As a woman is this really too much to ask?

[dragon_fly_7]

At the end of the day, I think everyone has a certain deal-breaker. I believe if you have to compromise too much in a relationship to the point of giving up on your previous values then you're not being yourself and it's called settling due to fear of being alone and not finding him/her.

 

As obvious, someone that never mistreats you nor cheats is the miminum to be expected from both genders. I believe this is what some men tend to confuse and think that only makes up a decent, wholesome man.

 

My only deal-breakers are if he's not my bf yet:

1) Overweighted, large men (I'm an average frame woman and don't think I can handle a man that clearly doesn't take care of his frame)

2) He has slept around in the past (yes, I do mind a lot as it's one thing if he had a couple of meaningful relationships vs random hook-ups and then wants a relationship once getting it out of his system)

3) Wants kids (though I wouldn't mind dating a single father, I have no interest in ever getting pregnant)

4) Very religious (I'm an atheist but don't mind dating Christian, Catholic men or whatever religion they have just as long as they don't try to convert me and are so focused on their religion

 

That's it. I got no more. I don't care about the other nonsense.

Edited March 2, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

[Salvatore85]

I think the only thing holding you back will be the kids part.

[dragon_fly_7]

I think the only thing holding you back will be the kids part.

I know. I really have no desires for kids of my own. I'm not maternal.

Maybe the only exception would be if he agrees to adopt one.

[topaMAXX]

At the end of the day, I think everyone has a certain deal-breaker. I believe if you have to compromise too much in a relationship to the point of giving up on your previous values then you're not being yourself and it's called settling due to fear of being alone and not finding him/her.

 

As obvious, someone that never mistreats you nor cheats is the miminum to be expected from both genders. I believe this is what some men tend to confuse and think that only makes up a decent, wholesome man.

 

My only deal-breakers are if he's not my bf yet:

1) Overweighted, large men (I'm an average frame woman and don't think I can handle a man that clearly doesn't take care of his frame)

2) He has slept around in the past (yes, I do mind a lot as it's one thing if he had a couple of meaningful relationships vs random hook-ups and then wants a relationship once getting it out of his system)

3) Wants kids (though I wouldn't mind dating a single father, I have no interest in ever getting pregnant)

4) Very religious (I'm an atheist but don't mind dating Christian, Catholic men or whatever religion they have just as long as they don't try to convert me and are so focused on their religion

 

That's it. I got no more. I don't care about the other nonsense.

 

I don't know many men that are open to exclusive relationships without wanting kids.

 

For me, I wouldn't see the point in being exclusive with someone unless it would one day lead to marriage. And I wouldn't see the point in getting married unless it one day led to kids.

 

Just my opinion....

[dragon_fly_7]

I don't know many men that are open to exclusive relationships without wanting kids.

 

For me, I wouldn't see the point in being exclusive with someone unless it would one day lead to marriage. And I wouldn't see the point in getting married unless it one day led to kids.

 

Just my opinion....

Not sure if I want marriage (as you stated, if I were to find a marriage-minded man more than likely he's going to ask for a child) but do look forward towards a LTR. The only solution I would have if he indeed want a child from me is take him to an adoption clinic or orphanage center. I guess he can then sign the papers and be 100% responsible for the child while I can just comply to be the secondary caregiver. That's after all another way of raising a child. Edited March 3, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

[topaMAXX]

Not sure if I want marriage (as you stated, if I were to find a marriage-minded man more than likely he's going to ask for a child) but do look forward towards a LTR. The only solution I would have if he indeed want a child from me is take him to an adoption clinic or orphanage center. I guess he can then sign the papers and be 100% responsible for the child while I can just comply to be the secondary caregiver. That's after all another way of raising a child.

 

Many of us men have a thing about passing on our genes. Personally, I wouldn't want to adopt a child. I'm currently a marriage-minded guy.

 

Again, just saying this for perspective. I'm sure there must be somebody that would be okay with this. I would imagine it'll be pretty rare though.

[melell]

1) Overweighted, large men (I'm an average frame woman and don't think I can handle a man that clearly doesn't take care of his frame)

Perfectly reasonable

2) He has slept around in the past (yes, I do mind a lot as it's one thing if he had a couple of meaningful relationships vs random hook-ups and then wants a relationship once getting it out of his system)

Perfectly reasonable. Past behavior is a big determiner for future behavior. I think despite people wanting to believe otherwise, it is still the case the majority of the time. In my observations people don't change very often- the ones that do though, are great.

3) Wants kids (though I wouldn't mind dating a single father, I have no interest in ever getting pregnant)

I think this is more than reasonable, and one of the more important points. If you were to dismiss this one then you really wouldn't be being yourself. I do think there are enough people around who feel the same for this to not be a huge issue for you.

4) Very religious (I'm an atheist but don't mind dating Christian, Catholic men or whatever religion they have just as long as they don't try to convert me and are so focused on their religion

Again, perfectly reasonable. Shared beliefs, or respect for differences in beliefs, is a fundamental part of any relationship-platonic or romantic.

 

You aren't asking too much here at all. I would go as far as to say that sacrificing any of these things for a relationship with be at a personal loss. Good for you.

[Els]

How interesting, my guy satisfies all of your criteria.

 

In all seriousness, I don't think you are asking for too much at all. I suppose the not sleeping around bit + not wanting kids is a slightly unique combination, but I certainly know men who haven't slept around (thus are relationship-minded) and are ambivalent or not too keen on kids, so it's not impossible.

