happy2know Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I've been dating this guy for 8 months. He's 9 years older than me and has a very wild past (drug use, lots of women, etc.). While he was upfront about his past when we first got together, there one woman in particular he would mention from time to time. Since he's from the same area as I am, (I now live 2 hours away from there) I did some asking around and apparently he and his ex had been together on and off for over 15 years. So here's the real issue---a few months ago, I got the nagging feeling something wasn't right. I made the huge mistake of going through his phone. I found pictures of him having sex with his ex-girlfriend 3 weeks before we started dating. When I confronted him about the pictures, he was angry and stated that he could have those pictures saved anywhere and I wouldn't know it. After fighting all day, he said that if I had been like "hey jerk, I saw what's on your phone, get rid of them" he would have done so. So I said that to him and he was like fine. 3 weeks later, I came home from some drinks out with girlfriends and we got to fighting. I grabbed his cellphone (he didn't stop me) and went through it. Guess what? Pictures were still there. To be fair, I obviously have trust and insecurity issues. When I ask him about this particular ex, all he'll say is that she doesn't treat people right and uses them. My real concern is that his ex is from our hometown and he frequently goes back to visit his parents-without me-and isn't always in contact. So why would he keep pictures of them having sex? I also went through his computer and there are no other pictures of her--clothed or otherwise. Same on his phone. The only pictures he kept were the sex ones. Since I have trust issues, I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mjkid31 Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I don't think you're overreacting at all. Sorry, but he sounds like bad news, you need to end it because if he respected you he would delete them. I hope this helped and that you find someone better for you in the future. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 You're not being old-fashioned or crazy. Hanging on to graphic or intimate pictures/videos from a previous relationship is beyond inappropriate, in my opinion. Keeping them after knowing your current girlfriend has seen them and is upset by them is a deal-breaker for me. He is not prioritizing your feelings and in fact lied about deleting them. This won't turn out well in the end, OP. I'd send him packing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Its not a matter of "old fashioned" or overreacting. Its a matter of over controlling. The picture from the past are his documented memories. Like a diary, an album, item from his past, ect... You have absolutely no right asking him to delete his memories. maybe You can ask him to store them in a place less daily accessible like a disk on key. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 It sounds like he doesn't respect you as a person. The other problem is that if you cannot trust him while living two hours away, you cannot trust him while living under the same roof. He has to make his own decisions and he clearly doesn't value your sense of safety and comfort all that much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
love1336x Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 This has happened to me couple times with few men... lol Men usually don't bothered to deleted nude photos until you say something! lol. However, once I tell them I don't like it, and I rather not see it on their phones they usually deleted it right away! :] Your boyfriend sounds like a dick! I mean he is right the fact you shouldn't snooped on his phone, but if he has nothing to hide, then he shouldn't really worried if you go through his phone, that's how I see it anyways! If he really doesn't want to get rid of the photos he should moved them. Link to post Share on other sites
SpringBaby Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 The relationship is still fairly new and if you guys are not exclusive then it's his right to have whatever pics he wants BUT I wouldn't trust him, I find that disrespectful. Even if you hadn't gone through his phone, his other actions seem a bit suspect. If a man is really interested in trying to please you, he would try harder to consider your feelings and desires, especially in the beginning. It seems like he wanted you to see the pics the second time and that was a message that he could care less about how you feel. I think most people use "old-fashioned" when it is really "class" to those who don't have it. You're fine and you deserve better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 I've been dating this guy for 8 months. He's 9 years older than me and has a very wild past (drug use, lots of women, etc.). While he was upfront about his past when we first got together, there one woman in particular he would mention from time to time. Since he's from the same area as I am, (I now live 2 hours away from there) I did some asking around and apparently he and his ex had been together on and off for over 15 years. So here's the real issue---a few months ago, I got the nagging feeling something wasn't right. I made the huge mistake of going through his phone. I found pictures of him having sex with his ex-girlfriend 3 weeks before we started dating. When I confronted him about the pictures, he was angry and stated that he could have those pictures saved anywhere and I wouldn't know it. After fighting all day, he said that if I had been like "hey jerk, I saw what's on your phone, get rid of them" he would have done so. So I said that to him and he was like fine. 3 weeks later, I came home from some drinks out with girlfriends and we got to fighting. I grabbed his cellphone (he didn't stop me) and went through it. Guess what? Pictures were still there. To be fair, I obviously have trust and insecurity issues. When I ask him about this particular ex, all he'll say is that she doesn't treat people right and uses them. My real concern is that his ex is from our hometown and he frequently goes back to visit his parents-without me-and isn't always in contact. So why would he keep pictures of them having sex? I also went through his computer and there are no other pictures of her--clothed or otherwise. Same on his phone. The only pictures he kept were the sex ones. Since I have trust issues, I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. Nope not old fashioned or crazy. If I had a suspicion my boyfriend was playing around I would totally look. It is entirely inappropriate for him to have those pictures. Having them is disrespectful to you, not deleting them is even worse. I would have told him to F off back to her had I seen that. Your man needs to figure out his priories quickly! Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 Its not a matter of "old fashioned" or overreacting. Its a matter of over controlling. The picture from the past are his documented memories. Like a diary, an album, item from his past, ect... You have absolutely no right asking him to delete his memories. maybe You can ask him to store them in a place less daily accessible like a disk on key. Memories like that should be stored in your head... Not your phone or computer ;-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author happy2know Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks for the feedback...I've not been in many serious relationships. Long story short, definitely think that this one has run its course. I've been kidding myself for too long. Oh well! Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 If a guy tells you he has a wild past, don't expect him to change for you. He told you how he is and you accepted it anyway. This is how a practiced and experienced player gets what they want. They get to say, I told you what I was like when you won't accept their wildness. Move on, Grumps Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 If a guy tells you he has a wild past, don't expect him to change for you. He told you how he is and you accepted it anyway. This is how a practiced and experienced player gets what they want. They get to say, I told you what I was like when you won't accept their wildness. Move on, Grumps I have to agree with this. Also, it was before you were together you get be upset about the pics. But I can understand being upset with him after not removing them when you asked him to. I guess I can see both sides to it but it sounds like no match here. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts