Trying to let go, but finding it too hard...

[todd_666_05]

Hey all,

Basically this is my first ever post/thread in here..wouldnt mind advice

from anyone who's remotely known of anything like this before perhaps...

 

Ok here we go. Beware, this is a long post.

2 years ago this month, I met an awesome girl online while at work.

She lives interstate (over 1000 kms in distance away - I live in Sydney)

We got on famously like and maintained a great friendship, keeping in

touch regularly. I was 23 at the time, she was 16.

We would talk often, email every week or so, and kept in touch this

way for over 18 months.

During mid last year I had to move, things were tough on both sides...She

needed to leave home & I helped her out when I could. She told me that

she was moving out, things would be OK because a friend had offered for

her to move in with them.

 

After this I hadnt spoken to her for 2 months, I had moved & was busy, she

hadnt contacted me either. I called her back in October, and found out that

she'd been with this same friend, in a 2 month relationship (her very

first experience with anyone) & had just broken

up with him right at that time. This wasnt easy for me to take, as we had been

talking about getting closer & discussing more intimate subjects together just

before the relationship had started. And I've been single for 2-3 years myself.

 

So I did what a loyal friend should do & gave her advice, supported her

right through the whole pain of the breakup. The fact that she didnt want

to go back to her foster parents ( hostile situation ) meant that she was

still living with the ex-boyfriend & his brother & parents, so that must have

been very tough for her.

 

During late last year we talked over the phone more than ever, like 2-3 times

a week, sometimes more if I wasnt busy at work.

She told me that she planned to come over to Sydney to meet me at the end

of the year. I live with my mum and our place is too small for anyone other than

us, and I suggested that she visit in late January when it would be easier to

find accomodation close to the city. She agreed with it, everything was cool

anyway because she needed more time to heal etc...even though in most of

our conversations we were optimistic that things would possibly develop between

us when we met up in person. Up until late December things were still ok, despite

the fact that she told me that the "tempation was still there" with her Ex BF

 

I sent her a nice text msg for Christmas as promised, she didnt reply with one

as promised, so I tried to call her early the next week after, one day she simply

didnt answer her phone... so I sent an angry-ish text about her not even picking

up for one second, then rebuffed with a later one, apologising and explaining that

I'm not hassling, just being concerned.

 

I heard nothing until New Years Eve from her. The message she sent was short,

saying that she had cut herself off from everyone, even herself, and she didnt

expect me to understand. She had sounded a little down at the end of our last

talk before Xmas, so that didnt surprise me, and I sent a text back wishing her

well & that I had a feeling she might've done that etc..& that Id hopefully talk to

her soon. Knowing she might need time, I waited about a week before calling her.

I asked her when I called if she'd be home during the week as she was out when

I called her. All I got was "I suppose..." and then as I was trying to think of something to say she either hung up or the call dropped out. I sent a text msg

later saying that I'd really like to talk soon, after all she was supposedly meeting

me late this month, or so I thought...

I almost got to talk to her a few days later when I called again, however I had

little change to talk at that time, and her phone battery was nearly out.. she

sounded like she really wanted to talk as well.

I had to send another text msg later, telling her that I couldnt call her until

I got back to work the following Monday... thought that would do for the time

being.

Called back on the monday, no answer that afternoon (after 5-6 attempts within

an hour or so), even though she knows I call late in the aftenoon.

Sent another msg later, eg I'll call back tomorrow, even if you can call me quickly

and let me know when you can talk that be great etc etc etc...

I called as I said, & as soon as she figured it was me she hung up.

I couldnt believe it. Maybe I'd pushed a little hard for an answer, but she'd never

ever done this before. Again as usual lately I communicate with messages as

I never get through with words.. Told her I'd never ever forgive her for hanging up like that, and that 2 years had been wasted, basically I felt hurt etc and it was unfair what she was doing...

 

I didn't try her again until about a week ago, spoke to her briefly, just making

sure she was ok and nothing was wrong. I had to start the call with "please

dont hang up", however it was only brief as we both had to

go anyway.

She was calm and friendly to me, something I cant figure out still.

Told her I was back at work and that Id call next week if that was ok, she said

yes & that she would answer her phone. She didnt.

 

All I got was after a few attempts was her answering with "leave me alone" and

hanging up.

My female friends told me to not call her for a while, even though I

tried again just before the weekend(only once, complete with the obvious hangup)

Left her with my parting message, sarcastically apologizing for being too caring

and honest, tolerant etc. Saying that I wouldnt hang up on anyone no matter

what. Basically that I've been good to her and that she has been rude to me.

I've decided to stop hurting myself, and not bother her for a while. How long

I'm not sure, but indefinitely seems to be the best way to go.

Is this right? Have I gone too far? I cared about her deeply, and I thought she

was the same about me. I know people change, but I can't stand the thought

of losing contact with her for good.

 

I need to let go, and fast. That's my gut instinct. I just want to know if I've

killed what was one of the best friendships Ive ever had.

Should I ever contact her again? How long is long enough, so that time & space

will ease the tension... I'm not sure... lol anyone still reading??

 

T.

[Mary3]

I think you were a bit too controling...given the fact of her young age ( Is she 18 yet ? ) and the fact that you sounded lonely and wanting alot from her.

 

As hard as this is you need to let her go. She sounds like she does not want you to pester her anymore.

 

I believe you have crossed the line. Get busy with some new interests and not necessarily girls.....find yourself again. Let her find her new life...

[todd_666_05]

Thanks for that, however I'm just a little bewildered by the attitude I'm getting, considering only a couple of months ago, she thought I was the only person that she could talk to who could understand her feelings etc, and maybe I took those

words to heart way to much.

She used to call my phone quite often I tell you when she had troubles at home,

now that seems to have been forgotten, and it doesnt seem to hurt her at all

doing this, because I'm the furthest person away she knows. Therefore I'm too

far away for her to really give a stuff about. That has to be a factor in it.

 

T.

[smartey]

she's young and immature, how did you expect her to handle a serious relationship?