I give up! He wins!

[yeformerballandchain]

[size=0]

 

I give up, he win's...although I didn't know this was a contest to the death. He has everything; the house, my personal possesions, my clothes, everything!

 

I didn't have any money, a place to stay, a form of transportation, a job (student at time of big boom), not even a freaking pillow. No money for a lawyer, he clears 1k a week. Six months later, nothing final for divorce, just had a provisional hearing in mid dec. I STILL don't have anything and haven't heard a word about negotiations. Only 60 days in this state for a divorce.

 

For GS, I was married for over 25 years, and not even a pillow!

 

I made it for awhile. I actually impressed myself with my drive. I am tired now. I don't want to plea for what is humane any longer. If the so called 'justice system' can't apply the rules of divorce to this, then f*** it.

 

The feak filed bankrupty in October. All the bills went to me. I don't have any money to file for bankrupcty. Legal Aid...riiiiight!

 

I have all the kids college loans in my name only. I have my school loans in my name only. What was I thinking!!!!

 

I know he is trying to kill me literally and doing a fine job of it too! Problem is ...this last month has took it's toll on me. Lost job because of illness; illness because of lack of food and medical care. Everything is entertwined in this mess and I cannot see a logical way out of it.

 

Thinking of using an old plane ticket and disappearing. Seven years and I am legally dead. He cannot have his divorce until then. Ha. Let him commit bigomy with that B he has now.

 

Yes, I am blowing here. I haven't really blown at all since this happened. I have had it. I am tired of walking this fine line between sanity and insanity.

 

Life is what you make it, (yeah yeah); well try walking in these shoes for awhile and see how far you get.

 

P.o'd to the max. Can't wait to get his P out of my A, because I have been royally fkd!

[moimeme]

I don't even know what to say. What a horrid tale. Maybe you can cash the old ticket in to pay for the bankruptcy..

[yeformerballandchain]

Tx. The ticket idea won't work. Got it with Freq. Flyer points. I reread my post this morning and it sounds too wierd to be true.

 

smd

[CurlyIam]

Well, at least make him feel ashamed with himself. Write this post to all of his relatives, friends, acquaintances... EVERYONE.

 

Publish it on the Sunday morning.

 

He may have won, but he can as well choke on it! Really. I mean, at least make a big deal out of it.

 

I am very very sorry ... Sell something of his, I don't know... just don't give up or despaire. You have to function, you just can't give up right now.

[hooghie]

since you were married for 25 years, that is considered a long term marriage and in many states, everything gets divided in the middle or close to it. You should also be able to get alimony.

 

you may want to check the laws in your state regarding alimony and dividing assets. Some states are better than others- I think Texas is the worst, but the northeast is pretty good.

 

I understand that you probably canot afford an attorney, but there may be free legal aid available. You may also be able to sit down with an attorney once for a nominal fee- give him/her all the info and get advice.

 

do you have court date set? Are you going to trial? Do NOT let him take everything.

[Owl]

Hmmm.....you noted he's pulling in 1k/week. That suggests that he might be working for a big company...many large companies offer free assistance of various kinds to both the employee AND their spouse.

 

Might be worth contacting his HR dept to see if there is any legal advice/aid you can get...but don't mention the word divorce!! LOL...wouldn't it be nice to see his own employer help YOU out for a change?

 

What the hell...why not call his boss and tell him the whole story, and see if his boss can provide you with any advice?? At the very least...you make him look like a total s*** at work!! LOL

[brashgal]

I think Texas is the worst

 

You can even get alimony in TX for a few years if you didn't work outside the home. Plus community property (although 50% of a bankruptcy wouldn't be much).

 

I have to believe that you have more legal rights than you think - pretty ridiculous for you to be responsible for all the debts since he's filed for bankruptcy.

[yeformerballandchain]

I want to tell you so much and post to each individual reply. They were all good. My mind has been swirling with all these possibilites since Summer 2004 when all broke loose.

 

He filed on me in August. I tried legal aid, no good.

 

I called his boss and left a voicemail in June telling him his employee was a wife beater. Oh my, retalitation was secret and swift for that ploy of mine.

 

The list gets long, deep and intricate. What all seems so simple and should be is typed up in adendums to adendums to adendums in the legal code. Had law books since 1996 for various reasons.

 

I just returned from my attorney's office. I attemped to verbally pinch his head off and wouldn't be surprised if I was fired shortly. He pushed me too far. I know to keep my mouth shut...believe me...but I can no longer.

 

I will explain in depth later. I am still shaking and really from my outburst.

 

I honestly would rather just disappear. Told attorney this as well. He made the mistake of implying I was insane, with a little green men statement. I LEFT, said call me when I have court.

