Anyone have any second chance success stories with an ex

[Mbrown945]

Wanna hear some positive stories as I'm in the process of deciding whether it give a second chance

[Mbrown945]

Guess not =\

[I_Like_To_Golf]

My friend's girlfriend broke up with him. After he cried and begged, they both went off and did their own thing, lived their own lives. Then one day about a year later, they were both stopped at a red light and seen each other. So they talked and caught up and ended up getting back together.

 

Now they're currently married with two kids, one is 8 years old the other is 1 year old.

 

Personally I have never had an ex come back, so it does happen but it also doesn't. Good thing about break ups is that it gives you a chance to self reflect and grow as a person.

[frigginlost]

Wanna hear some positive stories as I'm in the process of deciding whether it give a second chance

 

Yes.

 

Currently, things are going extremely well. You can search out my threads. *NOTE* there was a massive, massive, misunderstanding regarding my thread with respects to her leaving to see the other guy. *Never* happened.

 

NC almost killed any and all chances we had. NC is a fabulous tool to move on and improve, but sometimes, you have to go with what your heart is telling you and listen.

 

I will say this: It is *ABSOLUTELY* true, that if your significant other wants you back, they will move heaven and hell to make it happen. There will be absolutely no doubt, no games, no breadcrumbs, and they will be *completely* transparent. They will make it known very, very, clear. Crystal clear.

[d0cholliday]

Yes.

 

Currently, things are going extremely well. You can search out my threads. *NOTE* there was a massive, massive, misunderstanding regarding my thread with respects to her leaving to see the other guy. *Never* happened.

 

NC almost killed any and all chances we had. NC is a fabulous tool to move on and improve, but sometimes, you have to go with what your heart is telling you and listen.

 

I will say this: It is *ABSOLUTELY* true, that if your significant other wants you back, they will move heaven and hell to make it happen. There will be absolutely no doubt, no games, no breadcrumbs, and they will be *completely* transparent. They will make it known very, very, clear. Crystal clear.

 

 

I think that it depends on the situation, and what kind of person your ex is....

 

Regarding the bolded words....

 

I am in contact with my ex, and we are trying to work things out, she told me me to be patient, to relax, not to push her, to go slow... So I got that going for me, which is nice.... I really think she is genuine and she is not playing me. I was the dumpee, but I screwed up. Snooping around to get more sense of her behaviour, it all suggests, even she told me indirectly, that she was insecure about our future together, thrust issues, and she wanted for me to change and to prove my love to her. If she is throwing me breadcrumbs, they are on some new level.... Acts like we are together, hanging out, holding hands, she talks about our future, kids, vacation, she started to getting close to me again, started to open.... Basically I told her, I'm willing to try, but we need to rebuild thrust again. Still I'm not sure, and I'm treading carefully. Last time we hanged she was all over me, it was unbelievable... I haven't seen her like that for quite some time, she looke like a madly in love schoolgirl, looked really happy, and enjoyed being with me. As each day goes by, I'm getting my life back, still without her, and going towards that, and if she gets back, that will be a bonus for me. Problem is that even tough when we are together she acts like she suppose to, she stills doesn't put me on a first place, she did told me when I asked her why aren't we together yet, that she is kinda teasing me, cause she likes the attention. I figure it out she needs more time to make sure. At first she was saying NO to reconciliation, now she seems to think about it, but even though she didn't say it officially, it feels like we reconcilied, and now I just need to wait for her to come naturally. I'm imaptient, but have no other options. I was in NC for a month, did everything, but then I realised what was rotten in our RS, and talked about it with her, then things changed, and it started to look better.

 

So my question is, are there any signs with that types of person? Giving the knowledge, that my ex is a kind of person who won't come and say we are back together, or will say she made a mistake, altough she did say and agreed to her mistakes, which lead to BU. Very stubborn, and proud, I know, that's what I like about her. Things started to get better after I reached out, after I broke NC... After the BU, when I suggested to her not to contact me, she said that wasn't a good idea, that she thinks we need to keep in touch, but didn't say why, now giving the situation, and some things she told me recently, I know what she meant by keeping in touch, and keeping communication line open. She admitted she was testing me, and I was failing at first, and that every single time after our meet up, she went home dissapointed. Now she is saying that she should have left me long ago if she knew I would be like this, meaning that she likes the new me, but I didn't change a lot, actually I'm still a man she was once crazy about. There are few things that annoys me, and bugs me, but I guess I need to suck it up, and be patient. I do want her back, and I'm willing to get hurt again if its neccessary.

 

So what do you think? Did I read all of this wrong? Am I just fooling myself, and falling for her breadcrumbs, like where are we going to live, name of our children, buisness plans, vacation plans, holding hands, kissing etc. Plus some mutual friends of ours told me some things, which gave me some positive thinking. She also told me I was her last one, she had no one after me. She also feels like she is still closed, not relaxed enough, and way too much careful.

 

Thanks for your answer.

