george roy Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 ... and I'm nervous. Scared, even. Over the past few months, she hasn't spent nearly as much time with the kids as she used to. Instead, she chooses to go bar-hopping or hang out with the new man. And I only mention that because of my concerns on whether this will be an issue when it's her time with the kids. My attorney (she has yet to retain one) has also incorporated "First Right To Refusal" into the agreement. So I'll be the first call if things get to be too much for her with the kids. I'm hoping that she steps up now that the actual schedule is starting. It will be tough (for me) on her first few overnights. I'm the primary caregiver, I'm the one who's been taking care of them. I'm the one who's been home every night. And it will be hard waking up to an empty house. For anyone that's been in this position... Are these normal emotions and feelings ? How do you deal with it ? Any thoughts, input, and advice are greatly appreciated... Link to post Share on other sites
nohardfelines Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm in a similar situation, although my stbxw is as caring and attentive to the kids as I am and we're a bit further off from her moving out. I'm keeping the house, and the idea of waking up to and coming home to it empty and quiet fills me with dread. My kids are young, so there's generally a stampede filling the halls from dawn til dusk. I have a feeling that i'll be turning the tv on as soon as I walk through the door. I'm also thinking about getting a big, dumb labrador as soon as this is all final. (I grew up with them) Having something that's happy to see you when you get home should help me. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm in a similar situation, although my stbxw is as caring and attentive to the kids as I am and we're a bit further off from her moving out. I'm keeping the house, and the idea of waking up to and coming home to it empty and quiet fills me with dread. My kids are young, so there's generally a stampede filling the halls from dawn til dusk. I have a feeling that i'll be turning the tv on as soon as I walk through the door. I'm also thinking about getting a big, dumb labrador as soon as this is all final. (I grew up with them) Having something that's happy to see you when you get home should help me. Hang in there. I hear ya. The first few days or so (at least, the ones where they're away) will be tough. I imagine, even being male, I'll need some Kleenex close by. My kids are young, too. 11, 9, and 7. It's gonna be too quiet here on STBXW's days. I've got a few changes to make here at the house once she's out (cosmetic and a little remodeling). I need to make it 'mine' now. One of the bigger moves is going to be with the two siblings that share a room. I'm thinking of converting the spare room to split them up. The siblings argue that they have to share a room. And they will be sharing one at STBXW's place. The overnight during the week I think will be ok, I have a regular thing on that night. It will be the morning, when my routine of getting them up and moving will be when I feel it. It's the EOW that will sting a bit more. I'll have to find something to keep me busy, but STBXW may find that EOW is now tougher than she thinks. And I'll get the call, having First Right To Refusal And the dogs are staying with me. So that's something... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm dealing with something similar here so I know what you are going through. It's great that you have a set schedule for when she is to see them. I don't have that right now and the not knowing makes it more difficult. I assume it will become easier with time. You'll find things to do on those weekends that they aren't there. Link to post Share on other sites
nohardfelines Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I hear ya. The first few days or so (at least, the ones where they're away) will be tough. I imagine, even being male, I'll need some Kleenex close by. Yeah, no shame in that. I never shed a tear through the entire ordeal (separating, reconciling, separating for good) until my son asked me why we couldn't all live together anymore. Just lost it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm dealing with something similar here so I know what you are going through. It's great that you have a set schedule for when she is to see them. I don't have that right now and the not knowing makes it more difficult. I assume it will become easier with time. You'll find things to do on those weekends that they aren't there. Yeah, the schedule was tough. We finally found common ground in the 11th hour. Of course, the kids are the primary concern. And the schedule works around them, both of us and gives each of us EOW with them. For a while, figuring out a schedule that worked all around was like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded lol But we're finally there. The hard part will be my 'off time'. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I have two daughters. One from each marriage. My first wife made it plenty tough for me when it came to seeing my daughter. Had to fight for every minuet, then she decides to move out of state and there goes my every other weekend. I had my daughter in the summer and for Christmas vacation. Lousy situation. When my second marriage dies due to infidelity on her part, I had the choice of being ugly and damaging my daughter or putting it behind me and moving on. I made sure that this time around I wasn't going to get the shaft when it came to my time with the kid. My ex was dating a guy and I told her that if she wants to date the guy and bring him home, then she's an adult and has the right to do so but just as long as my kid wasn't there. In other words, give me a call and I'll come and get her. To me is was a win win situation because I didn't care if my ex was seeing someone, I got to spend more time with my daughter. In your situation, if she's too busy to squeeze the kids in her plans then IMO it's her loss and your gain. Enjoy them because their not kids forever and if you get the extra time, then you build a stronger bond with them. Sooner than you think they grow up and have their own interests and you have to let them do their thing. Enjoy them while you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 My ex was dating a guy and I told her that if she wants to date the guy and bring him home, then she's an adult and has the right to do so but just as long as my kid wasn't there. In other words, give me a call and I'll come and get her. To me is was a win win situation because I didn't care if my ex was seeing someone, I got to spend more time with my daughter. The STBXW and I have discussed this, but I will refresh her memory And I'll relish the extra time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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