goumao Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 My divorce is underway but still not over the whole thing. People have mentioned the 180, but from what i gather it's from a book about reconciling after affairs, which honestly is not really the kind of book I want to read. Are there any better books or resources which focus more on someone who has been betrayed but is not reconciling, but rather divorcing, moving on after affair and divorce etc? obviously time plays an important role, any ideas how to quicken up the healing process? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Here's a link where you can find the 180 strategy. It will help you establish boundaries that are effective for your self-esteem and will help you detach. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce Wish I had other good books to share but I don't think there's a miracle solution. What helped me the most was the realization that my (ex)wife's infidelity was not about anything wrong with me or our marriage but about something broken within her. The love of a good woman also helps to restore a damaged ego but it flies against the conventional wisdom of healing yourself before bringing a woman into your mess. I remember I expressed frustration here that I was not more healed at a year post-divorce. Another poster said it's actually more like the two-year mark where people seem to turn a corner. While anecdotal, I tend to think that he was probably about right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Actually no, the 180 is not about reconciliation. It is about setting and enforcing your own boundaries and moving forward with your own life. It is about keeping yourself healthy and not being manipulated or pushed around by you ex. Sometimes WS's do change their tune and come back and ask for forgiveness and reconciliation after someone has been doing the 180 but that is not its intent or purpose and someone should absolutely not count on that occurring. 180 is a treatment plan to heal and recover after the split. Not a game plan for how to get someone back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kalimata Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 The 180 was published in Michele Weiner's book titled "Divorce Busting". Its a great tool, read the book. Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 When my First M ended in D I found that IC and reading a lot of Iyanla Vanzant books helped me with my spirit, self esteem and recognizing the work I needed to do on myself. This time is about rediscovering and loving yourself. Preparing yourself to be the right person for your next relationship. Getting stronger and knowing how to utilize any tools you have come to learn because of this experience. I wish I could tell you there is a way to expedite, but there isn't. Healing is a process that takes time. With love and support you will get there. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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