mjkid31 Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) I love my girlfriend more than anything in the world, we rarely fight and I honestly believe she's my soul mate. But a problem has emerged, she's an actress meaning she has to engage in romantic love scenes with other men. This is the first time she's ever done it and she has an intimate kiss scene with another guy, which makes me so jealous. I realize it's a play, so please don't come to me about how it doesn't mean anything, I'm in film school, and I know enough about acting to know it's not real. And I'm 99.9 percent sure she won't leave me, it's just the fact her lips are on another guy and I have to share her, she has so many guy friends that hug her and stuff I feel as if kissing was the last thing between us. It makes me not want to kiss her, which makes me feel guilty because I don't want her to get the wrong impression. Also I'm insecure so I worry that she'll realize I'm not a very good kisser when she kisses those other guys that I feel are more attractive then me, and the thought of her getting turned on by other men lights a fume in me even though I realize she has a right to be attracted to other men. I mean some aren't a threat but others have 6 picks and are very handsome to other women. And the some of the guys she'll be kissing are smooth, funny, etc, I just feel as if I'm worthless. And if I try to tell her I'll feel like I'm guilt-tripping her to make her quit what she loves. Ultimately, I feel as if I don't deserve her and that she needs someone who fully supports her. Well I'm done with my emo rambling. Anyone have any advice? And if not, just talking about it and hearing other people's thoughts help. Thanks. Edited March 2, 2014 by mjkid31 Adding for more detail. Link to post Share on other sites
Ride2Live Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Well first off. It doesn't sound like you're very secure about yourself or your relationship. She is an actress and plays she's not performing porn. Issue tongue kissing or just peck on the lips kind of thing? The hugging thing is part of the play. All of this sounds innocent. You should curb before you come across as controlling. She is not an object she is your significant other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mjkid31 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) I realize she's not an object, and I don't control her at all, I'm silently jealous and I never say she can't do something or see someone. Edited March 2, 2014 by mjkid31 Link to post Share on other sites
Ride2Live Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I realize she's not an object, and I don't control her at all, I'm silently jealous and I never say she can't do something or see someone. Being silently jealous is not healthy. That will lead to being very resentful in the future. You can talk to her about it nicely and express your concerns, however I am not sure how she's going to welcome that approach. I think you're caught up on being threatened by the other actors. You need to see what is in front of you. She is with you. In life and in relationships we have to pick and choose our battles. This is certainly not one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mjkid31 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 I agree, being silent about anything in a relationship isn't the best option. But every time I think about telling her I worry she'll get mad at me for it or something, I dunno why but I do, even though I realize I'm just probably just being paranoid. I just hope I can stop being so insecure and jealous and I'm not sure why I am. I think it's genetic, my dad is like that with my mom. Link to post Share on other sites
Ride2Live Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I agree, being silent about anything in a relationship isn't the best option. But every time I think about telling her I worry she'll get mad at me for it or something, I dunno why but I do, even though I realize I'm just probably just being paranoid. I just hope I can stop being so insecure and jealous and I'm not sure why I am. I think it's genetic, my dad is like that with my mom. Either way you have to tell her how you feel. If she is understanding that's great. If not then U2 are not meant for each other. In fact I don't feel you're ready to be in a relationship. If you can't love yourself how can you love someone else. It may very well be that you grew up in that type of environment but I am not a therapist. I think you should try to do some soul searching and figure out what about yourself you don't like and what you do like and make a list. Again as for approaching her you will never know unless you try. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mjkid31 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 I feel that we are meant for each other, I could go into detail but I don't wanna write a novel. And I do love myself but when I compare myself to other guys that's when the insecurity usually comes in. Link to post Share on other sites
Oxygen13 Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Realistically, what guy wants his GF or SO kissing another guy? Its normal, but that being said, you already mentioned, its just for a play. Either you trust her or not. If you DO trust her, then stop stressing hommie! If you dont, ask yourself why? Did she do something to deserve you not trusting her? If so, leave her, otherwise, control your jealousy, girls hate when guys get jealous, not attractive buddy! Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I think you should talk to her about it. If she loves and cares about you, she probably isn't going to fly off the handle when you discuss something that bothers you. As long as you're not asking her not to do it, I don't see the problem. You could come up with your own solutions. Nothing will make it any easier that she's kissing another guy, but you can do stuff to try and lessen the blow... maybe go on a date night after rehearsals together to remind you that you're the only person she gets to go out and date, maybe she will take the initiative to give you some good loving whenever she is going to be rehearsing or performing to show you the thing that truly is just between the two of you, maybe she'll just verbally reassure you that it really feels like nothing. I thought stage kisses were usually closed mouth pecks, rather than full-blown French? Even if they are French kissing, I know personally no matter how much I had to French kiss another guy for work it wouldn't change the million other things that made me choose my boyfriend over anybody else, if I were in a relationship. Silently seething is going to do more damage. Maybe she'll appreciate the opportunity to assuage you of some of the worry and jealousy you feel. Make it a problem you face 'together' and not something you feel alone. It could be that you just need some simple verbal reassurance 'I know it sucks babe, and I hate doing it... I don't feel a thing and I just look forward to getting home to you' that you're not getting right now because she has no idea how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 In college, my boyfriend (high school sweetheart) freaked out because I was going to have to kiss a guy for a scene in an acting class. I explained my boyfriend's stance to my acting partner and teacher, and had the scene adjusted slightly to avoid the kiss. (I didn't want to kiss another guy, either.) Drama averted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Better come to terms with this. What are you going to do when she has a nude scene with another man and he's got his hands all over her? