Jealous of girlfriend kissing her guy friend in a play.

[Colton]

Okay guys, lately I've been reading these acting stories on Literocia or whatever and I know they're just stories but they got me thinking about this situation and I think I'm gonna go ****ing crazy. I'm about to break down because I can't tell her, I just can't, but I can't get over it no matter how hard I try. I wish I didn't have such an overactive imagination, so I can't tell her, can't get over it, what the **** do I do? I've never felt so helpless.

 

Grow a spine and stop being so jealous and letting your mind run wild. I've had friends who were girls in college who had long distance and regular distance (is that what you call them?) boyfriends. These guys got super jealous and had overactive imaginations. Their ugly and insecure actions pushed their gf's away. And once they were split up, I saw what their overactive imaginations come up with happen.

 

Hell I had an overactive imagination with my ex (very stupid on my part) and she never gave me a reason not to trust her. All the crap I imagined might have and probably did happen; but only after i pushed her away. Thats on me. Don't be stupid.

[HomanWater]

No, I don't wanna be rude about it.

 

The question itself isn't rude, it's the way that you go about it that may or may not be.

[BradJacobs]

Anyone have any advice?

Deal with it on your own or consider it a deal breaker and walk but don't talk to her about how you are struggling to handle this.

[lolablue17]

That kiss in the play is not just a kiss. it's a personal test for you regarding to your girlfriend. the question in that test in one:

 

Can you deal with an actress girlfriend?!

 

My wife was an actress as i mentioned in the other thread.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/464262-my-jealousy-justified#post5561848

 

I'm sure you will get over that particular kiss (you will experience some pain and frustration, but you will manage to survive it), But there will be other plays in the future and short movies, friend movies, independent movies, with more kisses, and touching, and making out, topless, nude, and more and more... depends how her career will develope.

 

you must decide not only because of that kiss, but because of the predicted possible (or inevitable) future - Do you want to be a boyfriend who has an actress girlfriend \ wife.

 

I knew a lot of actors \ actress in their early stages. and I can tell you a lot of guys (also girls) just didn't have the right type of character to go through this, and they broke up.

the wiser among them did it with understanding and in a good way, the others tried to put pressure on their actress\actors girlfriends\boyfriend, which is what i think you shouldn't do.

 

So in the end - If you decide you cant bear it, talk to her the "it's not you it's me" conversation, tell her that you wish her good luck, you love her, but you are not the type of guy who can stand being a boyfriend of an actress, and break up with her. (its sad but probably a must)

Edited March 11, 2014 by lolablue17

[Elias33]

Deal with it on your own or consider it a deal breaker and walk but don't talk to her about how you are struggling to handle this.

 

I agree. What is a talk going to do? It may make her feel bad about what she likes doing, she might reconsider doing it, but later resenting you for it. The bottom-line is that you cannot control her. And you cannot ask her to stop doing what she loves. Thus, the problem lays with you.

 

And the only thing you can do is ask yourself whether you can handle all this. We all have preferences in our partners, and we have boundaries that we set within a relationship. And of those preferences are not met, the only thing you can do is go your own way.

 

Even if she stops it right here and now, that will always hang over your head, always. And unfortunately, it is quite that simple.

[mjkid31]

Well I think I might just shut up and try to deal with it. I'm gonna go crazy but I will not make her feel guilty about what she loves. I dunno..

[lolablue17]

Well I think I might just shut up and try to deal with it. I'm gonna go crazy but I will not make her feel guilty about what she loves. I dunno..

 

If the acting thing isn't going to be her career or a major hobby, and it's just a one time event, so I think you decide well!

[mjkid31]

Well I've tried to deal with this but I really can't. I've tried but I think I'm gonna snap. Talking will just make her feel guilty and I can't do that. And I'm not breaking up with her, so stop suggesting that. I don't even know what to say, I'm pretty much ****ed, guys...

[Chi townD]

Well, I'm going to suggest it. You should break up with her.

 

 

Because if you can't talk to the person that you love, then what's the point?

That's part of being in a relationship. The ability to talk to each other and support each other. You bottle this up and it's going to fester. It's going to infect your relationship and put a massive strain on it until it all falls apart.

 

 

That's what you get to look forward to. So, you either talk to her about it and tell her how you feel or break up with her and save yourself a world of hurt.

