george roy Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 ...STBXW is going to introduce the 'boyfriend' sometime in the very near future. Still in the early stages of the divorce, STBXW just moved out a few days ago. We've come to an amicable agreement regarding custody, and so far things seem to be going 'ok'. But I feel that introducing anyone new at this point would not be a good thing. My concern is the children, and the confusion this could cause. And if push comes to shove, and this DOES happen, what are my options (if any), legal-wise ? Thoughts, input and advice are greatly appreciated... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 What are your choices? Considering that you two aren't married or separated. But, you two are divorce, then there's really not much you can do. The best thing you can do is reaffirm with them and reassure to them that YOU are their father and if they need to talk or vent or anything, then you'll always be there for them. But, if she's going to introduce this guy so soon after the divorce; well, kids aren't stupid. They'll figure it out and they may not be too accepting of Mom's new relationship. The thing is, they haven't been given and opportunity to heal. And to thrust a new man into their lives is going to screw with their heads. And you can talk to her until the cows come home. She'll believe that they can handle it (because she's delusional and wants what SHE wants, screw everyone else). Therefore, YOU'RE going to have to be the parent with his head screwed on straight and be the rock that your kids are going to need. Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 What are your choices? Considering that you two aren't married or separated. But, you two are divorce, then there's really not much you can do. The best thing you can do is reaffirm with them and reassure to them that YOU are their father and if they need to talk or vent or anything, then you'll always be there for them. But, if she's going to introduce this guy so soon after the divorce; well, kids aren't stupid. They'll figure it out and they may not be too accepting of Mom's new relationship. The thing is, they haven't been given and opportunity to heal. And to thrust a new man into their lives is going to screw with their heads. And you can talk to her until the cows come home. She'll believe that they can handle it (because she's delusional and wants what SHE wants, screw everyone else). Therefore, YOU'RE going to have to be the parent with his head screwed on straight and be the rock that your kids are going to need. Thanks, Chi townD, To clarify, we're still legally married. But she's moved out. I just think that (if this does happen) it's too soon for the kids to process. Too much is going on for them right now that, I agree, it will only complicate things and mess with their heads. I don't know if there's a legal recourse if she chooses to do this, but even though things seem to be going smooth... I don't trust the STBXW. Advice, input and suggestions are greatly appreciated... Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Legally, I don't think you have many options. As long as the new bf isn't a threat to the children, your ex is allowed to use her own judgement when it comes to who she brings into their lives. I met my bf's kids after 5 months together. He was not divorced yet (we live in a state that requires a year separation). The kids met their mother's new bf much sooner, about 4 months before I met them--2 months after she moved out. It seemed too soon, but the kids are fine. They like her bf and they like me. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 My concern is the children, and the confusion this could cause. And if push comes to shove, and this DOES happen, what are my options (if any), legal-wise ? Yes it will confuse them. And no, you don't have any options. You cannot control what she does. All you can do is make the most of your time with your kids. Your kids aren't in any mortal danger. So don't try to fight someone who you cannot control. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
EverySunset Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 One caveat: your state of proceedings, if you're in the USA. My state requires a year to file. Buuuut here's the kicker - it's a very "traditional", family values state. The court very much sees me as married. My STBXH too. Until we get our final decree, any dating during the separation is considered adultery. Not kidding. So in a state like that, she could get nailed if her BF moved in, because she's creating an "unstable home environment" and it could affect custody. Check your state requirements and your divorce atty. YRMV. Good luck. I'm literally counting days like I'm a kid, waiting for summer vacation.... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 If you have an attorney you call him to find out what you can do, this falls into one of those questions that needs to be answered bu your attorney..IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted March 4, 2014 Author Share Posted March 4, 2014 One caveat: your state of proceedings, if you're in the USA. My state requires a year to file. Buuuut here's the kicker - it's a very "traditional", family values state. The court very much sees me as married. My STBXH too. Until we get our final decree, any dating during the separation is considered adultery. Not kidding. So in a state like that, she could get nailed if her BF moved in, because she's creating an "unstable home environment" and it could affect custody. Check your state requirements and your divorce atty. YRMV. Good luck. I'm literally counting days like I'm a kid, waiting for summer vacation.... Interesting... How do you look up/Google something like that to find out ? Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 (edited) Yes it will confuse them. And no, you don't have any options. You cannot control what she does. All you can do is make the most of your time with your kids. Your kids aren't in any mortal danger. So don't try to fight someone who you cannot control. RT is spot on with this comment. From my own experience, my XW has massive issues with our child because she (daughter) has been injected into OM's/BF's family waaaaaay too soon in my opinion. I am remaining single as I want to avoid this and I have stuff I am working on with myself anyway. I know something is up when my 5 YO says stuff like "tou are my daddy" and so-and-so is "mommy's friend". She is always seeking clarification. Edited March 4, 2014 by TheBladeRunner Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
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