 

Odd thing is, I can disappear and am giving it careful consideration. I have nothing to lose really. And because attorney thinks this is a stupid statement, I would like to prove otherwise. That is just me. Prove something to the extent of hurting myself. I am such a romantic in this aspect.

 

I need to go, pc is laggin and have stuff to do, including calm down.

 

Enjoy your posts, keeps me grounded and logical. TY ALL!

 

smd

[yeformerballandchain]

I want to tell you ALL, TY so much. I would prefer to post to each individual reply. They were all good. My mind has been swirling with all these possibilites since Summer 2004 when all broke loose.

 

He filed on me in August. I tried legal aid, no good.

 

I called his boss and left a voicemail in June telling him his employee was a wife beater. Oh my, retalitation was secret and swift for that ploy of mine.

 

The list gets long, deep and intricate. What all seems so simple and should be is tied up in addendums to addendums to addendums to the legal code. Had law books since 1996 for various reasons.

 

I just returned from my attorney's office. I attemped to verbally pinch his head off and wouldn't be surprised if I was fired shortly. He pushed me too far. I know to keep my mouth shut...believe me...but I can no longer.

 

I will explain in depth later. I am still shaking from my outburst.

 

I honestly would rather just disappear. Told attorney this as well. He made the mistake of implying I was insane, with a little green men statement. I LEFT, said call me when I have court.

 

Odd thing is, I can disappear and am giving it careful consideration. I have nothing to lose really. And because attorney thinks this is a stupid statement, I would like to prove otherwise. That is just me. Prove something to the extent of hurting myself. I am such a romantic in this aspect.

 

I need to go, pc is laggin and have stuff to do, including calm down.

 

Enjoy your posts, keeps me grounded and logical. TY ALL!

 

smd

[Yikes]

I am at a loss, how you have no legal recourse here. I know in Canada, pretty much anyone can get legal aid whether you can afford it or not. I don't think that I have ever heard of a situation like this where the wife seems to get nothing. Wait a minute, you get something, the debt. Something is not right here, he HAS to be accountable for SOMETHING! Doesn't he?

 

Is there another lawyer that you can speak to? Maybe take a few deep breaths and get another legal opinion.

 

Good Luck.

[quankanne]

check with the local women's shelter and see what kind of resources they can provide, or at least the name of a good FEMALE attorney. You might also check around to find members of the local bar association ... find an attorney that way, someone who will take your case pro bono. A third possibility: if you're in a large town that has a law school, go talk to some of the professors there and see what you can learn, what direction they can point you in.

 

last resource, check with a church you may have been affiliated with in the past. sometimes, they can get you hooked up, especially in the situation you're in now.

 

good luck,

and keep us posted.

[Lil Honey]

Originally posted by quankanne

check with the local women's shelter

 

That was my first thought, as well, Quankanne. The rest of your ideas are right on the money as well.

[Owl]

If he's been physically abusing you, do you have any medical records from trips to a hospital or anything? Any way to document it?

 

At least he's not in the house and still able to physically abuse you now.

 

The idea of looking for assistance at a shelter is a good one.

 

Good luck friend. Hate to hear that you're in this situation!

[MassiveAtom]

He's not playing fair.

 

I wish my wife would. But neither is she.

 

Full protection of the law is what you're after here.

 

FULL PROTECTION.

[yeformerballandchain]

Hello everyone and thank you so much for your ideas. I have calmed down considerably from yesterday... thank goodness.

 

I realize none of it makes sense. It hasn't made sense for months now. It really got confusing when my lawyer got involved. Lawyers for the most part, at least the ones I am familiar with; don't listen or hear what they want to hear; never do what they are to do and offer excuses as to why it was my fault 'they' didn't get 'their' work done. Cannot see the forest for the trees!

 

I live in a small community. Sure there are 50k here but the mindset is more like 5K. I have called it Stepford (after Stepford Wives Movie) since I moved here in 1971. I was a child then but saw it all too well, as young as I was.

 

I honestly have tried all of the above ideas. I get quashed each time. Not that it cannot be done, but it draws so many other variables into the picture, the legal community thinks of money only.

 

I tried 2 legal aid agencies before I saved enough money for my attorney. I was denied by both. Excuse was poor, Stepford was reason. I lived at the shelter for battered woman for a week before I found a friend to stay with for a week, then my apartment.

 

Lawyer doesn't seem to care about police report from another State. I have offered to get it many times.

 

We go round and round like cats and dogs when we talk. I bring up something and he brings in something else or an entirely different subject, as if he is stupid or something. Maybe he is.

 

Also found out soon to be ex did not complete court ordered paperwork yesterday. It was due Jan. 8. Late again...on something for this divorce.

 

So...lawyer suggested continuance. I agreed. We fought more. I don't know if he still works for me or not as I walked out on his insinuations and blabbing. I have never done that before with any attorney. I said "Call me when I have court!"

