Bchar88 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 So long story short, I got busted lying to the girl I have been dating twice now. We are currently in "time off". I really enjoy her, and want nothing more than to be with her for the foreseeable future. I will go into much more detail if I get some responses. Info: I lied. She found out. She is really upset. I may have ruined this completely. No I did not cheat on her. Yes, it's been two weeks, and I have my emotions sorted out. Yes, I'm 100 percent sure I want to be with her. We have even talked about doing things in the future. What our life's goals and dreams are etc..... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 So long story short, I got busted lying to the girl I have been dating twice now. We are currently in "time off". I really enjoy her, and want nothing more than to be with her for the foreseeable future. I will go into much more detail if I get some responses. Info: I lied. She found out. She is really upset. I may have ruined this completely. No I did not cheat on her. Yes, it's been two weeks, and I have my emotions sorted out. Yes, I'm 100 percent sure I want to be with her. We have even talked about doing things in the future. What our life's goals and dreams are etc..... Can't provide you with much advice if you don't tell us what you lied about. So, you've lied twice. What would stop you from lying a third, fourth...time? And if she is that important to you, why are you prioritizing lying over the relationship? And how do you intend on gaining credibility/trust when you've kept repeating your behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bchar88 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Ok. The first lie was as follows. I was working late one night. She got out of work early, and decided to have dinner with her mom. All good. A couple hours go by with out a word from her. Unusual for her to for her to do that. I text her asking how is/was dinner? No answer yet. I thought that was odd, so head over to the resturaunt to see if she is still there. She responded, as I'm pulling in to the place. I see her moms car but not hers. I answered the text saying just getting out of work now, headed home. She saw me pull into the parking lot...I live opposite directions of this place. Lie number one. I had showed up to her place unannounced one night. Not drunk or anything like that. Just wanted to see her. I knock on the door and she lets me in. We talk, have a beer, and I gave her a hug and kiss, saying goodnight. On my way home I get a text asking " were you smoking? I could taste it on your lips?" I said no. I had recently quit smoking, and she knew that. I later fessed up to it. I realize this is a big deal to her. She is very open and honest. She prides herself in not lying and being an open book. I don't think this means I have prioritized lying over the relationship. I intend on being honest about anything and everything. I really care for her. I don't need her, I want her. Edited February 28, 2014 by Bchar88 More info needed Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Your first lie was born from your insecurity. Why did you need to check on her and why did you panic within hours of not speaking to each other? Is there a reason for you to not trust her? I wouldn't like someone checking up on me that way. Second lie, you didn't want to disappoint her and you didn't want to get caught for smoking. Addiction is a hard habit to break. I am sure she understands that and the outcome would be of more benefit to you and her if you admit caving versus lying. I've been around smokers and you can smell them a mile away. You're not fooling anyone by lying about that. The thing with these little lies -- you then wonder, if he's lying about these little things, what else could he be lying about? I think that's probably her biggest issue. If you can't be honest about these things and communicate why you do the things you do versus lying to cover it up, then how is she ever going to have trust in what you say? You're digging yourself a hole when you don't need to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bchar88 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Your first lie was born from your insecurity. Why did you need to check on her and why did you panic within hours of not speaking to each other? Is there a reason for you to not trust her? I wouldn't like someone checking up on me that way. Second lie, you didn't want to disappoint her and you didn't want to get caught for smoking. Addiction is a hard habit to break. I am sure she understands that and the outcome would be of more benefit to you and her if you admit caving versus lying. I've been around smokers and you can smell them a mile away. You're not fooling anyone by lying about that. The thing with these little lies -- you then wonder, if he's lying about these little things, what else could he be lying about? I think that's probably her biggest issue. If you can't be honest about these things and communicate why you do the things you do versus lying to cover it up, then how is she ever going to have trust in what you say? You're digging yourself a hole when you don't need to. Yea I have no reason not to trust her. I think you are right about the insecurity thing. I realize that either way I have messed up. I need to know, where do I start to fix this? I know the obvious, just be truthful. But as far as getting her trust back? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Yea I have no reason not to trust her. I think you are right about the insecurity thing. I realize that either way I have messed up. I need to know, where do I start to fix this? I know the obvious, just be truthful. But as far as getting her trust back? I think as far as gaining her trust back, that can only happen if she decides to work this through with you. Did you tell her why you lied both times? The other thing is, while being truthful is obvious but he other issue is your insecurity. That's a killer in a relationship, especially when it's driving you to spy on her. She hasn't given you reason to not trust her but something is obviously triggering you to behave inappropriately. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bchar88 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 I think as far as gaining her trust back, that can only happen if she decides to work this through with you. Did you tell her why you lied both times? The other thing is, while being truthful is obvious but he other issue is your insecurity. That's a killer in a relationship, especially when it's driving you to spy on her. She hasn't given you reason to not trust her but something is obviously triggering you to behave inappropriately. Why? Hmm, you may be right. I think it may just be that I an trying to hard? If that makes sense. Honestly I have never met any one quite as amazing as her. So it's making me insecure? And the hard part is, we work together....so I see her everyday. But she still makes eye contact, her pupils still dialate when she talks to me. She still laughs at my jokes etc.... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Hmm, you may be right. I think it may just be that I an trying to hard? If that makes sense. Honestly I have never met any one quite as amazing as her. So it's making me insecure? And the hard part is, we work together....so I see her everyday. But she still makes eye contact, her pupils still dialate when she talks to me. She still laughs at my jokes etc.... I don't know about pupils dialating but if I were you I would suggest talking about the relationship and coming to terms as to whether you both want to move forward or not. Limbo doesn't work, especially for you. If she needs more time, set a date for when you both come to the table and make that decision. If she can't forgive you for this and work through why you feel this way and allow you to gain her trust again, then she has to tell you. You can't sit and wait forever. Two weeks is ample time to figure out what she wants. The crime doesn't warrant such measures. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bchar88 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 I don't know about pupils dialating but if I were you I would suggest talking about the relationship and coming to terms as to whether you both want to move forward or not. Limbo doesn't work, especially for you. If she can't forgive you for this and work through why you feel this way and allow you to gain her trust again, then she has to tell you. You can't sit and wait forever. Two weeks is ample time to figure out what she wants. The crime doesn't warrant such measures. Pupils tend to dialate naturally when talking to some one that cares about you and shows romantic interest. Yea, I guess maybe you are right. She should tell me what or how to earn her trust back. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Pupils tend to dialate naturally when talking to some one that cares about you and shows romantic interest. Yea, I guess maybe you are right. She should tell me what or how to earn her trust back. I know what it means when pupils dialate. I've just never heard of someone focusing that intently on pupils to figure another person's level of interest! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bchar88 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Ok just saying ha. Yea, I mean I'm not sitting there starring at the pupils, I just notice it happening 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bchar88 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Any ideas on how to go about doing this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bchar88 Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Ok, over the past week she has hung out with me three times since last Wednesday. Which is something she said she did not want to do prior to this. Two of the three times were her idea even! Progress!!! So on order not to screw this up, what's the next move here? We have been enjoying times together in a friendly fashion. But Saturday when I left her house, I extended my left arm to her, and she came in for a close hug, resting her head on my shoulder. So, any advice for the next move? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bchar88 Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Buuummp. Any tips folks? Link to post Share on other sites
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