginning to feel the same way. the more we respond to him with the same advice [though worded a little differently], we are accomplishing nothing. he knows how we feel. he's not listening. he surely doesn't -have- to listen, but why keep coming back asking for the same damn advice.

 

and no, i do believe that sometimes people have to take a break from places like this....to learn to think for themself....spoon feeding a grown adult and coddling them and sugar coating the truth is not going to accomplish anything.

 

yes, sometimes the truth hurts but it's still the truth. what kind of place would this be if we only give advice and opinions based on what we think that person wants to hear.

 

ace needs to learn to think for himself a little. to heed the volumes of advice he's been given. we are all beginning to sound like a stuck record. anybody here ever heard of tough love [question mark]

[Rogue]

You may not realize it, but I am doing you a favor. And who I am and what I say is the least of your problems. I didn't tell your ex to break up with you. Don't worry about hurting my feelings either, because I've had far worse than a few words at an internet forum.

 

But what did I say that was so bad ,anyways? That you need to take a break? That you're not listening to a word any of us are saying, including sparkle who told you not to make a date ?

 

But to make you feel better, I will no longer respond to any of your posts. I won't make any comments on anything you say here. See if your problems go away then. If not, then maybe I wasn't the problem.

[fishbulb]

[sorry guys, my keyboard is hooped and my

caps key doesn't work] ace...you aren't going to like what i have to say but seriously guy, you're acting like a young punk here. a place like this is one where you get all kinds of opinions and advice. you don't insult someone because they gave you [sincere] advice that you don't agree with. that's acting like a real tit. i've been to many relationship message boards over the past 3.5 years, and i have to say...you are the only person i've seen who keeps coming back and back and back and back for advice, yet the advice youre given seems to in one ear and out the other. when someone gets a little too 'real' for you, you have a temper tantrum. you do seem completely and totally obsessed with this girl and i really feel sorry for her. it's no wonder she goes back and forth from hot to cold. you're probably freaking the crap out of her. what you're doing is not healthy. i think it's really rude, yes rude...for you to keep coming back and here asking for more advice yet completely ignoring 99 per cent of the advice you're being given. seems to me that you're totally abusing this board. you're 21 years old. nobody said life was going to be easy as an adult. sometimes you just have to grow up and get with the program. think things through on your own...not run to places like this everytime the wind blows or you don't know what to do or say. if you act the way you act here, to your girlfriend, it's really no wonder she hasn't refused all contact with her. you're acting like an insecure little pussy. act like the man that you are. learn to deal with some things on your own. learn to think for yourself a little more. and stop making a fool of yourself by coming back here every day, asking for advice that you've already been given 35 times in 35 different ways. i get really annoyed by people who come to places like this, seeking advice and guidance....and they don't -like- the advice they're given so they have something smart assed to say. how rude. those of us who give advice, do so because we want to, not because we have to. there is a big difference between -advice- and being told what you -want to hear-..... i personally think you need to take a break from this place for a while......you're not only far too dependant on your girlfriend but you're becoming far too dependant on people here. that is not healthy. time to cut all the apron strings and learn to deal with life on your -own-. while you're at it, go out and get a book on -codependence-

 

you do seem extremely extremely obsessed.....and it brings back memories, for me...of guys i knew when i was your age.....who wouldn't take -no- for an answer....who wouldn't leave me alone...who were obsessed with me.....who were always so eager to kiss my a--........who tried too hard, who smothered me, who obviously had no shame, no self esteem and no pride. they ended up completely creeping me out to the point that i wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. i would end up going out of my way to ignore them.....to the point where i'd have no choice but to tell them to f--- off because they were pretty much stalking me.

 

you need to find other things in your life......sports, friends, interests, family, your job/school....other things to devote your time and heart into. you are going way over the line with this one girl. it's clear that you're going to do your own thing no matter what, so stop wasting all our time here, will ya [insert question mark].......figure out your own special date ideas, you have a brain right. take a break from this place. your obsessions are spilling over here and it's not healthy....and it's getting to be a major annoyance. Laurynn - Fishbulb here...kudos, mon cherie- your moxie da bomb...I gotta tell you, I wish I had discvered this place a year ago, cuz a Voice of Reason such as yours would have been much appreciated...you are wise, don't let anyone tell you other(wise).