 

I guess I will find out before the formerally schedule hearing if it is postponed before then. If I don't, I will go myself. I am sure I can do a better job than the jerk that is getting paid.

 

The Judge seems to be the only one that finds this all ridiculous in the legal system, besides me. Let me talk to the Judge then and we will have this solved in minutes. So...let it be the 3rd. I have the paperwork, the same I GAVE my attorney.

 

If I lose, I lose, what exactly will I lose. I have nothing and I am used to it now. I have friends that are giving me things. I have an entirely new network now. I am getting furniture slowly but surely.

 

Win or lose in court; I WIN.

 

Think about this. We have two sons he has convinced I am the one that is wrong, with lies since the beginning of this mess. There are young adults, but so confused about who their father is inside they bond with him on any terms. They have no doubt I love them.

 

They are already showing signs of being deeply shocked by their father's lack of any concern for me. It has been too long since our breakup for their father to keep acting like such a a$$. He started this mess, he is the one with a girlfriend. I don't even date!

 

Common sense will win out here. I feel it. I don't have to lift a finger. I might lose monetarily, but I will win what I enjoy the most and what is so hard to attain....RESPECT! From my children, from my peers and from that stupid court of public opinion that judges everything at first glance and innuendos.

 

Therefore, my best best is to be silent. I have found this works well, especially with me. Just as a cat when it is silent, men (sorry guys) get EXTREMELY nervous when a usually vocal women becomes silent. Am I right?

 

So...still waters will run deep in this case. I have pulled together my resources, given this a lot of thought and will be silent and watch the cards fall in my favor.

 

Last but not least if my theory above fails....

 

I have a good friend in a 250k city that anchors the news and has done three local reports for me on a network. If I end up with NOTHING, I will give her all the horrid details of 2004 and 2005. I know my story will make interesting watching. I have nothing to lose...and I can always duck out of sight before it airs.

 

Grandiose...well don't know, but I think this story beats anything I have seen on talk shows or the news. It escapes all logic.

 

In addition, I have done my research here. Most women I have spoken with in this county ended up with nothing, husbands take all and even have trouble getting their court ordered child support. Many of them even lose custody of the kids as well. This is STEPFORD and there is no doubt about it. (Indiana btw.)

 

Plans (1,2,3,4 etc.) I have them stacked up and have had some of them for awhile. I just need to 'maintain' so to speak. I need help not to get so upset. I don't want to sink this ship.

 

All of you have already been a great help to me. I get my mind back into logic and off emotion. It is very important for me to do this right now. Thank you again!

 

Now...typing ship above has me thinking about lyrics. My new sig line, but in a positive sense. The 'corny' romantic, idealist appears again.

 

 

Two-Step-DMB

 

... Friends of mine, brothers and sisters

Hoping that in times of trouble

And that we can lean a bit more

But lately, I swear, nightmare dreams

Are welling in me

And this ship is troubled

All because this ship we're on is sinking...

 

 

 

signed with new hope...

 

smd

[MassiveAtom]

Originally posted by yeformerballandchain

Therefore, my best best is to be silent. I have found this works well, especially with me. Just as a cat when it is silent, men (sorry guys) get EXTREMELY nervous when a usually vocal women becomes silent. Am I right?

 

So...still waters will run deep in this case. I have pulled together my resources, given this a lot of thought and will be silent and watch the cards fall in my favor.

 

That IS your best bet. I've decided the SAME THING!

 

And honestly, that scenario about shutting down, It makes both sexes uneasy.

[yeformerballandchain]

MassiveAtom thanks so much for the input. I felt it was right; and I am comfortable with it. Most of all, this idea causes so little stress and even less energy.

 

On the both sexes comment about silence. You are very right. I have only had experience with one male in my life doing this and it was my youngest son. Wow, when he was silent, I knew an erruption was on the way and it was best to let him be. I cannot believe I forgot that.

 

The stb ex...he was always silent. WE ALL THOUGHT, that was an attribute. Oh how stupid I WAS.

 

I read your post about mediation. Your words make so much sense. You are going through h*** as well, I see. I thought about mediation, but knew it wouldn't work because he had an attorney and I didn't. So through that one out the window. Now, he has proved he won't even work with his attorney, or so it seems. Doesn't suprise me much if he isn't. I did everything, regarding anything in that marriage. He didn't have to know his ATM pin. I did it all. He worked and came home and drunk beer with the boys. That is it!

 

Eeks stop that tone...yeformer....you are getting loud again.

 

Well tx again to you and all the posters. I know this will work.

 

smd

[Yikes]

Yes, that sounds like a very good approach.

 

It is sometimes very hard to take the high road, but I believe that it pays off in the end. BUT you do need to stand your ground and not let anyone disrespect you, be it your ex or a lawyer it - doesn't matter.

