goumao Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Your sister needs to understand that she is taking a huge risk with this man. 5 years down the line she most likely will be his next victum, and she will probably be leaving with their kids to live in her mothers house. At least she'll finally understand why her man's current wife did exactly that! Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Thanks for getting it, Got it . It took me a long time to get that as she is my baby sister and I , and most of my family, are protective of her because of what she and her daughter have gone through. I can honestly say that if she continues to see him and he has promised to move to our country in 6 months time after the divorce is finalised, I still won't have respect for him and I fear that our contact will be minimal. Unfortunately, this also means that my niece will be further destablised. as she has been living with me since her parents split. My Sis says they will start seriously dating when MM moves here which absolutely floored me! On the one hand, it sounds like a mature decision because she wants to be sure of him. But on the other hand, the horrific turmoil that this A has thrown our family into for over 2 years seems trivialised. NOW she is "dating" after all this? Why couldn't she have just waited till MM was single!!! I think you speak your mind to her, tell her how you feel based on your love for her. What you may need to do or not do based on how you feel about the situation and leave it there. Just like you can't force her to change her opinions and actions she can't do so with you and she will have to live with the outcome as well. You just have to let it go to the best of your ability and see where things go. It is hard when you love someone to make mistakes or head to potential hurt and want to head them off. But everyone has to walk their own paths. Potentially dealing with the disconnect from family members will be part of her path. Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Something your sister should consider is that MM may have initiated divorce in an effort to manipulate BS to return to the marriage. He knows what a stigma divorce is and he knows that her family will want to get involved. It isn't over, until it's over! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AjisenHi Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 <i>"When the fog clears and she has yo face the fact that she participated in hurting someone who really didn't deserve it, it's going to be a heavy load for her to carry. Not only that, but if she and this man do stay together long term, she will end up in a dynamic with his ex wife for maybe the ret of her life, step kids that may not be too fond of her. Etc. is she really fully aware of what all that can mean?"</i> I think she is doing a great imitation of an ostrich on this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AjisenHi Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) Something your sister should consider is that MM may have initiated divorce in an effort to manipulate BS to return to the marriage. He knows what a stigma divorce is and he knows that her family will want to get involved. It isn't over, until it's over! Actually, I think MM is using my Sister as an Exit Affair and a scapegoat for his own parents to pin the blame on rather than their precious son. However, your point is taken. MM might just be that manipulative. Thank you Edited March 5, 2014 by AjisenHi Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I can honestly say that if she continues to see him and he has promised to move to our country in 6 months time after the divorce is finalised, I still won't have respect for him and I fear that our contact will be minimal. Unfortunately, this also means that my niece will be further destablised. as she has been living with me since her parents split. So this MM plans on moving away from his precious son? Let's see if that actually happens. Take each step as it comes.. This guy isn't even divorced yet, so wait to see if that actually happens. You love your sister and if you want to have her in your life, eventually you'll get to know her 'boyfriend' (if when he is single and available to her) and give him a chance. You may not like how they got together, but what if this guy IS the love of her life? What if she ends up marrying him? You'll have no choice but to accept him if you want your sis and niece to be a big part of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 <i>"When the fog clears and she has yo face the fact that she participated in hurting someone who really didn't deserve it, it's going to be a heavy load for her to carry. Not only that, but if she and this man do stay together long term, she will end up in a dynamic with his ex wife for maybe the ret of her life, step kids that may not be too fond of her. Etc. is she really fully aware of what all that can mean?"</i> I think she is doing a great imitation of an ostrich on this issue. That's very true, especially if she is, at heart, a kind and honest person. Being involved in a lie has a way of stealing part of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 It would be the same if she were taking drugs or doing any other foolish, risky behavior. You are not responsible, and you accept that you cannot control her. You can be there for her as a sister. Not condoning her actions, at all, but at the end of the day, she is human, and family is all we really have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AjisenHi Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 Something your sister should consider is that MM may have initiated divorce in an effort to manipulate BS to return to the marriage. He knows what a stigma divorce is and he knows that her family will want to get involved. It isn't over, until it's over! Well new developments may just prove you right Snipercatt! Seemingly, photographs of Sister and MM are now in the hands of MM's lawyers delivered by BS's father!!! My Sis was Divorced already so no comeback to her but MM says that BS's father wants the D to be withdrawn. Now, to me it doesn't make sense because 1. A's can be only used against the MM FOR a D not the other way around. If MM wants a D, it shouldn't make any difference. 2. BS already had incriminating emails which could have been used for the same purpose before proceedings started and they did not use them. 3. MM says that if he continues the D proceedings then BS could use it to deny or limit access to his children. I think this is Dodo poop as Custody proceedings which are separate from D proceedings,have nothing to do with the new evidence. Anyways, MM says he will be leaving the children behind in his country and coming over here to live. So access would be limited anyways to when he can get back over there once a month. IMO, he is still wanting to see his children when it is convenient for HIM but if visitation is that important to him, wouldn't he move mountains to get to that date and ask for more time when he has proved to be a good parent? He says he is the Good parent anyway so I don't see why the courts would deny access merely decide in the interests of the children when it would be best for the access to occur. Sorry it got rambling. Thanks for reading and replying Snipercatt and everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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