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Gwyneth Paltrow, (beautiful, talented, great actress and singer) is married to Chris Martin (Coldplay lead singer/keyboard player) who in turn, started writing songs and performing, because he wanted to pull chicks, and felt he couldn't do so otherwise.... Who, further in turn, has to watch his wife, on screen, repeatedly kissing Hollywood's latest golden boy, Robert Downey Jnr, who has a massive female following, because of his sheer charisma and refusal to take himself seriously..... ...who is married and has a beautiful wife and little son.... 'Magine dat.... Life truly is far fuller than this, hun.... Put things into perspective, for goodness' sake. No matter what a part requires her to do on stage - it's YOU she goes home with.... Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) I agree you need to talk to her, but be sure not to expect her to stop. If she loves to act you can't let your (misguided) jealousy keep her from it. That would not be love. Instead explain how you are not used to the idea of seeing her in a romantic situation with someone else. I am almost 100% sure she will assure you it isn't "her" in the scene. You need to separate the character she is playing from who she really is. Just don't keep stewing in silence, or some day it's going to come to a head and explode. Edit: and to touch on what others have said, many sposes of actors and actresses need to see or know their spouse is making out with other attractive people. Not to mention having steamy sex scenes. You might want to get use to a kiss asap. Edited March 3, 2014 by WhoreyBull Link to post Share on other sites
Author mjkid31 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 I think you're right, after reading I feel better how about talking over with her. I may give it a shot. Side note: Ruby Slippers, this is off topic but I wanted to let you know Judy Garland is ****ing awesome. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Go and read simplessimon thread from yesterday. He is in the same situation like you, but what you are going through is a picnic in heaven compared to him. Here is the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/464262-my-jealousy-justified Link to post Share on other sites
Author mjkid31 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Share Posted March 4, 2014 DAYUM. That actually helps a bit because at least I'm not in that dude's shoes.. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 When you talk to her about it. Do it in a calm and cool manner. Do not be accusing, or an asshat about it and do not make her feel guilty about it either. I read somewhere that some soap opera star had a husband that was jealous of her love scenes and they talked it through and came to an understanding. He was a tech guy and anytime she had a love scene, he was allowed to buy any new tech toy out there and she couldn't have a say in it. She went on to say that she was getting to the point where she dreaded love scenes because she said that, "Love scene cost me a fortune!!!" Point of that paragraph is that you need to find common ground with her. Talk with her and come to a happy median. Link to post Share on other sites
JG31 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 its just acting mate Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 its just acting mate Yes... its only "acting"... It's Only Acting - Loving Wives - Literotica.com Link to post Share on other sites
Author mjkid31 Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Well most stories on that site are total BS, but "just acting mate" is a terrible reply. I clearly said I know it's just acting earlier. Link to post Share on other sites
theediblewoman Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Like the others said, just talk to her about it without sounding psychotic. I think you'll probably feel better once you've been heard and understood. I would say something like "hey I know it's kind of silly and I don't really want you do anything about this, but I'm feeling a bit jealous at the idea of you kissing another guy for your play. I just wanted to let you know so that I could let go of those feelings a bit " Something like that, to start a neutral conversation. I bet you'll feel better when she hears your concerns. Our insecurities tend to feel a little smaller when we vocalize them and they're not just bouncing around in our heads! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Colton Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Like people said bring it up but do it in a calm and cool manner. Be understanding but let her know how the kiss makes you feel. Whatever you do, don't come off as jealous or controlling. Don't reveal how insecure you are about all of this and your kissing or whatever. If she thinks you're super jealous, controlling, and insecure about your relationship she is going to take offense and think you don't trust her. Doesn't matter if you do trust her, if she thinks otherwise because of your actions; that's a wrap my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
HomanWater Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Ask her if that means you can kiss other girls too and see how she responds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mjkid31 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 No, I don't wanna be rude about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mjkid31 Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Okay guys, lately I've been reading these acting stories on Literocia or whatever and I know they're just stories but they got me thinking about this situation and I think I'm gonna go ****ing crazy. I'm about to break down because I can't tell her, I just can't, but I can't get over it no matter how hard I try. I wish I didn't have such an overactive imagination, so I can't tell her, can't get over it, what the **** do I do? I've never felt so helpless. Link to post Share on other sites
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