[soccerrprp]

Gwyneth Paltrow, (beautiful, talented, great actress and singer) is married to Chris Martin (Coldplay lead singer/keyboard player) who in turn, started writing songs and performing, because he wanted to pull chicks, and felt he couldn't do so otherwise....

 

I get your point, but UGH what a terrible example. Gwyneth and Chris are now broken up and more interesting, reported to have had an OPEN relationship. With an OPEN relationship, it becomes a lot less about being confident or secure.

 

OP, you got involved with an actress. How do you think the talk is going to go if and when you tell her that you want her to stop kissing hunky guys or worse, stop acting???? She won't have it. Get used to it or find someone else.

[Spectre]

I have never agreed with the "it is only acting" thing. The fact of the matter is I wouldn't want my girlfriend kissing another man, whether it was real or pretend. Just like I would not want my girlfriend to be in a scene where she is a nude and another man is touching her breasts, etc.

 

You can say "it is just acting" but no, how many times have we heard stories of people "just acting" hooking up? Is it an automatic thing? No, of course not, but that doesn't exactly make it right or mean you just have to suck it up and deal with it.

 

My thing is, at the end of the day either her acting career is more important or you are. You can't control what she does, but at the same time if her job is going to be hurting you and making you uncomfortable you don't deserve to be made to put up with that. It's a tough situation. Some guys are fine with it, some aren't. I have no problem with the guys who are okay with it, but I do have problems with people who try to get on guys who do have a problem with it. To each their own, and all that.

Edited April 3, 2014 by Spectre

[mjkid31]

Thanks for understanding this so well, I just can't decide if telling her is the right thing or not. :/

[Chi townD]

Thanks for understanding this so well, I just can't decide if telling her is the right thing or not. :/

 

 

 

How things turn out is how you present it. If you try to make her feel guilty about it, then it won't go well. If you try and give her an ultimatum, then you won't win.

 

 

But, if you convey your concerns and how this is bothering you and you her help into find a solution, she might be more understanding and willing to listen to your concerns. But, you have to do it in a calm and cool demeanor. No raised voices at all! If she starts going into left field on you and yelling. Then, get up and leave. Just walk away. No point in staying there if she's going to go off on you.

[mjkid31]

Of course I wouldn't yell at her. I just don't even know if telling her, even in a calm way, is the right thing to do.

[lolablue17]

tell her the "we need to talk" words.

 

Tell her its not about her, and she didn't do anything wrong, it's all about you.

 

tell her You tried to keep her out of it for a long time because you thought it's the right thing to do and because you love her and didnt want to upset her. but you just can't deal with it yourself and you have to involve her and share your emotions and thoughts.

 

Tell her you cant take - her kissing another guy and it's freaking you out. you lose balance, and you're having hard time. you're not threatening, You don't demand anything from her, you just told her how you feel.

 

From now on let her do some work here. Let her speak.

[Noproblem]

I would rethink about 99.9 percent part.

 

There is no guarantees in this life....

 

 

People will leave you in a blink of an eye ..with or without reasons...

[lolablue17]

I'm copying my post from another thread. I put a link before and i think you already read it but i'm pasting it here for others...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When my wife was a young actress and we had fights about her love, kissing and making out scenes on films or theatre, She raised a few “good” (hypocrite) arguments. Here are her claims:

 

Claim 1: “It’s nothing, it’s only a job”!

 

My reply: Also an escort girl that sleeping with clients, it’s only a JOB for her… Would you like me to be a porn actor? “It’s just a job” isn’t it?

 

Claim 2: I made out with him (guy actor) but I love you – he means nothing to me, I don’t care about him!

 

My reply: OK, so I will go tonight to a bar, hit on a girl and **** her to her bones. I can assure you, she will mean nothing to me and I love you, not her…

 

Claim 3 : (that’s the most hypocrite argument): It’s not me kissing that guy, it’s my character kissing him. If my role is a serial killer, will you be afraid to sleep near me at night?????!!!! UUUGHHH

 

My reply: “What’s the name of the character played by Sharon stone in the movie Basic Instinct? Ah, you don’t remember… (we saw that movie 6 month before that)… Well, nobody remembers, but everybody will testify they watched Sharon stone’s pussy, not the character pussy…

Also – If your role demand’s you to eat a hamburger during the play (Real eating, not simulated), So if I take you to dinner after the show you will be very VERY hungry, right?? Because THE CHARACTER ATE HAMBURGER! NOT YOU!! HAHAHAHAHA

 

Claim 4: “From outside you think it’s passionate, but for me It’s apathetic and technical”.

