Is this subconscious?

[VioletV]

I have an issue. It always turns out that the guys I like don't like me back. I seem to gain a little curiosity from them, and then nothing ever happens. I don't get it. I am nice, pretty, stylish...etc. I always have guys that aren't my taste interested in me, but the ones I like just never like me back. I try not to come on too strong, yet I'm not shy. I don't think I aim too high. People usually tell me that the guy I like and I would be good together. Could I subconsciously be picking guys that aren't interested in me? Could it be something I am doing once they get to know me? I am frustrated with getting rejected. Please help.

[Tony T]

I think almost all of us have this problem at one time or another in our lives. For two people to attract each other, each has got to see in the other what they are looking for at that particular time.

 

One word you used which may not be the best is "nice." You could be being too nice. Unfortunately, you didn't say how old you are but the syndrome you described happens more often in the 25 and under age bracket.

 

I personally have gone through periods of time...months even...when I couldn't get a lady to look at me sideways if I stood up and yelled. Then, out of nowhere, there were five or ten ladies after me all at once.

 

Also, I have found that the less you really care whether there are people attracted to you, the more you draw them like flies. Guys just sort of sense that attitude from a lady and really go for the challenge. Men are hunters and they don't like to have things handed to them on a silver platter. So when you meet a guy you like, be nice but be distant and mysterious as well. Don't be TOO nice.

 

And this could be a subconscious thing, too. You may be afraid of genuinely good relationships, yes, perhaps afraid of the rejection or other aspects of being close to someone.

 

But your last sentence may be the giveaway. You have created a vicious cycle for failure. Since you are frustrated with getting rejected you may have developed a fear and therefore work to create that which you actually fear.

 

Your best bet is just to stop really caring one way or the other. Don't get so caught up in guys right off the bat. Really and truly develop an attitude that you are great and if they don't want to continue to date you, it's their loss.

 

This ought to handle things. But your situation is not unusual. I promise you there will be a time soon when you'll have lots of guys chasing you all at once. That's just the way it happens to a lot of people.

[VioletV]

Yeah, you are definatly right about the too nice thing. I am too nice and I try to hard to make things work when I am interested in someone. I think about them too much and I do too much planning to try and make things work. I guess I have to let someone try to work for me occasionally. I'll keep ya posted!

I think almost all of us have this problem at one time or another in our lives. For two people to attract each other, each has got to see in the other what they are looking for at that particular time. One word you used which may not be the best is "nice." You could be being too nice. Unfortunately, you didn't say how old you are but the syndrome you described happens more often in the 25 and under age bracket. I personally have gone through periods of time...months even...when I couldn't get a lady to look at me sideways if I stood up and yelled. Then, out of nowhere, there were five or ten ladies after me all at once. Also, I have found that the less you really care whether there are people attracted to you, the more you draw them like flies. Guys just sort of sense that attitude from a lady and really go for the challenge. Men are hunters and they don't like to have things handed to them on a silver platter. So when you meet a guy you like, be nice but be distant and mysterious as well. Don't be TOO nice. And this could be a subconscious thing, too. You may be afraid of genuinely good relationships, yes, perhaps afraid of the rejection or other aspects of being close to someone. But your last sentence may be the giveaway. You have created a vicious cycle for failure. Since you are frustrated with getting rejected you may have developed a fear and therefore work to create that which you actually fear. Your best bet is just to stop really caring one way or the other. Don't get so caught up in guys right off the bat. Really and truly develop an attitude that you are great and if they don't want to continue to date you, it's their loss.

 

This ought to handle things. But your situation is not unusual. I promise you there will be a time soon when you'll have lots of guys chasing you all at once. That's just the way it happens to a lot of people.

[unnamed]

I found myself, like you, attracted to other women, but they ended up rejecting me. And, also like you, the people I found not-so-attractive were after me.

 

For me, it turned out good. I ended up not being with any of those "higher" girls, nor the other girls, but I found a special one. Someone far too superior compared to the rest, someone who had interest in me and that I found to be extremely attractive (physically and emotionally)

 

Moral of the war-story: Accept it, its part of human nature to have this stage happen, like Tony said. Chances are this will bring something good to you. Extremely good.

[VioletV]

Thanks for your positive story. I really hope so. I have my eye on a guy that I think is ultra cool, but I'm not exactly sure how he feels about me. I felt the right vibe at first, but now I'm starting to think that he just wants to be friends. I guess I've just gotta be patient with things. I hope your right about the extremely good thing. I've got my eyes open!

I found myself, like you, attracted to other women, but they ended up rejecting me. And, also like you, the people I found not-so-attractive were after me. For me, it turned out good. I ended up not being with any of those "higher" girls, nor the other girls, but I found a special one. Someone far too superior compared to the rest, someone who had interest in me and that I found to be extremely attractive (physically and emotionally)

 

Moral of the war-story: Accept it, its part of human nature to have this stage happen, like Tony said. Chances are this will bring something good to you. Extremely good.