He is not who I want

[columbia1]

A colleague at work died after a long battle with cancer. I know he was good friend's with a guy I work with, and I asked how he was doing and checked up on him as I know losing a friend is hard. We started to communicate more regularly at work, and I think he is interested in something more than friendship. I was hurt by the end of a long relationship a few years ago, and it still hurts. My thoughts are this-I like our relationship. I like having someone to talk to, and check in on-but my constant thought is that he is not the person who left me and that hurt me. He is 10 x the man that guy will ever be, but I still would rather be with my ex even though it isn't an option. I don't want to lead him on any further, but I am confused. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?

[Noproblem]

If you can't force yourself, you just can't

But at some point of your life, you have to let go of your feelings toward your ex

You have to let go ........

 

 

May your colleague rest in peace, sorry for your loss.

[Survivor12]

Obviously, even though you aren't interested in a relationship with this guy, the friendship is important to you and you do care about him. For that reason, you need to let him know exactly how you feel. Don't be vague. Don't try to spare his feelings with excuses, ifs and maybes. Better to tell him upfront while he's just "interested" than after he has developed deeper feelings for you.

 

And make sure that your actions support your words. Keep your friendship boundaries...don't see him outside of work and avoid discussing sex & relationships.

 

Pay attention to how he reacts after you tell him. If he pulls back, let him. If he does have feelings for you, he may need a bit of distance or isn't interested in "just being friends". Remain friendly, but don't push.