 

In my case, I find that it can be tricky, but I try to pick my battles. I do NOT let my ex disrespect me. If she does, I call her on it immediately. She's starting to get the picture.

 

Keep up the better spirits.

[yeformerballandchain]

Early early mornin to you Yikes and all posters!

 

Tx for the good words Yikes!

 

Haven't heard from my atty via email or phone, but that is nothing new. I haven't checked the mail to see if he sent me a 'Dear John' letter, or a pink slip. Oh well.

 

I could always see if the Judge will order him to give me ALL funds back for not following through on court orders and communicating with me. Heck, let's throw MP in there as well, if he does quit. Naw...won't do it...well maybe.

 

For Lawyer, not gonna worry about it until something happens, even it the something happens means I don't go check the mailbox for a few days.

 

Hearing is Feb. 3. I will make sure I am prepared just in case.

 

Still not getting upset about ex again. Started to tonight but realized it was someone else whining about theirs to me, live and in person, saying the SOS, I have heard three million times. I do try to avoid doing this. When I do this, I am usually trying to explain the question that arises, when they see my apartment that has nothing in it, my loveseat size sofa I sleep on, etc. etc. I hate bringing up all the details. Each detail brings up another explanation and so on and so forth.

 

Or I will have to go though it when some new unbelievable development happens. Still don't like to do this.

 

'What me worry?' motto has been in effect for two days now and feels good. In fact, had an epiphany late last night and wow, it was painful but good to see.

 

Longer story, but needed to move on.

 

Another hidden thought in this mind of mine was that atty wanted to get me angry because he is only getting $800 for this case. He IS NOT getting what he dreampt he would get despite my assurances we had no real assets. He found out from ex's atty a few days later and his enthusiasm went waaaaaaaaay down.

 

Angry/Uncooperative client equals out of this case. Oh my!!!

 

Babbling out loud here. I will stand my ground when it comes time, but will not keep thinking about how. I have always been a last minute person and surprise myself with the results of this method. Hopefully it will work again.

 

I don't know if it is just my mood these last few days but it seems that ex's attempted plan is starting to dissolve. I don't know, but see it, feel it, not sure.

 

TX again.

 

Jeez I gotta get to bed. Way late here.

 

smd

[yeformerballandchain]

I'm baaaack. Actually, I finally remembered the name of this site that has such great posts and replies. I missed you!

 

I really haven't written much of anything since my last post here almost a year ago. So much activity, so much to write about, some good, most ... I am not sure.

 

I do know the general consenus from the short version of what happened in my life after this last post was "They can't do that to you. There are are laws to protect you." Wrong, wrong, wrong. What can I do about it? I don't think there is a thing I can do about it without a lot of money. At least that is what my bankruptcy attorney says and most every other legal professional I have made contact with.

 

So, I am still looking for some sort of closure, and an acceptable place to live that I can afford. Oh there are about a thousand other things I would appreciate having, but pretty much those two things (above) would be great.

 

Ok, I can bargain here. How about an afffordable acceptable place to live and a job other than a temp? This temp thing really makes me nervous. I can work on the closure over time with a less stressful atmosphere.

 

Ok, I can bargain a little more. If in this country here there happens to be an attorney with an idealistic viewpoint of the justice system and follows the laws as they are written, along with a morsel of common sense, and an extremely low monthly payment plan; I could overlook the living and working desires, because getting a little of what I worked for for over 20 years would be wow!

 

I have already done much of the legal footwork (research) for anyone interested. Let's see we have, not necessarily in any order-

 

Civil Rights

Perjury (Federal and State)

Conspiracy (intricate in design)

Fraud

Libel

Malpractice

 

I only wish that I was just experiencing sour grapes here. I am not. I had a twenty six year marriage and received absolutely nothing. Ok I did get Five Hundred Dollars, one or two boxes of absolute garbage not useful to anyone except that it is mine, nearly 400k in debt and the list goes on.

 

I would love to elaborate. Yes this does happen in the USA; even with a no-fault divorce and code that states there must be an equitable distribution of assets from the marriage.

 

What did he get? He has the house, the entire contents of the home, his retirement and everything else, including but not limited to: My clothing, my childhood and adult personal items, and every document and memento from my entire life. Basically... absolutely everything!

 

Oh and three weeks after the divorce was final (which I had no notice of, because I did not agree to any sort of settlement), along came a Church Wedding (invitations, tuxes, honeymoon and all) to his best friend's daughter, our former babysitter. The kids were in their twenties at the wedding...do the math.

 

Oh yes there is more.

 

(I feel a bit better now, no maybe I don't, I vented a little, but remember too much more.)

[yeformerballandchain]

Hey, what am I doing? I am all about a catchy title. So I changed the title to the update.

 

For more info, please read previous post.