madgirl1991 Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 We broke up 2 weeks ago. Straight after the breakup, I asked him to see me for dinner, he agreed to two weeks time. This is tomorrow!! It was a very short relationship, and I think he is done with me. At first, i came on these forums, with elaborate plans to get him back. But given he has only messaged me once during this time, when he was bored on public transport, then went back to ignoring me, I believe he wants to move on. I am keen to meet him. I want to keep the meeting light and pleasant, so he remembers me in a good way, rather than the begging, crying, stalker I was when he dumped me. I want to leave open the door to friendship, so that maybe one day..down the track, he might see i have worked on my issues, and he will try again. But i won't be holding my breath if he doesn't. I don't want to talk about the relationship, because i know what went wrong and how I can change. I have tried to think of other topics to chat about, drawing inspiration from what we used to talk about when dating, but...honestly whats the point of exchanging info on our lives when we probably won't even hang out after tomorrow? I doubled checked he was definitely coming last weekend. Since then I asked him for drinks a few days ago, he decline as he was busy with frends (this is the truth, a friend of mine saw him out with them). I am not sure whether to message him and confirm a time/place, or leave it to him? I am scared he will forget, or is hoping I will forget Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 It's up to him to confirm. If he doesn't, he doesn't want to meet. The absolute last thing you should do is to check up on him. You need to stay backed off -- your bullying and abuse it what fractured everything in the first place. It's up to him to decide if he wants to come to you and if he doesn't, you need to respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I think you should forget it. You text him, have said you were stalking him, ask him to meet up prior to the scheduled date etc.... you look crazy. No amount of playing it cool will work. I'd be shocked if he showed up. DO NOT confirm with him. IF he is interested in meeting you, HE will confirm. what exactly are you hoping to achieve by forcing him to meet up with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 I didn't stalk him! I just acted slightly like one. The night he dumped me, it was over text. I tried to call him to talk, he refused. So i rocked up at his place, and after ten mins of me asking nicely..he finally came down from his apartment to talk to me. Then i wouldnt let him go back to his apartment, i made him stay with me while i cried and tried to convince him for three hours. lol. shameful i know. That is the extent of my stalker behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 I've been on NC since day 2 of the breakup. the only time i texted him was to reconfirm a week later, our dinner, and responding to his message, a few days after that (when i also asked him to drinks). I thik i have been pretty good actually! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 If that's your version of good, I'm not sure I want to see your version of bad. Doesn't matter how you spin it, it's up to him to confirm and make the next step. You do nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 You need to let him come to you, if he wants to see you. If you're trying to erase your last impression and create a better one, it would be best for you to step back and show him that you have self-control and you respect his need to keep away. Scared if he forgets or wants to forget? Well, that's your answer, isn't it. And the fact that you're already stressing, it's not a good idea to meet. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Bad idea.... Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 but...honestly whats the point of exchanging info on our lives when we probably won't even hang out after tomorrow? True, so what is the purpose of this meeting? A goodbye? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 True, so what is the purpose of this meeting? A goodbye? Just picking at the scab to watch it bleed. Fruitless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 Hi. I was dumped 2 weeks ago, for some reasons I believe are fixable. He is very bad a hurting people’s feelings, so it was me who had to get him to admit he wasn’t happy and wanted out. This happened over text, he refused to call me to talk about it, so I rushed over his apartment and spent 3 hours begging. He wouldn’t even let me into his apartment to talk so we were in the car park – humiliating – never again will I act like this. The next day, I calmly asked over text if we could be friends and have dinner. He agreed to two weeks time (ie: yesterday). After that I went NC for a week, then broke it to ask if we were still on for dinner. He said that was his plan. A few days later, he messaged me asking me how my day was and if I was ready for the next semester of uni. I answered these two questions pleasantly, and then he stopped messaging me. A few hours later, I messaged him that it had been a long day at work and I was glad it was over. He agreed the same for him. I asked if he would join me for drinks the next night. He stopped replying for ages (he does this when he is thinking) then said he is sorry, but he’s going out with friends that night. I said ok, no prob. 4 more days passed. It was the night before we were supposed to go to dinner. He hadn’t made any confirmation of a time/place with me, and I freaked out that he would forget. In fact, I couldn’t get anything done all day and was miserable. So I texted him, he asked how I am, I asked how he is, he said he’s super stressed about deadlines for monday and is staying home all weekend to get it done. I said I know your busy, but I feel unsettled can I stop by for just twenty mins on my way to dinner with friends? He said ok. When I got there, he