A BREAK-UP AND A CAR ACCIDENT: a word of advice for all the lost hearts out there

[matt_1987]

hey guys

 

just wanted to share my story. It has been a HUGE life lesson for me, and maybe by sharing it it can be for some of you out there too. I am still ashamed of some stuff that I did, but in time I will learn from it and get over it.

 

I won't go over the details of my relationship, but if you want to have some background you will find them here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/460529-she-came-back-now-she-needs-think

 

yesterday while I was driving I was having one of those moments, deeply sad and thinking a lot about my ex-gf. story is, I was queuing and looked away from the road for like 3 seconds, enough for me not to notice the car in front of me braking. I slammed onto the brakes but it was too late and I crashed into the guy's rear end. My car is a wreck now, but luckily noone got seriously hurt, which is the most important thing.

 

What I did afterwards was calling my ex and told her what happened crying desperately like a baby, and ended up talking about us. In the end, she felt pestered and was even bitter and angry at me at some point. I lost any possible chance of reconciliation, which were slim already to say the least (well at least I got my final answer). Also, I am sure I stained the good memories of what we had together to a considerable extent.

 

BOTTOMLINE: even when it gets this bad, DO NOT EVER, EVER TRY TO CONTACT YOUR EX. do so only if it's a matter of life or death. in any other case, take at least 10 minutes to get yourself togerther and seriously think about the consequences of what you are about to do. in the long run, it is rarely, if ever, going to be worth it. it's hard to stick to it in the heat of the moment (I experienced this myself), but seriously, learn how to do it, and I promise you it will the best choice you could ever make.

 

now I am left without a car, some 3k$ worth of damage, a girlfriend and my dignity. but hey, you learn by doing, sometimes the hard way. sometimes you really have to hit the rock bottom (or in this case the car bottom) hard to learn the lesson. I did this time, and will never forget it.

 

please people, be wise. do it for yourself.

 

peace

Edited March 1, 2014 by matt_1987

[Itspointless]

Man, don't beat yourself up, you were in shock. In those moments you reach out to the people you care about most. She should be flattered you called her.

[matt_1987]

thanks mate.

 

It was one sentence that really upset her when I told her "you got over me so fast". she was really upset after I said it because it was inconsiderate of the last 6 months of our relationship when she went through a lot of pain because of me. I later pointed out that I meant no disrespect for her pain but I could feel that one sentence really sort belittled the pain she went through because of me.

 

Taught me to think twice before speaking. I injected some bitterness in her there and it was a sort of harakiri. too bad...still learning!

[JDPT]

I've said this in the past, and I'll say it again. Someone told me a little while ago: "you could be diagnosed with terminal cancer, and that still wouldn't be a reason to contact her..."

That's essentially all it too. Be strong

[Itspointless]

thanks mate.

 

It was one sentence that really upset her when I told her "you got over me so fast". she was really upset after I said it because it was inconsiderate of the last 6 months of our relationship when she went through a lot of pain because of me. I later pointed out that I meant no disrespect for her pain but I could feel that one sentence really sort belittled the pain she went through because of me.

 

Taught me to think twice before speaking. I injected some bitterness in her there and it was a sort of harakiri. too bad...still learning!

We all make mistakes as we only are human. Perhaps a next time you will do things differently. But I understand why you feel bad. I too have made some comments that made me feel ashamed as they were interpreted in a way I never meant them. I should have done that differently. But at that time it was the best I could do. Sometimes we can wonder why the other party does not fully understand how shaken we are while digesting their message, well at least in my case. It is logical that sometimes our emotions make us say things differently then we want them to be.

I've said this in the past, and I'll say it again. Someone told me a little while ago: "you could be diagnosed with terminal cancer, and that still wouldn't be a reason to contact her..."

That's essentially all it too. Be strong

If my exes would be diagnosed as such I would like to know. The coincidence is that my ex has medical trouble at this moment.

[JDPT]

If my exes would be diagnosed as such I would like to know.

 

 

I wouldn't, and no, I'm not heartless. The relationship is over and I'm officially off duty. The equivalent of being laid off from a position, it would be ludicrous to resume duties the following day. Once you realize that your ex is a big girl and can take care of herself you will no longer need to deal with this predicament. And you should perhaps apply this same concept.

[Itspointless]

I wouldn't, and no, I'm not heartless. The relationship is over and I'm officially off duty. The equivalent of being laid off from a position, it would be ludicrous to resume duties the following day. Once you realize that your ex is a big girl and can take care of herself you will no longer need to deal with this predicament. And you should perhaps apply this same concept.

I understand what you are saying and agree with the fact that there is no 'duty' once a relationship has ended. Next to this I think it also matters what has happened and how things have ended.

 

In my case it was decided for me that she did not want me around. She wanted nobody around, no friends, family or me.

[JDPT]

 

In my case it was decided for me that she did not want me around. She wanted nobody around, no friends, family or me.

 

 

And you should gracefully adhere to that request prior to her employing different measures in order to get her point across.

[Itspointless]

And you should gracefully adhere to that request prior to her employing different measures in order to get her point across.

Not sure If read the second part of the sentence right as english is not my first language. But i have to accept this, even as we have discussed this before with a different outcome. She made this discision and so it will be, that means if she does not say that she made a mistake, and even then.

[JDPT]

Not sure If read the second part of the sentence right as english is not my first language. But i have to accept this, even as we have discussed this before with a different outcome. She made this discision and so it will be, that means if she does not say that she made a mistake, and even then.

 

 

 

Right-you would have to accept her decision.

 

 

I'll use my personal experience to elaborate. My ex and I were together for roughly 4.5 years. The last time I managed to get her on the phone she stated as follows: "I do not want you to f*ckin contact me any longer, no calls, no text messages, no e-mails..."

It's been roughly 10 months since then, and she has not heard a thing from me as she requested. I'll like to think I got the sweet end of the deal. I'm certain you've heard stories pertaining to restraining orders and such. I never stalked her, it's simply not my demeanor. She requested not to be contacted and I simply acted in accordance to her wishes, that's essentially how things go.

 

 

Shift the focus onto you now. YOU are all that matters from this point forward. Focus on your future and how you will come out of this experience and new and improved YOU.

[Itspointless]

Yeah, it is not what I wanted (for us), but I agree with you on that and see the rationale I do still care though. Having said that I have lived enough years to know when the moment has come that I have to chose for myself.