Is my jealousy justified?

[simplessimon]

Her topless sex scene could someday pop up on the Internet when someone types her name.

 

I guess that would be a concern however she has only ever acted under an assumed name. I'm sure it could happen but I don't think it's likely and in any case if it did we are not embarrassed by them.

 

We spoke last night and I asked for her to do no more sex scenes after this movie which she happily agreed to. In fact she said that it will stop immediately and she will make sure the beach scene is written out.

 

I really can't fault what she has done or how she has handled it since I voiced my concerns. I don't think dwelling on a far fetched idea that she organised this with her friend serves any purpose.

 

In any case, as we stand today there will be no more sex scenes which I am happy with, especially considering it was her volunteering that rather than me demanding. I do still fell a bit of guilt that I got so jealous that I even had to ask her to stop, but I guess it's better off her knowing than me holding it inside and secretly fuming at what she was doing.

[lolablue17]

In fact she said that it will stop immediately and she will make sure the beach scene is written out.

 

You have a great loving girlfriend.

I'm happy for you!

 

(I wish my wife have said it to me years ago...)

[Chi townD]

Dude, don't get mad because you were jealous. You had every right to be. Most guys could not handle what you were going through. I know I wouldn't.

 

 

What I find more refreshing is her willingness to end the sex scenes. Like she was happy you said something about it. That you actually give a damn about her and what this is doing to the both of you.

 

 

What is also refreshing to see is that she values you more than some stupid Indy film. She's got her priorities correct. She stands to lose you and your relationship that has the greatest potential of going somewhere over an Indy film that probably isn't going anywhere.

[travelonic]

Dude, don't get mad because you were jealous. You had every right to be. Most guys could not handle what you were going through. I know I wouldn't.

 

.

 

I'll go even further and question the use of the word 'jealousy' - seriously seems like a word that is being misused ad nauseum especially in cases like this one when if you go by any reasonable definition it simply doesn't apply... and honestly, if its misuse is justified by duration, I don't give a ****, a long time of misusing a word blatantly doesn't mean it's suddenly OK or not ignorant. heh.

[Hello_is_it_me]

I think OP's jealousy is pretty justified but if you're going to be in a relationship with an actress or model, you're gonna just have to swallow your pride over stuff like this.

[Haydn]

Trust. So overlooked. I work with `so called beautiful people`. It has ruined many a RS. Not from my side. I was was just doing what i loved and earning money and growing. But some GF`s made it an issue. I am not naive to see how it could make someone jealous. BUT it was them who destroyed the RS because in their words they could not `hack it`. Shame.

[VeronicaRoss]

If you feel this way, and I completely would feel the same, this is not the right woman for you because of a major life choice she made. There is nothing you can do to feel differently, and it sounds like a sound and rational reaction to me.

 

This is just a normal part of what she'll be doing -- when she does get work. The divorce rate in that profession seems pretty horrible. For a lot of reasons.

 

I'm sure you love her, but making the decision of a life partner you have to look at the chemistry part, and the compatibility in day-to-day living which after time will be the more important part of your team 'glue'. You've got one, not both. Keep looking.

[HomanWater]

Trust. So overlooked. I work with `so called beautiful people`. It has ruined many a RS. Not from my side. I was was just doing what i loved and earning money and growing. But some GF`s made it an issue. I am not naive to see how it could make someone jealous. BUT it was them who destroyed the RS because in their words they could not `hack it`. Shame.

 

There is no value in holding on to a relationship that makes you unhappy.

 

I don't see anything wrong with relationships being broken apart by issues like this, some if not most of those relationships should not happen in the first place.

[simplessimon]

Trust. So overlooked.

 

So true.

 

I told her that she could finish this movie which included one more sex scene but she was adamant that she would have it deleted and after speaking to her friend told me that was the case. I trusted her that this was true.

 

I have just found out that is not true at all. She did do that last scene, something which I would have allowed, but the fact she went to great lengths to hide it from me makes me mad. I had always been with her at every one of her scenes (by her choice) but this time she went alone without telling me. Trust broken.

 

Now she can't see what the issue is. I am not angry that the scene was done (I always said she could finish this movie), I am angry that is was done behind my back. She keeps trying to make it about her kissing the guy and says that I knew all along, it's only acting etc etc etc. None of that matters, she deliberately deceived me in order to do the scene!

 

Now she tells me she is finished with acting but how can I trust her now? I don't want to split but I am now questioning everything she says, that's not healthy.

[lolablue17]

WOW!

 

Your attitude is very rare. 99% of the guy wouldn't be so patient with her sex scenes.

 

So she found a great supportive guy, and she chooses to deceive him and to break trust? Why? Usually people hide thing because they're afraid of the consequences. but she knew there will be no consequences if she tells you and share it with you.

 

What's her answer to that?

