M30USA Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'd like to hear your experiences with this. What kind of custody arrangement do you have? What is your attitude about this? What are your plans (stay or move closer)? And how are the kids handling it? Thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) I know people who have to deal with logistics like that, it is tough. Knowing this, I choose to live within a mile of the XW just so I can keep my daughter 50% of the time. I would really like to move back into the City to be more centrally located, but it creates a logistical nightmare getting my daughter to school. I guess my point is that I would rather be stuck living in a place that isn't my favorite than forgo any time with my child. Divorce sucks with kids.....it just wasn't meant to be this way but it is what it is. And as far as how my daughter is handling it? She is doing well. Both the XW and I agree that if I lived further away we'd have to do the every weekend plan which we both agree would upset my daughter. Edited March 1, 2014 by TheBladeRunner Adding 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 My dad's daughters were a couple thousand miles away so contact was mainly cards and letters and child support payments. I had a good friend whom I knew during/after his D back in the days it was common for men to get 'visitation' and he had his son every other weekend and lived about 120 miles distant from his ex and they 'MITM' (met in the middle) and it worked out good for everyone, apparently, as good as things can in those circumstances. They divorced while his son was a toddler so the arrangement went on for years. I could see a 'school year' and 'summer' custody arrangement these days with that kind of distance. I can't imagine anything else approaching joint custody working out. Tough situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) I know people who have to deal with logistics like that, it is tough. Knowing this, I choose to live within a mile of the XW just so I can keep my daughter 50% of the time. I would really like to move back into the City to be more centrally located, but it creates a logistical nightmare getting my daughter to school. I guess my point is that I would rather be stuck living in a place that isn't my favorite than forgo any time with my child. Divorce sucks with kids.....it just wasn't meant to be this way but it is what it is. And as far as how my daughter is handling it? She is doing well. Both the XW and I agree that if I lived further away we'd have to do the every weekend plan which we both agree would upset my daughter. If I knew I could have 50% time with my kids should I move to same town, I would have been there last year after divorce. But as it stands, I'd only get an extra Thursday from the judge if I moved. I have a stable job here in the city. Ex lives in the boon docks with kids. I own a home here (the marriage home) which they feel familiar and safe in. Plus I have a feeling my kids will actually LIKE seeing the city routinely as they grow up. In this city, we have access to two of our favorite mutual hobbies: fishing and baseball. In their moms town there is none of this. It's a tough call. Edited March 1, 2014 by M30USA 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 My ex lives 650 miles from his daughter. He saw her on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and she spent the summers with him. They spoke on the phone several times a week. He sent her lots of cards and little "just because" gifts. This was the arrangement from the time she was 4. She is now 20 and in college. It wasn't ideal, but they have a close relationship and she's a very well-adjusted young lady. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 My ex lives 650 miles from his daughter. He saw her on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and she spent the summers with him. They spoke on the phone several times a week. He sent her lots of cards and little "just because" gifts. This was the arrangement from the time she was 4. She is now 20 and in college. It wasn't ideal, but they have a close relationship and she's a very well-adjusted young lady. That's good to hear. Thanks for sharing. Makes me realize there is still a LOT I can do even with my alternate weekend and 6-week summer schedule. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 That's good to hear. Thanks for sharing. Makes me realize there is still a LOT I can do even with my alternate weekend and 6-week summer schedule. Yes, you can still maintain an emotional bond even when physically separated. I was always surprised how close they were, considering the distance. I know fathers who see their kids a lot more, but who don't have the same bond my ex does with his daughter. One thing I always noticed was how excited she was to be with her daddy when she got chance. I think being with him was like being on vacation for her, a change from her daily routine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) Yes, you can still maintain an emotional bond even when physically separated. I was always surprised how close they were, considering the distance. I know fathers who see their kids a lot more, but who don't have the same bond my ex does with his daughter. One thing I always noticed was how excited she was to be with her daddy when she got chance. I think being with him was like being on vacation for her, a change from her daily routine. Your posts have really helped me. Plus you sound like a mature person who doesn't try to alienate your kid from their dad like the usual stereotype. In my case, I have a really close emotional bond to both my sons. My older son is a spitting image of me. We can relate the most. But for some reason it's the younger one who acts the most visibly excited to see me. Maybe it's just due to his age (3) but who knows. The older one just kind of acts normal when he sees me and doesn't get all excited. Truthfully, that's how I am so maybe it's just how he is? (What really irked me was that in divorce court my ex's father tried to tell the judge that my own sons don't seem happy to see me, while claiming they act thrilled to see them. He, of course, was referring to all of them, not just my ex. When the kids see my ex they don't get excited either.) Edited March 1, 2014 by M30USA Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Me and my Mothers daughter have a mutual arrangement. We were never married. Our daughter spends time with both of us. We are good friends and its never a question when each of us needs help for appointments work etc.. We are very lucky. My daughter has 3 homes. One in London, and 2 in Budapest. I maintain a flat in Budapest. So when i am not there her mother and her can come and go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 Question: Are there any dads here (or do you know of any) who lived 100+ miles from your children's mom, saw them the typical 1/3/5 weekends, and then the kids chose to live with you? I wonder what the courts would think about that. Would they let a 13 year old move 2 hours away with the dad even though they only spent 1/3/5 weekends there while growing up? Link to post Share on other sites
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