 

My reply: When you did the crying scene in your last short film you said to everyone that it came from the bottom of your heart. When you did the rage scene you told us that you were connected to your inner anger and rage. So how comes in the most intimate scene in the book – the love scene - you say its apathetic and technical??!! BS – give me a break… You are totally in the scene, physically and emotionally.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

My job involves me having to 'talk' sexually to men...all day, everyday I have to pretend (thats acting!) I make excellent money and it feeds my kids... it works around my children and to be honest I think anyone would give their right arm to work when they want, from home and make good money.. I see it simply as acting... I switch off go on auto pilot and get on with it... I absolutely adored my ex and these men meant absolutely nothing to me! x she's acting thats all it is and women are far better at men at being able to switch off sexually x

[lolablue17]

My job involves me having to 'talk' sexually to men...all day, everyday I have to pretend (thats acting!) I make excellent money and it feeds my kids... it works around my children and to be honest I think anyone would give their right arm to work when they want, from home and make good money.. I see it simply as acting... I switch off go on auto pilot and get on with it... I absolutely adored my ex and these men meant absolutely nothing to me! x she's acting thats all it is and women are far better at men at being able to switch off sexually x

 

Its a totally different case when you're acting only mentally with words, facial expressions, even simulated feelings, tears ect... - That's your job. to act. to pretend.

 

But when it becomes phisical, its different. it's not the same.

 

When you say "I love you" to Romeo as an actress playing Julia in a play (Shakespeare), even if you recruit your deepest emotions to say that, it means Julia loves Romeo, certainly not you (the actress) love the other actor.

 

But when you play Julia is in full nude, the audience get to watch your own pussy and tits, not julia's pussy and tits.

 

When Romeo is kissing Julia or\and Rubbing her nipples with his fingers, Well, its the actor kissing and rubbing you.

 

When you say "automatic pilot" - also a prostitute she has sex when she's on auto mode and the clients mean nothing to her. So pealse - distinguish talking from phisical. its not the same.

[Chi townD]

@ Lolablue17 LOL! I was totally looking for that thread to get that exact quote, but I couldn't find it. Great minds think alike I guess!

[lolablue17]

@ Lolablue17 LOL! I was totally looking for that thread to get that exact quote, but I couldn't find it. Great minds think alike I guess!

 

Thank you, but Well, I found it because it happened to me in the past. I wrote the origin:cool:

[Spectre]

Of course I wouldn't yell at her. I just don't even know if telling her, even in a calm way, is the right thing to do.

 

Telling her is the right thing to do. This is a problem, and it's not going to go away if you just ignore it.

[mjkid31]

Okay, I've decided to tell her. How should I bring it up and what exactly should I say?

[Chi townD]

Thank you, but Well, I found it because it happened to me in the past. I wrote the origin:cool:

 

 

 

LMAO! OPPS! Paint me stupid!!!

[Chi townD]

Okay, I've decided to tell her. How should I bring it up and what exactly should I say?

 

 

 

Good, Tell her that you want to talk to her about something that's bothering you and that you'd like to discuss it over dinner. Don't let her try and pry it out of you beforehand or through text or on the phone. This is something you want to do face to face and in a public area. Less chance of her blowing up on you. So, take her out to eat tonight.

 

 

Then...just tell her that you have a hard time accepting her kissing another guy. That, even though it's innocent enough, the thought of it still hurts. And that if the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate you kissing another girl in any way shape or form. It would bother her to some degree and she would be lying if she said it wouldn't. No one that's given their heart to someone wants to see them have an intimate moment with someone else.

 

 

Do not go to the meet up without some possible solutions to the problem. Because, if you don't then the only thing you're doing is bitchin at her and no one wants to hear it.

 

 

So, maybe one of the suggestions is for you to say that you're not asking her to quit the play, but you can't attend any of the performances if she's going to kiss someone else. It would be too hard to sit there, witness it and try to be okay with it.

 

 

Or, think of some possible solutions of your own.