[d0cholliday]

My husband of 12 years now was a result of second chances. We parted ways, and remained no contact for a few months because I have to go away to work in a different place. After a few months of no contact, I just ran into him one weekend when I went home to my hometown. We talked, and decided to start anew as friends only. When I was away he will call, he will text but there was no mentioning of getting back into each other's arms. It proved beneficial for both of us because there was no pressure to commit, and no frustrations that is usually felt if you are in a relationship and there are unfulfilled expectations on the other partner.

 

We were friends for about a year and a half, ad just woke up one day that we want to try things anew. He asked me if we can try to be in a relationship again. And the rest was history.

 

 

During your "friendship" did you sleep together? How much did you hang together, was it like friends with benefits?

[frigginlost]

I think that it depends on the situation, and what kind of person your ex is....

 

Regarding the bolded words....

 

I am in contact with my ex, and we are trying to work things out, she told me me to be patient, to relax, not to push her, to go slow... So I got that going for me, which is nice.... I really think she is genuine and she is not playing me. I was the dumpee, but I screwed up. Snooping around to get more sense of her behaviour, it all suggests, even she told me indirectly, that she was insecure about our future together, thrust issues, and she wanted for me to change and to prove my love to her. If she is throwing me breadcrumbs, they are on some new level.... Acts like we are together, hanging out, holding hands, she talks about our future, kids, vacation, she started to getting close to me again, started to open.... Basically I told her, I'm willing to try, but we need to rebuild thrust again. Still I'm not sure, and I'm treading carefully. Last time we hanged she was all over me, it was unbelievable... I haven't seen her like that for quite some time, she looke like a madly in love schoolgirl, looked really happy, and enjoyed being with me. As each day goes by, I'm getting my life back, still without her, and going towards that, and if she gets back, that will be a bonus for me. Problem is that even tough when we are together she acts like she suppose to, she stills doesn't put me on a first place, she did told me when I asked her why aren't we together yet, that she is kinda teasing me, cause she likes the attention. I figure it out she needs more time to make sure. At first she was saying NO to reconciliation, now she seems to think about it, but even though she didn't say it officially, it feels like we reconcilied, and now I just need to wait for her to come naturally. I'm imaptient, but have no other options. I was in NC for a month, did everything, but then I realised what was rotten in our RS, and talked about it with her, then things changed, and it started to look better.

 

So my question is, are there any signs with that types of person? Giving the knowledge, that my ex is a kind of person who won't come and say we are back together, or will say she made a mistake, altough she did say and agreed to her mistakes, which lead to BU. Very stubborn, and proud, I know, that's what I like about her. Things started to get better after I reached out, after I broke NC... After the BU, when I suggested to her not to contact me, she said that wasn't a good idea, that she thinks we need to keep in touch, but didn't say why, now giving the situation, and some things she told me recently, I know what she meant by keeping in touch, and keeping communication line open. She admitted she was testing me, and I was failing at first, and that every single time after our meet up, she went home dissapointed. Now she is saying that she should have left me long ago if she knew I would be like this, meaning that she likes the new me, but I didn't change a lot, actually I'm still a man she was once crazy about. There are few things that annoys me, and bugs me, but I guess I need to suck it up, and be patient. I do want her back, and I'm willing to get hurt again if its neccessary.

 

So what do you think? Did I read all of this wrong? Am I just fooling myself, and falling for her breadcrumbs, like where are we going to live, name of our children, buisness plans, vacation plans, holding hands, kissing etc. Plus some mutual friends of ours told me some things, which gave me some positive thinking. She also told me I was her last one, she had no one after me. She also feels like she is still closed, not relaxed enough, and way too much careful.

 

Thanks for your answer.

 

Believe me Doc, I fully understand that it is a tough place to be in. I went NC and just about had everything blow up as she took it as I had completely moved on and she was in turn afraid (to proud) to contact me. When I realized this (I had a feeling) I went Low Contact, worked on myself, and was completely breezy with any contact we had (not fake! just breezy). This simple action alone allowed her to see the guy she fell in love with, but from a distance. In her words "it woke me up to just what an amazing man I blew it with".

 

My girlfriend is probably the most proud and stubborn woman that walks the face of the earth, but it still did not stop her from being crystal clear that she wanted back together and would do *anything* to make that happen. There was no gray area about it. It is me who is controlling the pace now, not her. And by that I mean, I'm being the guy I was when we first started dating; a guy with his own life and no baggage. She in return, is that girl who saw me from across the room and just had to get to know me.

 

As an idea on just how much of a gray area there is not in regards to how much she wants us back together, consider this: In the last two days alone, she has unfriended any guy who ever threw a flirt at her on FB just to show me that she is dead serious (I told her there is no need for that and to stop, but she said she wanted to do it, as she wants there to be no doubt about where her heart is).

 

My best advice I can give is, you need to be crystal clear with her that you are not interested in being friends, a sounding board, a buddy, or a crutch with her. She needs to realize that. From what you have posted, it sounds like she may be stringing you along...

Edited March 4, 2014 by frigginlost

[Mazzeldazzle]

Not sure if I would call this a success story. But my ex did come back, all be it briefly.

