Help! She is talking about second chances and regret, but she avoids any action.

[Heartache]

Hi,

 

I am a freelance TV production crew member. I am 32, she is 26. I am white, she is black... but that's not the issue.

 

My fiance and I had been together for four years. We were to be married in September, but I called it off because we were arguing WAY too much at the time. It also happens that I got a career advancing job. So she beleived I was more interested in work than her, and I saw it as a way of paving a better future.

 

So she begins to resent... to the point that she met someone on the job and moved to NYC to work near him.

 

Of course, I freaked out. I REALLY thought she was the one. That just made her pull away farther. She did not handle the breakup in what I would call an adult fashion. No calls, no info, no answering... totally instantly cut off.

 

So It took some time, but I got better. I went on some dates... but never really got INTO them.

 

Then about three weeks ago, she comes back from NYC to get her things from my house. I was really nervous. She could tell. She said she had really been looking forward to seeing me, and that we should go out for a drink. She started talking about second chances and regretting her actions. I listened, and laid no guilt, only offered my feelings in a way that wouldn't hook her to try to defend anything,

We simply enjoyed each others company... the drink turned into three days at my house.

She stayed with me almost every moment. It was good to be close. I worried it was just breakup sex... but damnit, she caught my heart again.

 

Well after extending her flight twice she leaves. And communication starts to wither. No more mention of second chances... or what she planned to do about the "other" guy. Part of it is she is very lonely in NYC, with no friends except her brother and the 'other.'

 

So she inqures about coming to Miami, where I am working for the month. She ALMOST came, but at the last second bailed on me. UGH

That was today. She had a good reason, a job came up in NYC. And she is still talking about wanting to come down. later this month.

 

She says she still loves me, but fear is keeping her from making a decision.... so she does nothing, or will bail or leave opportunities to have an excuse to bail.

 

She is talking to me quite a bit more and text messaging me. She also told me the 'other' is aware of her feelings for me and is himself insecure about me. I am trying to make sure not to contact her too much and giving her her space. But I fear if I don't do SOMETHING we'll sit in this limbo. And her being in NYC makes it so hard to connect, I can't compete very well with her lonlieness and his proximity.

 

I'd also add that I've been reading "How to get your lover back" and "getting back together." I wish I could send her a copy of the back together... but would she resent it? It would be nice to have a framework that we both can work from.

 

HELP!

[Heartache]

Oh, I forgot to add that as well as this being that day she was going to come... today would have been my late fathers 60th bday. SO i text messaged her "today would have been my fathers 60th bday. I miss the two of you more than anything." DUH! I should have know better. Damn love and emotions! Sigh.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

I wish I could send her a copy of the back together... but would she resent it? It would be nice to have a framework that we both can work from.

 

whatever you do don't do this, this would be a massive push away, don't let her know you are reading anything like this

 

i don't know about you and i have only once experienced this except i was 18 BUT if she is fooling around with someone else and dangling you like a puppet on a string i would cut all communication with her and forget about her...

 

my relationship with my gf ex involved was the quickest i ever recovered from

 

anyone who is capable of this will make your life a complete misery

 

don't let her have all the power, take the power back from her!

 

i know this is terribly hard to do and i know how painful this is for you!

 

b]BUT GET RID OF HER![[/b]

 

[whichwayisup]

Oh, I forgot to add that as well as this being that day she was going to come... today would have been my late fathers 60th bday. SO i text messaged her "today would have been my fathers 60th bday. I miss the two of you more than anything." DUH! I should have know better. Damn love and emotions! Sigh.

 

Nothing wrong with that. Don't hold it back. You feel what you feel and since this is the woman you want to have in your life forever - LAY IT ALL OUT THERE. Distance is good right now, take things slow and talk alot. She should though, soon, make a choice. You or him. Can't go on like this forever coz it just isn't fair to you, let alone this other guy...And herself.

 

Don't give up but don't push too hard. Just let her know how you feel and you are not going anywhere...But she does have to decide what she wants and who she wants.

 

Good luck!!

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

Don't give up but don't push too hard. Just let her know how you feel and you are not going anywhere...But she does have to decide what she wants and who she wants.

 

i strongly disagree... don't let her have all the power and just use you and the other guy, take the power back and make her miss you ( if she actually does )

 

would you treat her like this with another woman? from what i know of you already i doubt you would, you are a better person than her and deserve a lot more than the likes of her!

 

[Zoot]

You are wasting your time. If she wanted to be with you - she would. With web cams and cell phones - distance is a feeble excuse. If it's used - it's used as a convenience to break off a relationship.

 

 

This doesn't mean she didn't totally love you once - but it does suggest she may not totally love you any longer.