[Chris715]

Hey I pass the criteria with flying colors, let's meet up

 

As a guy who's pretty sure he doesn't want kids I would definitely be open to a LTR and marriage with someone I really loved who also had no desire for kids, so we're out there.

[David87]

I don't have a problem in dating women who don't want kids. That means you'll find someone who fits the criteria.

[dragon_fly_7]

In all seriousness, I don't think you are asking for too much at all. I suppose the not sleeping around bit + not wanting kids is a slightly unique combination, but I certainly know men who haven't slept around (thus are relationship-minded) and are ambivalent or not too keen on kids, so it's not impossible.

That's great. Nothing more tedious than those that think having tons of partners is going to really impress me, how it's all in the past, I should magically get over it and treat as if it never happened. That's like trying to apply to Harvard with a 2.3 GPA and a bunch of courses you nearly failed showing up on your transcript and then get surprised when they don't accept you.

[GoreSP]

It's not too much to ask. You have your 'requirements' and that's fine.

 

You are limiting the number of people that would be available to you though so maybe that's why you feel it's too much to ask?

[dragon_fly_7]

You aren't asking too much here at all. I would go as far as to say that sacrificing any of these things for a relationship with be at a personal loss. Good for you.

Thank you and yes I'm not willing to go lower than that. I've seen some women with ridiculous ''Must earn this x amount of money, has to be exactly 6ft and over (ironically, most are short themselves), etc'' and a bunch of other things on their very long list. What I've noticed is those types tend to focus on the little things than main ones and more than likely aren't really selective when it comes to having a good, faithful man that you're compatible with.

[dragon_fly_7]

It's not too much to ask. You have your 'requirements' and that's fine.

 

You are limiting the number of people that would be available to you though so maybe that's why you feel it's too much to ask?

I know. I can imagine if the only thing I was asking for is for a good man and take the ''But if he's a good man, nothing else matters'' then obviously every man would present themselves as good and I would probably also even have nearly borderline obese men, religious fanatics and players who claimed to have changed coming after me. That pool would be large with types I don't want since all being ask would be ''just good''.

[ThatMan]

There's another way to look at this:

Values are important in a relationship. You are looking for somebody with similar values and that's exactly what you should do when searching for a long term relationship. There isn't anything unreasonable about your deal-breakers at all.

[Disillusioned]

Well, I struck out on #1, so I guess I don't fit the bill... I don't look like a circus fat man, but then again I ain't no beanpole. Strangers gape at me and assume (wrongly) that I'm a wrestler or that I play basketball or football. However, I don't smoke and only rarely drink.

 

As for #2, 3, and 4, I've never slept with ANYONE, I don't want to be a daddy, and I'm not religious.

 

Better luck next life!

[dragon_fly_7]

Well, I struck out on #1, so I guess I don't fit the bill... I don't look like a circus fat man, but then again I ain't no beanpole. Strangers gape at me and assume (wrongly) that I'm a wrestler or that I play basketball or football. However, I don't smoke and only rarely drink.

 

As for #2, 3, and 4, I've never slept with ANYONE, I don't want to be a daddy, and I'm not religious.

 

Better luck next life!

It really on depends on how overweight is it that we're talking about. Is he just a couple pounds added every now and then but generally tries the best to take care of himself or are we talking about a borderline obese man/fat man (as you call it ''the circus fat man'') that does nothing but continues binge eating and adds pounds like crazy and does nothing to lose it??

 

He doesn't have to be very skinny. I'm ok with an average framed man (I'm not a 120 lbs stick figure either for a woman but just average).

Edited March 4, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

[iris219]

Yes, your expectations are reasonable.

 

#3 will be a dealbreaker for some, but there are lots of men who already have kids who would be fine with not having more or who absolutely don't want more.

 

But, I wonder, as someone who doesn't want children, would you really be happy dating a man with children?

[dragon_fly_7]

But, I wonder, as someone who doesn't want children, would you really be happy dating a man with children?

I don't mind esp if they're actually older and not really babies nor on diapers (more like 6yrs and above). I'm not the one that got pregnant. As long as he doesn't ask me to bear him a child then it's ok.

[MissBee]

Nothing you've said is too outlandish, I'm sure there are men out there who fit that criteria.

 

What do you mean haven't slept around? Are you thinking of a certain number of partners?

[pteromom]

Not only do I think it is not too much to ask, I would go further than that. If you are not maternal and have no desire to have kids, I wouldn't date guys with kids, and I would absolutely take the idea of adoption off the table. I'd just make a "no current kids, no future kids" rule.

 

Because if you fall in love with a guy who has kids, you are going to have so many problems! Step-parenting is difficult when you love the child and want to be a good step-mom. If you don't want to be a parent at all, it would be terrible.

 

And you wouldn't want to be the "secondary parent" to an adopted child. What if your husband died in a car accident and you found yourself the only parent? What if your husband had surgery and was laid up for a few months?

 

With parenting, you are either all-out, or all-in. Since you are not interested in it, be all-out.

 

Sure, your dealbreakers are going to make it more challenging to find someone. But so what? It's better to hold out for what you really want, even if it takes a little longer.

[pickflicker]

Perfectly reasonable. Past behavior is a big determiner for future behavior. I think despite people wanting to believe otherwise, it is still the case the majority of the time. .

 

Psychologists would disagree with you. It occasionally holds water in short term time frames, but long term, actually has little practical meaning.