 

We ended in November. We had the long serious chat. At first he was cold as ice. He told me what the problems were. He felt pressured. It was a lot to take on. He felt he wasn't good enough and I always wanted more. He felt things were moving too fast.

 

I had indeed made mistakes. Ones that I could see now. We spoke them all through. I admitted where I had gone wrong. But I did have reasons to act the way I did sometimes. He made me feel insecure, always seemed to have one foot out of the door, and didnt seem particularly proud to be with me. That night the coldness turned to tears and he stayed over. Within a day he coldly told me as I was getting out the car that again, it was over. I didn't beg this time. I calmy said "ok" and left.

 

I then sent a text saying I respect his decision and that I will miss him very much.

 

Within a few hours he was on the phone crying that he was just being an idiot and to please be with him. I said of course. And I went round and comforted him as he was suffering from anxiety.

 

We had issues with him not wanting me to be involved with his friends and he seemed to want everything compartmentalised (for the record I always gave him time alone with friends). He seemed ashamed of me. I wanted him to want to shout from the rooftops. I put undue pressure on him really when he was already anxious. Within a week he phoned me coldly whilst I was with my friends and ended it over the phone. I was completely humiliated.

 

I sent a few emails - some nasty, some begging, some nice.

 

two weeks later I sent a very emotional email going over our relationship and why I think we are meant to be. He responded with a phone call. He had been a mess the whole time. He KNOWS that he loves me now and he wants to make up for it. Hes sorry. All that bull****. In his head he had decided he wanted a month to really evaluate his feelings (he has massive anxiety and intrusive thoughts - he had no idea what he really felt). The time we were apart he said all he did was cry and miss me.

 

He came back. We had moments that were great. But mostly he was an uncommitted ass to me and didnt made much effort. Our 1 year anniversary was a shambles. My birthday was too. Everytime he apologised profusely and wanted to make it up to me. He stated he DID want to be with me hes just so anxious. He wants to make me happy.

 

Low and behold, 2 weeks later, (A total of 2months of being back together) after coming out with my friends and meeting them for the first time he leaves half way to meet his friends (who are out every week compared to mine who are out every few months). He says he will be back in an hour. But lets me down. The next day its all tears and sorrys and I want to make you happys. But within 24 hours he is cold as ice. "I dont love you. Your not the one for me. I paniced last time" (even though he was "so sure").

 

he blocked me from facebook. Blocked my emails. Blocked my number. And has been gone for 3 weeks. His family ignore me as do his friends.

 

I have been left traumatised, quesitoning everything. Obsessed with forums. Obsessed with wanting answers. Obsessed with just SOME SORT OF APOLOGY.

 

I think I went wrong:- I wish I had been more easy on him. I wish I hadnt pressured him so quickly. We shouldnt have overanalysed and I shouldnt have pushed him so hard so early. I wish I could go back and just have fun with him and let him feel that "love" again. But really, in reality, I know this would have happened eventually.

 

Nothing.

 

Be careful what you wish for.

 

They may come back, but probably just to stick the knife in.

Edited March 4, 2014 by Mazzeldazzle

[d0cholliday]

 

Be careful what you wish for.

 

They may come back, but probably just to stick the knife in.

 

 

Well, I'm sorry it ended up badly for you. I think it is not that good to generalize people, but I'm aware of all the bad that can happen. I was your ex at some point, but I didn't want to hurt my ex, and I've realised thaty altough she has a tough personality, my behaviour isn't good, so I started working on myself, but it was too damn slow, and the RS fell apart. It is not ok he did that to you, but you need to asses the situtation, pinpoint the problems, make a change, a change which can be seen, which can be felt. Since you are still a mess, you need to take a little time for yourself, start NC, you can even write a pro's and con's list of your RS. You stay away, and don't take him back until you completely heal.

 

 

My best advice I can give is, you need to be crystal clear with her that you are not interested in being friends, a sounding board, a buddy, or a crutch with her. She needs to realize that. From what you have posted, it sounds like she may be stringing you along...

 

Thank you for your input. I'm really careful, and aware of the possible consequences. I've made my intentions clear, and she knows what my aim is, and what I want from her. So I'm going really slow, I think it is good like that, and she also requested that. I'm trying to believe her, and I'm waiting to see her real intentions, curently it looks to me as we are on a good path to reconcile, next month will be crucial, so I need to be patient and wait.

Altough she is givining me ultra breadcrumbs, for now she is showing she is genuine, and it will stay like that until she proves otherwise. I'm letting all come naturally, I'm not pushing, I'm letting her the wheels, and I won't make it easy for her, she needs to show me I can thrust her, and she still doesnt quite realise that her going out with her girlfriends is not the way to gain my thrust again, while letting me be in a "dark", cause she told me that we're still not reconciled, and to be patient. I'm feeling good, and I feel powerful enough to go trough it. If she knifes me at some point, I will get over her and survive. But for now I'm keeping myself open. I was chasing her at somepoint, but I stopped, and now I'm harder to get, if you know what I mean, and I want her to initiate next meet up, I won't contact her first, altough she texted me today, out of a blue, but I didn't answer it, maybe I will later, or tomorrow.