Dad's girlfriend is a control freak? (8 years worth)

[FlameHairedGirl]

My parents separated when I was 12, my mum left my dad for another man and it affected our relationship for a while. I was always closer with my dad and when he got a girlfriend a year later (2006), we were all really happy for him.

 

Despite the big age gap (18 years and she was 22 at the time) my sisters, brother and I really tried to get along with her for my dad's sake, but instead of taking things slow, she pretty much told us that she 'loved' us all straight away and couldn't wait to be a family, also staying over ALL the time.

 

Shortly after she met us, she said that her and my dad were going to get married and have a baby... after asking my dad, he said there were no plans of the sort. She carried on saying these things and that she would adopt us as her own, that my mum was a bad mother and constantly bitched about her to us. I had an anxiety disorder when I was younger, my dad's girlfriend accused my of doing drugs because I wasn't as upbeat as I was and would fight with my dad over it, continuing to make up stupid accusations.

 

This continued until Christmas of 2007, when I was putting presents under the tree, I moved one of mine to make room and she slapped my wrist. I waited a while to tell my dad because she threatened to do it again if I said a word. When my dad found out, he kicked me out and she banned me from coming home for a month (she doesn't live with him). After a while, my dad told me to come home to sort things out; she caught me off guard and started basically telling me to respect her. I said I'd be civil for my dad's sake but didn't want a relationship with her. She was cursing at me, calling me a spoilt little b***h and that my dad shouldn't have let me back into this house. My dad listened to the whole thing and took her side.

 

After that, we never spoke again and I just avoided her when I could.

 

Since then, she's stopped my dad from going out with his kids. If he was at home with us, she'd constantly blow up his phone with calls and texts but would keep his phone if he was with her. My brother caught her all over another man and told my dad, she then twisted it to make it look like my brother was lying so they fell out. She's accompanied him to family events and got him to sit away from his family and then snuck out to stir s**t with family members, saying they don't know the real us and she knows people who can make our deaths look like an accident. Basically trying to pull my dad away from all of our family.

 

Fast forward a couple of months, I'd just broke up with a guy I was seeing, I was quite upset so arranged to meet my cousin to talk about it. Her and my dad happened to be at pub we were at and my cousin asked prior to me arriving if it would be okay for me to come - he okaied it!

 

As soon as I went outside for a smoke, she came storming out and got in my face, screaming that I've ruined her life and that I need to f**k off and let my dad be happy with her and her son! My dad saw the whole thing and still said that I provoked her! She got dragged back inside and was sat on the floor shaking, threatening to have me done in by these friends she has.

 

After a really ugly argument with my dad, he went home with her and said I should apologise to her (what?!) because she apologised to my dad. I of course refused and said she's done enough, and just stated that I wouldn't have anything to do with her.

 

Since that happened 3 years ago, she's wormed her way back into my dad's life several times, continuing to make things awkward and not letting him spend time with us. She's stopped him driving and makes sure she knows where he is. She was rude to my boyfriend of nearly 2 years and turned it around to make her look like the victim, she was jealous that my dad was catching up with an old family member - so she wrote on a piece of paper, stormed upto my dad and shoved this piece of paper in his face screaming 'READ THAT!' before storming out of the room and dad of course chasing after her. My dad now says he's always hated my boyfriend - but he has no reason to? My boyfriend isn't allowed into my house anymore but she's allowed to parade in and out at all times of day and night and my dad will only acknowledge me if she's not in the room.

 

I love my dad dearly, and want what makes him happy; but this immature, controlling d**k is just making him look stupid in front of everyone and he's going to end up isolated from everyone. I'm at a loss of what to do anymore.

 

What can I do to make him see what we see when he already knows what she's like?

[HokeyReligions]

Ditto what others say

Edited March 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed non relevant parts

[SpiralOut]

 

 

I love my dad dearly, and want what makes him happy; but this immature, controlling d**k is just making him look stupid in front of everyone and he's going to end up isolated from everyone. I'm at a loss of what to do anymore.

 

What can I do to make him see what we see when he already knows what she's like?

 

 

 

If he ends up isolated from everyone, that's his own choice. Maybe that's what needs to happen. She's an abuser and your father doesn't have the backbone to get rid of her. On some level he must think he deserves this treatment. There's not much you can do to change that. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.

Edited March 3, 2014 by SpiralOut

[FitChick]

She must be great in bed. Does he have money?

[Radu]

Your dad's a doormat [read up on enablers], and your mom probably knew this.

 

There is nothing you can do now, there was a lot you could have done back then, because she made death threats against you and your brother several times, and you had witnesses, they were documented.

 

This will most likely end up with her dumping your father either when she is bored with him and wants to upgrade, or when she feels he is starting to wise up to her act.

 

Personally, i think this will end up with either your dad being dumped or worse if he's got money.

I think he deserves everything he has coming, because he [just like your mother] is a parent who betrayed his children.

[FlameHairedGirl]

I know I should've done something years ago but I was a scared 13 year old child.

 

I can't get my head around why he likes her, she's everything he says he despises in a woman (tattoos, smoking, 'rough looking' etc).

 

She was working in a call centre when they met, with my dad's 'help' (mostly him staying up until 4-5am writing her essays because she was too stupid and lazy to do any work herself) she got into university to do social working.

 

We've just had another argument because I came home and both of them completely ignored me; but as she was leaving, she said in front of my dad 'seeeya' and I ignored her. He shouted at me about being civil and I said 'when she's in the room, I'm just ignored so why should I bother making an effort?' Again, I'm being threatened with being kicked out. If I had the money/resources, I'd happily move out. But that's what she wants.