[Arieswoman]

simplesimon,

 

You have it here,

 

I have just found out that is not true at all. She did do that last scene, something which I would have allowed, but the fact she went to great lengths to hide it from me makes me mad. I had always been with her at every one of her scenes (by her choice) but this time she went alone without telling me. Trust broken.

 

IMO what she is doing is not "acting" but soft porn.

 

If she enjoys doing this she may well move onto the "real" stuff.

 

I think you have problems here but the the biggest one is the break in trust.

 

Maybe it is time to walk away?

[simplessimon]

So she found a great supportive guy, and she chooses to deceive him and to break trust? Why? Usually people hide thing because they're afraid of the consequences. but she knew there will be no consequences if she tells you and share it with you.

 

What's her answer to that?

 

She doesn't have an answer, well not one that makes any sense if she really cared about me as much as I care about her.

 

Maybe it is time to walk away?

 

I'm certainly considering it. I don't want to throw away what we had, but then if this deception has happened in the past and I have just not caught her then it was all a lie anyway.

 

It will take a lot of promises from her if we are to move forward, even then I'm not sure I can believe the promises. It will be up to her to convince me they are genuine.

[Chi townD]

It will take a lot of promises from her if we are to move forward, even then I'm not sure I can believe the promises. It will be up to her to convince me they are genuine.

 

 

 

Yeah, just like the promise that she wouldn't do the sex scene? Then, covering up about it? It kind of solidifies my belief that this was cheating under the guise of "acting".

 

 

She could have easily had the scene removed by the way she was talking. Like, the scene really wasn't necessary. But, she didn't do the scene for the "artistic value" of the movie. She did it because she wanted to. One last romp before she has to start to be a good girlfriend. Because, clueless boyfriend finally caught on and she has no more hall passes!

Edited April 9, 2014 by Chi townD

[lolablue17]

She could have easily had the scene removed by the way she was talking. Like, the scene really wasn't necessary. But, she didn't do the scene for the "artistic value" of the movie. She did it because she wanted to. One last romp before she has to start to be a good girlfriend. Because, clueless boyfriend finally caught on and she has no more hall passes!

 

I wouldn't go so far.

 

What probably happened is that she was sure she can delete that scene and made that promise. But the director told her she cant do it and it's not her decision to make. (even if she doesn't get money she still made a commitment).

 

So she felt stupid and was concern that her BF will get upset and see that as breaking her promise, so she tried to slip it some how.

 

But a lie is a lie.

[Chi townD]

Well, considering that this is just a hobby for her, there's a good chance that she wasn't contractually obligated to do the scene. The scene could have happened with a body double. Actors and actresses do it all the time.

 

 

However, if the director insisted and given the fact that OP gave her permission to finish the film one last time. She should have come to OP and told him what was up. But, she decided to hide it. Which leave me to believe that she isn't a completely honest person.

 

 

If a girl I dated told me that she wasn't going to do something that was going to make me uncomfortable and put me at ease only to find out that it was a lie. I would be hurt and angry.

 

 

OP, I believe you have a right to feel this way.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I wouldn't go so far.

 

What probably happened is that she was sure she can delete that scene and made that promise. But the director told her she cant do it and it's not her decision to make. (even if she doesn't get money she still made a commitment).

 

If she isn't being paid then the director has no bartering chip really to 'make' her do anything. It's like voluntary work, you can kinda drop out of it any time you like because you're not reliant on it to pay your rent. You're making up all kinds of convoluted excuses to try and explain away the fact that your gf lied to you. Don't you think if that WAS the case, and the director told her 'no, you MUST do this scene' that your gf would have spoken to you about it? So you can both have a good laugh at the fact that the director is trying to order your gf around when she isn't even getting any kickback from it?

 

Sure, some people do work for free initially to build their portfolio before paid roles, so in that sense I could see that she'd have something to lose (Exposure, experience) and do the scene anyway. But given that it's just a hobby alongside a great career doing something worthwhile (veterinary medicine) I find it really difficult to believe the version of events you've concocted.

 

Anyway, she lied. She went ahead and did the scene. That's a major lie, she knew that your feelings were involved and your relationship was potentially at stake. Once somebody lied to me about something major like that I would really struggle to want to be with them any longer.

[simplessimon]

We have spoken a lot over the last week and I feel reassured that moving forward we can make this work.

 

Things that happened in the past were mistakes, maybe even allowing sex scenes to be included was a mistake to start with. She has fully admitted her mistakes and apologized extensively for them.

 

We have been to a couples counseling session and we plan to do a few more over the next few weeks just to make sure there are no underlying issues that we are not dealing with. Other than that I feel confidant that we are both on the same page and want this to work.

 

It's a huge weight off my shoulders, I am so in love with this woman that I really don't know what I would have done had she wanted to continue acting.

[lolablue17]

I'm so happy for you. Good luck!