actually let me inside his house this time. I was calm, and well dressed. We chatted for fifteen mins, then I told him I missed spending time together, that I know we cant be together right now because I have a lot of changes to make in myself, but while im making them can we be friends? then maybe one day a relationship would grow from there. He agreed and said, well we could go to the city gardens or something. I had to go at that point, but said lets walk and talk on the way to my car. As we were walking out of his apartment, he put his hand on the small of my back, for a few seconds like he used to when we were dating. Maybe he was really pushing me out the door lol? On the way to my car he joked we had written a list of things to do together early in our relationship, and I joked back we should do those things still. I asked when we could go to the gardens. He said he’s really busy the upcoming week. That he is generally free at night times these days. I said the ok, so the week after? He said he will let me know. At my car, he asked for a hug goodbye. He’s Christian, Christians do love their hugs. Then as I drove off, he usually just walks back in, but this time he watched me leave. Maybe just to make sure I was leaving and not stalking him lol? Its not been two days. I haven’t heard from him. He never mentioned the dinner he was supposed to have with me. Is he interested in being my friend or not? My mum says he was just being a nice guy, agreeing with me to not hurt my feelings. But I cant help but think his suggestion for the city gardens, and his hug, meant he was genuine… I'm going to try and wait for him to contact me after this busy week for him. Cuz that's how a friend would behave. In the meanwhile, easy my curiousity.. Does it sound like there is hope for friendship or more? Link to post Share on other sites
kjackson1 Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) Guess you didn't listen to what people were saying in your last thread. Once again, move on. Edited March 3, 2014 by kjackson1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 My question is not about trying to get him back~ It is whether there is chance for friendship. Please read the question properly. Link to post Share on other sites
flight E Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Move on let him come after you if he wants. These things never work that way no matter how much we wish it. Move on and let him do the chasing Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 My question is not about trying to get him back~ It is whether there is chance for friendship. Please read the question properly. Not if you keep pushing like you have been. You need to back off and let him make the moves. I doubt you will though -- you haven't listened in any of your other threads thus far, why start now? Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 My question is not about trying to get him back~ It is whether there is chance for friendship. Please read the question properly. You mean this one? "Does it sound like there is hope for friendship or more?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 Simon Pheonix - I tried soooo hard to follow your advice. But the stress from not knowing was literally making me sick. eg: Saturday I tried to get up and do stuff to distract myself from whether he wold remember the dinner or not. I did this succcesfully for a few hours. Eventually, i got so tired of my brain thinking about it anyway, i had to lie down to rest. Then, I was sweating and tossing and turning. I'm getting acne too from all the stress. I just don't know how to deal. I wanted to follow your advice so bad. But my body can't take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Simon Pheonix - I tried soooo hard to follow your advice. But the stress from not knowing was literally making me sick. eg: Saturday I tried to get up and do stuff to distract myself from whether he wold remember the dinner or not. I did this succcesfully for a few hours. Eventually, i got so tired of my brain thinking about it anyway, i had to lie down to rest. Then, I was sweating and tossing and turning. I'm getting acne too from all the stress. I just don't know how to deal. I wanted to follow your advice so bad. But my body can't take it. Well, the more you disregard it, the worse it will be for you. I mean, the main reason he broke up with you is because you have no impulse control -- you'd get mad and then you'd get mean and abusive. You need to learn to control your impulses and you need to resist the urge to act out. You have no discipline at all and it's going to keep getting you into trouble. I mean, if you can't even control yourself from contacting him when you know you shouldn't, how the hell are you ever going to be this better person you want to be? This is a test, and right now you are failing. This stuff isn't easy. Most stuff worth doing is hard. Part of being an adult is doing the right thing when it's easy to do the wrong thing. It's time for you to grow up and start acting like an adult and this is a perfect place to start. No more excuses -- no one cares about excuses in the real world. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Simon Pheonix - I tried soooo hard to follow your advice. But the stress from not knowing was literally making me sick. eg: Saturday I tried to get up and do stuff to distract myself from whether he wold remember the dinner or not. I did this succcesfully for a few hours. Eventually, i got so tired of my brain thinking about it anyway, i had to lie down to rest. Then, I was sweating and tossing and turning. I'm getting acne too from all the stress. I just don't know how to deal. I wanted to follow your advice so bad. But my body can't take it. Look, nobody is worth stressing out like that over a dinner. Don't torture yourself like that. It's not the end of the world if he doesn't want to be friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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