 

He's a complete doormat and everyone in the family has said so to his face, I suppose by telling him all of her flaws that we've just pushed him further towards her. My sister is pregnant and has said she doesn't want this woman in her child's life so I hope my dad wises up and grows a backbone. We'll have to see what happens.

[Tayla]

Learn to be an Alpha, Ignore her primarily and only answer briefly when spoken to. Otherwise the best way to handle a person of her poor demeaner is to be happy. Its a choice everyday to take the high road. It absolutely infuriates the other person and only makes your day go smoother. It can be done. My step mom was much like your desciption of this lady....Prove her wrong by doing right by your own codes of maturity.

[MuscleCarFan]

Wow, red flags from this woman coming from all over the place.

He deserves much better!

[whichwayisup]

My parents separated when I was 12, my mum left my dad for another man and it affected our relationship for a while. I was always closer with my dad and when he got a girlfriend a year later (2006), we were all really happy for him.

 

Despite the big age gap (18 years and she was 22 at the time) my sisters, brother and I really tried to get along with her for my dad's sake, but instead of taking things slow, she pretty much told us that she 'loved' us all straight away and couldn't wait to be a family, also staying over ALL the time.

 

Shortly after she met us, she said that her and my dad were going to get married and have a baby... after asking my dad, he said there were no plans of the sort. She carried on saying these things and that she would adopt us as her own, that my mum was a bad mother and constantly bitched about her to us. I had an anxiety disorder when I was younger, my dad's girlfriend accused my of doing drugs because I wasn't as upbeat as I was and would fight with my dad over it, continuing to make up stupid accusations.

 

This continued until Christmas of 2007, when I was putting presents under the tree, I moved one of mine to make room and she slapped my wrist. I waited a while to tell my dad because she threatened to do it again if I said a word. When my dad found out, he kicked me out and she banned me from coming home for a month (she doesn't live with him). After a while, my dad told me to come home to sort things out; she caught me off guard and started basically telling me to respect her. I said I'd be civil for my dad's sake but didn't want a relationship with her. She was cursing at me, calling me a spoilt little b***h and that my dad shouldn't have let me back into this house. My dad listened to the whole thing and took her side.

 

After that, we never spoke again and I just avoided her when I could.

 

Since then, she's stopped my dad from going out with his kids. If he was at home with us, she'd constantly blow up his phone with calls and texts but would keep his phone if he was with her. My brother caught her all over another man and told my dad, she then twisted it to make it look like my brother was lying so they fell out. She's accompanied him to family events and got him to sit away from his family and then snuck out to stir s**t with family members, saying they don't know the real us and she knows people who can make our deaths look like an accident. Basically trying to pull my dad away from all of our family.

 

Fast forward a couple of months, I'd just broke up with a guy I was seeing, I was quite upset so arranged to meet my cousin to talk about it. Her and my dad happened to be at pub we were at and my cousin asked prior to me arriving if it would be okay for me to come - he okaied it!

 

As soon as I went outside for a smoke, she came storming out and got in my face, screaming that I've ruined her life and that I need to f**k off and let my dad be happy with her and her son! My dad saw the whole thing and still said that I provoked her! She got dragged back inside and was sat on the floor shaking, threatening to have me done in by these friends she has.

 

After a really ugly argument with my dad, he went home with her and said I should apologise to her (what?!) because she apologised to my dad. I of course refused and said she's done enough, and just stated that I wouldn't have anything to do with her.

 

Since that happened 3 years ago, she's wormed her way back into my dad's life several times, continuing to make things awkward and not letting him spend time with us. She's stopped him driving and makes sure she knows where he is. She was rude to my boyfriend of nearly 2 years and turned it around to make her look like the victim, she was jealous that my dad was catching up with an old family member - so she wrote on a piece of paper, stormed upto my dad and shoved this piece of paper in his face screaming 'READ THAT!' before storming out of the room and dad of course chasing after her. My dad now says he's always hated my boyfriend - but he has no reason to? My boyfriend isn't allowed into my house anymore but she's allowed to parade in and out at all times of day and night and my dad will only acknowledge me if she's not in the room.

 

I love my dad dearly, and want what makes him happy; but this immature, controlling d**k is just making him look stupid in front of everyone and he's going to end up isolated from everyone. I'm at a loss of what to do anymore.

 

What can I do to make him see what we see when he already knows what she's like?

 

What an AWFUL person she is!!!! You have one crazy wanna be step mom on your hands... Though with that said, she is NOT your step mom, you don't have to view her like that. You have a mom and a dad. She is dad's girlfriend, that's it. How dare she put down your mom and offer to adopt you, as well as be abusive to you. She sounds crazy!

 

Start carrying a recorder with you so you can prove to your dad what is going on. Or video tape her as well.

 

You stay strong, you've done nothing wrong here, it's all HER. Unfortunately your dad is blinded with rose coloured glasses and he can't or won't see her major flaws. He may have to lose out on you and his other kids, suffer a bit before he wakes up and sees this woman for who she is.

 

in the meantime, stay with your mom, and keep away from this crazy woman in your dad's life.

My sister is pregnant and has said she doesn't want this woman in her child's life so I hope my dad wises up and grows a backbone. We'll have to see what happens.

 

Your sister has every right to decide not to let that woman around her baby when it's born and that is something your dad has to deal with and can't force anything.

 

PLEASE, you and your sis need to record her in actions, this way you can show him who she really is.

[FlameHairedGirl]

Thanks everyone! I wish I could record her to show my dad but it'd be useless, he's seen what she's like when she's in the same state with others and still gone back to her. He's even moaned to my Grandma about her! So hopefully with the baby here in short of 6 months, he'll give his head a shake.

 

At the moment, she doesn't come round when I'm home so my dad's been civil with me, asking about work and how things are with my boyfriend. I'm hoping things with be like they use to but I'm not holding my breath just yet!